If ur gay and "out" did u "come out" or....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by thadjock, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. thadjock

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    this thread is prompted by a post i read over at this thread:

    Post your Secret.. - Page 16

    Was there a moment when you made an announcement to family or friends or did they just catch on to you hanging out with guys (or girls if ur a lesbian).

    or maybe you actually got caught with a dude, or maybe it just became common knowledge w/o you ever stating it?

    I've met alot of gay guys who have major baggage over confronting the moment that they'd tell parents (& friends, other family etc) I never felt the need to tell anybody or make it "official" , so i never had that angst or pressure, i just did what i wanted and let other people figure me out on their own terms.

    I also didn't have what most people would consider a conventional family structure & childhood so maybe that made it easiser to be non conformist with my sex too, and not feel out of place. I always had full support and encouragement from my dad to be independent and an individual and think for myself in everything, so the fear of being rejected by family for who i am never even occured to me. I know not everybody has such smart parents though.

    I was going to attach a poll to this but the options required seemed infinite. (if somebody want's to suggest one I'll consider it and maybe add it) so we'll keep it simple:

    What's your story?
     
    #1 thadjock, Dec 17, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2009
  2. ubered

    ubered New Member

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    Heya!

    Nice thread!

    I came out when I was 14 to my brothers and sisters (all older). At 17, I was planning to tell my parents, but my Dad kind of engineered a conversation to ask me if I'd ever had feelings for members of the same sex. It was pretty awkward, as we were in the car doing 85 mph on the M62 (big motorway) at the time. Not wanting to cause an accident, I told him we'd talk about it some other time, but that I had no problems with my sexuality. We talked about it later and, contrary to all expectations, he was a complete star about it. He did have his first smoke in 25 years though...

    My Mum was teary. Oh so teary! She was fine in the end too though, she was just worried that people would discriminate against me for my sexuality and that I'd be unhappy because of society's reactions.

    I have to say I've been really lucky, and my parents are the best. I'd really like to have not had to come out though - I much prefer the idea of just letting people clock it with time; after all, it is kind of a private issue. On the other hand, my parents suspected and were worried I was having a hard time with it, so coming out was kinder as at least it put their minds at rest that I was OK with things. I think coming out should be taken on a case by case basis - every situation is different. :smile:
     
  3. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    I actually had to "come out", though I though it was evident I was gay. I was in a relationship and thinking about telling my parents. My bf of that time had bought me a ring which I used to take off everytime I was with my parents. Once, I forgot and they saw it... and the storm broke into the house. My mom tried to convince me that me being gay could be temporary. My dad didn't speak to me for two weeks and had to see a psychologist (?!) for 6 months.

    What shocked me was that they ARE very open towards homosexuality, but I suppose it's not the same when it is IN you house...

    Now everything is sorted out. I left my bf of that time (he was a jerk!). My present-day bf has a great relationship with my parents and they love him. Yey!
     
  4. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    Hey, ubered, I was first!!
     
  5. thadjock

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    ya i've heard that from other friends that it was their mom that took the news the hardest.

    I dont' have a strong relationship with my mom ( not much of one at all to be honest, mostly just due to her not being around) so I don't think she was affected much by my orientation. it's my dad who is very much both parents when it comes to protecting and defending his pups, so i always knew it wouldn't be a problem.
     
  6. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    by the way, I was joking... ;-)
     
  7. thadjock

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    I always have to laugh when i hear people say if you're gay you can change or somehow be reprogrammed. it doesn't work that way!

    if you're gay u know it's not a choice, I knew i had an attraction to guys from very early on, even b4 i knew what sex was.

    anyway sorry you had to go through that period but I"m happy for you that everything is good now.

    my dad's going to meet my current mate for the first time over xmas, i can't wait!
     
  8. avalonlovelove

    avalonlovelove New Member

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    I came out in 2007 waited for 26 years to finally admit who I was.There were always subtle things I noticed dancing around to Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey when I was younger or striking poses just goofing off at times.I also noticed I was developing some kind of feelings towards the boys I knew in Elementary School.

    Even then I knew there was something different about me but I just thought it was a PHASE at that young of an age.

    I came out in 2007 thankfully my parents were very compassionate and loving about it it's also helped our relationships with one another.I know that sadly there are some who come out and their parents kick them out.I feel for them .

    My mom though worries about me a lot im her little boy in her eyes and I think like any mother shes afraid for me but supports me no matter what. It'll be so great when one day I can walk down my street in my town without having to watch my back no one knows I am gay here and the gays that are here act like they are in hiding pretty sad.
     
  9. D_Smidley Smelliepits

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    it's alright. it was hard, but after some months, things went back to normal and now we have a great relationship (they're paying for the drinks for our wedding next year! good sign, isn't it?)

    I bet it's gonna be great, according to what you say about your dad. Congrats! :smile:
     
  10. ubered

    ubered New Member

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    That is the scariest avatar I've ever seen.

    So let me get this straight: dancing around to Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston in your room striking poses only aroused SUSPICIONS??!! :biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:
     
  11. thadjock

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    either that or they want to make sure eveybody gets solidly ripped and won't remember they were at a gay wedding!

    j/k congrats on taking the big step (marriage)

    i feel so retarded and immature now, still dating after all these years!
     
  12. thadjock

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    ur sharing my brain now, are u my formerly conjoined twin?
     
  13. ubered

    ubered New Member

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    Sorry, that wasn't meant for you Bardak. You're dreamy (and too damn fast)!:smile:
     
  14. ubered

    ubered New Member

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    Nope. But conjoining could be arranged :07:
     
  15. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    I had thought about it... :biggrin1:

    thanks! :smile: it's not that big, though... living together for 4 and a half years now!
     
  16. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    Even though i like Mariah Carey too...
     
  17. thadjock

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    seriously u might want to rethink the avatar, i can deal with most of it, it's just the eye holes that are really disturbing....

    otherwise you make a great point, there are alot of gay kids who get disowned by parents and family, and end up on the street or resorting to suicide it's deplorable.

    I think attitudes are changing, and i think the internet at least gives kids some sense that they're not alone or the only one that is going through it. where i live it's not really a big deal but i know in some parts of the US and the middle east it's very unforgiving culture.
     
  18. midlifebear

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    Told my mother when I was 14 during a heated argument. She was pissed that I had so many girl friends.

    Me mommy: "You've got so many girl friends you're beginning to act like them."

    Me: "That's probably because I'm a screaming queen."

    Me mommy: "No! You're not!"

    Me: "Yes! I am!"

    My mother spent years in therapy paying psychiatrists to tell her that she wasn't to blame. She wasn't. I never implied that she was. But for my 16th birthday I was kicked out of a "loving mormon home environment" to fend for myself: 1. Because years earlier I had decided (quite correctly) that my mother's belief system was stranger than 600 sheep; and 2. Because I refused to see a therapist and try to "change."

    I hear that youngsters today have it easier. I'm not so certain about that. Otherwise, I wouldn't run into so many ex mormon emotional cripples who want a lover, blow job, and to get fucked senseless just so they can hate themselves in the morning.
     
  19. thadjock

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    that red part, my reaction: oh no u di-unt! i'm a little bit jealous of people who's lives could be a stage production without any embellishment whatsoever.

    the green part: that's religion, a whole different can of worms, don't even get me started on that one.

    in case u were wondering i was inspired by your sig. i think i'll add red and green to every post throughout the hoilday season. ....or maybe not it's kind of a pain....
     
  20. avalonlovelove

    avalonlovelove New Member

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    :rolleyes: Uh huh no I think my parents probably had a hunch long before I actually came out but they never said anything about it. I also liked Grease and watched it too many times to count that should have been a tipoff 2 lol

    thadjock: Why bother looks seem to be the only thing important here anyway so I dont care either way.:rolleyes:
     
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