i think i'm in love with a straight boy...

[madman411]

If you're afraid of how he might react, or reject you due to your sexual orientation, have you considered bringing up topics? Asking him what he thinks of the gay community blah blah blah ect ect? But like others have suggested above me, I honestly think it wouldn't fuck things up if you just told him that you were gay, or again if you're still wanting to play it safe, tell him you're bi-curious, maybe he'll open up to you a little more. It definately sounds like he's trusting you with quite a bit, show him that you trust him as well and he may be willing to open up even more.

And of course, let us know how it pans out

We've had numerous discussions regarding God and how people are made. We've discussed other people in our class who we presume to be gay, and he's even said himself that gay people don't bother him and that they're entitled to live their lives the way they see fit. He's even gone as far to say that people are born that way, so I think he's thought about it before. I just get nervous! But as I stated in my previous post, I've decided I'm going to talk to him about it next time I hang out with him. I think after speaking with him personally about different things that I'm finding it more comfortable to express myself to him. But like you said, I don't want to freak him out, and I definitely don't want to take the chance and ruin what friendship we do have, so I've been hesitating. I guess we'll see. When he says stuff like "no one is going to be here for another 30 minutes. Let's have gay sex..." - it's never in a derogatory way or anything... it almost comes across as genuine and he's trying to have a little fun with it.

You guys rock btw!

 

[killerb]

just tell the guy how u feel...
i don't think it will end badly...

 

[D_Eddie Withagun]

You're complicating it further by remaining silent about who you are and how you feel. Life never is as sketchy for someone as when they in the closet. I should know.

And it's understandable, because we/you've been trained to believe that being gay is something that's incorrect. And you're scared that people will view you differently.

If you're not even honest about who you are, how can someone love you? Therefore, your first requirement is to be honest and open. Before love comes honesty.

Some people will never understand you, because they've been conditioned in a similar way, but have no way of learning otherwise. Yet, you will gain lots of respect from people who understand what a big step this is for you. Those are the people who should matter to you.

I think Brian will be one of these good people, no matter if he like men or women. But your first step must be honesty - and that's where you will find something of worth.

 

[rugger89]

I agree with everyone else. I think you should definitely tell him ur gay especially since you have sussed it out and he seems fine with it.

Hopefully after that things go ur way...

Keep us posted and goodluck!

 

[ferfed]

yeah just express your feelings

 

[Kleberson15]

Aww ^^ I understand you 100%, it happened to me 2 years ago. A guy who had been bullying me for years, began all the sudden to act like a good friend of mine. He was always sitting next to me in class and I was always picked first by him in sports. We practised soccer together and he were often singing songs about my ass made by himself. When our soccer team went to Portugal he most of the time hanging with me and two or three times he asked me what girl I liked and when I asked him what girl he liked he just said "I'm not in that business right now, I'm fully concentrating on soccer".

He have asked my two times randomly at school if I wanted to date him. I just answered in sarcasm way " of course honey ".
I hate this situation! Now we have gone to different schools and we don't see each other that often. I've been in love with this guy for around 4 fkn years!!! And I still am. He's the only guy have been in love with <3

 

[MattBoyMA]

Yeah, a couple of people have already said similar things, but maybe sometime when you're talking seriously, maybe have have your "coming out" moment to him. Let him know how you really trust him, and felt you couldn't keep that inside anymore, and knew he'd be OK with it, etc. etc. etc. See how he reacts. And even if he IS also gay or bi, and IS interested in you, he might not make any kind of move right then - he might not be ready. And, it might not happen at all, but at then, the ball's kind or more in his court, and you've been more or less open and honest with him. And maybe down the road, depending on how he proceeds to treat you, and where it looks like your relationship is going, you kind of gently clue him into your feelings about him specifically.

Keep us updated, OK?

 

[fatddyslam]

i feel for the op and have my own story to help

last year i transferred to my new school. early on, i noticed this beautiful black hair, blue-eyed boy in my classes. never had the courage to talk to him. later that year, we had almost every class together and i started to talk with him. initially it was just about studying and i would help him out a lot.

i could tell he was struggling with the material and i knew it quite well, so i offered to help. the quarter progressed with me going to his house or him coming to mine to study. one day i let him borrow my research and he returned it to my doorstep with a note atop sayin:

"hey, ive really appreciated the time you've taken to help me out. you're a good guy. love, (his name)"

on the note, he had taken the time to draw out little hearts and color them in with colored pencil. anyway, i kept the note atop my cabinets in the rest room and forgot about it. the next day, he came over to study and after using the bathroom came out and said "dude, you kept my note?" and laughed about it. i replied by saying "heck yeah dude, im going to frame it and put it up on my wall," to which we both laughed

most recently, i graduated college and was looking for a job. the two of us happened to get an interview together at a company in so cal. i invited him to come down to my house and stay there so he didnt have to pay for a place. of course, he accepted.

we went to the interview and came back to my house. he told me he was going to visit a friend at USC but ended up staying at my house claiming that his friend flaked. during his visit, just like all my visits to my family, a lot of my friends and family came over to visit me. in noticing that he exclaimed to me "dang, im already meeting the family huh?" I replied by saying "well yeah, that's generally how it goes before a couple gets married" and yet again we laughed about it.

im thinking about telling the guy im gay and letting things run its course. i believe itll make things easier to talk about and i know he has no issue with it. he knows my roomate is gay and im sure knows about me too.

like everyone else, i suggest th OP tell his buddy that he is in fact gay and see how it goes.

 

[B_dxjnorto]

We're all in love with straight boys. People ask why. 90% of males are straight or "straight." Nine tenths of the dating pool if you're gay. That's why. Not as much of a stigma as it once was. I remember being attracted to straight boys when I was a kid, puppy love sort of thing before I even knew what it was. And they would practically run screaming. A few even had that effect on me!

Hope it's different now.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Hmm. gonna have to keep my eye on where this goes.

 

[green carnation]

fascinating and worrying. Unfortunately i am not the romantic others are. My gut feelings are:
He of course suspects you are gay so i dont think words are necessary, action is.
It may be too late for action as you had plenty of opportunities.
Finally- regardless of his sexuality- is he stable emotionally?
Please tell us how you are, its been a few weeks

 

[green carnation]

and also, you are sorta berating, but not guite, him for not being open and honest but you are just the same and not coming out because 'the time isnt right' whats that all about? And maybe you need to respect his timings.
I do feel for you though- i have been there too which may explain why i am being a bit tough on you.

 

[Man4menu]

I would go for it!
you need to ease your mind, talk to him I'm sure it will all fall into place for the both of you.

 

[madman411]

Well, once again, thanks to you all for your input. I had almost given up on this thread until I noticed multiple new posts. There's nothing to really report, however I could give you an update:

We aren't hanging out near as much as we were, but that's ok. joiboi12 - funny you mention that you think he already suspects I'm gay. We were hanging out one night drinking a few beers and he looks over at me and says "you know, i question your sexuality." all I said was "oh, thanks man..." and we just laughed it off and changed the subject. I know that was another opportunity for me, alas I didn't act upon it. Later on I asked him why he said that to me and he claimed he forgot he asked me and and told me that if he did, he was joking. On another occasion, I ran in to him at a party last week. Towards the end of the night I was making my rounds saying goodbye. When I got to him he gave me a very long hug and asked all surprised, "you're leaving???" me: "yep." him: "you should stay..." me: "you want me to stay?" him: "you should stay..." me: "well are you going to make it worth my while?" He just laughed (because of course he was drunk), started turning back towards his friends, and nothing else was said. I was tired so I left... I didn't see the need to stay. This past weekend was another party and I called him prior to see if he was going, and I told him I was. He said he wasn't feeling well and we both said that we'd see each other at school on Monday. I procrastinated going (my original intention was to be around him while we were drinking again) and ended up going to a bar with a couple friends, with the intention to go to the party later on. Several hours passed and at 11:11 (as I was actually "wishing" to myself, "I hope he goes to that party..." haha) he calls me. He went to the party and was looking for me! By the time I made it there the cops had busted it and after several attempts to hang out with him that night he just stopped answering my messages.

Point is, although small things keep happening here and there that tells me "he's still interested in you..." other things keep counteracting it. I have told a gay friend of mine the situation and all he had to say was "he's fucking with you!" I think he might just be metro (you know, straight, but quite gay acting) and that I am actually seeing things the way I'd like to see them. A while back he was talking about how he had 3 women over and he fucked them all in his bed. He's such a mystery.

And whether he's emotionally stable - god knows. Several people have asked me similar questions, and I'm actually questioning it myself now. I think he might be bipolar, but what do I know? lol. So much other stuff has happened, but I don't want this post to just be me rambling on and on.

 

[B_RedDude]

Why don't you make this a blog? Some of us like detail:smile:

So much other stuff has happened, but I don't want this post to just be me rambling on and on.

 

[B_smallpenis22]

You need to tell him you love him back. In the parking lot he took a big step and did that and I think he is now expecting something from you in return. He is gay that is for sure, but like you he isn't out therefore someone has to take the first step. And I think he did just that. Now its your turn, next time you get some time alone you tell him that you love him, I know its going to be hard but remember that he already said it to you.

Personally I have one boy in my life whom I let get away and I still to this day believe he could be gay. He was a very pretty kid, long auburn hair, big brown eyes, tall and lanky but he carried himself well. He never dated anyone but always insisted he was straight and his love of sports and video games attested to that.... but there was also something wrong with him... a touch of femininity sometimes when he used his hands to talk, the way he would sit on his knees, almost curled up into a ball like a child when he sat on couches, a some random moments of intense silence on his part as he would often just stare aimlessly into the distance. Was he gay? I never found out, and that is because I never had the balls to really ask him or say something as bold as "I love you".

This is only a short section of my story and I would be really happy to share the rest with you anytime (it gets pretty detailed as well).

 

[Kimahri]

I read the original post, but kinda skipped around on the others. So, if I seem out of touch, I'm sorry.

That is a great story ya wrote there buddy. Don't give up the ghost. I'm gay and I'm into heavy metal (death metal) and video games. Don't let the stereotypes throw you off.

 

[madman411]

You need to tell him you love him back. In the parking lot he took a big step and did that and I think he is now expecting something from you in return. He is gay that is for sure, but like you he isn't out therefore someone has to take the first step. And I think he did just that. Now its your turn, next time you get some time alone you tell him that you love him, I know its going to be hard but remember that he already said it to you.

Personally I have one boy in my life whom I let get away and I still to this day believe he could be gay. He was a very pretty kid, long auburn hair, big brown eyes, tall and lanky but he carried himself well. He never dated anyone but always insisted he was straight and his love of sports and video games attested to that.... but there was also something wrong with him... a touch of femininity sometimes when he used his hands to talk, the way he would sit on his knees, almost curled up into a ball like a child when he sat on couches, a some random moments of intense silence on his part as he would often just stare aimlessly into the distance. Was he gay? I never found out, and that is because I never had the balls to really ask him or say something as bold as "I love you".

This is only a short section of my story and I would be really happy to share the rest with you anytime (it gets pretty detailed as well).

I'd be interested to hear your story if you're willing to type it out!

 

[green carnation]

So madman, I am pleased to read that you are still around these parts!

Now the pleasantries are over I am going to do what I often do, and show you some tough love. I do this in the hope it will help you young people to not establish patterns of behaviour that may not be beneficial to yourselves and others.

I think it is unhealthy for you to obsess over your love for this straight boy. (whether it is love is debatable). And as for his sexuality...
You seem to want him to conform to your idea of how someone tells you they are gay. You want him to say it in words, to you. And you want him to do something you are unable to do yourself. Try this scenario on as a possible thread here as well:

I share a class with this boy who I am reasonable certain is gay. He is always hanging around me and wanting to be my friend. I think he fancies me but when I suggest we have sex he ignores me. When I touch his knee or do anything obvious he doesn't say anything or do anything back. I am getting mixed messages and am quite confused. What do I do, maybe he isn't gay and is one of these metrosexuals?

Do you get my point? Does it sound familiar? Everybody comes out at their own pace and in their own way. You have your way and he has his. My point is that you are far more reticent about coming out than him, and in fact you are playing games with him too.

You are both young and are finding yourselves and your sexualities. I remember similar awkward situations when I was younger and sometimes I look back and regret not going for it with that boy or other. But you know what: 1) when the timing isn't right, it isn't right 2) there will be plenty of other opportunities in your future life, because 3) you are obsessed and curious, maybe not actually in love, yet.

Any relationship is all about timings, both of your timings. And you need to respect other's timings and other's ways. Concentrate on your own 'coming out' which is something you can control. What you can't control is him actually telling you, in the words you specifically want to hear, that he is gay. Remember, actions speak louder than words and then look at your actions compared to his. Doing what smallpenis22 suggests would certainly be a sensible way forward for both of you either together or apart.

I am not sticking up for him, I am giving you advice that you can take or leave. I hope it makes sense.

 

[madman411]

So madman, I am pleased to read that you are still around these parts!

Now the pleasantries are over I am going to do what I often do, and show you some tough love. I do this in the hope it will help you young people to not establish patterns of behaviour that may not be beneficial to yourselves and others.

I think it is unhealthy for you to obsess over your love for this straight boy. (whether it is love is debatable). And as for his sexuality...
You seem to want him to conform to your idea of how someone tells you they are gay. You want him to say it in words, to you. And you want him to do something you are unable to do yourself. Try this scenario on as a possible thread here as well:

I share a class with this boy who I am reasonable certain is gay. He is always hanging around me and wanting to be my friend. I think he fancies me but when I suggest we have sex he ignores me. When I touch his knee or do anything obvious he doesn't say anything or do anything back. I am getting mixed messages and am quite confused. What do I do, maybe he isn't gay and is one of these metrosexuals?

Do you get my point? Does it sound familiar? Everybody comes out at their own pace and in their own way. You have your way and he has his. My point is that you are far more reticent about coming out than him, and in fact you are playing games with him too.

You are both young and are finding yourselves and your sexualities. I remember similar awkward situations when I was younger and sometimes I look back and regret not going for it with that boy or other. But you know what: 1) when the timing isn't right, it isn't right 2) there will be plenty of other opportunities in your future life, because 3) you are obsessed and curious, maybe not actually in love, yet.

Any relationship is all about timings, both of your timings. And you need to respect other's timings and other's ways. Concentrate on your own 'coming out' which is something you can control. What you can't control is him actually telling you, in the words you specifically want to hear, that he is gay. Remember, actions speak louder than words and then look at your actions compared to his. Doing what smallpenis22 suggests would certainly be a sensible way forward for both of you either together or apart.

I am not sticking up for him, I am giving you advice that you can take or leave. I hope it makes sense.

joiboi, I couldn't agree with you more. Although I did say in my original post that I "love" him, I take that back for the most part. When I originally typed that out my infatuation for him was quite a bit stronger than it is now and therefore I was naturally inclined to say that.

I understand what you're saying about me wanting him to conform to my idea of coming out, and you're right. I think back over the different occasions where I was under the impression he was hitting on me and so fourth, and it makes me want to tell him so bad how I feel. I then listen to his stories about different women he's been with and ex girlfriends and such and it makes me want to take a step back. I don't want to make a mistake and ruin what friendship we have. I feel that if any effort is made for us to be around each other, it's made by me. I'm almost positive that if he felt remotely the same about me as I do with him, he would make more of an effort to hang out with me in our free time.

What I'm really trying to say is, it takes two to tango, and if I'm the only one trying to make an effort (although subtle it may be) then maybe I'm wrong and I've perceived everything incorrectly. I have mentioned before that he's quite touchy-feely with other people and perhaps I've read in to that incorrectly when he acts that way around me.

It seems that when one thing happens that makes me think he's interested, another thing immediately proceeds it that makes me think he's not. You're right in that it's a game, but it's been going on almost 6 months now. I know I need to work up the courage to just tell him how I feel, but I'm scared of the repercussions in doing so.

After many readers of this post have read my story, most of them have stated that he's gay or at least bi. This is one of my first crushes where this has been the case. I've liked straight boys in the past, but I know for a fact they're straight. I've liked gay guys in the past, and I know for sure that they're gay. This guy is different. There's something about him I can't put my finger on. What gets me is how some of my other classmates have also suggested he's gay - "he's gay. it's not just the touching and the hugging..." - something a friend of mine said about him recently. Do closeted gays really go as far as making up detailed stories where they've been with lots of other women?

Once again, you guys are great. I love reading what you guys have to say about the situation. Ty!