I'm always the one that initiates sex.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Crex, Mar 20, 2010.

  1. Crex

    Crex Active Member

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    So this has been bothering me a little as of late.

    With my friend, I am always the one that initiates sex. We use to be pretty hot and heavy, at least once a day, sometimes more. Things have slowed down to about two or three times a week, which I am OK with.

    But he never makes the first move. I don't know what to do about it and it is starting to hurt my feelings a little bit. It seems like I'm way more interested in it than he is.

    Has anyone else ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do about it? Is this really even that big of a deal or am I just being too sensitive about this whole issue? Any comments/thoughts are appreciated.
     
  2. baldyboy8000

    baldyboy8000 Member

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    Yes, and I don't like it.
     
  3. georgiabass14

    georgiabass14 Member

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    Agreed. Have you always been the instigator? You might have set a bad precedent for yourself. I hate it when I do that too.
     
  4. SpeedoMike

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    this is common in a lot of relationships.
     
  5. lopo2000

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    Maybe what you can do is to really slow down now. Cuddle and do all the foreplays but don't go further to sex. Do this for several days and see how he reacts. But of course don't be reserved and hurtful. Do it in affectionate way but never proceeds to sex, if you know what i mean. If he asked, perhaps you can say, "maybe we can do if you're ready."
     
  6. goodwood

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    i seem to have always wanted sex more often than my partners.
    there was one woman that matched me in the libido dept. and i thought
    i was set, but it didn't work out.
    but to answer your question of what did i do about it, since it was always on my
    mind, i would do everything i could think of to be thoughtful - kiss her on the cheek on her way to work, clean the house, do lawn work or housework, draw her a bath, arrange social things - anything to make her life a bit easier and more pleasant and hope that she appreciated it enough to appreciate me in the form of sex. sadly, no matter what i did - most of the time it didn't end up with sex. : (
     
  7. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    Try opening up to your partner and talking about it if you can. Relationships need work to grow. If you care for each other, work together to keep things new and exciting. Maybe your partner is in a rut. Don't hate him for it, try talking to him and understanding him, and understand that it's something that can happen in relationships whether you want it to or not.
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    You're way more interested in it than he is ;-)

    There's usually some disparity between the sexual needs of a couple, once you do initiate sex how does he respond, is he enthusiastic or does he make you feel like he's doing you a favour. The first thing you should do is tell him how you feel, that it makes you feel unwanted, that he's losing interest whatever else it makes you feel. Maybe there's some reason he's not so keen on initiating things? When you were hot and heavy did he initiate and if he did when did he stop taking the first step?

    Are you both trying to keep things interesting. Sometimes people are more eager to initiate if they feel it isn't going to be the same old performance. Has he been recently overloaded with work or some family problems that are stifling his sex drive.

    You need to talk to him first but realise that with for many couples, once the first flush of lust is over, it's quite normal for their sex life to settle into a bit of a rut, revisiting old ground, settling into a pattern.
     
  9. B_nyvin

    B_nyvin New Member

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    Start an affair with someone else you like
     
  10. Crex

    Crex Active Member

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    Thanks for the advice, and unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I subconsciously set this as a precedence. I think I'm just going to not initiate it for a while and see if he takes the lead. Perhaps by letting him make the first mood when he really wants it will non verbally communicate that I'm OK with not always being the one that makes decisions sexually. I know communication is the key, but I am a little hesitant to talk to him about it because what we have is quite difficult to define, and since we're not technically in a relationship, I don't want to communicate like we are. I know it sounds crazy, but there are unspoken grounds to our intimacy that have always been there, and I'm not ready to completely change them just yet.
     
  11. georgiabass14

    georgiabass14 Member

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    How out are the both of you?
     
  12. helgaleena

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    All you have to do is start to flirt with him one time, then when you have his attention, say "I think we are in a rut," and back off. It is a sure way to get the two of you talking about it. If all goes well he will jump on you.
     
  13. MarkLondon

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    As long as he's responding to your initiatives, I wouldn't worry about it. Some of us just aren't so good at getting things going/reading others' moods.


    Oops, that might work for a woman in a heterosexual relationship, or possibly even in a committed relationship between two male lovers, but a lot of guys will think "You think we're in a rut? Right, I'm off."
     
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