I Think I'm Coming Out to My Mom via Email

sexplease

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I'll let you know how it goes. I'm terrified but looking forward to the relief.

Anything important and personal in life that requires written communication really should be hand written.

There's an old saying that goes something like this:
Chocolates get eaten,
Flowers wilt,
But the Written Word lasts Forever.
 

D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse

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Good luck Jason.

But an email seems a bit harsh. Just think if somebody broke up with you via email.

I would take your mom to lunch if i were you. Especailly you. You do lunches well. At least that way you're there for follow-up questions and JUST TO BE PRESENT at an important part of your life.

Emailing life issues is bad form. Be present, Jason. Give your mom that.
 
D

deleted136887

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Whatever works for you, man.
all the best of british luck to you, and may you have smooth sailing ahead. 'Cos there is a mean S-Soueester fine on the port bow.
reef sails , mon. you will weather any storm, we will all be with you. Your ship will weather this storm too.And after ther the storm...... there is sunshine
 

invisibleman

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More of a complication is that I currently live with my father and he has a hair-trigger temper even now at 71. I may need a Xanax before that conversation to keep my temper in check.

Well, you probably don't need to talk to him about it. If he is that old...people are set in their ways.
 

B_Nick4444

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"As my father said to me when he died in my arms: 'I don't understand any of it; I never did.'"----Michael (Kenneth Nelson) to Donald (Frederick Combs), from The Boys in the Band

I really don't get all the drama, but, whatever!

sounds like it's something he feels the need to do, and is going well ... so,

Cheers!
:beerchug2:
 

plumbr

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This is a great thread because it is inspiring to closeted people. I don't have the courage, for now, because I sometimes don't know what I really want. But anyways, a great thank you for sharing this story.
 

D_Gunther Snotpole

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Thanks. Got the reply back. I'll discuss more about it later save to say it's cool.

Good, Jason.
Mothers are usually pretty good about this stuff ... better than fathers, definitely.
I never told my mother in so many words -- and then, bang! she was gone. I could no longer plan to take detailed ownership of the whole issue.
Very wise of you to do this.
I admire you.
 

BIGBULL29

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My father will be a lot harder. When his brother came out of the closet, my father cut him off for nearly 30 years. My father would also make snide comments about gays and actively tried to prevent me from behaving in ways he thought were, in his words, "feepy," or, "light in the loafers." I think he's mellowed a bit on this whole thing because when my father had an emergency quad bypass I called my uncle to tell him. My uncle, in turn planned to come out to help me nurse my father back to help and they spoke on the phone for a little bit though I wasn't there to hear it. A few days later while my father was still in CCU, my uncle was in a car accident in Palm Springs and killed. I think that opened my father's eyes to what he had lost out of stupid prejudice.

More of a complication is that I currently live with my father and he has a hair-trigger temper even now at 71. I may need a Xanax before that conversation to keep my temper in check.


Jason, you do what you feel is best. If this is it, then do it. You have my full support. Whatever happens happens, but you'll always have me to be proud of the person you are.

In life, we all just want someone to look and us and say, "Be free, my love, be free, and fly into the sunset with total ease."

:smile:
 

Principessa

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Thanks. Got the reply back. I'll discuss more about it later save to say it's cool.
Oh thank God! I thought it would be fine, but sent up a prayer for you just in case. :cool:

This doesn't feel right! Emailing your mom about intimate sexuality issues...? and getting a "response" (a return email?) back?
This reminds me of those drive-thru marriage chapels in Las Vegas...

Everybody's family is different. I almost posted that he should call her not e-mail her. But he had already sent it when I read this thread. I think it's great his mom has e-mail. Mine refuses to even get the internet. :12: Her computer is strictly for playing Mahjohnng, Solitaire, Hearts and Free Cell. :irked:

I have been broken up with via e-mail and it sucks; but you get over it.
 

jason_els

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I know email seems impersonal. The fact is I'm much better spoken on the written page than in-person. I think any of the people I've met from here will tell you as much. Introducing the subject face-to-face was too emotional for me and on the printed page, I can control what I'm going to say and how I phrase it. I have a very difficult time displaying any emotions around my parents and it's more difficult with my stepfather as we all take great pains to keep him from becoming upset. My mom's side is the one descended from Puritans. We are horribly, horribly, white. Extremes of emotion are frowned-upon and any problem any one has can be discussed with a calm civility no matter how volatile. Think of all the WASPy families spoofed on TV where everyone sits around drinking martinis without showing the slightest change of demeanor. One may laugh a bit or display slight irritation, but not much else. I think after living with my father's outrageous temper that my mother wants to avoid anything like that. Part of writing her was an effort to spare us both an emotional scene which I think would be equally uncomfortable for both of us.

"Elbert dearest, may I ask you a question?"
"Certainly Helen. What ever is it?"
"Elbert dearest, did you turn off the lights on the Christmas tree?"
"Why no Helen. Would you like me to?"
"I think things are beyond that Elbert. I believe the south wing is on fire."
"Really Helen? That is terrible. Would you like me to telephone the fire department?"
"If you would Elbert. I believe I'll gather some things to evacuate after I put my face on."
"Of course dear. I'll phone them now. Do you think I have time for another?"
"I doubt it but no reason you can't finish it outside. Would you grab my jewelry box on your way out?"

I kid you not. When my aunt's house caught fire she called the caretaker first then the insurance agency then the caterer to cancel the tent for the following weekend's party and THEN the fire department. She actually packed a case, put on her face, a suit with matching shoes, and picked a few family photographs. She then calmly went downstairs (not outside mind you) and directed staff on what valuables to rescue. The fire department arrived to find all these people running in and out of a burning house!

The outward placidity may be admirable in some situations, however it's immensely frustrating in others. We're terribly polite but not very warm. Even among each other.

So given that sort of background, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

Here is the reply (complete with safe sex lecture):

Jason, dear,

First let me start by saying it's okay in my life if you are gay - I want both of my children to be happy. I'm not going to occupy this Earth forever and there's no greater joy for a parent than to see his or her child happy and fulfilled. Believe me. My gravest concern over this lifestyle naturally is Aids; and it's still a tough world for bi-sexuals and gays. And it's awfully easy to meet some unsavory individuals (women can be pretty mean too, just be cautious) .....Be doubly careful of partners - testing even for heterosexuals is an absolute must these days, tragic statement though that is!!! As I've said in parting remarks to Abbey [my sister -j_e] for years, and I would say to you, "strive to be happy!" I love you very much. Whatever your choice of partners!

I am taking off for the barn in a minute - just want you to know before I leave that I love you very much!!! More later
Love, as always,
Mom
I went to her house to pick-up something tonight and she acted as if nothing had happened. There were no hugs, no talking, not even a mention; just the same air kiss as usual and a nice comment about my new haircut. It was as if nothing had passed between us and, I think, that is how we both preferred it. There was no great lifting of a burden, no sudden feeling of freedom, no real relief. I feel much the same as I did before though perhaps it is too early for it to hit me.

Thanks again to everyone here. I could never have done this without the support of my friends here. I really mean that. It helps immensely to know you have friends in your corner.

Next up is my father, brother, and step-father. It gets more difficult from here on out.
 
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D_Tintagel_Demondong

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I'd say that she took it fairly well!

I am really happy for you, Jason. I hope that this inspires other gay men and women to come out to their parents and family if the circumstances permit. This was a significant step in your life. Aren't you glad that you did it before it was too late?
 

SilverTrain

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Bravo. :smile:

Keep on keepin' on.

["trite comment" warning] If anyone has a problem with your sexuality, then it's their problem.

You are one with the tao, keemosabi.