I want...(quick rant)

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Smaccoms, Sep 27, 2011.

  1. Smaccoms

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    I want a guy to want me, a hot one. I want to see it in his face. I want him to chase me, innocently and with purpose. I want to live in a gay world. When I am just being myself, I want to not be judged for it. It sickens me when a man's reaction to me judging his body similarly to how he judges a woman's causes him to fear me so automatically.

    I want it to go away...I want it all to go away. I want to relax in my life so I don't have to constantly consider/remember my own gayness because it is such a focus to everyone around me.
     
  2. D_Sam Rockswell

    D_Sam Rockswell New Member

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    Yeah, i wish the world were a different place too.
     
  3. Smaccoms

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    How do you want it to be different?
     
  4. Remington

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    You know, you could just stop giving a fuck about what other people think and just live your life.

    Much easier than wishing for a "gay" world.
     
  5. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Harshly put, but you made two salient, key points.
     
  6. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Don't you think that as each day passes it is changing? I am much older and have seen the world (attitudes) change and acceptance grow. It's a wonderful thing... it will get better.

    Attitudes are the most difficult things to change and it takes time. New generations, new ideas, open mindedness at home and work...and allowing the expression of freedom and loving people just for the sake of them being human.
     
  7. Smaccoms

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    Bastard. You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

    Besides, this is not a complaint about caring what other people think. This is a complaint about not feeling socially connected like everyone else around me. Like most people should know (I dunno if they do or not), human beings are a social species: at the center of the human psyche lies the social.

    My complaint more precisely is that I can sense everyone around me feeling socially connected, especially in a sexual sense. It is extremely frustrating and depressing to feel continually excluded day after day after day. It is not healthy for the human being to feel lonely: it eventually leads to mental illness.
     
  8. Remington

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    :biglaugh:

    I'll agree with the whole "mental illness" bit, seeing your posts on here it's pretty apparent you're suffering from something.

    My suggestion, (not that you'll listen) find an acceptable social group where you don't feel like some leper and chill the fuck out.

    Anyway, I'm done here. Hopefully you'll find your "gay world". Good luck, kid.
     
  9. Smaccoms

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    wow, a dick AND condescending. Whoever you are, I do NOT like you.

    It's funny, I've started going to the GSA at my school, but it isn't quite doing the trick. Probably because the group is mostly freshman who just moved out of their parents house...
     
  10. D_JuanAFock

    D_JuanAFock New Member

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    Just relax. Maybe its different where you are, but in the 2 states that I have lived people have been fine with gay guys. Sure, there are a select few people that might actually be afraid, but is that such a huge deal? A womans reaction to a man judging her body can have the same fear.

    Live your life, be happy, and dont feel excluded, I can guarantee you that it wont be your sexual preference that would make you excluded.
     
  11. TurkeyWithaSunburn

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    Then make it so. Move to one of the gay ghettos of the major cities where nearly everyone you'll see is gay.

    Although sounds like fun it can also be the most socially ostracizing experience one can imagine. ie. WOW everyone is like me but yet absolutely NOBODY will give me the time of day...
     
  12. D_George Tush

    D_George Tush New Member

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    I want only a few more gay friends I can sext/flirt with.
     
  13. Daichii

    Daichii New Member

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    *Reading gibberish*

    Ok checks out, sound advice.
     
  14. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Again with the name calling albeit this time in a different thread.

    Loneliness may indeed be a precursor to mental illness as you say; it can also become a self-imposed one based upon a deliberate inability to accept reality or the advances and offerings of others.
     
  15. D_Sam Rockswell

    D_Sam Rockswell New Member

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    Holy crap cakes people. I dunno but it seems to me that all Smaccoms was saying is that he wanted to live in a world where straight men would do the whole "i'm not gay but thanks for the compliment" thing instead of the "holy jeez piece an pie!!!!! i need to get the stank off grrr'. Or at least thats what i got from it.

    I agree with FancyPants though, it is getting better. Though getting better is just that. It does though depend on where you live and those with whom your around. And that goes both ways.

    Also i'm thinking that he doesn't want people to see him as just gay but more than that. Like ya know human, or this or that. Same thing we all want right? Someone to see who we really are instead of the labels that we either choose, adopt or are shoved on us.


    Oh and yeah the whole "I want to live in a gay world." if true would seriously back fire on ya lol.
     
  16. OhWiseOne

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    I in no way can judge your feelings or thoughts. But are you confusing people with the signals you are putting out? I'm a little confused by your 60/40 split on sexual orientation and what you say you want.
     
  17. Smaccoms

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    I know what you mean; it's feeling that way which led me to how I feel today in the first place...


    Wow, thank you for understanding! I didn't think someone was going to be able to connect with what I was trying to say:
    It's not fair for people to scold me and belittle me if they do not realize the reality people like me are dealing with. Some people have to hide in plain sight because we are not allowed to par-take socially like the people around us. Am I supposed to accept that reality as it's presented to me? FUCK NO!!

    Also, the "getting better" argument really annoys me sometimes. Is that supposed to make how I feel and the reality I'm in okay? Is it supposed to legitimize the place where society is at today? Does that make it okay for those of us who are still excluded without question? I don't care if it's getting better, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH YET!!
     
  18. Smaccoms

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    I'm somewhere along the lines of bi-curious (originally identifying as gay). It's just that this progression was interrupted by such great turmoil of my gay identity.

    I've gotten to the point where I no longer view sexuality as a singular spectrum. I no longer see anyone's sexuality preferring one gender over the other. One's preference is a choice made interwoven with sexual development.

    In middle school, I had crushes on boys and girls, though I only ever chased the girls (I had enough sense of society at that point to know not to chase the boys).

    By the time I reached high school, I was labelled as gay so quickly, I had no time to realize what was going on; I accepted the label whole-heartedly (because I did [and do] find men attractive). Since I was a virgin I had no sense of what or why: I simply fed my hormonal sexual frustration into men. Due to my feelings of loneliness and sexual frustration, it felt right to be different and NOT feed those feelings in women (like most men). This is where I developed a major psychological preference for men: it is where I found my strength, my sense of self. Part of our identities are our sexual identities: when I was young, I strongly attached men to my psychological sense of self. This is the preference I am referring to now: it is a hybrid of a psychological choice made in conjunction with the sexual drives we first become aware of as young children. It is not necessarily a conscious decision, simply a matter of how we develop psychologically (brain chemistry), sexually (sex chemistry), and how these two avenues interact with each other over the course of our lives.

    My sexual attraction to men (my sex drive) developed after I started having sex with them.This building on the experiences I had in high school has led to my overall preference for men. However, my preference for men has nothing to do with a lack of a preference for women, it is simply my focus up until the past year or two has been men. I still find women sexually appealing, and could certainly enjoy sexual intercourse with them; there is simply no meaning or background to it.

    I hope you understand now why I have it as a 60/40 split. My preference originates from my psychological identity, not my sexual drives. This is also the reason why I came off as a total queen despite the fact that this is not a completely accurate description of who I truly am.

    I hope this makes sense; if my life is based on a lie, I might just implode from the ridiculousness! :tongue:
     
  19. august86

    august86 Member

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    A rant usually means someone getting something off their chest and expecting one of two things in response: 1) agreement and or 2) consolation.

    So there's your hug, Smaccombs :hug: :grouphug:

    Nobody can guarantee that things will get better, but keeping your chin up, and easing-off the neuroticisms, will surely help in your relations with others and the way you feel about yourself.

    What is a "gay world" though? It sounds pink and bedazzled with lights flashing to cher or madonna's music :tongue:
     
  20. LaFemme

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    I want a guy to want me too...I want to see it in his face and pursue me instead of me always having to do all the work. We are all human beings and we all want to be ourselves and be accepted.

    Anyway, aside from my own wants - I think I get what you mean. And here's your *hug* from me.
     
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