I'll go home with you, but no sex

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_doogie888, Nov 23, 2010.

  1. B_doogie888

    B_doogie888 New Member

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    About 6 months ago, I had a drunken one night stand with a girl. We knew eachother through mutual friends, but had never really spoken, and didn't speak or see eachother after that until this past october, when we drunkenly made out one night at a friend's house and talked for a bit. Then, the next weekend, she came home with me after hanging out at a bar with friends and we had sex again.

    Go to early november, we had been texting back and forth a lot, and I decide I really like her. I ask her out on a date and take her to dinner. I had a great time (she seemed to have a great time), and I walk her home after dinner.

    The next night, we are at a mutual friends party. Long story short, we talk a lot, dance, get moderately drunk, and she comes home with me again. We are in my bed making out, and after about a minute she says "no sex". I pause for a second and say "ok that's fine", or something along those lines, and made sure she wasn't pressured at all. I wanted sex very badly, but I really like this girl and felt that it would pay off for a relationship if I didn't pursue an explanation for her saying no.

    Since then, we started texting back and forth even more and went on another dinner date which went very well (again, from my perspective as I obviously don't know what she is thinking). We end up meeting up with friends at a bar, and I ask if she wants to come home with me. She was pretty drunk, and opts to go home with her friends instead.

    What confuses me is why she stopped wanting sex once I took her out on a date. It seems counterintuitive to me, and the following are the only explanations I can think of:

    She doesn't enjoy the sex with me?

    She wants to have sober sex?

    She doesn't want to make herself seem easy now that I am "courting" her in the traditional sense?

    I'm 21 and graduated college last spring, so pretty inexperienced with relationships. Any input appreciated.
     
  2. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    This seems pretty likely. Or maybe she had her period.
     
  3. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    period, herpes, has a bf, or you suck in bed.
     
  4. B_doogie888

    B_doogie888 New Member

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    Thought about the period, but that was two different nights in the same month she didn't want to.

    And it makes no sense to me that she would so willingly have sex with me as a near stranger, and then when I clearly show that I like her for more than just sex she decides to stop the sex.
     
  5. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    my initial reaction is that she felt guilty about the sex, because she just isn't that kind of gal, so she is trying to go back, and do it right.

    or you suck in bed.
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    She may also not want to commit to anyone at the moment. So sex was fine before because you weren't 'threatening' her with a relationship. But now she might be thinking that she shouldn't encourage you, when she doesn't want to commit.

    Seriously, just ask her.
     
  7. B_doogie888

    B_doogie888 New Member

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    Well, she texts with me regularly, and went on a second date with me and we have a third one planned. Those things "encourage" me in terms of commitment more than giving me sex does. NewEnd, I think your explanation referring to going back and doing it the right way makes sense to me. Have any women here been in a similar situation where they acted like this?
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    That sounds really positive. I think it's a strange way to do things (going back and doing it 'right') but it's entirely possible that it's what she's doing. I do think you're better off asking her than us. We can only speculate, she KNOWS how she feels.
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    This makes the most sense to me! It sounds like this might be what happened. Her judgment was impaired when she slept with you before, she feels really guilty and like she acted out of character, but she genuinely likes you and wants to actually date you the way that she normally would date any other man.
     
  10. Ej4

    Ej4 New Member

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    I agree
     
  11. helgaleena

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    Try not to get so drunk on your next dates so that you can really know one another's minds! And also try some different sorts of foreplay if it gets that far.

    When you are really comfortable with each other you can tell her what puzzled you. Get her take on it from her own mouth.
     
  12. hsarge

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    She may want to build a relationship with you and wants to see if you have more interest than just casual sex.
     
  13. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    this seems to be a common thing with younger girls. i have had 2 in the last 5 weeks stop me in mid stroke..... its beyond frustrating
     
  14. helgaleena

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    Mid-stroke? Now that is revelatory of the young person's complete lack of understanding of a male's abilities! However, if you forgot the condom, it's forgiveness worthy.
     
  15. AlteredEgo

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    No, but when I was single, if I really liked a guy and thought he could potentially be a boyfriend, I would hold out on sex for ages. I wanted to be sure I could think clearly about my feelings for the dude, and I wanted to be sure he would not think of me as a party girl too soon. Generally, I wasn't looking for a relationship when I was single, so I was pretty frequently in bed with guys I just met, as long as they gave me the impression it could be a regular thing. I never went back and tried to get a do-over if feelings cropped up later on, but that was precisely my first thought reading the OP. I think she wants a do-over, but you'r ebest off asking her.
     
  16. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    She might be using you too. Just a thought. It happens all the time. Stop taking her to dinners and have her over to your house for dinner instead without drinking and getting drunk. Talk to her and see what happens.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Good advice. More likely to lead to fucking too :biggrin1:
     
    #17 B_subgirrl, Nov 24, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2010
  18. B_curiousme01

    B_curiousme01 New Member

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    Subgirrl! You totally got my subliminal message. :)

    ...and one dinner date that they will both be able to enjoy, participate in and REMEMBER!!
     
  19. Sklar

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    Here's a crazy idea: Instead of going on line and asking strangers why this girl doesn't want to have sex with you, how about asking her instead?

    Just saying....


    Sklar
     
  20. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Yep. And it will give them plenty of time to talk too. If she wants to back off and do things right, she can tell him that. Or he can ask her what's up.

    And they have the opportunity to fuck. Can I say that again? :tongue:
     
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