Idiotic ways we injure ourselves

Enid

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Edit: now it's in the right thread... and I'm going to be very high on painkillers all afternoon now.

you and i can be painkiller buddies then :biggrin1:

somewhere around the end of august, i managed to not only break but essentially shatter my right arm (distal ulna) on a sailboat. at night. trying to go to the restroom after playing titanic ("i am the king of the world!") on the pulpit. i can't blame it on alcohol either. my companion loves wine but i'm not a big wine person so i only had a sip of his to taste.

i thought i could be all chuck norris about it too, so i insisted i was fine. when i woke up in the morning it was swollen beyond belief and the funny thing is i still insisted i was fine...we fought for about an hour about whether to go to the ER.

eventually we went, and it was determined i would need surgery. that was 3 weeks ago today. i got screws, a plate, and a dangerous-looking scar. my whole family went with me to my 1st follow-up appointment, and after the surgeon talked to us my dad decided to wittily announce, "hey at least you got screwed!" :laugh:

i am now officially a leftie. my writing looks pretty darn good i must say, but i have to weight the paper down since i can't hold it with my right.

i have a friend who says at least i busted my wing doing something as mysterious as midnight sailing...though in the future i might tell everyone i was smuggling top secret documents.

of course, my doctor gave me plenty of pain pills. i don't need them every 2 hours like i did right after the surgery thank goodness.

another thing is that i've managed to set my hair on fire blowing candles out on a birthday cake not once but twice (16th and 18th, i believe). my dad was there to save the day both times. :eek::smile:
 
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HiddenLacey

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you and i can be painkiller buddies then :biggrin1:

somewhere around the end of august, i managed to not only break but essentially shatter my right arm (distal ulna) on a sailboat. at night. trying to go to the restroom after playing titanic ("i am the king of the world!") on the pulpit. i can't blame it on alcohol either. my companion loves wine but i'm not a big wine person so i only had a sip of his to taste.

i thought i could be all chuck norris about it too, so i insisted i was fine. when i woke up in the morning it was swollen beyond belief and the funny thing is i still insisted i was fine...we fought for about an hour about whether to go to the ER.

eventually we went, and it was determined i would need surgery. that was 3 weeks ago today. i got screws, a plate, and a dangerous-looking scar. my whole family went with me to my 1st follow-up appointment, and after the surgeon talked to us my dad decided to wittily announce, "hey at least you got screwed!" :laugh:

i am now officially a leftie. my writing looks pretty darn good i must say, but i have to weight the paper down since i can't hold it with my right.

i have a friend who says at least i busted my wing doing something as mysterious as midnight sailing...though in the future i might tell everyone i was smuggling top secret documents.

of course, my doctor gave me plenty of pain pills. i don't need them every 2 hours like i did right after the surgery thank goodness.

another thing is that i've managed to set my hair on fire blowing candles out on a birthday cake not once but twice (16th and 18th, i believe). my dad was there to save the day both times. :eek::smile:

You are so funny. It sounds like your Dad's your hero (mine is too!)
 

alx

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When I was younger I wanted to find out how much pressure I could put on a stapler until it would stable my thumb.
 

LookingCurious

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.

Somehow jabbing a pencil lead into the webbing between thumb and index finger. 30 yrs later I can still see it in there.

I did the same thing when I was ~10, except it was towards the bottom of my palm, near my wrist. I'm not 21 and I can still see it in there.
 

Notthe7

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I literally just sat here laughing for an unknown amount of time. It's good to hear I'm not the only one accident prone.

1. Just last night, dressed to the nines to be my girlfriends wing man.. I made a complete ass out of myself (which was inevitable since I was the only white one, i had to live up to the stereotypes). So and So my gorgeous black girlfriend needed a "White girl" wingman to accompany her out for the night. apparently some guy she was digging had a friend who liked "white girls". I agreed to take one for the team, got all dressed up (skirt, short shirt, heels). Great dinner with lots of drinks! We head back to one of their houses to play some drinking games for a couple hours, kinda let my girl DO HER THING with this guy. Well, after many hours of this drinking game we are all trashed. I made a stupid comment, and one of the guys playfully smacked me on my cheek. Because i was trashed I got all asshurt that he smacked me. After several minutes of talking shit, he got down on his knees and put his fists up (messing around, as if to box). Haha, oh god im such an ass... This further pissed me off to i tried to stand up quickly from the couch and rush his ass. OF COURSE, I'm drunk in heels... and my toes catch just underneath the rug in front of me... I fall instantly onto my knees. They are dying laughing. My knees are so badly rugged burned this morning... and my pride is wounded horribly.

2. The first night I stayed at my current boyfriends house I had quick the startle. We didn't have sex.. we just cuddled and talked until the wee-hours. He fell asleep first and I layed there thinking about the every thing.. watching him. I was on my side curled up (fetal position) when his arm jerked out towards me... balled up into a fist... It almost caught me right in the tit ... thinking he's awake I giggled... but then his fist popped back out and punched me HARD right in my tit. I swear my nipple came off. The next morning I told him he really knew how to romance a girl.. my boob had a huge bruise on it.

3. I was spraying leave in conditioner in my hair.. got a little carried away apparently.. because when i went back into the bathroom after doing it... i slipped and busted my ass on all the access dew on the floor. I was laughing so hard yelling "BABE I JUST ATE IT SO BAD."

4. Drunk one night out at the club, sweet talking some guy... i completely missed my straw and got it right in my nose... my nose started bleeding and the guy unmercifully laughed in my face until i left.
 

Penis Aficionado

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I've come really close to doing that straw-in-the-nose thing a couple times ... each time I thought, "I can't believe I almost injured myself with my own cocktail straw. I need to go home immediately before something really ridiculous happens!"

Of course I was not surrounded by hotties like notthe7 surely was, so it didn't matter much one way or the other.

But that guy who laughed at you was a jerk. I'd like to have taken a straw and shoved it up his nose, or maybe a different orifice.
 

D_Harvey Schmeckel

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Having never had a case of poison ivy in decades of wandering in the woods, I just assumed I was not allergic to it. So paid no attention to what kind of branches and vines I was attacking last week with a lopper to make a clearer path to get my kayak in the river.

NEVER forget to check for poison ivy before you do something like that! NEVER assume you're not allergic to it. Will spare you the painful details.
 

EagleCowboy

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One fine day, I went to rescue my car that I had to abandon at the police station because I hit a board in the road the night before, flattening both tires on one side. Only had one spare.

For some obscure reason, one of the wheels would not turn loose of the car. Giving it up to call a wrecker to haul it home to deal with later, I gathered everything up and was putting it back in the car. Well the rod that locks the spare tire down doesn't lay flat on the floor in this car like it does in most others. It stays up at an angle. So here I am putting the spare tire back in the trunk and not watching what I'm doing. With the weight of that tire in my hand, that rod somehow manages to catch my index fingernail and cleanly RIPS it off the nail bed like a Lee Press On Nail.

Well, I immediately felt extreme pain, and in the reflex action, launched that tire 150ft. behind me, almost hitting a police car. In doing so, I managed to break my back in that swift move! Fortunately, the break had set itself once I let go of the tire. (near as we could figure)

You know it's really not a good day when you can't find the proper cuss words for what just happened!
 

maxcok

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Well, one time I splattered hot bacon grease on my dick cooking breakfast naked, had serious second degree burns, and kinda ruined my sex life for a month. But who hasn't done that? p.s. I don't cook naked anymore.

The strangest I remember was when I was a kid, I leapt up from the dinner table and ran into the kitchen to get something. I was barefoot, I felt this pain in my toe, and when I looked down it was all bloody. I had caught my toenail in the metal feet of the dining room table and ripped it out by the roots. When the pain kicked in, it was excruciating.
 
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Remington

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Just happened about a hour ago.

Just going for a evening cruise, shifting gears from 2-3, my hand slipped off the lever and I ended up practically falcon punching my CD player. My hand still hurts, but the player is fine, didn't even skip.
 

Viking_UK

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A few years ago, I was doing a bit of salsa with a new partner I'd never danced with before. I dipped her, not taking account of the fact that she weighed quite a lot more than my regular partner, and was rather top-heavy, which pulled me off balance. She panicked and tried to grab me to pull herself back up, but only managed to stick her nail through my ear.

Stupidly, rather than lower her the few inches to the floor, I tried to support her weight and pull her back up, but I was too far off balance and we both went over. Then, even more stupidly, I stuck out my left arm.

The doctor told me I'd been very lucky. Taking our combined weight on one arm snapped the lugs of bone the rotator cuff muscles attach to, which meant I was off work for four weeks. If I'd torn the muscles instead, I'd have needed surgery and would probably have been off for three or four months with no guarantee of recovering a full range of movement.

My boss wasn't too happy about it either as she'd just turned down my request for three days off. She still thinks I did it deliberately!
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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The strangest I remember was when I was a kid, I leapt up from the dinner table and ran into the kitchen to get something. I was barefoot, I felt this pain in my toe, and when I looked down it was all bloody. I had caught my toenail in the metal feet of the dining room table and ripped it out by the roots. When the pain kicked in, it was excruciating.


Spooky, your childhood agonies are exactly what I went through the other day :frown1: It's still crazy sore, will the pain ever go away Max? Please say it will...
 

maxcok

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Spooky, your childhood agonies are exactly what I went through the other day :frown1: It's still crazy sore, will the pain ever go away Max? Please say it will...
Well it's been many decades, so yes, the pain has gone away. Did you seriously rip your toenail out by the root? I'm wincing just remembering it. I would administer a bag of frozen peas and some lovely narcotics. :biggrin2:
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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Oweee Oweee Oweeeeeeeee!

I just pulled the front door shut and it scraped over my big toe (I was barefoot) and tore the nail almost completely off! It's still anchored right at the base so I can't even pull it off instead I've had to try to strap it down with a bandaid, but it bled a bit and it's just incredibly painful and bloody and it makes me feel like passing out to touch or look at it!


Oweeee Oweee Oweeee! :frown1::worried::eek:uch::bigeyes2::crying::yuck::shock::scared1::tragedy::puppy_dog_eyes::eek:mfg:

Well it's been many decades, so yes, the pain has gone away. Did you seriously rip your toenail out by the root? I'm wincing just remembering it. I would administer a bag of frozen peas and some lovely narcotics. :biggrin2:


Yeah basically, as I described above, it's still anchored underneath the cuticle, but basically it was torn off completely and I just have to wait for it to become less painfull before I can remove it because touching it makes me feel all peculiar and is ridiculously painful.
 

maxcok

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Yeah basically, as I described above, it's still anchored underneath the cuticle, but basically it was torn off completely and I just have to wait for it to become less painfull before I can remove it because touching it makes me feel all peculiar and is ridiculously painful.
Oh, so it's just lifted off the nailbed. ppfffttt! I've done that half a dozen times.
Try ripping out the root and then talk to me. :rolleyes: pussy.

Anyway, I suppose you could have a doctor administer local anesthesia and cut it away. Or it's possible it could reattach to the nail bed if you glued it back together with acrylic and taped it down. Maybe you should go have a pedicure? Either way, you should be able to get some percodan out of the deal. :smile:
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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Oh, so it's just lifted off the nailbed. ppfffttt! I've done that half a dozen times.
Try ripping out the root and then talk to me. :rolleyes: pussy.

Anyway, I suppose you could have a doctor administer local anesthesia and cut it away. Or it's possible it could reattach to the nail bed if you glued it back together with acrylic and taped it down. Maybe you should go have a pedicure? Either way, you should be able to get some percodan out of the deal. :smile:


You have such a sweet bedside manner Max :tongue: