I think i need to break up

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fak_et, Jan 25, 2010.

  1. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    I have a gf of almost 2 years, i go to school away from her and stuff is awesome but for some reason i dont think she is the one. Ive considered breaking up with her for the past few months but I keep spending weekends and time with her and its always a blast. Shes a fun, sweet, sexy girl that is an awesome person, sex is great, etc. I just don't know about it.

    Lately ive been hangin out with another chick that is a little more mature and I am starting to feel for her. I have an opportunity with her but I am not sure if I want to jump right into something.

    It's freakin hard to break up ive tried it in person and totally was not ready for her tears, etc. It's like impossible because we just spent an awesome weekend together. I don't know what to do. Id like to go back to just being friends and being diplomatic about it because she really hasn't done anything wrong.
     
  2. Wish-4-8

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    What was the story about the dog, who had a steak in his mouth, sees his reflextion in the stream, and then thinks that two steaks are better than one? He loses them both.

    Pick one and move on. I know, easier said than done. There will be tears, anger, feelings of betrayal. You are going to be seen as an asshole by her, her friends and everyone else that knows her.

    But staying with her out of obligation is wrong too. If you do not feel it with her anymore, it is time to move on and better that it happen now then dragging her along with false hope.

    So let me be the first to call you an asshole. Believe it or not, I am actually helping you. Because you will hear it a lot. Let everyone here call you an asshole, so that you get used to it. Coz in a year, it wont matter, and you may just end up happier.

    Good luck.
     
  3. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    Maybe the issue isn't the girl. After all, you said what a great person she is and how much you have fun together. I think what your problem is the same thing I do, you over analyze. You're worried too much about "the one". You said you're in school. Now I don't know how old you are, but maybe it isn't time to be focusing on the one just yet. Two years is a long time to be with someone, but it doesn't mean it's time to be settling down either. I bet if you were to get that idea out of your head, you could relax and continue to enjoy the time together with your current girlfriend instead of moving onto someone else. You could be making a mistake and not even know it. If you're too hung up on the person you're with being the one, you could go from person to person and maybe never find what you're looking for.

    A person isn't automatically the one and only. That's something you grow into together. Try talking to your girlfriend, have a heart to heart and see where you're feelings are at. If you're like me, you're looking too much into something that is most likely nothing at all. I know it's easier said than done, but you could really be torturing yourself for no reason. Believe me, I freak about that "the one" thing too, but when I relax and get it out of my mind, I am so much happier and at peace with my girlfriend. She knows I worry too much about silly things. I'm lucky that I'm able to talk to her openly about what or how I'm feeling, and she really helps me calm down and not worry so much. She balances me out.
     
  4. Tense0000

    Tense0000 Active Member

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    Quit leading her on with those great weekends slowly. Until she realizes that something might be going on somewhere else and then have the talk with her. You need to let her down slowly if she is a great girl. Don't dump her after a great weekend, it will send mixed emotions and mess her up.
     
  5. ManlyBanisters

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    Sorry. Tense, but that's BS. If you are going to dump her, dump her. Make the decision now and act on it. Do not string the girl (or yourself) along by fiddle-farting about. You've been together 2 years so it is, whether either of you like it or not, a serious relationship. Letting her down gently is not an option.

    Like Wish said you can't have both steaks. Pick one and act on it.

    We can't tell you which one to pick. I'd like to be able to help you on that, but really, we can't.
     
  6. sexplease

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    I'm not a big believer in monogamy - and you're proof why, but exclusivity can work IF it is self-chosen and nurtured.
    Your current GF and weekends together sound enjoyable.
    So-to-speak, Ya gotta water that garden and pull out the weeds (the new girl)
    Or, uproot and move on and nurture your new flower.
    Kind of rough making adult decisions, and living with them when your behavior is that of a child.
    Be honest with the GF. At least no matter what happens, you can live with being honest, even if she leaves you.
     
  7. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    What do they say about your cake? Oh yes, you can't eat it and keep it. You gotta make a choice.

    Yes, breaking up is so hard to do. Possibly, tears will also come to your eyes and in the first days you will probably realize how much you loved her, how much you are missing her, how great she was, etc...

    But if you are really in doubt about your feelings for her and if there is that other girl, then why should you go on with this relationship?

    Just reassure her that the problem, if anything, is you, not her. She deserves someone who is totally into her. And at this very moment this person can't be you. Be reasonable. Accept her feelings. She will see in it a great loss. And she is entitled to feel that way. She and you both need a closure and it may take some time.

    As for the other girl, don't start anything right now. Give yourself a break. Stay alone for a while until your feelings are in order again, if ever this makes sense to you.
     
  8. dolfette

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    just dump her ffs!

    you think this is hard? try doing it with a house & kids & pets thrown in. it's hard for everyone but you just have to suck it up.
     
  9. helgaleena

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    Did you plan to be exclusive with the girl you are with for two years, or was that her idea? It is so important to discuss these things with a partner so that you are 'on the same page'.

    Now you are being unfair to conceal anything from her. Tell her what you are doing with the other girl. See what happens. It's the only way to stay honest.
     
  10. eyescream

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    Try limiting the time you spend with her until she feels you're being distant. When she asks you why you're being distant tell her it's not working for you.

    But yeah, it sounds like other people would be happy to have what you have. But she deserves better so end it asap.
     
  11. lewis27529

    lewis27529 Member

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    Perhaps you should consider having your cake and eating it too. You don't have to marry her or anything, right? and she's not going to find out cuz you're away in another town. Just a thought
     
  12. helgaleena

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    Lewis, he's been her friend for 2 years, why should he suddenly start being her enemy?
     
  13. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    What a load of shit. I assume any girl that does that to you is fine to do so.

    Its hard to know what to say from what you wrote, but both Mike Hawk and MB made good points. Make your decision from that.
     
  14. dolfette

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    low.
     
  15. rbkwp

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    Your being a REAL ASS
    No sympathy for you
    Give the 2 year chick a break, and tell her what your up to.
    Feel for her and not yourself
    enz
    have a strange feeling the more mature chick is going to dump you .. anyway
     
  16. King_ding_a_ling

    King_ding_a_ling New Member

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    So you are an Asshole. Welcome to the Asshole club, I just dumped a girl I was with for a while becasue it was affecting my work and we were long distance.

    Point is, make sure you really want it, or not, make the decision and act on it. She'll hate you, but at least you won't lose respect for yourself.

    As for the whole "have your cake and eat it too" thing, if you can live with how you feel if you do it, who am I to say it's wrong for you? I personally wouldn't but it's not my job to judge you for something that doesn't effect me. Just be careful, whatever your choice.

    "Non hath the fury like that of a woman scorned" or something to that affect.
     
  17. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    I think the biggest factor here that's fucking with you is not the girl, but the distance. It's certainly not for everybody, and honestly it's not easy for me and my girl either. You second guess yourself even more when you can't be with the person you know you love like you should. I don't think you'll ever have the definite answer you're looking for till you and your girl can be together on a permanent basis. Once you're together you get a better feel for things on a day to day basis. When you're apart for so long and you spend little time together, you do all the things that you wouldn't normally do say, if you were living together. So it's kinda like a catch 22. On the other hand, two years is a long time to be with someone, and you'd think that you would pretty much know something from that time. Just depends on how much actual time is spent together. This is why the girl you met at school is seeming better and better to you, because you more than likely get to see her on a daily basis.

    I still stand by my original statement, talk to your girl first. Have a heart to heart and see where your heads are at. It's going to suck, going to be hard, there might be some tears, but you at least owe that to her. After that talk is over you should have the answer you're looking for. Maybe you're just confused and you realize that you still have feelings for the girl you're with and you want to stick it out and make it work. I know that every time I'm feeling confused or scared or question things, I have an intimate talk with my girl and I am reminded why I fell in love with her in the first place and why she's my best friend. You tend to lose the old memories when you make the new ones. Those new memories are going to be different for you since that new found honeymoon love is over. They might not be as strong as before, and you're going to notice different things about each other as you go along. That's why, to borrow from the Crue, you gotta kickstart your heart. Remind yourself of the good times you share together.

    They don't lie when they say relationships aren't easy, and they tend to get harder before they get easier. If you are able to search your heart in all of this, you will (hopefully) find what you're looking for. But if you're able to have thoughts of breaking up with your girlfriend, and it doesn't break your heart or make you cry, then it could very well be time to move on.
     
  18. fak_et

    fak_et New Member

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    Wait wtf, why am I the asshole?
    I didnt do shit, im just saying it isnt working out.
     
  19. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    I think they're just prepping you in case you get called an asshole by your girl if/when you break up with her.
     
  20. helgaleena

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    Be prepared. She might take it that way that you are even thinking about dumping her when she is trying to hard to be satisfied with you there just half the time.

    Imo you are not yet an asshole until you do NOT level with her. 2 years is a respectable hunk of both your young lives after all. As long as you remain sensitive to that, you can figure things out.
     
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