I think he's hot. But I don't feel chemistry beyond that. Help?

Stringer

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I met a guy online several months ago when I was home from college. We met over my spring break after texting and talking on the phone; conversation was good so we decided to move forward with the real thing. He had me over for dinner, and afterward we did some heavy making out and he blew me. Later that week I went to his place for dinner and another romp, and I spent the night. We did not have anal sex. That following morning, we went to breakfast before he went to work and by this time I had spent enough time with him to gage our chemistry.

My problem is this: We are both very attracted to each other physically, but I think he is into me on a more personal level whereas I don’t feel the same way. In other words, I think he wants to have more dates, which I’d be opposed to. We have very few similar interests and from my point of view, conversation got more stagnant and awkward the more we were around each other. Of course, I’m mostly speculating that he likes me more than I do him. He might feel similarly, but he has been the one to reach out to me several times over the last two months during which I have not seen him. I have not initiated any contact over this span and I don’t think I’d have communicated with him at all had he not texted me (I replied and we had brief exchanges...all small talk).

Now that the spring semester is ending, and I’ll be home soon, I’m wondering how I should handle the situation. Should I be honest and blunt by saying that I don’t feel the chemistry, but I’d be open to a potential FWB situation since I find him attractive? Would this come off as a slap in the face? I don’t know since I've never had a FWB. Curious to hear if any of you LPSGers have been in a similar situation, and if so, how you navigated it. Any input you guys could give me would be appreciated.

Thanks.
 

badger2395

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Be honest with him. If you're interested enough to pursue something, do it. If not, don't. If yes, be honest with your expectations. Fuckbuddies can turn in to boyfriends. Guys we date can turn into friends.

I would agree with what Perseus said. The important thing to do is to communicate clearly and promptly. After that keep an open mind as to how things develop. Good luck!
 

erratic

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"I like you, you're hot, and the sex is great, but I don't feel a relationship coming on. How about you? How have you been feeling about things?"

If he's on the same page, great. Ask him if he wants to try being friends, or just fool around now and again.

If he wants a relationship, stick to your message no matter what. You're hot, sex is great, not feeling the chemistry. Chances are he'll try to bargain at first, then get sad, and then move on. If he offers FWB at this point, thank him and decline (trust me, saying yes to someone who really wants a relationship is a mistake). If he gets angry it's cause his hopes were up and now his ego is bruised. Just stay on message.

Being honest is the kind thing to do for the both of you. Feelings will be had, they'll fade fast, and life will go on apace.

Good luck, dude.
 

Stephenmass

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Hey Stringer.......I do agree that tactful honesty is the best approach always; however you said in your OP that you two briefly exchanged texts and not much more. I think if he wanted more he would have come out and said it by now so maybe the chemistry is not there for him either. I know if I really like someone I say it but never "enough to scare them away" for the very reason you talk about. Maybe he isn't as into me as I am into him. I am quite sure he would have let you know clearly by now if that's what he wanted to pursue. Or he may "feel the vibes" from you or may feel them himself. You won't know without an honest conversation. Not seeing each other for what sounds like a couple of months doesn't spell relationship to me quite honestly.
 

DavidXL

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Sexual attraction, albeit a very important element of a relationship or overall chemistry, is just one element. I have been on both sides of this. I have fooled around with plenty of people I have been very attracted to, but just didn't feel a relationship was gonna happen.

Not surprisingly, I agree with what erratic said above.