HA! She'll outlive me easily. All that gin and bourbon does things to the metabolism. It slows it down and causes you to be embalmed alive. Her entire side of the family lives well into their 90s.
Don't I know it! I pity that guy. Sorry that it doesn't appear it will be Calvin, damnit.
Couldn't do it without my training wheels!
D_Tintagel_Demondong
Sexy Member
At the risk of being nosy, how did you pose it to her? I am sure you didn't write, "Mom, I'm gay."
Your mother is a very eloquent writer, as are you. I am sure that you found a charitable and thoughtful way of presenting it to her. I think that simply formulating one's confession is one of the most significant obstacles when deciding to come out. I wonder how many millions of teens are struggling with this problem at this very moment.
Your mother is a very eloquent writer, as are you. I am sure that you found a charitable and thoughtful way of presenting it to her. I think that simply formulating one's confession is one of the most significant obstacles when deciding to come out. I wonder how many millions of teens are struggling with this problem at this very moment.
It was a loooong letter (I excel at those) explaining my apparent lack of romantic or sexual interest in anyone.
The excerpt where I raised the subject:
The rest I don't care to share right now. It involves a lot of references most people won't get anyway. I do go on in another section to say outright that I'm gay but there's too much baggage surrounding that sentence and paragraph. Sorry I can't be more forthcoming.
B_starinvestor
Experimental Member
Jason,
As a heterosexual coming from a family that sounds eerily similar to yours, Kudos. Damn that had to be tough.
Hey, your mom's response was anything but judgmental or condescending. Moms are just great. I bet that she didn't bring it up when you saw her simply because it is potentially uncomfortable and she was elated to see her son, who she loves, without causing you any discomfort or grief.
IMO, all will work out well for you. I'm with you on the email, in many instances you [anyone] can express your [their] thoughts on paper much better than in dialogue.
You took a major step, courageously, and no longer need to be burdened with that decision.
I have some similarities to your prior dilemma...mine are of the 'getting into big trouble' orientation, but I have experienced (possibly) some similar family challenges.
As a heterosexual coming from a family that sounds eerily similar to yours, Kudos. Damn that had to be tough.
Hey, your mom's response was anything but judgmental or condescending. Moms are just great. I bet that she didn't bring it up when you saw her simply because it is potentially uncomfortable and she was elated to see her son, who she loves, without causing you any discomfort or grief.
IMO, all will work out well for you. I'm with you on the email, in many instances you [anyone] can express your [their] thoughts on paper much better than in dialogue.
You took a major step, courageously, and no longer need to be burdened with that decision.
I have some similarities to your prior dilemma...mine are of the 'getting into big trouble' orientation, but I have experienced (possibly) some similar family challenges.
Not_Punny
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See? Didn't I tell you the FEAR would be insurmountable, yet irrational to feel? Give me a guess how many tons of weight you feel are gone from your emotional shoulders?. A little spark in your walk now?
I am willing to bet (virtual LPSG cockcash?) she knew it already. Mom's who care and are aware always do.
I still remember EXACTLY how you feel even though it was 25 years ago.
I am willing to bet (virtual LPSG cockcash?) she knew it already. Mom's who care and are aware always do.
I still remember EXACTLY how you feel even though it was 25 years ago.
rickygNOLA
Superior Member
good for you jason. your mom sounds like a cool person. your lucky to have her. and she you.
D_Ireonsyd_Colonrinse
Experimental Member
Jason
Given your background and the handling of emotion in
your family, I thought your mother's response was pretty darn extraordinary. (I'm a big Woody Allen fan, and your description of your "horribly, horribly white" family reminds me of Geraldine Page and the uber-WASPy controlled, unemotional family in "Interiors")
If you read between the lines of the letter (and you don't even have to go so far as that -- it's all there!) there is a tone there.. she is striving to connect with you and show love and tolerance in her own way.
"I want both of my children to be happy. I'm not going to occupy this Earth forever and there's no greater joy for a parent than to see his or her child happy and fulfilled. Believe me."
That's connection. There are many gay and bisexual men who have these talks and correspondences who don't get anywhere near the support you did ("strive to be happy!" I love you very much. Whatever your choice of partners!"... she said it ALL dude)
.
I think maybe you were right in this case and I was wrong about the email thing. She can express intimate thoughts more freely at the seclusion of a keyboard than face-to-face. In a sense, there was no real need for words when you saw her. She got it all out already.
Given your background and the handling of emotion in
your family, I thought your mother's response was pretty darn extraordinary. (I'm a big Woody Allen fan, and your description of your "horribly, horribly white" family reminds me of Geraldine Page and the uber-WASPy controlled, unemotional family in "Interiors")
If you read between the lines of the letter (and you don't even have to go so far as that -- it's all there!) there is a tone there.. she is striving to connect with you and show love and tolerance in her own way.
"I want both of my children to be happy. I'm not going to occupy this Earth forever and there's no greater joy for a parent than to see his or her child happy and fulfilled. Believe me."
That's connection. There are many gay and bisexual men who have these talks and correspondences who don't get anywhere near the support you did ("strive to be happy!" I love you very much. Whatever your choice of partners!"... she said it ALL dude)
.
I think maybe you were right in this case and I was wrong about the email thing. She can express intimate thoughts more freely at the seclusion of a keyboard than face-to-face. In a sense, there was no real need for words when you saw her. She got it all out already.
Hand_Solo
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Glad things worked out! It really takes balls to be blunt with a parent about something when you fear disapproval or misunderstanding. When my mom was alive, I could tell her pretty much anything. However, it was never like that with my father. Now I don't even speak to him, and I feel better for it overall.
Sounds like your Mom is highly evolved. Glad she took it well. Maybe you are freer than you think sexually and the feeling of liberaton that you are hoping for simply wont come from telling your parents. But by all means, tell your father when the time is right. Just remember that if he is how you say he is, he may need a xanax too.
But in the end, life is just a circus and it's really all just kinda funny what a big deal people make about who you love.
But in the end, life is just a circus and it's really all just kinda funny what a big deal people make about who you love.
D_Gunther Snotpole
Account Disabled
Sounds to me as though you got about as ideal a response as you would get from your mother, Jason.
I'm so happy for you.
I'm so happy for you.
parisuncut
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Jason, email is not a good communication channel for this kind of information. You will need instant feedback. You will want to see her body language to know more about how she is listening and responding. An email can be mis-read or opened and not read.
Face to face is the richest communication channel...and it will give you a chance to be present at one of the most important moments in your life. Please don't cheat yourself out of this moment. If you are indeed 42 and "still single", you may find that it isn't all that big of a shock in and of itself. What will be the most shocking is that your mother will not be able to ignore the fact that her son is homosexual.
Mothers know lots of things about their children, J. Lots more than we give them credit for..and they are MUCH stronger than we think at first. Take responsibility for your life, buddy and you'll be richer and happier for it. ...really. ..;and you can be there to answer questions and lend support -- she will need to know that it isn't her fault, and that you love her enough to include her in your life.
It's a scary but rich moment. and going through the experience is much less frightening than thinking about it....and in the end, you are you and will always be you, no matter how she reacts.
Will you keep us posted?
Face to face is the richest communication channel...and it will give you a chance to be present at one of the most important moments in your life. Please don't cheat yourself out of this moment. If you are indeed 42 and "still single", you may find that it isn't all that big of a shock in and of itself. What will be the most shocking is that your mother will not be able to ignore the fact that her son is homosexual.
Mothers know lots of things about their children, J. Lots more than we give them credit for..and they are MUCH stronger than we think at first. Take responsibility for your life, buddy and you'll be richer and happier for it. ...really. ..;and you can be there to answer questions and lend support -- she will need to know that it isn't her fault, and that you love her enough to include her in your life.
It's a scary but rich moment. and going through the experience is much less frightening than thinking about it....and in the end, you are you and will always be you, no matter how she reacts.
Will you keep us posted?
Smartalk
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I too, am really pleased to read your mothers positive responce. Maybe it is early days to feel anything different i.e a huge weight has been lifted of your shoulders, also the fact is that you still have the bigger challenge in front of you and that is telling your father, YOu have made that huge first step so keep on walking my friend.
Regards
Smartalk x
Regards
Smartalk x
Jason, I am glad things went well for you. You are lucky to have a mother that is more concerned with loving you than judging you. I wish I could say the same thing. I have been out for about 7 years, and things are still pretty rocky with my family. I am still glad that I came out to everyone. It has changed my life for the best. Hope yours will change for the best as well.
I do know her Zos. My biggest difficulty in coming out to her is trusting her with that information. We have a long history of disagreement and some vicious fights. She then uses information I give her about me, against me. She likes to use this information to control people so that they do what she thinks is best for them. It's a passive/aggressive thing which her mother (my grandmother) excels at. I do love them both and they're not always like that. The conflicts come when you do something they don't approve of. Then things become sticky. I'm not close to my mother because anything beyond casual conversation easily degenerates into a battle of wills.
Last year my sister asked me to come visit her at her home for a week stay. My mother found out and called me and told me she didn't think, "it was a good idea," to go now. She said my sister was tired with her toddler and was having some marriage issues and I shouldn't burden her. Even though I explained that she had invited me and I always help with housework or babysitting or running errands and buying groceries, she became upset when she realized I was still going. After that she stopped calling me or inviting me to her home for a while and began leaving me a series of emails and phone calls needling me about things I should be doing in my life and shouldn't I pay attention to them rather than going to visit my sister? Apparently she worked my sister too as she mentioned our mother calling her trying to dissuade her from hosting me allegedly for fear of all the extra work it would cause. I believe there was another reason but I'm not discussing it here.
Last year my sister asked me to come visit her at her home for a week stay. My mother found out and called me and told me she didn't think, "it was a good idea," to go now. She said my sister was tired with her toddler and was having some marriage issues and I shouldn't burden her. Even though I explained that she had invited me and I always help with housework or babysitting or running errands and buying groceries, she became upset when she realized I was still going. After that she stopped calling me or inviting me to her home for a while and began leaving me a series of emails and phone calls needling me about things I should be doing in my life and shouldn't I pay attention to them rather than going to visit my sister? Apparently she worked my sister too as she mentioned our mother calling her trying to dissuade her from hosting me allegedly for fear of all the extra work it would cause. I believe there was another reason but I'm not discussing it here.
I don't understand that at all, but then I wouldn't. I think I would still love my kid even if he were a serial murderer. If one thing a life without kids or romance has taught me, it's how precious love is.
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