D_Smidley Smelliepits
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Yeah, that bloody idea of pigeonholding people as anything... really drives me mad
If ur gay and "out" did u "come out" or....
- Thread starter thadjock
- Start date
Yeah, that bloody idea of pigeonholding people as anything... really drives me mad
well i'd rather cornhole u than pigeonhole u.
though i might hold your pigeon while we do it.
Last edited:
D_Smidley Smelliepits
Account Disabled
sorry that i missed this when it was posted, and it took me a while to flow chart the relationship tree, but it's an interesting path your news took. I can understand why you now prefer to "own" the reveal. I think it just depends on your environment, and anything that makes you happy is good for the soul.
masked_marauder
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(Sorry if it's a bit long. It was much longer after I wrote the entire narrative; this is the condensed version that one of my best friends helped me edit. Hope it's worth your time.)
I decided I needed to "come out" to those I was close to rather than just let them try to figure it out themselves because I felt it was best for my own confidence and happiness.
I grew up in Texas, outside Dallas. My family is pretty religious (more now than before). I was raised Catholic, went to Sunday school every year of grade school, took my first communion, was confirmed, as was my younger sister. Rather than being entirely forceful on us, my parents just took us along to church and Sunday school and didn't really try to teach us anything beyond that (i.e. - preach to us at home). Even so, it seemed to me that I was required to follow church teachings in my life or my parents would be very disappointed in me.
The first I can remember having sexual thoughts about others always had to do with men (well, boys at that time). This must have been when I was 10 or 11, I guess. I knew there were other kids who were "going out" in straight pairs, but I just wasn't interested. I remember discovering jerking off when I was in 6th grade (even though my technique was rather unconventional for a couple years before I figured out the "standard" manner). My fantasies always had to do with guys at school: gym class visions, in-class day dreams, etc.
Anyway, I was really afraid of these thoughts. I convinced myself that it was a phase, though deep down I knew it wasn't. I'm sure this was a reaction to my Catholic upbringing. Even though no one at church ever said anything degrading about homosexuals (as far as I remember), it still felt like it was something I wasn't supposed to be.
As middle school continued, I tried to date girls, however, none would date me (I had been tagged as someone not to befriend, something to do with me being tall and nerdy and really smart, though there were some other reasons that to this day I can't put my finger on). I still didn't really have any friends in high school. I knew people, but it was very much at arm's length. My sister was the popular one. All I had was my studies.
When I graduated high school, I thought that maybe I could finally be myself. I was going to college at a school about 5 hours away, but still in-state. Problem was, despite being a large school, I was in the marching band, and about 20 people I knew from high school were also at that school and most were in the marching band with me. I lost all my courage to come out, and settled back into myself for a few years.
Finally, I decided that I had to be happy. I needed to accept who I am, cuz that was the only way. I saw that the student counseling center on campus was advertising intakes for students concerned about sexual orientation issues, as part of GLBT awareness week. I went in for my intake and the psychologist was wonderful. We talked for a while about what I felt, any confusion I might have had, and what I needed to do for myself to be happy. She told me after a few appointments that I really had my head together about who I am. My focus was more on how I tell the world about me and change my life to include the real me.
Well, anyway, not long after coming out to my best friend (which went fairly well), I decided to tell my sister. I felt of anyone in the family, I could tell her and she would support me. She was shocked. She said she had no idea, and would have to have time to get her head around it, as she put it. I thought it would only be a matter of time.
The summer before I graduated from grad school, I confronted my sister about her feelings about me. She had been a little distant and she had never really told me if she accepted me or not. I wanted to be sure so she could help me come out to my parents. What she told me really hurt me: she said she loved me, but she would never be okay with it. I couldn't believe it.
It was another 6 months before I could come out to my parents. I had been talking to a friend from LPSG who gave me advice and discussed different situations that could put me at ease for the coming out. (He later became my husband :biggrin1
I waited until I graduated from college and had a job lined up. It was to take me away to Washington, DC, out of Texas and away from my past life. I finally felt like I could close the door on that life and start the new one, and I wanted to do that by coming out to my parents. I did it New Year's Day, 2007. I had been stewing for a week, cuz I knew I was ready by Christmas, but I didn't want to "ruin" the holiday with my news.
I was 25. I sat in the living room, unwrapping the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, rather slowly, and told my parents I wanted to talk to them. My dad turned off the TV, which he doesn't do unless it's something serious. I was immediately flustered. I don't remember what I said leading up to it, but I finished with telling them that I'm gay. They looked at me, then each other, and then my mom told me that they had talked about the possibility, and had been expecting it. They weren't surprised; maybe just a little "moved" at having it confirmed. Mom said she was sad at the thought of what I might have to go through for the rest of my life. Dad wasn't happy; he felt it was his fault, that he hadn't been a good enough father. He said he would always pray for a miracle to change me.
Mom is wonderful. She calls and we have lengthy chats. She came for my wedding to my husband, with a couple sisters and her mom. She tells me she loves both of us. My dad and my sister don't acknowledge my orientation, or the fact that I have a husband. We talk every so often, and they tell me they love me, but it feels a bit hollow. I do what I can to keep things open between us, and it's ok, but I still hurt to know they don't want me to be me.
Im moving on with my life and am trying to focus on being happy. It can be difficult, but I have friends (and some family, including a wonderful husband) to help me through it. :smile:
I decided I needed to "come out" to those I was close to rather than just let them try to figure it out themselves because I felt it was best for my own confidence and happiness.
I grew up in Texas, outside Dallas. My family is pretty religious (more now than before). I was raised Catholic, went to Sunday school every year of grade school, took my first communion, was confirmed, as was my younger sister. Rather than being entirely forceful on us, my parents just took us along to church and Sunday school and didn't really try to teach us anything beyond that (i.e. - preach to us at home). Even so, it seemed to me that I was required to follow church teachings in my life or my parents would be very disappointed in me.
The first I can remember having sexual thoughts about others always had to do with men (well, boys at that time). This must have been when I was 10 or 11, I guess. I knew there were other kids who were "going out" in straight pairs, but I just wasn't interested. I remember discovering jerking off when I was in 6th grade (even though my technique was rather unconventional for a couple years before I figured out the "standard" manner). My fantasies always had to do with guys at school: gym class visions, in-class day dreams, etc.
Anyway, I was really afraid of these thoughts. I convinced myself that it was a phase, though deep down I knew it wasn't. I'm sure this was a reaction to my Catholic upbringing. Even though no one at church ever said anything degrading about homosexuals (as far as I remember), it still felt like it was something I wasn't supposed to be.
As middle school continued, I tried to date girls, however, none would date me (I had been tagged as someone not to befriend, something to do with me being tall and nerdy and really smart, though there were some other reasons that to this day I can't put my finger on). I still didn't really have any friends in high school. I knew people, but it was very much at arm's length. My sister was the popular one. All I had was my studies.
When I graduated high school, I thought that maybe I could finally be myself. I was going to college at a school about 5 hours away, but still in-state. Problem was, despite being a large school, I was in the marching band, and about 20 people I knew from high school were also at that school and most were in the marching band with me. I lost all my courage to come out, and settled back into myself for a few years.
Finally, I decided that I had to be happy. I needed to accept who I am, cuz that was the only way. I saw that the student counseling center on campus was advertising intakes for students concerned about sexual orientation issues, as part of GLBT awareness week. I went in for my intake and the psychologist was wonderful. We talked for a while about what I felt, any confusion I might have had, and what I needed to do for myself to be happy. She told me after a few appointments that I really had my head together about who I am. My focus was more on how I tell the world about me and change my life to include the real me.
Well, anyway, not long after coming out to my best friend (which went fairly well), I decided to tell my sister. I felt of anyone in the family, I could tell her and she would support me. She was shocked. She said she had no idea, and would have to have time to get her head around it, as she put it. I thought it would only be a matter of time.
The summer before I graduated from grad school, I confronted my sister about her feelings about me. She had been a little distant and she had never really told me if she accepted me or not. I wanted to be sure so she could help me come out to my parents. What she told me really hurt me: she said she loved me, but she would never be okay with it. I couldn't believe it.
It was another 6 months before I could come out to my parents. I had been talking to a friend from LPSG who gave me advice and discussed different situations that could put me at ease for the coming out. (He later became my husband :biggrin1
I waited until I graduated from college and had a job lined up. It was to take me away to Washington, DC, out of Texas and away from my past life. I finally felt like I could close the door on that life and start the new one, and I wanted to do that by coming out to my parents. I did it New Year's Day, 2007. I had been stewing for a week, cuz I knew I was ready by Christmas, but I didn't want to "ruin" the holiday with my news.I was 25. I sat in the living room, unwrapping the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, rather slowly, and told my parents I wanted to talk to them. My dad turned off the TV, which he doesn't do unless it's something serious. I was immediately flustered. I don't remember what I said leading up to it, but I finished with telling them that I'm gay. They looked at me, then each other, and then my mom told me that they had talked about the possibility, and had been expecting it. They weren't surprised; maybe just a little "moved" at having it confirmed. Mom said she was sad at the thought of what I might have to go through for the rest of my life. Dad wasn't happy; he felt it was his fault, that he hadn't been a good enough father. He said he would always pray for a miracle to change me.
Mom is wonderful. She calls and we have lengthy chats. She came for my wedding to my husband, with a couple sisters and her mom. She tells me she loves both of us. My dad and my sister don't acknowledge my orientation, or the fact that I have a husband. We talk every so often, and they tell me they love me, but it feels a bit hollow. I do what I can to keep things open between us, and it's ok, but I still hurt to know they don't want me to be me.
Im moving on with my life and am trying to focus on being happy. It can be difficult, but I have friends (and some family, including a wonderful husband) to help me through it. :smile:
I didn't necessarily come out, since all I have in the way of family is my sister and her eldest son.
I simply started using the word "gay" and decided one day that I was not going to feel guilt over who and what I am. I talk about it, I comment on how attractive men are but I do not carry on and verbalize any man lust I feel with my sister. She is very liberal and open minded but I do not feel comfortable putting my personal business all out there when she is around. We do have talks on occasion and coming from a somewhat conservative southern christian family, we consider the fact the we acknowledge my super Mo powers to be progressive.
Both of my parents passed years ago, so in that regard I consider myself to be very fortunate. Dad was a minister and the whole gay thing would have broken both their hearts.
My two brothers refuse to speak to me or my sister. They hate me in fact. I made the effort recently to reconnect with my eldest brother's son and that didn't go well as he stopped returning my emails after he told his father that I had made contact.
I won't be making that mistake again.
I simply started using the word "gay" and decided one day that I was not going to feel guilt over who and what I am. I talk about it, I comment on how attractive men are but I do not carry on and verbalize any man lust I feel with my sister. She is very liberal and open minded but I do not feel comfortable putting my personal business all out there when she is around. We do have talks on occasion and coming from a somewhat conservative southern christian family, we consider the fact the we acknowledge my super Mo powers to be progressive.
Both of my parents passed years ago, so in that regard I consider myself to be very fortunate. Dad was a minister and the whole gay thing would have broken both their hearts.
My two brothers refuse to speak to me or my sister. They hate me in fact. I made the effort recently to reconnect with my eldest brother's son and that didn't go well as he stopped returning my emails after he told his father that I had made contact.
I won't be making that mistake again.
no need to apologize, that's what this thread is all about. everybody has a different story to share, mine happens to be very dull and boring compared to alot of people's posting here.
religious conflict seems to be a recurring theme in several,
it suks that religion often comes between families on this one issue.
yours was a nice read at any length. the positive part about almost every story here is that in the end people have found their way to happiness, with people who care about them, even if it's not their biological family.
D_Gunther Snotpole
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All that was quite moving, Mr. M.
I admire your courage and the fact you always focused on moving forward, even if some of the steps were small ones.
I have a hunch your father will come around ... you are his son.
Your sister's reaction is a bit surprising.
I hope she comes to realize that you're just accepting something ... not choosing it ... and that the whole issue is a trifle in the sibling connection.
family dynamics are freaky things, the one major problem i have with family is longstanding and happend way b4 it was known i was gay so i know that has nothing to do with it. i dont' think it will ever be resolved, and at this point it's more or less "out of sight out of mind" but it doesnt' stop me from thinking i somehow could fix it,
like you contacting your nephew, i've had similar experiences and it just baffles me how adults can build walls so thick.
I "came out" as 10% gay on this website when I first discovered it. But over the last year, I've found that coming out is a continual process so now I'm actually 20% gay! I'm wondering if I'm on here for another couple of years, I'll be completely gay! (I'm figuring how to explain this to my g/f)
I "came out" as 10% gay on this website when I first discovered it. But over the last year, I've found that coming out is a continual process so now I'm actually 20% gay! I'm wondering if I'm on here for another couple of years, I'll be completely gay! (I'm figuring how to explain this to my g/f)
yeah not many people know this but the internet was created to deliver subliminal mind control messages to turn most men gay in order to control world population.
PS it won't take as long as 2 more yrs for u
B_jeepguy2
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Great idea! I had a college roomate who was a Navy officer and he told me that if the US Navy kicked all of the gays out they would be stuck at the dock. LOL
