I think I'm free

[_Jonesy]

Ok sorry for this being a second thread in a while, but I felt like proclaiming this to make it seem more real. So today was possibly the last time I will ever speak to a girl who has pretty much destroyed my personality and last 2 and a half years of my life.

She's been manipulative, made me feel worthless. She's made it so I can barely look at a girl properly at the moment, and I feel my social side is a bit wrecked. I just feel a little bit... broken.

Anyway, this thread isn't about feeling sorry for myself. Today she got in touch because she finally found out my plan that would help me move on. Basically, we stopped talking after XMAS (worst Christmas period of my life) and I had the desire to move on, but because I love her and seem to have got myself trapped in my own emotions, I sent an email to her recent ex. It's a long story so I won't bother, but basically the intent was that he would find out shes cheated the whole time, he'd tell everybody, she'd feel a bit hurt and key; she'd never want to talk to me again.

It worked.

Wasn't a great argument but at least we know it will never happen now. Wasn't even sure I wanted it to, it's just I've been trapped in my emotions for 3 years now... didn't know another way out.

So now I am free to move on. Do whatever I want. But I think I have a long process of recovery ahead of me.

 

[Daisy]

Good luck Jonesy youre a cute guy. Im sure you'll have no trouble moving on.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Sometimes when you love someone you don't notice the things that they do to slowly chip away at who you are. Eventually most of us wake up and realise... "who the heck am I, what the heck am I doing, this person I'm with has done nothing but manipulate me!"

Congrats on taking the steps and getting away from her. Now you just have to find yourself again. Personally I would reccommend taking some time from the dating scene to work on you. Once you figure out who you are again you're safe to continue dating, if you don't you might get caught in a repeating pattern with the same type of partners.

Goodluck and you're definitely not worthless!

 

[D_Pomeroy Pokingstick]

Great advice from submissivegirl, take time for yourself and figure out where you would like to be

 

[_Jonesy]

Agreed, couldn't have asked for a better reply really

That is exactly how I feel, I don't know who I am anymore, tbh I wasn't even sure if I knew who she was anymore. I'm not really sure how to do it, but I've managed it before. I just need new friends and new chances.

I think I am learned enough now to avoid certain types, but it would be nice to find someone I can love and be loved by. Then I know I would always be more comfortable around other people.

One step per day. Back to the gym to train for Kilimanjaro and Uni work is my current focus. That and meeting new people, which I have done through joining a new student group.

I already feel healthier. Since Christmas I've been sleeping/eating better and I feel A1... almost.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Good luck mate :smile:.

Sounds like you're doing better already :smile:.

 

[HiddenLacey]

To be honest you probably never really knew who she was in the first place. Manipulative liars tend lose track of themselves as well. Getting caught in a neverending cycle with one is a nightmare. Be happy you washed your hands of her.

Sounds like you are making good choices to get back on track and it can take a lot of time so don't push yourself.

Just like you said, "one step at a time."

 

[silvertriumph2]

Good words from submissive...

Sorry, Jonesy...to hear of your problems...it's a bummer! But, unfortunately that's just a part of life. Some people out there don't play fair and it is a shame.

I think all of us have been through it at one time or another and, although hurt at the time, ended up better for it. Something like that makes you realise how words and deeds can hurt just as bad as a beating of another kind.

Just leave it behind you and push on. There will be....and I am sure of it....someone out there that will see you as the great guy that you are, treat you like
a human being, and love you with no boundries. Take care and good luck!

 

[sexplease]

Easier said than done, letting go. When you blame someone for something, it's just another way of not letting go.
Remember what you perceived as the good times and cherish those memories and take those with you into your future.
All the tough challenges and bad memories, well, put them to rest. Those just suck the life out of living.

 

[_Jonesy]

Indeed I think I said that to her today but she wouldn't have it. Thanks a lot to you too silvertriumph just focusing on the future now.

 

[Nevfx]

Good luck to you man, you seem like a good guy.

Im sure you'll be fine before long.

 

[helgaleena]

Indeed I think I said that to her today but she wouldn't have it. Thanks a lot to you too silvertriumph just focusing on the future now.

Who cares what she'll have or not have? Moving on means focusing on other things, not your heartbreak. Hearts do grow back and mend if emptied out of the things that were hurting them. Quit talking to those who hurt you. The future is full of bright and pleasant surprises if you are watching out for your own heart.

 

[deleted556573]

Jonesy, I'm going through a very similar situation right now, and I know how it feels. I can't say that I know precisely how YOU feel, because my situation does differ from yours in a couple of ways, but I am in the process of ridding myself from a manipulative liar, who has wrecked the same portions of my personality and self image that yours did to you. You are doing the right thing, and you will be better for it.

Just make sure that you close every last door that could let this person back into your life. If there's one thing I've learned from dealing with this type of person, it's this: although they may claim that they don't ever want to talk to you again, there may be a point at which this person needs/wants something from you. If you think you may be strong enough to say no, then good for you. If not, it may be advisable to change your phone number, or block her number from texting/calling you (if your service provider has such an option). If not, you may want to entertain the idea of changing numbers. I learned this lesson the hard way. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Good luck. I wish you the best. You deserve it. :wink:

 

[cdog204]

Manipulative liars suck. Getting out of a relationship with one can hurt, but it is definitely for the best. Time to make a big change: get a haircut, buy some new clothes, a new watch, and try something different. You will be fine.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Ok sorry for this being a second thread in a while, but I felt like proclaiming this to make it seem more real. So today was possibly the last time I will ever speak to a girl who has pretty much destroyed my personality and last 2 and a half years of my life.

She's been manipulative, made me feel worthless. She's made it so I can barely look at a girl properly at the moment, and I feel my social side is a bit wrecked. I just feel a little bit... broken.

Anyway, this thread isn't about feeling sorry for myself. Today she got in touch because she finally found out my plan that would help me move on. Basically, we stopped talking after XMAS (worst Christmas period of my life) and I had the desire to move on, but because I love her and seem to have got myself trapped in my own emotions, I sent an email to her recent ex. It's a long story so I won't bother, but basically the intent was that he would find out shes cheated the whole time, he'd tell everybody, she'd feel a bit hurt and key; she'd never want to talk to me again.

It worked.

Wasn't a great argument but at least we know it will never happen now. Wasn't even sure I wanted it to, it's just I've been trapped in my emotions for 3 years now... didn't know another way out.

So now I am free to move on. Do whatever I want. But I think I have a long process of recovery ahead of me.

Sorry if I'm repeating myself here but your situation has been a severe but important learning experience. I never feel that time has been wasted especially considering how much you have been affected by this relationship. Emotional maturity is one of the most important things we can achieve in our lives. Many people never get to the place where you are now in your life. Also I feel it's vital for guys not to put our self-worth in having to have a woman in our lives at all costs. The costs, as you've discovered, can be devastating. We guys need to find our value and importance in ourselves not in another person. Thanks for sharing this intimate part of your life.

 

[D_Vladimir Jurkov]

I sent an email to her recent ex. It's a long story so I won't bother, but basically the intent was that he would find out shes cheated the whole time, he'd tell everybody, she'd feel a bit hurt and key; she'd never want to talk to me again.

It worked.

Really? Sent an email to her ex? So far I'm the only one who finds this petty, immature, and a little... well... psychotic? If you're better than her you won't stoop down to her level. Now you're manipulative too. Don't go out and get other people involved to screw someone else's life up. Hell, don't go out and screw someone else's life up - especially through an email. That's grade school behavior. Be a man a move on, based simply on the fact that you know you are better than her. But don't resort to this childish stuff.

 

[_Jonesy]

Really? Sent an email to her ex? So far I'm the only one who finds this petty, immature, and a little... well... psychotic? If you're better than her you won't stoop down to her level. Now you're manipulative too. Don't go out and get other people involved to screw someone else's life up. Hell, don't go out and screw someone else's life up - especially through an email. That's grade school behavior. Be a man a move on, based simply on the fact that you know you are better than her. But don't resort to this childish stuff.

Like I said you'd need to understand the situation. I really don't feel like writing it all out as like you say it is a bit petty and immature as I was when it all started. I was on the older side of 17 and learned as I went from there.

The email was manipulative, but that was the idea. That's how it's been for 3 years, a game in a viscous love triangle. I knew how to play her ex, who only a few months ago was her bf when she was also on/off seeing me again, but he was a bigger psycho than me and did just as much as her to get under my skin.

He's hit her since they broke up and the lot, a byproduct of his obsession with steroids. Trust me, the email had the least effect out of anything that's happened; I just knew she'd overreact.

The irony is, those 2 taught me the manipulative tricks I needed to play to make the email I sent work. It wasn't even much, I just left it open to his imagination and let him get a bit carried away with himself. But the point was that I needed to do it to make her never want to talk to me again so I could be free myself, my emotions for her won't let me go unless I know it will never happen; which is what I assume the rest of the posters recognised. It was certainly something I didn't do lightly.

 

[_Jonesy]

Just make sure that you close every last door that could let this person back into your life. If there's one thing I've learned from dealing with this type of person, it's this: although they may claim that they don't ever want to talk to you again, there may be a point at which this person needs/wants something from you. If you think you may be strong enough to say no, then good for you. If not, it may be advisable to change your phone number, or block her number from texting/calling you (if your service provider has such an option). If not, you may want to entertain the idea of changing numbers. I learned this lesson the hard way. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

To put it one way and help you realise how bad I am for her, we have stopped talking indefinately 3 times now. First time, I was seeing her and she went back to her ex. Then we got back and she was cheating on him with me. Then she broke up with him and went out with me, 3 months later I found out she'd been cheating on me with the ex, I broke up with her, we stopped talking for a year. 6 months ago we started again and this time I really want her to stay away from me. If nothing else, she has changed.

I miss the days without phones or facebook. I went to the Lake District last weekend, I had neither. It was blissful. I hope you're strong enough to get through it too, when you do I think you will come out a much more emotionally mature and strong person which has happened to me, when I recover.

@Hung Jon, cheers man. That's just it, at least I am more learned and at such a young age too. I know I can't be hurt like that again, I just hope I can love like that again... and maybe be loved like that too lol.

 

[helgaleena]

To put it one way and help you realise how bad I am for her, we have stopped talking indefinately 3 times now.

Srsly: Get a new phone and a new number! And use the past tense about her her, always. If it was a triangle then it's both of them you have to pretend are dead or have rabies. This is for your own emotional safety.

 

[_Jonesy]

Srsly: Get a new phone and a new number! And use the past tense about her her, always. If it was a triangle then it's both of them you have to pretend are dead or have rabies. This is for your own emotional safety.

was then

Tbf I must have written that a bit distracted, because how bad she was for me psychoogically and emotionally would have been more accurate.

She's not worth me getting a new phone/number. I've deleted her number, all photos/traces of her except a few chat logs I keep running into. Facebook, MSN, Skype, all blocked. Email address.

The idea was though, even if I am tempted she won't want to talk to me now, which makes it easier for me to move on. And I feel better already.