How many of us have told the family or friends about being into men and women? Has it changes the way the act toward you. I have heard some of you say your wife or girlfriends are cool with it and even have three ways and group sex. Did the relationship stay healthy after that?
I'm with silvertriumph2 - it's really difficult to be openly bisexual because of all the misconception and resulting discrimination surrounding our orientation. There's the sense of not fitting in anywhere because where we do fit in is a secret society where the membership is invisible. I think that what makes this situation even harder is that most bi men aren't really looking for close friendship because it would lead to their bisexuality being known...so it's easier to have the casual roll in the hay and then disappear again (this is based on my experience in my country - it is not a global observation).
With that said and done, I realised that I was fully bi about six months ago - needless to say that it came as a huge shock. What made it even more difficult was the fact that I had a sense of having to face it on my own - not much information and certainly noone out there to talk to (in real life) and try to find answers. My own sense of difficulty led me to the decision that I was not willing to go in hiding...if my journey was able to help others through my being open about it, then good!
My wife and about 90% of my friends know. They're all 100% cool with everything. The only change that has taken place with my relationships with my friends is that we have grown closer and more open with each other. They have been nothing but an amazingly supportive and caring structure that I am able to turn to. My wife has had me floored from the moment that I've outed myself to her and our marriage is at it's strongest and happiest than it's ever been - we are more deeply in love with each other.
As for your question surrounding 3-somes...last week my wife and I had some serious talks about my having sexual relationships with men - she's told me that she won't have a problem with it if I need to go down that road...but she aint having any threesomes and in all honesty, I am relieved about it because there'd be too much self consciousness etc.
I am not rushing into anything, nor am I willing to go down that road unless I need to and above all else, unless I find a man that I can truly love (and who loves me in return) to the point where we would like to give ourselves over to each other as an expression of that love. I am realistic enough to know that it may never happen, and I am fine with it...however, I am not willing to settle for less. So in that sense, the wife knows that it wouldn't be a casual thing: It would be along term loving relationship.
I haven't told my family...for now it's because my Mom underwent major surgery not too long ago and she's still recovering from it - I don't think that she's ready for such a shocker. I will be honest when I say that I don't know if I will come out to them. I don't have a relationship with most of them, they don't know me in so many respects and vice versa, so what's the point?
If you are asking these questions in order to determine how to go about outing yourself, my only advice is take your time. Don't do it unless you fully understand what it entails - you don't have to know all of the details, but if you are able to make bisexuality understandable it makes things easier.
Things that have helped me has been to be graphic in your experience: The pain, confusion etc. It helps you find answers that you seek and it helps that are of value to you to become part of your journey and to walk closely with you. It also helps break the myth that we're either greedy or confused - that we want to have our cake and eat it or we don't want to commit to being either straight or gay.
No matter how difficult the questions may be when your wife etc. asks them, try to answer as sensitively but as honestly as you possible can - you don't want to turn her into a basket case, but you also want her to know that you aren't leading a deceptive life...this will go a long way, I assure you.
All of the best.
Today, although I am divorded, I am single and not attached, and outwardly live a hetero life style.
And all this time I thought you were hitched!
Well, sad to say, situations sometimes change. I didn't mention that I had been in a LTR, for at present it is a very sensitive situation and I didn't want to confuse things. It has nothing to do with the fact that we both are BI, or is it in any way related to anything sexual. So, our sexual orientation has nothing to do with our problem.
But, yes, for the moment it is on hold. We love each other very much so everything is amicable and we still remain each other's best friend. We
talk a couple times a day, and each hopes and prays that our differences will be settled and that we will be reconciled. Earl, please send some good vibes our way. :smile:
There's the sense of not fitting in anywhere because where we do fit in is a secret society where the membership is invisible. I think that what makes this situation even harder is that most bi men aren't really looking for close friendship because it would lead to their bisexuality being known...so it's easier to have the casual roll in the hay and then disappear again
So, true. I can only relate to my own marriage, but I never strayed, not once, during our marriage. I had urges, yes, but I never followed through on them. After the marriage, I was definitely looking for a close friendship or partner, and not just a roll in the hay. That was never my style.
I had a sense of having to face it on my own - not much information and certainly noone out there to talk to (in real life) and try to find answers. My own sense of difficulty led me to the decision that I was not willing to go in hiding...if my journey was able to help others through my being open about it, then good!
I wish that I had your fortitude....but I guess I am just too weak in that I still am not able to take that big step and out myself.
I praise you for what you have done, which is more honest.
My wife and about 90% of my friends know. They're all 100% cool with everything. The only change that has taken place with my relationships with my friends is that we have grown closer and more open with each other. My wife has had me floored from the moment that I've outed myself to her and our marriage is at it's strongest and happiest than it's ever been - we are more deeply in love with each other.
You have a gem of a wife and wonderful friends. You must be on
heck of a guy! Hold on to that wife of yours....and your marriage.
It is something to be jealous of....
As for your question surrounding 3-somes.but she aint having any
threesomes and in all honesty, I am relieved about it because there'd be too much self consciousness etc.
Never, as far as I am concerned, something that should never even
be considered.
I am not rushing into anything, nor am I willing to go down that road unless I need to and above all else, unless I find a man that I can truly love (and who loves me in return) to the point where we would like to give ourselves over to each other as an expression of that love.
Right on.....it's the only way.
If you are asking these questions in order to determine how to go about outing yourself, my only advice is take your time. Don't do it unless you fully understand what it entails - you don't have to know all of the details, but if you are able to make bisexuality understandable it makes things easier.
Excellent advise.....
It also helps break the myth that we're either greedy or confused - that we want to have our cake and eat it or we don't want to commit to being either straight or gay.
Man, you hit the nail directly on the head! Well said!
No matter how difficult the questions may be when your wife etc. asks them, try to answer as sensitively but as honestly as you possible can - you don't want to turn her into a basket case, but you also want her to know that you aren't leading a deceptive life...this will go a long way, I assure you.
You are a wise man.....
.
Well that's as clear as mud. Sorry to hear that you two are separated - I hope you patch things up and cheer up. Here are some good vibes Silver. ~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
In the mean time are you footloose and fancy free?
I have told some close friends and obviosly people on this site know. This site was very easy for me to be honest and that is why I can never understand fakers. I have had a comment on my pics from someone who says they are 100% straight. The comment was of a sexual nature and when I challenged him he got shirty with me! why not be honest?
Right now I'm feeling quite depressed as I don't ever think I will lead a satisfactory life as long as I stay in the closet. However, I don't think I can tell many people, as I am sure they would not understand. I just don't know what to do.
....I've heard people say before that there is no such thing as being bi-sexual... it's just like a transition state that eventually leads to being fully homosexual... sexually attracted to only one sex... but I've never really thought that this was true...
.... I dunno... i'm just lost. hahaha... prolly why i'm still a virgin...