If you are bi does your family or friends know?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by actioncfc, Dec 10, 2007.

  1. actioncfc

    actioncfc Active Member

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    How many of us have told the family or friends about being into men and women? Has it changes the way the act toward you. I have heard some of you say your wife or girlfriends are cool with it and even have three ways and group sex. Did the relationship stay healthy after that?
     
  2. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    The fact that I'm bi is a closely guarded secret (due to the nature of my job). My circle of fuck buddies are in much the same situation, even to the point that we get together with gf/wives that aren't the wiser.
     
  3. Xavyon

    Xavyon New Member

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    I'm bi & most of my family & friends don't know. Of my family I have a few cousins that know, but that's it. Most of my friends don't know either. I've thought about tellin' my twin brother several times, but always decided against it. I would just rather not disclose that part of my life...I just figure it's only my business and the business of whoever I sleep with.
     
  4. prince_will

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    i am....but no one other than the people of this site know.
     
  5. silvertriumph2

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    I have to echo the words of Primal Savage.

    As a BI, I think that today, we must be even more secretive and in the closet, than is required by today's Gays.

    In the last decade, much has changed. Being Gay is less a problem now, although it is still not accepted by some. Society, the work place, the
    general populace, and even the religious bodies, are more accepting of Gays today, but this is definitely not true for BIs. Bi-sexuality is still a taboo, frowned upon, and greatly misunderstood by almost everyone. I believe that it will be a long time before this will change and being BI is accepted anywhere near that it is for Gays of today.

    As far as I know, none of my family members, nor my former wife, nor my son know that I am BI. It has been a closely guarded secret till this day and I have been very descrete and have given no reason for anyone to think otherwise. While I was married I was completely faithful and not once strayed. Today, although I am divorded, I am single and not attached, and outwardly live a hetero life style.

    I have a very select and small group of friends, both Gays and BIs, some who are married, date or have partners, who do know my situation and I theirs. We trust each other implicitly. And, as Primal Savage said, we couples interact with each other in a normal manner and the spouses and significant others are none the wiser.

    Hopefully, we too, will be able to come out of the closet and be free to be outselves. Until then, the closet is the safest place to be.
     
  6. biguy2738

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    I'm with silvertriumph2 - it's really difficult to be openly bisexual because of all the misconception and resulting discrimination surrounding our orientation. There's the sense of not fitting in anywhere because where we do fit in is a secret society where the membership is invisible. I think that what makes this situation even harder is that most bi men aren't really looking for close friendship because it would lead to their bisexuality being known...so it's easier to have the casual roll in the hay and then disappear again (this is based on my experience in my country - it is not a global observation).

    With that said and done, I realised that I was fully bi about six months ago - needless to say that it came as a huge shock. What made it even more difficult was the fact that I had a sense of having to face it on my own - not much information and certainly noone out there to talk to (in real life) and try to find answers. My own sense of difficulty led me to the decision that I was not willing to go in hiding...if my journey was able to help others through my being open about it, then good!

    My wife and about 90% of my friends know. They're all 100% cool with everything. The only change that has taken place with my relationships with my friends is that we have grown closer and more open with each other. They have been nothing but an amazingly supportive and caring structure that I am able to turn to. My wife has had me floored from the moment that I've outed myself to her and our marriage is at it's strongest and happiest than it's ever been - we are more deeply in love with each other.

    As for your question surrounding 3-somes...last week my wife and I had some serious talks about my having sexual relationships with men - she's told me that she won't have a problem with it if I need to go down that road...but she aint having any threesomes and in all honesty, I am relieved about it because there'd be too much self consciousness etc.

    I am not rushing into anything, nor am I willing to go down that road unless I need to and above all else, unless I find a man that I can truly love (and who loves me in return) to the point where we would like to give ourselves over to each other as an expression of that love. I am realistic enough to know that it may never happen, and I am fine with it...however, I am not willing to settle for less. So in that sense, the wife knows that it wouldn't be a casual thing: It would be along term loving relationship.

    I haven't told my family...for now it's because my Mom underwent major surgery not too long ago and she's still recovering from it - I don't think that she's ready for such a shocker. I will be honest when I say that I don't know if I will come out to them. I don't have a relationship with most of them, they don't know me in so many respects and vice versa, so what's the point?

    If you are asking these questions in order to determine how to go about outing yourself, my only advice is take your time. Don't do it unless you fully understand what it entails - you don't have to know all of the details, but if you are able to make bisexuality understandable it makes things easier.

    Things that have helped me has been to be graphic in your experience: The pain, confusion etc. It helps you find answers that you seek and it helps that are of value to you to become part of your journey and to walk closely with you. It also helps break the myth that we're either greedy or confused - that we want to have our cake and eat it or we don't want to commit to being either straight or gay.

    No matter how difficult the questions may be when your wife etc. asks them, try to answer as sensitively but as honestly as you possible can - you don't want to turn her into a basket case, but you also want her to know that you aren't leading a deceptive life...this will go a long way, I assure you.

    All of the best.
     
  7. actioncfc

    actioncfc Active Member

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    My hats off to you and your very cool wife! You took a very big leap and she caught you. That's LOVE!!!:biggrin1:


     
  8. salinger

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    Most of my friends/family know. I don't know that I could hide it. People don't really know when they meet me or anything. But I generally disclose it if I start a commitment with someone (of either gender). Can't imagine cheating on a spouse or anything like that, suppose that's why I'm not married.
     
  9. earllogjam

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    And all this time I thought you were hitched! :rolleyes:
     
  10. silvertriumph2

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    Well, sad to say, situations sometimes change. I didn't mention that I had been in a LTR, for at present it is a very sensitive situation and I didn't want to confuse things. It has nothing to do with the fact that we both are BI, or is it in any way related to anything sexual. So, our sexual orientation has nothing to do with our problem.

    But, yes, for the moment it is on hold. We love each other very much so everything is amicable and we still remain each other's best friend. We
    talk a couple times a day, and each hopes and prays that our differences will be settled and that we will be reconciled. Earl, please send some good vibes our way. :smile:

    I think I mentioned in an earlier thread that we each have GFs that we date, or Earl, maybe I PMed it to you. The women were aware, or partly aware, of our situation, and knew that any sexual relations with them would never lead to an attachment. Of course we enjoy the company of the women and have for many years, but I guess you might say that we also used them, and they used us, purely for sexual gratification....for us it was to satisfy that BI part of us. When we dated along with our other BI friends, we were just dating....the wives of the others were the ones that were not the wiser.

    I hope this explains things. I had not wanted to go into it, but I am glad that it came out. It is just another thing that is done that many do not know about.
     
  11. earllogjam

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    Well that's as clear as mud. Sorry to hear that you two are separated - I hope you patch things up and cheer up. Here are some good vibes Silver. ~~~~~~~~~~
    ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

    In the mean time are you footloose and fancy free?
     
  12. RU8plusinNE?

    RU8plusinNE? New Member

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    My best friend, who is female knows, I knew I had to tell someone about my huge cock attraction but it took me a long time before I told her.

    I would never tell anyone else.

    That's what's so great about this site, it gives you a chance to ask questions, request feedback and share feelings that you can't share with anyone else.
     
  13. silvertriumph2

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    Good Thread BIGUY
     
  14. silvertriumph2

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    THANKS MUCH, Earl, for the ~~~~~~~~~~~~~'s That really means a lot. :smile:

    Yes, I am dating, but NO, there is no way that I can really be footloose and fancy free. I don't want to be! I'd rather wait.


    So, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ back to you! :biggrin1:
     
  15. mickswim

    mickswim New Member

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    bi here - don't think anyone cared - it was a no start
    i was more surprised they all knew :))
     
  16. sbeBen

    sbeBen New Member

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    I have told some close friends and obviosly people on this site know. This site was very easy for me to be honest and that is why I can never understand fakers. I have had a comment on my pics from someone who says they are 100% straight. The comment was of a sexual nature and when I challenged him he got shirty with me! why not be honest?

    Right now I'm feeling quite depressed as I don't ever think I will lead a satisfactory life as long as I stay in the closet. However, I don't think I can tell many people, as I am sure they would not understand. I just don't know what to do.
     
  17. biguy2738

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    sbeBen, I'm sorry to hear about your depression...it sucks. It isn't easy to deal with a reality that is so greatly misunderstood, is it? Most especially when it can so easily lead to having people that we care about misunderstand what being bisexual is all about.

    What I found helpful to me in my process of coming to terms that I am bisexual as well as outing myself was to try to gather as much information as I could about our orientation - granted, there isn't a heck of a lot of information about this topic on the net, but what I found was really good. Nerve Magazine has a bisexuality issue with really good personal essays by bisexuals. They don't have a lot of information, but the experiences shared by the writers are very enlightening and encouraging.

    I think that once you are able to understand bisexuality and have found ways to express it clearly and confidently (so that others have a sense that you know what you are talking about), you may have a sense of being ready to take the plunge. Just remember that just as coming to terms with being bisexual is a process, so to is outing oneself - it doesn't have to take place overnight.

    Look at the possible reaction of your friends and family as an opportunity for them to either plant themselves more firmly into the garden of you life, or their decision to weed themselves out of it before you invest more of yourself into them. It still isn't easy, I know...but if you are able to find something positive to hold onto, it makes it easier to deal with.

    Hang in there buddy!
     
  18. j5_miles

    j5_miles New Member

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    hello e1... new here... this is my first "official" post... didn't want to do an intro thread cuz it feels very grade schoolish to me... "hi I'm.... wanna be my friend?" hahaha... hopefully I don't get in trouble for that. haha...

    Anyway though... no one knows that I may be bisexual because I am still trying to figure out whether or not I really am bisexual... very confused at the moment....

    I've never had sex (vaginal/anal) with a guy or girl... I've done oral with a girl... I liked both giving and receiving. haha.... I also am open to having actual (dick/vagina) sex with a girl... but at the same time I'm also attracted to guys... I fantasize about doing things with guys... I would blow a guy... stroke a guy... still not sure if I would let him stick his dick in my ass... but yeah.... I like gay porn and straight porn... just depends on what's getting my juices flowing that day. haha...

    does that sound like bi???

    I've heard people say before that there is no such thing as being bi-sexual... it's just like a transition state that eventually leads to being fully homosexual... sexually attracted to only one sex... but I've never really thought that this was true...

    .... I dunno... i'm just lost. hahaha... prolly why i'm still a virgin...
     
  19. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Have to disagree with that statement having been bi for 20 years which seems like a hell of a long time for a transitional state. First real bi encounter with two other guys was at age 18. Drunk and with no memories of what actually happened two seniors on my college swim team by today's standards raped my virgin ass. It was also the first time I'd really sucked cock tho I'd been the object of several tongues and mouths before that. As I've indicated before, my second threesome encounter came a few hours later in their apartment once I'd sobered up. That didn't lead to exclusively gay encounters. Ate and fucked a lot of pussy the next three years of college...still do along with having 4 fuckbuddies that I'vd continue to play around for the last 4 or 5 years. Tho I perhaps love tits, pits, crotches and cocks a bit more than a sweet pussy, I have no intention of giving up the latter.
     
  20. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    I'm sorry so many of you, will not be able to be comfortable, with your bi situation. I am married,{recently!} to a bisexual guy,Mr. Ed who some of you may know. For myself I never had a problem stating who,or what I like since I was a young girl. My mother said I like to shock people,so.....
    I was out at 16. My husband on the other hand, will never tell anyone with the exception of people here, who have been very supportive,thanks all
    of you! I don't think his family would be supportive, since they are extremely repressed, and dysfunctional, and most of the members don't speak to one another,which is a whole 'nother story!
    I think Mr. Ed had been looking, to find someone with whom he could really be himself,I never cared if he acted on those urges to be with another man,past or present. I always tell him; "go ahead and do, what you feel you need to do". He always says he wants to be monogamous,and thats ok too,but what if I want to go with a women at some time? It won't work that way for me, because he would look at that, as "cheating". It would not be how I view it,for either of us. It would not be an issue for me. Your bisexual? Ok so have a relationship of varying degrees with,whomever, when ever. No problem,right? Wrong! For most. You just have to do what works for you forget what other folks say,do what makes you feel good,and happy.
    Oh well..........Sorry for the ramble!
    I also want to thank biguy2738 for moving his wonderful,insightful,sincere blog over to lpsg, at my request.
    He is such a fantastic man,and a great writer!

    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
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