I Was Recently Diagnosed With Hiv, How Do I Go Through This Alone?

Annonn1

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Today I was diagnosed with HIV. I dont want to share with any family or friends about my diagnosis. How did you guys get through this challenging time? I am lost and broken. I dont know what to do. Any advice would help. Please share
 

robl76

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Most important thing now is to see what your options are. The sooner you can get on the meds, the better the outcome.

In time, thanks to the medications available, for most people it will be easily manageable with one or two tablets a day and a test every 3 or 6 months. When you are undetectable and on meds, you can mostly lead a normal life. Easier to manage than many other things like diabetes. Try not to panic, and just focus on yourself to begin with.

There is a lot of stigma and moral judgement people wrongly apply, but there is no rush to disclose to anyone just yet. When you are ready, you can tell someone you trust, or a support service or group if you want support first. You're not alone, not the first and won't be the last.
 

chancesare

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Although I am not HIV positive, I do know you are not alone. There is no reason to panic or be stressed. See a doctor to get on the right medication regiment. Perhaps reach out to your local LGBT center for resources to see you through the initial shock. But just realize there are so many men out there in your shoes living fulfilling, happy, long HIV positive lives.
 

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As others have said, get on medication ASAP. Most guys find the support groups to be very helpful.

I know dozens of guys who are living happy, successful, fulfilling lives; many have partners they met after diagnosis.
I know at least 6-8 guys who were diagnosed 25 or more years ago; 1 friend is now 80 and appears to be headed into another physically fit active decade!
 

tito21

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I don’t have any helpful advice that I can give you. I know having HIV is no longer a death sentence in today’s age. Today’s medications have improved the quality of life for many HIV-positive folks compare to the past, a decade or 2 ago.

Whenever I see a gay man posted a topic on here about having contracted HIV, I feel a deep sadness for the person.

I hope you have contacted all your sexual partners (In recent months) that you are HIV positive so that they are all aware of it and get themselves tested. Otherwise they’ll be spreading HIV to other people unknowingly. I hope the person that passed the virus onto you have been identified so that he is aware of his doing and go on medications as soon as possible.
 

tito21

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Today I was diagnosed with HIV. I dont want to share with any family or friends about my diagnosis. How did you guys get through this challenging time? I am lost and broken. I dont know what to do. Any advice would help. Please share

At this stage, just take it one step at a time. There’s no point in trying to plan for the future or trying to predict what will happen or what your families, friends and loved ones will think. Just focus on yourself by getting the virus under control. Like other posters have said, speak to your doctor and reach out to the many LGBT support groups that deal with HIV. They can provide you with a better understanding of what it’s like living with HIV.

All i have to say is, Look on the brighter side. On your worse day, someone, somewhere is having a much worser time than you. Thousands of helpless babies are fighting for their life in Yemen due to starvations :(
You’re a grown man, so take it 1 step at a time and do what you gotta do to continue on with your life. You’ll live!
 
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ohiorod

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I don’t have any helpful advice that I can give you. I know having HIV is no longer a death sentence in today’s age. Today’s medications have improved the quality of life for many HIV-positive folks compare to the past, a decade or 2 ago.

Whenever I see a gay man posted a topic on here about having contracted HIV, I feel a deep sadness for the person.

I hope you have contacted all your sexual partners (In recent months) that you are HIV positive so that they are all aware of it and get themselves tested. Otherwise they’ll be spreading HIV to other people unknowingly. I hope the person that passed the virus onto you have been identified so that he is aware of his doing and go on medications as soon as possible.
I just want to add for the sake of those who live in the USA, you do not have to notify your former partners personally , as this may cause serious problems in your life. Instead, you may rely on a DIS worker or Disease investigator who will notify your former partners personally and also offer the opportunity for an HIV test. They do this service and never reveal your name. This is especially good for those who fear retaliation or violence. Every state and DC has DIS available to you.
 

Daverick52

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Per your profile you live in the LA area, correct? I bet there is a decent network through this site you can build, to give you recommendations for doctors and groups and such. You will be okay! I am not HIV+, but I know a lot of people who are. The feelings you are going through and thoughts I’m your head are “Normal”.
 

Daverick52

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Per your profile you live in the LA area, correct? I bet there is a decent network through this site you can build, to give you recommendations for doctors and groups and such. You will be okay! I am not HIV+, but I know a lot of people who are. The feelings you are going through and thoughts I’m your head are “Normal”.
Also, this seems like a pretty established and well rounded group of people on this site. So if you do find a network of people from this site, I bet they will be pretty cridible.
 

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You are going to go through all stages of grieving, not always in order and you will repeat them as well. It's tough and don't expect to feel like things are going to be "back to normal". Your 'normal' from this point forward is something different than what it was in the past.

BUT, now that you know what to expect in the near term, recognize that, in fact, you HAVE gone through many other life-altering events already in your past. Like when you lost your virginity, or when you first feel in love, and when you first experienced a love that was lost. Once those happened, your life changed, and you survived as as a slightly different person (and more likely, a much better or more 'complete' person than you were before!).

As others have already said, becoming HIV positive today is FAR different than it was 30 years ago, or 20 years ago, or even 5 years ago. You've got great medications which will keep your infection at such a low level that you are at low risk of ever passing it to others (just as long as you stay on your meds). The meds are easy to take and have no or very few side effects. And there are a lot of HIV- guys who routinely take PrEP to protect themselves from getting infected.

You are not alone. There are MANY of us out there who went through the same process that you are starting on. We know how tough it can be and we also want to support others who are going through it. You already have a number of respondents above who are in your area and are offering to help. And you are lucky in that you live in an area where there is not only a huge community of HIV+ guys but also supportive agencies who exist solely to help you through this time period.

Feel free to reach out to me if you'd like. I have been HIV+ for over 25 years, have had three AIDS-defining illnesses and had to stop my career due to it. That was a long time ago, and I can tell you that my 'death sentence' back then turned into a life-affirming event that allowed me to accomplish more after I became HIV+ than I ever could have imagined. BUT that only happened after I went through the same stages of grief you are experiencing now. Press on, my friend, and you WILL get through this. And, your new normal can be a pretty fantastic, even if you can't think of it as such now.

All my support,
Marc
 

fuckyeah

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While I understand your anxiety, know that HIV is no longer a death sentence. I like to think of it along the lines of chickenpox these days (which I had as a kid). The herpes zoster virus (the technical name for the pathogen in chickenpox) forever lives in your body's cells after infection. Later in life, it can re-emerge as shingles, although the risk of this happening is reduced dramatically with the Shingrix vaccine. My point with this is that the same holds true (except for the re-emergence part) for HIV in that medication keeps the virus essentially silent in your T-cell's DNA, much in the same way Herpes Zoster stays "silent". The virus does not become "resistant" to the drug because it has no chance to mutate when its ability to replicate is disrupted. So just know you are going to be OK. The medications have little to no side effects and when taken regularly assure you will have a long, productive life. Magic Johnson has it and has had it for years and lives a completely normal life.
 

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I want to thank each and every one of you for your responses. I truly feel supported by you all and I appreciate the stories and resources that you have provided me.

It has almost been a week since I’ve been diagnosed and I just now finally completed the last blood work needed before I can start my medication. The past week has consisted of anger, sadness, and regret, but I’m aware these are normal feelings to have. I have been away from all social media in order to focus on myself, which was much needed. This past weekend, I notified my current partner and thankfully he did not react in a violent way. However, he did end it between us and I was relying on him to help me through this process. But that’s okay. I realized that even without him by my side, I am definitely not alone. I am thankful to be in this supporting and loving community. Although this is going to be a challenging time with good and bad days, I have great optimism that I will get through this. I am grateful for the advancement in today’s medication and I’m confident that I will continue to live a happy, fulfilling life. “It's not about how many times you get rejected or you fall down or you're beaten up. It's about how many times you stand up and are brave and you keep on going”.
 

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Get on medication right away, and establish a support system. There are many people here who are knowledgeable and can help point you in the right direction. I'm sure some of them will lend an ear if you just want to vent as well. I'm not positive, but one of my friends is and has been for almost 15 years now. My husband is and has been for 15 or 16. It's manageable.
 
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Annonn1

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Hi everyone, I know it’s been a while but I am still very grateful for all the support I received from you all. I hope you are doing well yourselves! I was 21 when I was diagnosed and I felt like it was the end of the world. If it wasn’t for you all, I don’t know if I would have survived. So thank you thank you thank you!

Recently, I have been seeing someone and it is likely going to be my first ever relationship. We have not had sex yet because I’ve been holding off due to some worries. I have been undetectable for the last few years but I worry about the day I may be detectable again, so possibly transmissible. Do you suggest I inform my partner of my diagnosis & status? Initially, I was not going to tell him and was going to use condoms for extra safety measures, but now I feel like I need to. I’m just nervous & scared on how he will take it. Also, if this is going to be my boyfriend, I’m sure he will find it odd that I keep requesting condoms. I might be overthinking it but any advice on how to go about this? Is it necessary to tell him?
 
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fuckyeah

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Hi everyone, I know it’s been a while but I am still very grateful for all the support I received from you all. I hope you are doing well yourselves! I was 21 when I was diagnosed and I felt like it was the end of the world. If it wasn’t for you all, I don’t know if I would have survived. So thank you thank you thank you!

Recently, I have been seeing someone and it is likely going to be my first ever relationship. We have not had sex yet because I’ve been holding off due to some worries. I have been undetectable for the last few years but I worry about the day I may be detectable again, so possibly transmissible. Do you suggest I inform my partner of my diagnosis & status? Initially, I was not going to tell him and was going to use condoms for extra safety measures, but now I feel like I need to. I’m just nervous & scared on how he will take it. Also, if this is going to be my boyfriend, I’m sure he will find it odd that I keep requesting condoms. I might be overthinking it but any advice on how to go about this? Is it necessary to tell him?
You need to tell him. If he truly cares about you, it will not make a difference in your relationship. That said, if he is HIV neg he may want to start on Prep if he isn't on it already to add another layer of protection. Even if you are undetectable right now, you may experience an unexpected increase in viral load that requires an adjustment to your meds and for which you could potentially transmit the virus without knowing it.
 
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