I think i'm in love...

[hzs3fg]

...with a co-worker. And I'm pretty sure she likes me too.

But I have to control myself because we are both married and both managers and and...

I need these feelings to go away but they just keep getting stronger.

I'm going crazy.

 

[Hairylegs]

I can't think of a more fun thing to play with than a gasoline filled Molotov cocktail bottle and a book of matches. I'm going crazy too! So if you are crazy, go, have a great time and destroy your life, your job, well, just fill in the blanks. If you aren't crazy, take a cold shower and jerk off. I won't deny you your fantasies, hell, enjoy them to the max. But get a grip on the real world, the woman you married, and the job that's paying the rent. Nuff said.

 

[TexanStar]

I won't suggest that every person should stay in their marriage (nor am I suggesting you should leave your wife here), but if you're thinking you need to get back into the dating pool you should do the honorable thing and get a divorce first. The fallout from getting the divorce up front will be a thousand times less than if you were to have an affair and then get divorced afterwards.

 

[286798]

I'm not minimizing what you're feeling by any means, but that's not love, that's lust.

And speaking as one who lusted after a coworker but kept it under control... until my wasband couldn't and we subsequently divorced... and then had the opportunity to date him, a lot of my feelings was the draw of the forbidden fruit. The real thing wasn't what I had built it up to be in my head.

I hope you can get your stuff straight before it ends 2 marriages. No judgement or snark. Honestly hoping for good things for you.

 

[1079855]

There's an old saying here. "Don't shit where you eat." Don't date and don't fuck women you know from work if you like your job. That bitch will cost you your job. So don't do it.

 

[TexanStar]

There's an old saying here. "Don't shit where you eat." Don't date and don't fuck women you know from work if you like your job. That bitch will cost you your job. So don't do it.

Erm. I think the expression is typically about office affairs (e.g. one or more of the people involved is married). That's the case here, but the rest of your remark flies off the rails.

Something like 10% of marriages started as office romances. There's nothing wrong with it if the people involved aren't being stupid about it. Also not sure why you're referring to women as bitches... issues much?

 

[1079855]

Just a few issues. I've had a few bitches at a pass job scream sexual harassment about me to my boss because I told these crazy broads that I thought they are pretty and wanted to date them. What a horrible thing to say to a chick today. So I learned my lesson. Don't pick up on women from work.

 

[TexanStar]

So I learned my lesson. Don't pick up on women from work.

I'd argue, but given your other statements it's probably in everyone's best interest that you walked away with that understanding, so I'll just say "well done" instead.

 

[simbablk]

I can't think of a more fun thing to play with than a gasoline filled Molotov cocktail bottle and a book of matches. I'm going crazy too! So if you are crazy, go, have a great time and destroy your life, your job, well, just fill in the blanks. If you aren't crazy, take a cold shower and jerk off. I won't deny you your fantasies, hell, enjoy them to the max. But get a grip on the real world, the woman you married, and the job that's paying the rent. Nuff said.

What he said!

 

[simbablk]

I'd argue, but given your other statements it's probably in everyone's best interest that you walked away with that understanding, so I'll just say "well done" instead.

Yep!

 

[Dport]

Picture her getting shit on her fingers when she wipes her ass. Then after she washes her hands she smells her fingers to see if they smell like poop. Nasty ass bitch.

You sure want someone like that?

 

[rayray]

Just another case of the little head thinking for the other. No other advice here.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I am married to a former coworker. My marriage was emotionally out the door and I was separated before we met, and we are very happy together.

But

This road was a route I can't possibly recommend to anyone. If you aren't single, and she isn't single, you have no business being together. I did a lot of wrong *despite* right intentions ("the road to hell is paved with good intentions"), and have learned very hard and painful lessons. And all this was not based on a pure lust affair...we genuinely became friends.

So please think long and hard about your life. Then picture EVERYTHING gone, as if a fire swept through it. Friends, family, home, possessions. Gone. If you are willing to start from zero, just to experience another person, then go for it, and I wish you luck. You'll need it.

 

[Anthony_OZ]

As a previous poster said; ‘you’re in lust.’

You’re ‘pretty sure’ she likes you? You’re making a pretty big assumption on her part, and in this case you’re allowing your own intense feelings get the better of you. You can very easily choose to not follow through with this, and I think if you take the time to remove the emotional aspect of this, is it truly worth the risk of ruining your life, and the people around you over a work crush?

 

[hzs3fg]

I want to thank everyone for your comments. Having waited nearly 4 hours for the first of them, I was thinking, c'mon people, talk to me! And then, you did.

I feel that I need to explain myself in a lot more detail. Please bear with me.

My co-worker, let's call her "Mary", has a reputation as a difficult person and, frankly, a fair number of people here do not like her very much. In truth, I have had my moments on that train as well...

I said we are managers; perhaps that doesn't really do justice. We are both department heads in a medium-sized company (~200 employees) - in fact, we are what you might call "critical" department heads with the full support of upper management and either one of us would have to screw up big time before we got ourselves fired. In my case, I have talked about retiring (yes, I am that old), but they do everything they can to keep me here.

Late last year, Mary and I were thrown together on an overseas trip to review the activities of a wholly-owned subsidiary. I was actually more than a little concerned about having to travel with her, eat with her, spend a full week with her; as mentioned above, Mary has a bit of a reputation.

What happened instead was that we really enjoyed each other's company and found that we had a great deal in common. We are both full-blooded Italians, married to non-Italians, and it was totally refreshing being able to relate to each other on this level. I am older than her, but then her current husband is already 10 years older than her and - yeah - I am a bit older than that. At our final breakfast I stepped well out of my comfort zone (for those who understand this, I am an INFJ) and said to her, "Mary, I just want to say that I have really enjoyed your company and I am so glad that I had this chance to get to know you better." She seemed genuinely pleased and told me that she felt the same. In fact, I later learned that she told our CEO (also a woman) that we had become "great friends" and made a number of other positive comments. In subsequent trips (five in total, so far, with at least two or three more yet to come), she has begun referring to me as her "work husband" and it is not unusual for her to express her "love" for me as in, "You know I love you, but ..." , always with a huge smile. Even in meetings with other people present. I assure you, she does not do this with anyone else here at work.

I could go on and on, but it starts to sound goofy after a while. Suffice to say that it is clear that we both like each other but also that I am more vocal about it. We were emailing back and forth a few days ago (work stuff and, yes, company email accounts), when a little door opened and I saw the opportunity to do something I have been wanting to do for months - I said to her, "You do know that I am madly, hopelessly, in like with you, right?"

The situation was such that it could be taken as a bit of a joke or very seriously. I would say that we both sort of made light of it even though we both knew exactly what was going on.

Do I want to have an affair with her? Actually, I think I would be a bit like the dog that finally catches the car and then doesn't know what to do with it. So, no, I don't see this going there.

But, I do have these feelings that just won't quit. She turns up in my dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night and then can't get back to sleep because she pops into my head and then I just lay there deep in thought.

Yes, my own marriage of 30+ years is stale and has been for quite a while and I don't think her marriage is all that wonderful either. But we *are* married and I think we both respect that fact.

Mostly I think that I want validation and affirmation; I want to know in my heart and in my brain that we both dig each other and that, were we single, maybe something could come of it.

 

[EllieP]

Sweetie, you are at a crossroads, and you'll have to decide in which direction you want to go. Do you want a fresh unknown relationship or do you want to rekindle the familiar embers?

Both are going to require energy. The new fling is going to be a lot of fun at first, but you have to realize that there is a future coming afterward that might not be like you envisioned.

The old stuff represents a big investment that you've made, but it doesn't sound like you're getting the return you expected.

Either of these can work but only if you put in the necessary work.

Notice that I've left emotions out of all of these. No use going there.

Fantasies can be fun. I've had quite a few myself. But I'm old enough to know that eventually fantasies grow as stale as real life relationships. If I had the choice to put effort into make something happen I'd stick with the known.

Who knows? Maybe when you try to liven things up you may get rejected. That's when you really have a decision to make.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

So the woman you married doesn't give you a feeling of "validation"?

I know you said your marriage has gone stale.. but I would be more focused on finding the flame I once shared with the one a made an official, legal, "spiritual" commitment with rather than finding a completely different fire all together.

Over simplified answer... But it's all I had time for at the moment.

 

[sodominsane]

Erm. I think the expression is typically about office affairs (e.g. one or more of the people involved is married). That's the case here, but the rest of your remark flies off the rails.

Something like 10% of marriages started as office romances. There's nothing wrong with it if the people involved aren't being stupid about it. Also not sure why you're referring to women as bitches... issues much?

i tend to agree....if you listen to the don't..don't date from work place....don't date a friends sister....don't date a friends ex...don't date online....you can never meet a good woman in a bar...don't pick up strangers.... After a bit you run out of places to meet someone

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

You've made the assumption she feels as you do. Nothing you've written leads me to that. But perhaps she does, so let's assume you both wake from dreams of the other. It's still quite a leap from there to telling your spouse you won't be coming home tomorrow.

Let's assume a world where you get what you want easily. What would you like to happen?

 

[BWPHOENIX]

Just a few issues. I've had a few bitches at a pass job scream sexual harassment about me to my boss because I told these crazy broads that I thought they are pretty and wanted to date them. What a horrible thing to say to a chick today. So I learned my lesson. Don't pick up on women from work.

You’re obviously an intelligent guy, and I’m sure you can charm the pants off of any “bitches” or broads” you come across. Stop wasting your time at the office and start balling all the “chicks” hanging out at your local T.G.I. Friday’s.