If Monty Python were around today...

mindseye · Mar 26, 2005

Code:

Michael Schiavo&#58; &#39;Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
The Schindlers&#58; We&#39;re closin&#39; for lunch.
Michael Schiavo&#58; Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this
         woman what I married not half an hour ago from this 
         very family.
The Schindlers&#58; Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What&#39;s,uh...What&#39;s
         wrong with &#39;er?
Michael Schiavo&#58; I&#39;ll tell you what&#39;s wrong with &#39;er, my lad. She&#39;s 
         brain-dead, that&#39;s what&#39;s wrong with &#39;er&#33;
The Schindlers&#58; No, no, she&#39;s uh,...she&#39;s resting.
Michael Schiavo&#58; Look, matey, I know a brain-dead woman when I see one, 
         and I&#39;m looking at one right now.
The Schindlers&#58; No, no, she&#39;s not brain-dead, she&#39;s, she&#39;s restin&#39;&#33;
         Remarkable woman, the Norwegian Blue, idn&#39;it, ay?
         Beautiful plumage&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; The plumage don&#39;t enter into it. She&#39;s stone dead.
The Schindlers&#58; Nononono, no, no&#33; She&#39;s resting&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; All right then, if she&#39;s restin&#39;, I&#39;ll wake her up&#33;
         &#39;Ello, Miss Terri&#33; I&#39;ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish 
         for you if you show...&#40;The Schindlers hit the bed&#41;
The Schindlers&#58; There, she moved&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; No, she didn&#39;t, that was you hitting the bed&#33;
The Schindlers&#58; I never&#33;&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; Yes, you did&#33;
The Schindlers&#58; I never, never did anything...
Michael Schiavo&#58; &#39;ELLO TERRI&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Testing&#33; Testing&#33; Testing&#33; Testing&#33; 
         This is your nine o&#39;clock alarm call&#33;


&#40;Michael thumps Terri&#39;s head on the counter.&#41;

Michael Schiavo&#58; Now that&#39;s what I call a brain-dead woman.
The Schindlers&#58; No, no.....No, she&#39;s stunned&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; STUNNED?&#33;?
The Schindlers&#58; Yeah&#33; You stunned her, just as she was wakin&#39; up&#33;
         Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Michael Schiavo&#58; Um...now look...now look, mate, I&#39;ve definitely &#39;ad 
         enough of this. That woman is definitely deceased, and
         when I married &#39;er not &#39;alf an hour ago, you assured me
         that its total lack of movement was due to it bein&#39;
         tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
The Schindlers&#58; Well, she&#39;s...she&#39;s, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Michael Schiavo&#58; PININ&#39; for the FJORDS?&#33;?&#33;?&#33;? What kind of talk is that?,
         look, why did she fall flat on &#39;er back the moment I got
         &#39;er home?
The Schindlers&#58; The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin&#39; on it&#39;s back&#33;
         Remarkable woman, id&#39;nit, squire? Lovely plumage&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; Look, I took the liberty of examining that woman when I
         got her home, and I discovered the only reason that she
         had been sitting upright in the first place was that she
         had been NAILED that way.
The Schindlers&#58; Well, o&#39;course she was nailed there&#33; If I hadn&#39;t nailed
         her down, she would have nuzzled up to the window, and
         VOOM&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; &#34;VOOM&#34;?&#33;? Mate, this woman wouldn&#39;t &#34;voom&#34; if you put four
         million volts through her&#33; She&#39;s bleedin&#39; demised&#33;
The Schindlers&#58; No no&#33; She&#39;s pining&#33;
Michael Schiavo&#58; She&#39;s not pinin&#39;&#33; She&#39;s passed on&#33; This woman is no more&#33;
         She has ceased to be&#33; She&#39;s expired and gone to meet &#39;er 
         maker&#33; She&#39;s a stiff&#33; Bereft of life, she rests in peace&#33;
         If you hadn&#39;t nailed &#39;er to the chair she&#39;d be pushing up
         the daisies&#33; Her metabolic processes are now history&#33; 
         She&#39;s off the twig&#33; She&#39;s kicked the bucket, shuffled off
         &#39;er mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the
         bleedin&#39; choir invisibile&#33;&#33; THIS IS AN EX-PERSON&#33;&#33;

Jonesboy99 · Apr 10, 2005

Originally posted by mindseye@Mar 27 2005, 03:13 AM

Code:

Michael Schiavo: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. The Schindlers: Â We're closin' for lunch. Michael Schiavo: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â woman what I married not half an hour ago from this Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â very family. The Schindlers: Â Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â wrong with 'er? Michael Schiavo: I'll tell you what's wrong with 'er, my lad. She's Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â brain-dead, that's what's wrong with 'er! The Schindlers: Â No, no, she's uh,...she's resting. Michael Schiavo: Look, matey, I know a brain-dead woman when I see one, Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â and I'm looking at one right now. The Schindlers: Â No, no, she's not brain-dead, she's, she's restin'! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Remarkable woman, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Beautiful plumage! Michael Schiavo: The plumage don't enter into it. She's stone dead. The Schindlers: Â Nononono, no, no! She's resting! Michael Schiavo: All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 'Ello, Miss Terri! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â for you if you show...(The Schindlers hit the bed) The Schindlers: Â There, she moved! Michael Schiavo: No, she didn't, that was you hitting the bed! The Schindlers: Â I never!! Michael Schiavo: Yes, you did! The Schindlers: Â I never, never did anything... Michael Schiavo: 'ELLO TERRI!!!!! Â Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Michael thumps Terri's head on the counter.) Michael Schiavo: Now that's what I call a brain-dead woman. The Schindlers: Â No, no.....No, she's stunned! Michael Schiavo: STUNNED?!? The Schindlers: Â Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was wakin' up! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Norwegian Blues stun easily, major. Michael Schiavo: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â enough of this. Â That woman is definitely deceased, and Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â when I married 'er not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk. The Schindlers: Â Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. Michael Schiavo: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â look, why did she fall flat on 'er back the moment I got Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 'er home? The Schindlers: Â The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Remarkable woman, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage! Michael Schiavo: Look, I took the liberty of examining that woman when I Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â got her home, and I discovered the only reason that she Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â had been sitting upright in the first place was that she Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â had been NAILED that way. The Schindlers: Â Well, o'course she was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â her down, she would have nuzzled up to the window, and Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â VOOM! Michael Schiavo: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this woman wouldn't "voom" if you put four Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â million volts through her! Â She's bleedin' demised! The Schindlers: Â No no! She's pining! Michael Schiavo: She's not pinin'! She's passed on! This woman is no more! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet 'er Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â If you hadn't nailed 'er to the chair she'd be pushing up Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â the daisies! Her metabolic processes are now history! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â She's off the twig! She's kicked the bucket, shuffled off Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 'er mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PERSON!!

[post=294307]Quoted post[/post]

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headbang8 · Apr 11, 2005

Brilliant, mindseye.

mindseye · Apr 11, 2005

Originally posted by headbang8@Apr 11 2005, 07:21 PM
Brilliant, mindseye.
[post=299807]Quoted post[/post]
Click to expand...

Incidentally, Terry Schiavo's doing pretty good these days...

Imported · Apr 12, 2005

carolinacurious: "has joined the bleedin' choir invisible" and "Oh, intercourse the bloody penguin!" are my two favorite python phrases. I never have understood why the penguin sketch wasn't more popular.

If Monty Python were around today...

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