Im a newbie to the group, have some ?s

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Imported, Feb 27, 2004.

  1. Imported

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    pwrtrip: hi, this is my first post here. I wish Id known about this group sooner, but i guess its not something everyone looks for. well here is my situation, im 22 and have been with my wife for 6 years, whose 20 now. My dick has been 8.25x6 since i was about 15 or so. When we first started having sex, two weeks after we met, she could not stand the pain for more than a few minutes. That went on for quite some, but now six years later, i can just jump in (respectfuly). The thrill I always had with the girls i had sex with was the painful pleasure faces they make, and the way they like to look and play with it in aww. Is there a way to get back some of the thrill for me? Do other guys have this problem? Thanks for any help.
     
  2. benderten2001

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    When growing up (and most specifically at about my early to mid twenties!) I seemed to carry around the idea that sex is everything I could get out of it for myself (as a man)....and, that women typically would consent to it (out of duty?) or worse, the other remaining women in the world were merely "sluts" whose attitude was equally as poor as mine and other men about the sexual act itself. Sex was something that women tolerated; was done and "over with post haste" with very little meaning ever behind it...just a "quick relief" session.(Yeh, wham, bam, thank you mam...etc.)

    One of the great lessons I learned though,
    (unfortunately MUCH later in life!) is that there are women who truly enjoy sex; who are decent human beings, and that the sexual act CAN become a beautiful (and meaningful) part of a relationship.   It took a change of attitude on MY part particularly to "bring ME around" so to speak. So, I was the one with the mental barrier, not the woman.

    When a man starts communicating with a woman about what she wants (to be sexually gratified) and then starts responding to her needs, I think much of the thrill and the excitement then comes along for the man in surprisingly other ways--"redirected" if you will because intercourse is then not as one-sided and selfish--as only in the man's favor. Sex becomes indeed a "shared" experience. When he reaches that milestone in having sex, then a man has a right to feel both a bit proud and quite gratified.  He has become a "good lover" in every definition of the word. He also has grown up emotionally healthy regarding sexual relationships.

    Trying different sexual positions and a number of techniques might help enhance sex for both partners but nothing will ever equal making that special effort to communicate and "bond" in ways much beyond the physical act of sex itself.

    --Just my .02 worth.         ;)
     
  3. Imported

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    drrionelli: Welcome, pwrtrip! ;D

    One of the things I've learned at this site is to listen to anything and everything that benderten2001 says. He's intelligent, insightful and tactful.

    That said, I must ask: You and your wife have been together since your respective mid teens, yet you have had sex with others? No prudism here, but you're painting yourself in a questionable light, my friend. The relationship that you have with your wife should be of more meaning than the sense of awe that other women (of lesser importance) have regarding the size of your genitals. And if causing those women pain is something that you enjoyed, well, that's a completely different issue.

    Please remember that no man's genitalia is as large as his primary sex organ, and that is his brain. Please allow youself to enjoy the growing importance of your relationship with your wife. Remember that it's better to be perceived as HAVING a big one than BEING a big one.

    There are lots of great people here. We're glad that you're one of us! :)
     
  4. Max

    Max New Member

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    [quote author=drrionelli link=board=meetgreet;num=1077895242;start=0#2 date=02/27/04 at 09:55:54]

    One of the things I've learned at this site is to listen to anything and everything that benderten2001 says.  He's intelligent, insightful and tactful. [/quote]

    And just plain nice, which goes a long way in my book.
     
  5. Imported

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    pwrtrip: Im sorry guys, I may have worded that wrong. Since the day I met my wife I havent been with anyone else. I was refering to prior sexual experiences. I gained a bit of self respect for myself when I met her, and stoped sleeping around. She is great and we have 2 little girls together. Im totaly devoted to her. What I want to learn is how to better please her in sex. Ive asked her what she likes, and what turns her on. I have always gotten off on pleasing the female(my wife). If I dont see them enjoying it, I dont enjoy it. The more I see her enjoy our intimacy,(if I spelled that right) the more I enjoy our intimacy.

    When we got together I was her first and only. She enjoyed the feeling of the intercourse part of sex alot. Almost more than me. Now its not as enjoyable for her. She says she cant feel it as well inside, compared to the way she used to. I realize she has grown since our teen years, but I dont have many ideas left, and experimenting with other weman is not an option. At first I would hit bottom and still have almost 2" to go. Now I can only hit bottom once in a while.
     
  6. Imported

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    wvalady1968: And nice, sensitive guys are very sexy!
    ;)
    [quote author=pwrtrip link=board=meetgreet;num=1077895242;start=0#0 date=02/27/04 at 07:11:42] The thrill I always had with the girls i had sex with was the painful pleasure faces they make, and the way they like to look and play with it in aww. Is there a way to get back some of the thrill for me? Thanks for any help.[/quote]
    Ever talk to her about this, pwrtrip? Get her into role playing some?

    Allie
    :-*

    P.S. BTW, welcome!!
     
  7. Imported

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    pwrtrip: Ive talked to her alot about the intimate side of our relationship. I guess a part of it could be the whole having kids thing, but Im still as atracted to her now as I ever was. We dont do much roll playing. I still do things sometimes like send her to the store for some things at about 8:00pm. While shes gone Ill put the kids in bed and fix her a bubble bath with rose pettles and tea candles( I usualy pick up on the way home from work). When she gets home Ill take her in the bathroom, undress her slowly while kissing her, and help her into the bath. While shes bathing Ill fix a small candle light dinner for us. Suprise her with that when she gets out of the bath. And after a light meal I take her into the bed room where there's lit candles. Then Ill start giving her a full body lotoin massage and start kissing her slowly on the back of the neck, and work slowly from there.

    Thats one of the things I do occationaly. I like to switch it up so its not same old, same old. Do all woman grow inside to acomidate for size.
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    If your lovemaking has gotten to the point that she can knit a complicated sweater (while you're hard at it) without her dropping a stitch, the problem may not be her attitude toward sex, but your method.

    Yes, by now she's gotten accustomed to your size.  But that shouldn't affect her reaction to your lovemaking.

    What you need to do now, and periodically for the rest of your married life, is to come up with new ways to be romantic as well as new ways to have sex.  For women, the romance starts in the morning before you go to work:  a lingering kiss goodbye, a whispered comment about how she looks/smells/moves, or telling her you're going to miss her that day, will start her mind rolling and her juices flowing.  She'll be mad for your return in the afternoon and all it took was a little romance.  Write her a poetic note and leave it where she'll find it during the day - a cutlery drawer in the kitchen - on the mirror in the bathroom (you get the idea).  All those little things are important.

    As for the sex itself, break it up.  During intercourse pull out to go into more foreplay, repeating this until neither of your can stand it any longer.  Or you can use only the head of your penis to enter her until you come.  Or you can hand the whole act over to her, letting her be the aggressor, so to speak, so she may do as she pleases to you.

    It's not only necessary, pwrtrp, it's fun!

    As for that longed-for look of pain on her face, it may have turned you on when you were a kid but by now you should recognize that it was not exactly what she longed for.   ;)

    Pecker

    If Pandora hadn't been curious, there'd never have been a famous quote about her box.
     
  9. Imported

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    pwrtrip: Well, right now i have lots of time to romance her. Im on deployment in Sicily for the next 4 months. Im learning alot from fellow endowed here. Ill be flying her over here in mid April. Shes never left the US before, and we will be without kids in a beautiful country for 2 whole weeks. Since we had my first little girl we havent done anything alone with her.
     
  10. Max

    Max New Member

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    I agree with what Pecker has said .. aim for variety in the way you make love.

    I think most guys like to be 'in control', and from your handle on here I think you probably would agree, and one way is plenty of teasing and plenty of keeping her guessing. It is one thing extra length helps with .. you have more positions open to you, you can vary between very shallow and very deep, short fast strokes, slow long ones, etc etc. That can drive her wild, if done with a little finesse.

    If you are going to be apart for a few weeks, as it seems you are, it is also pretty likely that a big guy like you will have to be very gentle when you are reunited. My experience is that the first few times after a period of separation take us back some way to that initial period of adjustment and all the care it took.
     
  11. benderten2001

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    This will be for me (a VERY rare!) somewhat shorter response, here. ;)

    (Thanks to drionnelli and Max for your very kind words!)

    pwrtrip....As you work through this "challenge" you've shared with us here, in addition to considering the advice others have rendered, I hope you will just stop and give yourself credit that you are concerned enough to consider this situation with your wife and are making the effort to improve upon it. Having done just that my friend, puts you ahead of countless other men who might otherwise have chosen to ignore it if not turn to another woman altogether. You're showing real class in my book. I'm impressed from your comments that you have indeed made an effort and, still are. I'm optimistic that you and she WILL work through this.

    btw-----If you've never heard it from her or anyone else along the way by now--she's fortunate to have you. ;)
     
  12. Imported

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    pwrtrip: Well I must say, I have met a class of people here that are rare. You have all been great in listening to me and giving me true, honest advice. Im greatful to know you all and Id like to say thanks. Personal details or problems in my life have been hard to get good advice on, but here there's a certian anonimity that makes it easy to feel safe and share things that might bother you that you would otherwise cause alot of problems if unresolved.
     
  13. Imported

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    drrionelli: That said, pwrtrip, I certainly hope that I have not come across as being self-righteous know-it-all. Indeed, I did misconstrue your original post. Mea culpa..

    My point was simply that, indeed, we all do change, physically as well as emotionally, as time goes by. Let's be excruciatingly honest here...none of us is the same person that we were six years ago. And, that's as it should be. Whether we can make the most of those changes in ourselves, as well as our willingness (and ability) to accept those changes in others determine how successfully we will manifest our relationships.

    It seems to me, pwrtrip, that you and your wife are off to a good start. :)
     
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