sodominsane
Legendary Member
bitches is a little harsh for my usage....but "broads"......i d feel like sky masterson for guys and dolls
I think i'm in love...
- Thread starter hzs3fg
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Thanks again, everyone. Especially the ladies as your views are particularly interesting.
I think it worth pointing out again that I really don't see this going anywhere; in fact, I would be shocked if it were ever to turn into an all-out affair or a let's-divorce-our-spouses-and-move-in-together situation.
My initial post was more one of frustration and venting about these thoughts that I am constantly fighting to keep under control. I had a weak moment and reached out to anyone who had anything useful to say; it's not like I can discuss this with anyone who is part of my day to day life, after all. Believe me, I'm not a total idiot.
OTOH...
I want to add that, as stated earlier, I have been married for more than 30 years and, in that time, I have worked with hundreds of women and known hundreds more outside the workplace. None of them has ever moved me the way this one has. And, no, I have never cheated on my wife. Not once.
But, I will also add that my wife and I have been just floating along with the current for years now and yes, I have tried to change that. Anyone who has been married for a long time can tell you, people grow in different directions and it can be difficult to maintain the "magic" that makes a marriage work. It's been a long time since I felt the magic and, sure, that is probably part of the problem here. And, yeah, as I get older, I am troubled by the things I haven't done, things I have missed out on, and the things that I will never do if I don't "take the bull by the horns" as we used to say.
I think it worth pointing out again that I really don't see this going anywhere; in fact, I would be shocked if it were ever to turn into an all-out affair or a let's-divorce-our-spouses-and-move-in-together situation.
My initial post was more one of frustration and venting about these thoughts that I am constantly fighting to keep under control. I had a weak moment and reached out to anyone who had anything useful to say; it's not like I can discuss this with anyone who is part of my day to day life, after all. Believe me, I'm not a total idiot.
OTOH...
I want to add that, as stated earlier, I have been married for more than 30 years and, in that time, I have worked with hundreds of women and known hundreds more outside the workplace. None of them has ever moved me the way this one has. And, no, I have never cheated on my wife. Not once.
But, I will also add that my wife and I have been just floating along with the current for years now and yes, I have tried to change that. Anyone who has been married for a long time can tell you, people grow in different directions and it can be difficult to maintain the "magic" that makes a marriage work. It's been a long time since I felt the magic and, sure, that is probably part of the problem here. And, yeah, as I get older, I am troubled by the things I haven't done, things I have missed out on, and the things that I will never do if I don't "take the bull by the horns" as we used to say.
I wonder if it's really this woman who moved you, vs you being dissatisfied with your current state (floating along marriage) and wanting to be moved. My former M-I-L had an affair with a coworker because of the feelings you describe. Then she ended up with a health issue where my former F-I-L stepped up and was an absolute rockstar caretaker. She appreciated him again and realized he wasn't the asshole she painted him to be in her mind to justify the affair.
(Side note... my wasband did the exact same thing. Guess I shoulda paid attention to that, huh. Sigh. )
hypolimnas
Superior Member
I think it's great that you have found a friendship in an unlikely place. It's given you an insight in to the potential for change. Why shouldn't you experience being valued and respected in a fresh way? Your life isn't over.
You owe it to yourself to pay attention to your own life and current marriage. If you need to improve the communication with your wife tell her you want more for both of you, take time away from work, go on a holiday, get counselling to support each other as you move on to a new phase in your lives either separately or together.
Realistically the object of your desire will not be making any rash decisions and is probably wiser than you think. Don't undervalue this great friendship. The people we are attracted to are attractive to us because they reflect something in ourselves we like and want to cultivate.
I met some much older friends recently, they've retired long ago, just selling up the big house and feeling free, on a new adventure together. So wonderful to see them as excited as young teens, free as they haven't been since their 20s. It's a second marriage for both of them but over 50 years together now.
Your life is precious, it's not over. You want more but you owe it to yourself and your marriage to value what you have and respect it and your wife. This doesn't mean you can't change things but do it the right way and at least honour your commitment and try reasonably hard to sort your current situation out n a respectful way.
Use this opportunity to pay attention and invest in your life - find a skilful way to move on together or separately. A good manager first learns to manage themselves. Don't invest in work as a substitute for having a decent home life.
You owe it to yourself to pay attention to your own life and current marriage. If you need to improve the communication with your wife tell her you want more for both of you, take time away from work, go on a holiday, get counselling to support each other as you move on to a new phase in your lives either separately or together.
Realistically the object of your desire will not be making any rash decisions and is probably wiser than you think. Don't undervalue this great friendship. The people we are attracted to are attractive to us because they reflect something in ourselves we like and want to cultivate.
I met some much older friends recently, they've retired long ago, just selling up the big house and feeling free, on a new adventure together. So wonderful to see them as excited as young teens, free as they haven't been since their 20s. It's a second marriage for both of them but over 50 years together now.
Your life is precious, it's not over. You want more but you owe it to yourself and your marriage to value what you have and respect it and your wife. This doesn't mean you can't change things but do it the right way and at least honour your commitment and try reasonably hard to sort your current situation out n a respectful way.
Use this opportunity to pay attention and invest in your life - find a skilful way to move on together or separately. A good manager first learns to manage themselves. Don't invest in work as a substitute for having a decent home life.
I think both.
I don't hate my wife in any way, shape, or form. She was 105 lbs when we wed and 110 now; she is fit and healthy. We get along fine. But, honestly, there's just no "there" there. I leave the house weekday mornings before she awakens; we cook and eat dinner together and maybe watch a little TV - though it is mostly me watching TV and her tending to other stuff. All in all, we have maybe 90 minutes a day together during the week. And weekends... Well, what can I say? I've grown weary of more-or-less vanilla sex and she has no interest at all in expanding horizons; the things I have tried (and, believe me, I have tried introducing all sorts of things) get - at most - a one-time trial and then are never visited again. It's gotten to the point that if she suggests "Want to go back to bed?", implying we should have sex, most times I brush it off with or without an excuse ("We just ate breakfast; not on a full stomach...").
There is no humor in our home. No silliness. No anything. In fact, now that I think about it, my relationship with "Mary" is more akin to what one would expect of a happy, loving, couple as compared to my relationship with my wife which is more akin to what you would expect of two co-workers at a company that frowns upon employee relationships. The whole freakin' thing is upside down and backwards!
I mentioned above that I could retire if I wanted to. Up until 6 months ago, I would have told you that the *one* thing holding me back is that I cannot see my wife and I spending all that time together. Today I would tell you that I cannot see my wife and I spending all that time together *and* I don't want to miss out on my daily interaction with "Mary". It has been so many years since I have had anything resembling a fun, exciting, relationship with a female... If Mary and I never share a single kiss, the whole thing is still worthwhile.
hypolimnas
Superior Member
Why don't you tell her you aren't happy and wonder if you both might be happier on your own sometimes? Or are you using Mary as an excuse because you are too afraid to live your life freely? This is such an opportunity to step up and be the boss of your own life.
Well, two weeks from tonight I / we will have our answers. This will be the start of our sixth joint trip to our overseas location and "Mary" has made it clear that we will "talk more" when we are on this trip because "we will have more private time." Said conversation to take place in her hotel room (or mine) as already stated by her because we will be traveling with two co-workers plus our local translator and this is the only way to have truly private time.
I know what you are thinking - I'm thinking it too - but in the weeks that have passed since I started this thread we have continued to flirt with each other (yes, two-way flirting) and I think in many ways have grown an order of magnitude closer than we had been.
The waiting is killing me...
I know what you are thinking - I'm thinking it too - but in the weeks that have passed since I started this thread we have continued to flirt with each other (yes, two-way flirting) and I think in many ways have grown an order of magnitude closer than we had been.
The waiting is killing me...
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Lol.
I don't think so. I think we will end up in a "more than friends" zone but less than lovers.
But, we'll see what happens.
All that I know is, she makes me smile. She makes me laugh. And, on one occasion, she very nearly made me cry.
Like I said, I think I'm in love...
You don't love "Mary". Love is hard work.
I do understand your situation, and how you feel, but I think that you could run off with "Mary" and still find yourself in exactly the same kind of relationship in a few years time. Just bored, watching TV and avoiding each other. If it really is broke and can't be fixed that does not give you the right to cheat or hedge your bets until you've figured things out.
I do understand your situation, and how you feel, but I think that you could run off with "Mary" and still find yourself in exactly the same kind of relationship in a few years time. Just bored, watching TV and avoiding each other. If it really is broke and can't be fixed that does not give you the right to cheat or hedge your bets until you've figured things out.
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Relationships are work. PERIOD. However, finding someone you really click with is important and the foundation to a good relationship. It sounds to me like you 'settled' with your wife, and that your co-worker is someone you really connect with. So....can you be happy with someone who you can only 'tolerate' i.e. your wife or do you need more? Can't you be happy with your work wife and real wife in separate roles? There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself, and answer.
Indeed, I think that is exactly where we will end up and I honestly believe (okay, I want to believe) that "Mary" is in a similar situation and feels the same way.
Time will tell...
I would like to have sympathy for you, but I don't. We all fancy lots of others while we are married, I did, I was married for 25 years. I only strayed twice. Just get a hold of yourself, no good will come of this, just a lot of angst. Find another place in your organization to work away from this woman. You are not in love, you are in lust, and as they say be careful what you wish for.
Sorry if I sound holier than thou, as I am quite a male slut.
Sorry if I sound holier than thou, as I am quite a male slut.
So, I just want to take a moment to say that this is not about sex. Not at all.
It is about the fact that my time with "Mary" makes me happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time.
AlteredEgo
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May I suggest that THIS has an extremely negative impact on your relationship with your wife. As a wife who was told "no" both subtly and overtly for years, I can attest that this made me see anything extra he wanted to try out as a tedious chore. The more desired I feel, the more willing I am to try out new things, or revisit things. It's entirely possible, and worth exploring, that at some point something, or a series of somethings, had a negative impact on her self esteem, or feeling of desirability. Forget Mary. Find out why your marriage has gone flat.
Okay, I really don't want to get into a he said/she said match here, but - honestly - this is simply not a fair assessment of what has been going on.
The fact is that *I* have always been the one to work hard at showing her she was desirable. I would often wake her in the morning (and sometimes in the middle of the night) with caresses, oral, whatever which she always seemed to enjoy. And, as often as not, I was willing to leave it at that as sort of proof that I wasn't doing it because *I* wanted to get off, but because I wanted *her* to enjoy.
OTOH, I recall telling her once way back when we were first married that I thought it would be cool to be wakened by a blowjob in progress, and over the years I have mentioned it again here and there. Note: mentioned - not demanded, not belittled. Yet, here we are thirty plus years later and it has never, ever, happened. So, has it occurred to you that the problem is that *I* don't feel desirable?
On top of that, as I have tried to make clear, my feelings for "Mary" have nothing to do with sex at all. She makes me smile. She makes me laugh. She makes me feel all gooey inside. We can get into a texting exchange that goes on for an hour or more and both have fun with it. Note: texting, not sexting. Do you know what happens when I try to do the same with my wife? Text or sext, if I am lucky I will get a single reply after 20 minutes or so but never any kind of ongoing conversation. Why? Because she is too "busy" to reply "every time" I text her. And, I can't tell you the last time my wife has made me smile/laugh/feel gooey inside. Our relationship has devolved into a simple business arrangement.
Denying her sex? Um, no - it is more like I feel that she is only offering because she thinks she owes it to me. If I thought for a moment that she was truly horny, I would be all over that. But that's not what it is; it feels more like pity sex and, frankly, I don't want or need that.
When is the last time she woke me with caresses and obvious sexual desire? Um, like decades ago?
I'm in love with a coworker as well, but I am a dumbass!
First off, I am 29 years older than her. She lives with her fiancee and I am divorced. She has 5 kids from a previous marriage, so screw that!
Long story short: We had a few beers together, now we do that every night. We have become great friends! About once per month, we just take a vacation day together and do fun stuff. The coworkers just scratch their heads. We went to church together last Sunday and then to visit her parents. Fucked up situation and she is getting into my head.
She even suggested playing a game "freeze out". Take your tops off, roll the windows down in an Iowa February and see who gives in first. I won, would have made it north to Minnesota just staring at her tits. She calls me every night while her fiancee is at AA meetings.
We can make each other laugh, say I love you and hug all the time.
I'm a fucking fool and know that, but the love and lust is there. I'm 62 and she is 33. Hell, my kids are older than her. Only wish I was 25 years younger and she had a few less children. I'm too old for raising kids and realize that. I love and cherish her very much as my best friend, and she tells me the same thing.
Will I ever bang her? Probably not. It just sucks ass loving someone that you will never have a relationship with. I've been invited to their house a few times before. Her fiancee is a nice guy and we get along, so I never try to cross that line.
Last time was New Years Eve. Had a couple beers with them, then he needed to give his Daughter a ride to work and left. Said I was finishing this beer and would be gone by the time he got back. Finished the beer, said goodbye and we hugged. Then the little shit pulled up her top and bared the titties again!
What a tease for an old man that wants her so much, but could not tolerate her life and all those kids. It tears me the fuck up. Life is not always fun. If I could go back in time, I most likely would have never become good friends with her, it hurts too much.
First off, I am 29 years older than her. She lives with her fiancee and I am divorced. She has 5 kids from a previous marriage, so screw that!
Long story short: We had a few beers together, now we do that every night. We have become great friends! About once per month, we just take a vacation day together and do fun stuff. The coworkers just scratch their heads. We went to church together last Sunday and then to visit her parents. Fucked up situation and she is getting into my head.
She even suggested playing a game "freeze out". Take your tops off, roll the windows down in an Iowa February and see who gives in first. I won, would have made it north to Minnesota just staring at her tits. She calls me every night while her fiancee is at AA meetings.
We can make each other laugh, say I love you and hug all the time.
I'm a fucking fool and know that, but the love and lust is there. I'm 62 and she is 33. Hell, my kids are older than her. Only wish I was 25 years younger and she had a few less children. I'm too old for raising kids and realize that. I love and cherish her very much as my best friend, and she tells me the same thing.
Will I ever bang her? Probably not. It just sucks ass loving someone that you will never have a relationship with. I've been invited to their house a few times before. Her fiancee is a nice guy and we get along, so I never try to cross that line.
Last time was New Years Eve. Had a couple beers with them, then he needed to give his Daughter a ride to work and left. Said I was finishing this beer and would be gone by the time he got back. Finished the beer, said goodbye and we hugged. Then the little shit pulled up her top and bared the titties again!
What a tease for an old man that wants her so much, but could not tolerate her life and all those kids. It tears me the fuck up. Life is not always fun. If I could go back in time, I most likely would have never become good friends with her, it hurts too much.
Being attracted to a person because you want to stick your dick in them isn't love. Most males confuse that and most females fall for it.
Jesus! How many times do I have to say that this is not about sex??
Read my posts - not once have I said that I want to get her in bed. Just the opposite, in fact.
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