Idiotic ways we injure ourselves

[flame boy]

I superglued my hand to my other hand, that was quite disastrous. Hilarity ensued.

I tripped over my own damn feet and fell flat on my face while at work once, falling down in front of approximately 50 people all staring at me.

I also somehow managed to burn the entire side of my hand once while cooking, resulting in a bad-ass bandage on my hand which made me look like i'd been in a fight.

Just last week I caught my knee on the side of my computer desk and somehow completely fucked up my knee. A knee bandage later and two days of limping like a wimp I was back on fine form!

However the worst thing I believe you can do is when you bump heads with another person, this has happened a couple of times during sex which somehow really breaks the mood :wink:!

 

[Viking_UK]

I had an eye-level microwave just above the bin. Having broken the door and nearly cracking my skull, things have been rearranged slightly in my kitchen.

 

[petite]

I've been wearing glasses since I was four feet tall and I have gestures associated with them that I still do when I'm not thinking and I'm wearing my contact lenses. The most embarrassing one is when I try to push my (non-existent) glasses up my nose when I'm talking to someone and I poke myself in the eye. From a stranger's point of view it looks like I just reached up with my finger and stuck it in my eye. It looks totally crazy and it hurts, too!

 

[ghb69]

Have slipped twice on basement stairs. First time it as the outside steps and I put both arms through the plate glass window in door at the bottom. (350 stitches). The second time was indoor stairs and as I grabbed the banister I dislocated my shoulder, whch I can now basicly pop in and out of joint anytime.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Well I almost burnt my friends house once while drinking Absinthe.
I thoght it was flaming in my mouth, so i spat it on his coffee table and it started burning, so then i used my hands to put out the fire, then the hands started burning as well, then i started smashing my face with my hands in order to put out the fire on my hands, so I burnt my eyebrows and some hair.
So when I put out the fire on me, I threw the orange juice on the coffee table and the flames were gone!
Five more people were in the room, they just sat there in shock, and didn`t know what to do.
We laughed later, but fuck I could have killed us all!
I know, I`m retarded::

I love the image of you trying to put your flaming hands out with you face! OMG OMG OMG that is soooooo funny :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

 

[DAMP1]

About a month ago, I adopted my new best friend, a sweet Chihuahua. He sleeps in his crate so I carry it back and forth to my bedroom. With him being so new to my house I had a baby gate set up in the hallway for the first few weeks. While walking down the hall first thing in the morning and crate in hand I took a flip over the gate. I fell flat on my face, hitting my forehead pretty hard. So I sit here with a (9 stitch) scar on my forehead to remind me of the silly thing I did.

 

[HiddenLacey]

These are great Luka's story almost made me cry I was laughing so hard I came to share my new one for today SO FAR (yep I have zero ability to stay on my own two feet).

I ran outside chasing after my boyfriend to give him something. The mat outside the door was wet.... slipped and slammed the side of my head into my vehicle on the way down before I hit the concrete. I now have abrasions up the palms of my hands and arms and a headache...

the best part is he just stood there looking at me like "seriously what the heck are you doing??"

 

[luka82]

I love the image of you trying to put your flaming hands out with you face! OMG OMG OMG that is soooooo funny :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

These are great Luka's story almost made me cry I was laughing so hard I came to share my new one for today SO FAR (yep I have zero ability to stay on my own two feet).

The funniest thing about it -IT HAPPENED!:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
My GF has it on video, well not the flame, but the consequences....:frown1:

 

[luka82]

LOL Aco, brilliant!!!

Thanks!

 

[Deno]

i glued a birdhouse to my face. when i tried the "band-aid rip-off" approach to bird house removal i managed to flip backward off the stool. hit the wall behind me. causing a hand tool avalanche. but i got the birdhouse unstuck from my face with only minor skin loss and a few bruises.

oh.. and once i got a splinter in my tongue while eating a popsicle. i think the popsicle was cherry flavored. good, but not worth a splinter. :frown:

I think the story on how you glued the birdhouse to your face would be the one I'd like to hear.

 

[Gillette]

Nursery school, copying my mum who would hold pins between her lips when hemming clothes, I held a short nail for attaching shapes to corkboard between my lips, used my tongue to play with it then through inattention swallowed it. Required hospitalization.

Running barefoot down a carpeted hotel hallway to the pool and somehow stepping on my right big toe with the right foot!

Admiring the inside of a vehicle through the drivers side window then moving to step away (not far enough clearly) and chipping a tooth on the side view mirror.

Bike riding with a friend. My hair was getting in my eyes so I tossed my head back to let the wind move it, only to hit the curb and launch myself over the handlebars (still in the semi fetal cycling position) into a bush. I nearly passed out from hyperventilation because I couldn't seem to remember how to breathe back out.

Playing some foolish variation of baseball in the basement. When I tagged "home" (the wood stove) I discovered it was in use. Excruciating pain. It took a month for my finger prints to grow back.

Putting a tight cap back on a marker. When it finally clicked into place I sliced my left thumb open with right thumbnail.

Somehow jabbing a pencil lead into the webbing between thumb and index finger. 30 yrs later I can still see it in there.

Charbroiling my calf on a small hibachi I tripped backwards over.

Using a hand cart on a less then level surface. The weight of the case I placed on the lip tipped it forward smacking my head.

Trying to walk three abreast on a sidewalk I had one foot on grass. As I was looking up and to the right in conversation with my companions I stepped into a hole on the side of the walk that I didn't see. Comical.

Tanning on my balcony this past Tuesday I managed to sun-burn the soles of my feet. I never thought to use sunblock there.

Daily - Stubbed toes, jamming my knee on the change drawer between the steering wheel and door, horrific static from EVERYTHING that always travels under my fingernails, having my finger tips curled over the edge of a drawer as I'm closing it (you'd think by now I'd have learned), twisted ankles from trying not to step on a cat that insists on being literally "under foot".

And...

Not an injury, per se, but I suffered because of it. When I was very young my mother would give me a small piece of chocolate from a bar in the cupboard every night before bed "because I'd been a good girl". One night after my parents had gone to sleep I decided I'd been such a good girl that I moved a chair to the cupboard, climbed it and consumed an entire bar she had stashed. I wish she'd told me what it was really for.
It was a chocolated laxative.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Nursery school, copying my mum who would hold pins between her lips when hemming clothes, I held a short nail for attaching shapes to corkboard between my lips, used my tongue to play with it then through inattention swallowed it. Required hospitalization.

Running barefoot down a carpeted hotel hallway to the pool and somehow stepping on my right big toe with the right foot!

Admiring the inside of a vehicle through the drivers side window then moving to step away (not far enough clearly) and chipping a tooth on the side view mirror.

Bike riding with a friend. My hair was getting in my eyes so I tossed my head back to let the wind move it, only to hit the curb and launch myself over the handlebars (still in the semi fetal cycling position) into a bush. I nearly passed out from hyperventilation because I couldn't seem to remember how to breathe back out.

Playing some foolish variation of baseball in the basement. When I tagged "home" (the wood stove) I discovered it was in use. Excruciating pain. It took a month for my finger prints to grow back.

Putting a tight cap back on a marker. When it finally clicked into place I sliced my left thumb open with right thumbnail.

Somehow jabbing a pencil lead into the webbing between thumb and index finger. 30 yrs later I can still see it in there.

Charbroiling my calf on a small hibachi I tripped backwards over.

Using a hand cart on a less then level surface. The weight of the case I placed on the lip tipped it forward smacking my head.

Trying to walk three abreast on a sidewalk I had one foot on grass. As I was looking up and to the right in conversation with my companions I stepped into a hole on the side of the walk that I didn't see. Comical.

Tanning on my balcony this past Tuesday I managed to sun-burn the soles of my feet. I never thought to use sunblock there.

Daily - Stubbed toes, jamming my knee on the change drawer between the steering wheel and door, horrific static from EVERYTHING that always travels under my fingernails, having my finger tips curled over the edge of a drawer as I'm closing it (you'd think by now I'd have learned).

And...

Not an injury, per se, but I suffered because of it. When I was very young my mother would give me a small piece of chocolate from a bar in the cupboard every night before bed "because I'd been a good girl". One night after my parents had gone to sleep I decided I'd been such a good girl that I moved a chair to the cupboard, climbed it and consumed an entire bar she had stashed. I wish she'd told me what it was really for.
It was a chocolated laxative.

Ok you win hands down. I'll add a some childhood ones.
Bouncing a basketball against a wall with a sharpie marker in my mouth. BB hits the sharpie... you can guess I stabbed myself in the mouth.

Another time I screwed a curtain hanger hook into a light socket IT DID NOT SHOCK ME AT THE TIME... however a few weeks later I had a nasty scab on my knee from falling off my bike... scab hits hook, hook goes through... I got shocked.

When I was really young 5-6 I'd guess I was jumping off my moms lounge chair into a kiddie pool, lounge chair turned sideways, hit my privates... my mother had to take me to the hospital I could barely pee for a week. Thank the Lord I wasn't a boy

 

[Gillette]

Thank the Lord I wasn't a boy

Agreed. With my luck, were I a guy, I'd crush my nuts on a regular basis.

Just remembered another. Ripping skin off my upper lip after I'd managed to get my entire mouth frozen around a fudgesicle. I was in a car, no water to help and it was winter. I eventually freed the lower lip with my tongue but there was no hope for the upper. After a few minutes I gave up and ripped.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I once ran at, intending to pretend too run through, a trompe l'oeil French windows at a hotel in Bayonne in south west France. I was so drunk, I misjudged the distance, I broke my nose and orbital bone and fell backwards onto a table where a polite middle aged couple were having a quiet drink, I ended up in a pile on the floor covered in blood and beer with piperade in my eye, it stung like hell.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Agreed. With my luck, were I a guy, I'd crush my nuts on a regular basis.

Just remembered another. Ripping skin off my upper lip after I'd managed to get my entire mouth frozen around a fudgesicle. I was in a car, no water to help and it was winter. I eventually freed the lower lip with my tongue but there was no hope for the upper. After a few minutes I gave up and ripped.

Ha ha...

When I was drinking with some girlfriends one night having a girls night I was really buzzed brushing my hair staring off into space my bestfriend was standing behind me and asked to use my brush I turned to give it to her and hit her in the mouth with it... I barely remembered it the next morning until I saw her upper lip looked like a duck... later that day I busted my lower lip with my teeth when I tripped. So we matched hers was the upper and mine the lower:tongue:

 

[HiddenLacey]

I once ran at, intending to pretend too run through, a trompe l'oeil French windows at a hotel in Bayonne in south west France. I was so drunk, I misjudged the distance, I broke my nose and orbital bone and fell backwards onto a table where a polite middle aged couple were having a quiet drink, I ended up in a pile on the floor covered in blood and bear with piperade in my eye, it stung like hell.

lmao:biggrin1:

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

Oh they're all coming back to me now! I went to a friends party, the friend had a lovely apartment with a huge bathroom, I was desperate for a pee when I arrived (having had no alcohol mind you) and rushed to the bathroom, flung open the door which hit the wall shattering the tiles and bounced back hitting me in the side of the head, I lurched forward and slipped falling head first on to another friend of mine who had just finished using but was still sitting on the lavatory, we banged heads as she was yelling at me to get out and in my panic and in an attempt to stop myself from falling to the floor I grabbed the outraged friend and the towel rail simultaneously. The towel rail came away from the wall and my friend's blouse ripped but my grip on it pulled her off the loo and she fell forward on top of me kneeing me in the ribs and the screws on the back of the towel rail cut my arm really badly. I had a huge black bruise on my chest from my friend's knee afterwards.

My host just stood at the door to the bathroom paralyzed with hysterical laughter.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Ok so one morning I had to go into work I had just put my heels on and flicked the light off in the bathroom and opened the door. I was trying to walk quietly out of the bedroom so I wouldn't wake my boyfriend up. So toe walking in heels and blind because I'd just walked out into the dark. My dog bless her was laying in front of the bedroom door so when I put my foot down and felt her I knew I'd puncture her side, so I fell instead to keep from hurting her and woke him up anyway when I hit the wall on my way down.

 

[Gillette]

You're both klutzes and I love you for it!

 

[HiddenLacey]

You're both klutzes and I love you for it!

Lol IDK you sound as bad as both of us! I admit to injurying myself atleast once a week due to my inability to walk correctly:tongue: