(For the spelling nazis out there, with apologies to Shaw...)
COMPACT LANGUAGE
Whereas on this data did assemble &C,
The Committee for the Revision of English Orthography
and Legibility Enhancement
to decree that our language is inefficient,
and that seven years would be enough to fix it:
I. The first year, they said "Q" was really "K" -- a maskerade that after so many years must be kwickly kwelled.
II. The second year, they said to kwit using "X" when we meant "KS" or "Z." Our alphabetic eckstravagance was kwite eckstreme and so we should eksamine our literary kwirks.
III. "C," the said the third year, was redundant; "K" or "S" worked ekwally well, and sinse the only kase other than these was "CH," the "H" was eckstra there. Cange is good for our sosiety, they told us, but we bekame suspishius.
IV. The foorth yeer, thaa simplifiid graatlee the vowlz bii reeplaasing ol vowlz with standurd kombinaashunz. This, thaa sed, woud maak owr langwidj moor foonetik, Hwotever that meenz.
V. Th fith yeer, thaa pasd a law that eliminaatd siilnt letrz. Hwii riit them, thaa askd, if noobodee bothrz tou proonowns them? (During th saam yer, th souisiid raat dubld.)
VI. X sikx yeer, xaa uuzd xooz obsooleet letrz "X" and "Q" tou reeplaas x kombinaaqnz "TH" and "SH," respektivlee. Xaa sed xis woud kompaktifii owr ritn langwj and konsurv owr nacrl reesoorsz. (Oonli wun nuuzpaapr haz manijd tou kontinuu xrou ol xis, X Naqnl Enkwiirr. Plaaboi iz stil in
egzistns, but it noo longr kareez anee tekst.)
VII. xsevnxandfiinlyeerxkomiteedsiiddtourimouvolspaassandpunkcouaqnandxus
kompaktifiixlangwjtouitslojikaleksteemfiinleexaasedweehavlangwjxatizfonetik
kompaktandubuvoleezeetoulurn
xenxbomzkaamanduginxpeeplwurhapee
COMPACT LANGUAGE
Whereas on this data did assemble &C,
The Committee for the Revision of English Orthography
and Legibility Enhancement
to decree that our language is inefficient,
and that seven years would be enough to fix it:
I. The first year, they said "Q" was really "K" -- a maskerade that after so many years must be kwickly kwelled.
II. The second year, they said to kwit using "X" when we meant "KS" or "Z." Our alphabetic eckstravagance was kwite eckstreme and so we should eksamine our literary kwirks.
III. "C," the said the third year, was redundant; "K" or "S" worked ekwally well, and sinse the only kase other than these was "CH," the "H" was eckstra there. Cange is good for our sosiety, they told us, but we bekame suspishius.
IV. The foorth yeer, thaa simplifiid graatlee the vowlz bii reeplaasing ol vowlz with standurd kombinaashunz. This, thaa sed, woud maak owr langwidj moor foonetik, Hwotever that meenz.
V. Th fith yeer, thaa pasd a law that eliminaatd siilnt letrz. Hwii riit them, thaa askd, if noobodee bothrz tou proonowns them? (During th saam yer, th souisiid raat dubld.)
VI. X sikx yeer, xaa uuzd xooz obsooleet letrz "X" and "Q" tou reeplaas x kombinaaqnz "TH" and "SH," respektivlee. Xaa sed xis woud kompaktifii owr ritn langwj and konsurv owr nacrl reesoorsz. (Oonli wun nuuzpaapr haz manijd tou kontinuu xrou ol xis, X Naqnl Enkwiirr. Plaaboi iz stil in
egzistns, but it noo longr kareez anee tekst.)
VII. xsevnxandfiinlyeerxkomiteedsiiddtourimouvolspaassandpunkcouaqnandxus
kompaktifiixlangwjtouitslojikaleksteemfiinleexaasedweehavlangwjxatizfonetik
kompaktandubuvoleezeetoulurn
xenxbomzkaamanduginxpeeplwurhapee