bih20: (and I say I think because I dont know if that is what it qualfies me with everything that I've said..I know many have said dont put yourself in either category, but I think to move on with life and do what you want to do, you have to) I'm gay. Since I was born I have been denying it, hoping it was false, hoping it would be something that change, but looks like it wont as I am heading into adulthood. I'm still really uncomfortable with the idea that this is true and this may be how I have to live my life. It has always been a problem for me, it has always bothered me. I do not like at all how this has made the rest of my life so complex. It has made things that I should enjoy be a huge pain, a huge worry. When you hang out friends of the same sex, you should be able to have fun, you should be able to just enjoy yourself, its a way to get away from everything else, instead, many times you dont feel comfortable, because you feel an attraction, and not even that, you feel that you have to dress properly and present yourself well when in fact you should be able to just sit back and be comfortable with your guy friends and do anything. Instead, since that is the sex that you are interested in, you are too cautious in many ways. HS was tough, it was tough to be around friends, in class, and get into these type of discussions, and you are always afraid that someone will find out. Looking for work becomes difficult, you have to consider how the boss will look at you if he finds out, or if your co-workers find out. Any situation that I can think of, this fact plays a role in it. I have always wanted a normal life, a wife, kids, hanging out with my friends but how I feel will likley not allow me to do that. I would love to have this "normal" life though, thats what I imagine. I am not what you would consider the "gay" guy. I love sports, I play it like crazy, almost daily, I watch it like crazy, whether its hockey, football, soccer, tennis, etc I dont talk or act feminine. I hate shopping. I just dont act how people think gay people act. I dont feel comfortable with the gay culture, I dont like too much of the flamboyance. I think women are beautiful, and I find them sexy, but not to the point where I get really really turned on, only abit. But, I get turned on quiet easily by a guy. I'm just having a really hard time understanding how I could want one thing, that "normal" life, yet because of the physical attraction none of that is really possible without me feeling umcomofrtable. This was really hard for me. I thought for long if I should post it. If someone feels the same way or anyone wants to talk about it just pm me.