I consider myself bi because I'm very attracted to men. My first marriage ended after 23 years in part because I finally told my ex that I was bi, but had been faithful with one brief, regrettable, disappointing encounter, many years earlier.
My second wife and I have been married 9 months. She knew from the outset about my feelings, and I have a few bi friends. This can be extremely intimadating and unnerving to someone you claim you'll be faithful to. However, my bi friends are all married, and there is no "hanky panky." It's a decision we consciously made, and because we know this about each other, we support each other as family men, and encourage fidelity. It may sound wierd to some, but it has been immensely consoling during difficult times.
I am happy with my decision. The void I feel at times of NOT having sexual contact with other men is overshadowed by pluses of being faithful to my companion and lover.
We have a therapist that we visit with about once a month. It has relieved a lot stress and concern for my wife, who felt that if she was just more feminine (the woman drinks estrogen, I swear...) that my feeling would go away. It has taken her some time to figure out it's nothing to do with her, because it's a uniquely masculine issue. I feel as you do. I want her feminine, not masculine. And I want guys to be masculine, not feminine.
My bi guy friends and I do get together one on one occasionally, but it's to workout, go to a movie or help with work projects or what ever. Sometimes we are open about our sexual interest in each other, but we have kept our boundaries to preserve our marriages. We have a blast joking about being bi, and our wives chime in with the fun at times also.
It takes a little while for trust to be regained when a shocker like this is dropped on a lover. If you'll be patient and keep talking, usually it will workout. However, my first marriage didn't survive because of fear, distrust, and vengence. However,
Now I feel fortunate to be married to someone I feel is the most beautiful woman on the planet, and who loves me despite her fears ( and I love her, despite mine). It's no different for us than any other couple who is committed. It's a hell of a lot of work, and if you're not willing to constantly work at it, it WILL fail.
I wish you well, my friend. I don't have any advice, just a few thoughts based on my own experience.
Best to you,
Buff