I think I'm ready to hook up... right?

tennisfan11

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Hey all,

I've been on this site a while, mostly as an admirer not much of a contributer. Anyway, I need some advice, maybe more 'push' than anything. Little background - pretty sure I'm gay, but definitely not out to anyone. (Damn, my heart is pounding just typing this out, haha) Anyway, I live with one roommate, and we're both new to town, so we pretty much only hang out with each other (no, there's no gay/love interest story there. We'll save that for the fiction section lol). Therefore, he knows where I am all the time.

However, my roommate is out of town from now through the weekend, and I'm thinking this might be the perfect weekend to, honestly, hook up with a guy and make sure it's what I'm into. I'm about 95% sure I'm into guys, and I've somewhat hooked up with a guy before (both very drunk, and he's gay), and... to be completely honest... I feel like I have all this built-up sexual energy (23 and I'm a virgin, mostly because I'm not out) and I just need to, for lack of better words, get it out there. (Yeah, awful choice of words.) Problem is, I'm definitely not ready to come out, but I want to make this happen in a short amount of time. A) Is this a good idea? (I'm turned on just thinking about it... but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a good idea, lol), and B) What's the best way to find a guy to make this happen with? Online? Club?

Any comments are appreciated. If it ends up working out, I promise to share the details lol (and to embellish if it doesn't go very well haha)

Thanks!
 

Viking_UK

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To be honest, I'd advise against a random pick-up just to "get it over with". That's what I did and still regret it. Yes, I enjoyed it at the time, but I can't help thinking it might have been better with someone I cared about as opposed to someone who happened to be there when I was horny.
 

D_Knute_Knockneed

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Yeah, man, look - I know exactly what you're feeling/going through. It's something most, if not all, gay men face. There's no reason you have to rush into anything. By all means, get out there, head to a gay bar and have a drink or something, but don't feel you have to get out there and prove to yourself if you're gay or not - if you're having these thoughts and feelings, then I'd say hell yes you're gay - and GOOD ON YOU! It's a great thing that you're feeling ready to take the next step. Just take it easy, take it slow - if you meet a nice guy then yeah, experiment, but don't feel as though you have to go all the way, and for god's sake, WEAR ON CONDOM. Be safe, be smart, brother. And have fun.
 

michaang

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I completely agree with the replies so far: don't rush into it and whenever you do go all the way, be safe about it. Seriously.
 

K.Dst

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Yup, don't rush into any first hookup you can get, especially if you're having trouble living your preferences openly. If something goes wrong you'll feel even worse about your sexuality and it may take you years to get over it.

I think you should first try to feel more comfortable with yourself and the "gay world". Try to get a few friends first, if you're headed alone in a club where you don't know anybody, especially if you're not used to this, you might spent the evening alone in a corner because you're too shy to speak to anyone, or get approached by some creepy dudes...
At least one friendly face, even if you stop talking to him two months later because you found better friends, really is helpful.
 

tennisfan11

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Yeah, I suppose you guys are right. It's just tough because I know it's something I really want to do (and man is it tempting...), but I should probably do so under better circumstances. Sometimes I have to tell myself to think with the right head...

Anyone have any experiences 'testing the waters' with a stranger/someone online before coming out? (This thread probably already exists somewhere, doesn't it?) How far did you go?

Thanhs for the responses so far!
 

needtonut

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You've been given great advice so far... I agree with most but would add that you really don't need an "experience" to become gay. I knew early in life that I was gay but didn't "prove it" until I was 27! Took me awhile because of the pesky religious upbringing that was holding me back. But yeah, don't force yourself into a time frame here. It's always great when you have your first time with someone you care about rather than some random dude who might not truly appreciate your situation. If you like going out to the bars then by all means do so and allow yourself to have a good time but don't put yourself in a situation that creates pressure. There are other ways to find privacy when the time is right.
 

neo

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Yeah mate don't hook up with a random guy - would probably be ok, but your first time should mean something more.
My advice? Just come out and tell people you're gay. If you think you are gay you are gay. These days, no one cares, no one's going to judge you. Your room mate probably knows already to be honest, or at least wouldn't be surprised. From my experience people tend to pick up on these things even if they are unspoken.
So yeah, tell people you are gay: you're young, in college, loads of people going through the same stuff, and if people know you are gay you'll meet loads of other gay guys and can start to mess around with people who you've got to know a little first.
Fun times ahead mate.
 

ifixedit

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I'm in the same exact situation as yourself. It was eerily strange how the description fit me to a t. I've been living in the same place for a while but most of my friends moved away for work or school so I'm out trying to meet new people and all that stuff too.

I also get the part about bring ready to hookup. I always think about it but when it comes to actually doing something, I chicken out. I think it's mainly a confidence issue. It's really frustrating because I know I'm definitely not straight, but definitely not gay either.

I messed around with a guy for the first time a few months ago when we were both drunk. It was great and I've tried to maintain that friend zone and nothing more since - until he got into a relationship and now he won't even talk to me and removed me from Facebook - I really don't understand why but I'm definitely sad about it.


So, definitely don't rush into things. I've never been the dating type or anything and this experience definitely reminded me why.

Anyway, best of luck and do what feels right to you. If you want to chat more, just let me know.