I think I need to move on

darkrougeone

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So I have been in an on and off relationship with this guy for almost 3 years now. (Let's call him Bob) The reason why it's been on and off, and even open, is because we are currently long distance. This is due to school, we are in different schools in different states. But when we have the free time, we've always made plans to meet up to see each other, and it worked.

Earlier this year, he decided he wanted to be monogamous with this other guy (let's call this guy Tom) simply due to the fact they were in closer proximity. Few months later; Tom, the guy Bob chose to be monogamous with, cheated on him. Obviously they broke up, but since they were roommates and the state they are in is kinda crazy expensive, they chose to remain roommates. Bob came back to me, but since then, it always felt like I was a rebound. I expressed this with him and Bob assured me that I'm not.

Recently, Bob was in the same state again as me and we had made plans to meet up. He unfortunately had to cancel due to some other circumstances, but allowed a friend from out of state to come down and see him instead. Then left to head back to his school in his state. Couple weeks ago it was my birthday which Bob completely forgot, which he expressed his apologies. I had also found out that Bob and Tom were "talking" again, but Bob assured me he was still single and that he wasn't monogamous with Tom.

Bob's birthday was only a few days ago, and I went all out how I could from being in a completely different state. He loved it, but of course I'm seeing him celebrate his birthday with Tom through social media. Bob still says he wishes he could spend time with me, and supposedly will be moving to my state in just a few months.

I think I need to move on, I don't know if I can trust Bob's words anymore, everything has been making me feel like I'm not as important in his life as I used to be. Yes, you can say I am a bit jealous and I have openly expressed this with him. I just dont see his actions matching up with his words towards me and it's definitely a strain on my mental health now.
 

Aphradight

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Leave that man. We all need someone we know wants to be around us due to love. He’s using you, and you might be using him to not feel lonely. It sucks, but it’s better to be alone than with a not nice person.
 
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FrankieGuile

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So I have been in an on and off relationship with this guy for almost 3 years now. (Let's call him Bob) The reason why it's been on and off, and even open, is because we are currently long distance. This is due to school, we are in different schools in different states. But when we have the free time, we've always made plans to meet up to see each other, and it worked.

Earlier this year, he decided he wanted to be monogamous with this other guy (let's call this guy Tom) simply due to the fact they were in closer proximity. Few months later; Tom, the guy Bob chose to be monogamous with, cheated on him. Obviously they broke up, but since they were roommates and the state they are in is kinda crazy expensive, they chose to remain roommates. Bob came back to me, but since then, it always felt like I was a rebound. I expressed this with him and Bob assured me that I'm not.

Recently, Bob was in the same state again as me and we had made plans to meet up. He unfortunately had to cancel due to some other circumstances, but allowed a friend from out of state to come down and see him instead. Then left to head back to his school in his state. Couple weeks ago it was my birthday which Bob completely forgot, which he expressed his apologies. I had also found out that Bob and Tom were "talking" again, but Bob assured me he was still single and that he wasn't monogamous with Tom.

Bob's birthday was only a few days ago, and I went all out how I could from being in a completely different state. He loved it, but of course I'm seeing him celebrate his birthday with Tom through social media. Bob still says he wishes he could spend time with me, and supposedly will be moving to my state in just a few months.

I think I need to move on, I don't know if I can trust Bob's words anymore, everything has been making me feel like I'm not as important in his life as I used to be. Yes, you can say I am a bit jealous and I have openly expressed this with him. I just dont see his actions matching up with his words towards me and it's definitely a strain on my mental health now.
Follow your instincts and end it. Ending it means you cease all contact, including social media. Ending it means you move forward and leave that relationship in the past. Ending it means you do not respond or react to entreaties by him. Anything short of ending it makes you squarely responsible for any further emotional stress you experience.
 
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mmmniple

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So I have been in an on and off relationship with this guy for almost 3 years now. (Let's call him Bob) The reason why it's been on and off, and even open, is because we are currently long distance. This is due to school, we are in different schools in different states. But when we have the free time, we've always made plans to meet up to see each other, and it worked.

Earlier this year, he decided he wanted to be monogamous with this other guy (let's call this guy Tom) simply due to the fact they were in closer proximity. Few months later; Tom, the guy Bob chose to be monogamous with, cheated on him. Obviously they broke up, but since they were roommates and the state they are in is kinda crazy expensive, they chose to remain roommates. Bob came back to me, but since then, it always felt like I was a rebound. I expressed this with him and Bob assured me that I'm not.

Recently, Bob was in the same state again as me and we had made plans to meet up. He unfortunately had to cancel due to some other circumstances, but allowed a friend from out of state to come down and see him instead. Then left to head back to his school in his state. Couple weeks ago it was my birthday which Bob completely forgot, which he expressed his apologies. I had also found out that Bob and Tom were "talking" again, but Bob assured me he was still single and that he wasn't monogamous with Tom.

Bob's birthday was only a few days ago, and I went all out how I could from being in a completely different state. He loved it, but of course I'm seeing him celebrate his birthday with Tom through social media. Bob still says he wishes he could spend time with me, and supposedly will be moving to my state in just a few months.

I think I need to move on, I don't know if I can trust Bob's words anymore, everything has been making me feel like I'm not as important in his life as I used to be. Yes, you can say I am a bit jealous and I have openly expressed this with him. I just dont see his actions matching up with his words towards me and it's definitely a strain on my mental health now.
Wow, your relationship is very complex.

I can't say what to do but if I were on your shoes I would talk him seriously and ask what you are for him.
Someone who had fun? It seems that doesn't fulfill you.

Would he try a monogamous relationship with you (it doesn't care the distance, today they are toon of ways of having fun remotely)?

You have feelings about him, you can no ignore them.
If you do, you will feel worse and worse.
Luck
 

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Seeing a situation similar to one I had is at least comforting to know that I'm not alone. Bob has already moved on from you (and worse, his feelings may not have even been in the same ballpark as yours for him).

Analyze it like this : If you were to never communicate with Bob again, would he likely not even care? I was appalled to discover my "ex" trashed me for many years on social media when I didn't ever use it. He treated me like I didn't matter deliberately so I would just go away on my own. Seven years later, it still hurts, and he still will never speak to me again. He only did on his own ONCE - due to desperation.

Tom's cock (and / or body) is what keeps bringing Bob back to him. As everyone else already stated, you can find happiness somewhere else.
 
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FrankieGuile

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Wow, your relationship is very complex.

I can't say what to do but if I were on your shoes I would talk him seriously and ask what you are for him.
Someone who had fun? It seems that doesn't fulfill you.

Would he try a monogamous relationship with you (it doesn't care the distance, today they are toon of ways of having fun remotely)?

You have feelings about him, you can no ignore them.
If you do, you will feel worse and worse.
Luck
If the feelings are unrequited then they should be ignored, and ignored aggressively, for so long a time that it is all forgotten and a happier life prevails.
 

mmmniple

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If the feelings are unrequited then they should be ignored, and ignored aggressively, for so long a time that it is all forgotten and a happier life prevails.
I explained bad, what I say is if he has feelings he should listen them as he is suffering.
We can't choose who is the person we fall in love but we can avoid this person is the relationship is no healthy.
 

FrankieGuile

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I explained bad, what I say is if he has feelings he should listen them as he is suffering.
We can't choose who is the person we fall in love but we can avoid this person is the relationship is no healthy.
I disagree. You can absolutely choose the person with whom you fall in love. Choose carefully. Otherwise, you are a victim of circumstance and emotion with no control over your life. I suppose such an attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it is not necessarily truth.
 

carlossantiagoinnyc

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I disagree. You can absolutely choose the person with whom you fall in love. Choose carefully. Otherwise, you are a victim of circumstance and emotion with no control over your life. I suppose such an attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it is not necessarily truth.
Please help me understand your view.?
 

Richard the lionheart

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I disagree. You can absolutely choose the person with whom you fall in love. Choose carefully. Otherwise, you are a victim of circumstance and emotion with no control over your life. I suppose such an attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it is not necessarily truth.
I agree with your disagreement
 
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