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if a girl cuddles/kisses/hold hands........

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bigdog83, Oct 30, 2008.

  1. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    is she sexually interested in you? or is she sticking around for the emotional support?
     
  2. D_Teasdale Tittithorne

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    Possibly both. Though, if she knows you're gay (I'm assuming from the gay community link that you are?), then she's probably just there for the emotional support.
     
  3. Principessa

    Principessa Expert Member

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    :rolleyes: :duh:
    :aargh4: SHE IS SEXUALLY INTERESTED IN YOU! :aargh4: My God men are dense.
     
  4. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    no, she doesnt. she thinks im 100% straight. im asking because ive knowed this girl for about 4 weeks, when we first met we did it like every 3 days........and she would always want seconds. we've done it like 2 times the past 2 weeks and i sense she is pushing me alway sexually.

    she claims she doesnt know what she wants, and just wants to be hookup buddies as we both agreed on.....so if we are hookup buddies and the sex is dying down.......i dont see the point in sticking around. so i was just wondering if the make-out sessions and what not, does she still think of me sexually?
     
  5. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    i guess i will never understand women. ive just been the nice guy in the past......and finally a girl is sexually with me more then i can handle........then it slows down and makes me wonder if i am being turned off again.
     
  6. D_Teasdale Tittithorne

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    I will never understand women either. Or men. Oh well.

    I didn't know that you'd had sex already. Well that just changes everything. Maybe she wants more, but also wants more of the emotional connection to validate the sex? Or maybe njqt just had it right all along. :)
     
  7. psidom

    psidom Experimental Member

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    i think i would say she is romanticly interested,
    she probably wants more than just sex but sex is a part of
    what she wants.

    it is understandable and humble of you,to be unsure.
    :smile:

    (most guys just think everyone wants them)
     
  8. Principessa

    Principessa Expert Member

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    You already had sex? :wink: Well duh! Of course she wants a relationship. Apparently you were good at the sex, :wink: Kudos.

    If you don't want more you need to stop kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc. That is stuff people who are dating do. Seriously, how can you be so dense?! :confused:

    Here is the thing. The reason gay men often have sex with higher numbers of people than straight men isn't because gays are promiscuous as a group. It's because men are sluts. :cool: Most women are incapable of separating sex from love. Clearly this girl is one of those for whom sex and love are hopelessley intertwined.
     
  9. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink Banned

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    No they aren't! I cuddle when I'm drunk and high, most times I don't want anything to do with anyone sexually.
     
  10. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    i would like more......but she is unsure of what she wants because she is not happy in nj and wants to move back with her dad.....this is why i get headaces from this girl. i really like this girl.......i hate cuddling and crap but this girl i can hold her all night. honestly i dont really care it, there are 34234billion other women. i just cant take the headaces lol. sex came really easy somehow, then it started getting harder. she told me she has been raped and almost a second time but someone came. so getting her to do other sexual things have been really hard......i dont have a problem dealing with this and helping her but for my little head it is getting too much to deal with as fuck buddies then she is confusing me emotionally......and u see where im going here......

    ya but do you make out with them? hold hands?
     
  11. IntoxicatingToxin

    IntoxicatingToxin Expert Member

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    Talk to her about it. ^^ That's all I can say. Tell her you need an answer.
     
  12. anneob2002

    anneob2002 Lurker

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    Both. But mostly interested in you.
     
  13. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    we hung out a little fri.........and i think we had a blast.....long story short, i noticed a few things. and once again i was confused.........i said ok fuck her, ive been saying this for a week now and now i mean it, im done with her. till i looked at the situation one more time........and remembered i am the most confusing person ever, and almost every girl has ever told me i am hard to read. so i thought maybe i was pushing her away. everything she has ever told me, i just couldnt stop it like that and be a total ass if she really was honest and truthfull the whole time.

    i called her(she lives 45mins away), and asked if i was confusing........and an instant YES........since we joke all the time i was like,lol im being serious here. and she explained why, she was confused that she thought i was pushing her away, and that was the case because i was confused with her.

    i told her that i sense she wants so much more, and i dont know what to think because her actions and words dont match. i listened to njqt and told her that friends dont cuddle and hold hands like that

    and then she told me that she does really like me, so much that she isnt ready for that kind of commitment. she also said she trys to hide that she wants so much more but isnt sure if shes ready(she has been raped, her last relationship she got really hurt and had to move away and went to live with her mom, and now she wants to move with her dad because she said she really dislikes where she's living now)

    the outcome is she said she still wants to keep having sex(YES!) and see where it goes, and that we dont have to cuddle anymore...........dunno if i should of but i told her i hate cuddling but that i can hold her all night.
     
  14. B_pinoyurge

    B_pinoyurge Banned

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    yes, it could mean both.
     
  15. Axcess

    Axcess Experimental Member

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    I think that the original poster wrote a legit question . Most woman are crazy , most don't know what they want and most send mix signals often as well . In reality he isn't alone most men really don't know for sure when a woman want only a friendship or when they want a relationship or only sex etc.
     
  16. Hansalami

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    Research seems to show that women know much better than men what the signals mean that a woman sends to a man. But then, reading here, is it?
    It would be nice if women would 'speak' 'our' language or provide some translation service.:swordfight:
     
  17. D_Teasdale Tittithorne

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    I could say the same about men! We don't know what the hell you're thinking either.
     
  18. D_Ivana Dickenside

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    i don't know about other women, but if i want to hold a guy's hand and cuddle and do all the mushy stuff, it's cause i'm definitely into him! i wouldn't do all that with someone i'm not interested in.
     
  19. Axcess

    Axcess Experimental Member

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    Nah , Most men are fairly clear and direct when we are really interested in the girl.
     
  20. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    I would say that most women interlink cuddling, kissing, and holding hands to love.

    Sex itself can be broken apart from love. Sex does not equal love, and I think it holds true in this case.

    IMHO, I really think that she wants to be with you in a relationship. While she may be scarred from past events, as you mentioned, I don't think you should ignore the non-verbal gestures she is giving you.
    Sex=sex.
    Cuddling+kissing+holding hands=love (or very interested).
    Cuddling+kissing+holding hands+sex=love (they really like you and they want everyone to know).

    Of course, I am not a relationship guru nor an expert on women. I just know that most women interlink those non-verbal gestures to mean something more than "I want sex."
     
  21. 7x6

    7x6 Sexy Member

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    It's a sticky situation isn't it?
    You find yourself a "fuckbuddy" and you have great sex and a close friendship, one or both of you are going to find yourself thinking it's more, maybe it is more, maybe it's the same as any other relationship, the only difference being that neither of you were kidding yourself that it had to be "something more" before you actually fucked.

    The point is you find yourself in this relationship and it doesn't feel right, you have to work out why not?

    I've been there. A few years ago I met woman online, I then got back with a previous girlfriend but we kept in touch as friends. A month or so later my doomed relationship was over and I met my friend in person, I invited her round, as a friend to watch a movie and smoke some weed, We spent maybe a month together with, no kidding, 75% of out time fucking (OK, maybe half of that was resting between fucks).

    She was a very sweet woman and the sex was amazing but when I examined my feelings I knew we were never going to be together and for very shallow and snobbish reasons. She was too uneducated, right wing and not attractive enough to imagine ever introducing her to my family and friends. I also didn't like the idea of my kids mixing with her feral hoodie spawn.

    But what the hell, she was fun and an amazing fuck. Even though I was pretty sure she wanted more I made sure I referred to her as a fuckbuddy, she did the same and we even joked that we were still looking for other people though when I did find someone, I really hurt her.

    Dunno what i'm saying really, sometimes I believe that love is nothing more than a friend you enjoy fucking, sometimes I believe it's something a million times more than that, timetimes I believe it's just friendship+sex+respect. It all depends on if i'm in a spiritual mood or i'm in a we-are-just-very-clever-mammals mood...
     
  22. Principessa

    Principessa Expert Member

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    The part I bolded and put in red should be printed out, laminated, and put in the wallet of every male 14 and over. It's a good reminder that many girls think that way.

    Though for me: cuddling+kissing+holding hands = very interested, not love. I'm not sure I have ever fallen in love without first having sex. :confused: Hmmm, I'll have to think about that.
     
  23. needbig_z

    needbig_z Lurker

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    I know exactly what you mean. Been there and done that.

    I met a man online. We chatted for about a month then decided to meet.

    He was hot, crazy sexy, mad body and fantastic!!! cock.
    AND the sex was awesome.

    But, after, when we actually talked, I realized that I could never (not that I wanted to) be with him.

    He was very very southern (the accent was kinda cute), but also republican, slightly racist, homophobic (two girls fucking was okay, though), and didn't go to college.

    We still get together on occasion, rock each others worlds, then go home.
     
  24. needbig_z

    needbig_z Lurker

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    Generally, women are too busy talking about themselves to pay attention to the obvious.
     
  25. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    Yeah, it should probably be "very interested" and not love! :wink:
     
  26. 7x6

    7x6 Sexy Member

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    This woman was kind of racist too, I think when she told me she'd been thrown out of school for calling a teacher a "fucking paki" I knew it was over. She was livid when she found out i'd "left her" for a black woman...
     
  27. nicenycdick

    nicenycdick Sexy Member

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    The best you can do is keep talking and make sure you get what you need from the relationship. If you are honest with yourself and with her, things will take their natural course. Who know? You may find that this woman is both the best sexual partner you've ever had and a best friend, as well. That would be hitting a home run! But I wouldn't worry the relationship to death. Stay as long as you and she are enjoying yourselves. If you start hurting each other or if the arguments overwhelm the laughter, then it is time to re-evaluate.

    Otherwise, enjoy what seems to be an open and sincere relationship. Believe me, they are few and far between.
     
  28. bigdog83

    bigdog83 Sexy Member

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    to answer the few posts above.......ill say this.


    i do wanna get to know this girl, i cant explain it. we understand each other, and she even sees this and is scared of it lol. we never fight, just tease and push each other's buttons and at worst(best) all it does is create sexual tension for us. i can be around her for hours, we never shut up and i never get annoyed at her, which is hard to find. blah blah blah, ok il stop.

    im not saying im in love, neither is she. but i do sense a strong emotional bond that she has with me.....alot more then normal friends or fuck buddies. almost as she looks as me as her bf.

    we've discussed this 2 times.

    i only had one other "true fuck buddy", and she was just that.....i dont even know her last name, etc. all it was........"hey you busy?, no lets fuck"......thats all, i mean as soon as we sat down somebodys clothes was coming off, no time was wasted. and when we both were done that was it.

    so maybe that wasnt the norm, but i sure wish this situation would be like that if we are fuck buddies....i dunno, i just sense if i did that she would get hurt, she says she has been raped and have feel used before.

    we are hanging out tomorrow........how should i act? just fuck her and dont let the little stuff get in the way?
     
  29. D_Teasdale Tittithorne

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    You've gotten all this great advice, but it seems you're going back into each meeting asking the same old question. And I don't think 'just fuck her' is the right attitude anymore, but just go with the flow. Sheesh.
     
  30. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    I still think that regardless of what she says or what you say there is romance between you two. Maybe it isn't conscious. But it's there.

    You say that you have had two fuck buddies. The other one sounds like a true fuck buddy. Just sex. No kissing, cuddling or holding hands... just sex. Didn't even know her last name. That is a fuck buddy.

    This girl you like being around and have more going on than just sex - even if those things lead to sex. There is some sort of emotional bond there. IMHO, this is especially true for her in light of her getting raped. In my experience a lot of people who were raped have a hard time opening back up to sex. Heck, half the time they are afraid to even admit it. But with you it seems that she is totally confident and comfortable with you to tell you that and to feels safe enough with you to be sexual with her after a traumatic event like that.

    I still have a strong suspicion that she really is all over you and really has some deep emotional feelings for you. I truly do not think that she views you as just a fuck buddy. I think that she senses that you may view her that way and thus she is holding her feelings about you back. But, I could be wrong. That is just my opinion based on what you have said.

    I'm not really into having a fuck buddy and have no experience with it. I don't know the ins-and-outs and the rules. However, I think what it boils down to is this. If you find someone else and she is no longer your fuck buddy and she is hurt... how will you feel about that? Will your conscience be able to live on knowing that she is hurt because she did have feelings for you and you hurt her? If so, then go ahead and do what you like. If you think that your conscience cannot handle seeing her hurt, then you need to come clean and see exactly how she feels about you and decide where to take it from there. I think this is an issue of what you think your conscience can handle. What can you live with? When you find that out, I think the answer to this dilemma will be easy.
     
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