"I'm Chris, and I'm Gay"

[athleticguy]

What are peoples views on expressing their sexuality to new people?

I came out in a subtle way. I never really felt it was anyones business but some close friends were told. I talk about it, sometimes, but to be honest I hate imposing my personal life on people. And I always felt that I shouldn't expose it too much because I dont want my orientation to be a dominating part of my personality.

I am mainly friends with guys, and most my big 'entourage' (as we call ourselves, heh) know, and we laugh about it. They've even thrown a couple curious guys my way.

But I moved to London to start a new job, and theres a big social group of us. A similar age, you know, kinda studenty, but professionals.

I used to hate people speculating about my sexuality before I was comfortable with it myself. But similarly I don't want to exclaim my sexuality to people I'm not hugely friendly with yet. I think it could be intimidating.

What do other people do? It's not causing me any grief or worry, I'm just curious about how other people deal with it.

 

[DiscoBoy]

I feel the exact same way about it as you do. What I do is wait for the most opportune moment to kind of subtly state it (or something that implies it) in the most matter-of-fact, nonchalant way, just so long as it fits into the discussion. Typically, people look shocked for a split second, and then continue the conversation. If you don't make it into a big thing, it doesn't need to be.

 

[XSILVER]

You took the thoughts right out of my head! That is just how i feel about my sexuality. People are too concirned about titles and who is what. It is no ones business who i hang out with and what sex i do what with. Bravo to you!

 

[silvertriumph2]

Except for here at lpsg...I don't wear my sexual preferrences on my sleeve, for I think the same way as you, athleticguy...
It is really MY business except for those I chose to enlighten.

The majority of my friends are straight and married. They have
families, or are divorced and are single fathers living again as a
single......as I am now. Ony a few know that I am actually a BI
and that I am happily same-sex partnered. I only see that as
my business and that of my partner.....it no one's business what
I do or enjoy in the privacy of my bedroom.

I really don't see why a person's sexual preference need come up
in general conversation, even with men talking about sexual things as we are prone to do at times.

I think you have the correct attitude and are also handling it
correctly. Let it be you that choses when and why to come out.

 

[chrisj428]

I'm glad you brought this up. I, too, am not defined by my sexuality. I don't walk up to people and say, "Hi, I'm white" or "Hi, I'm Liberterian". It's part of who I am, but it's just one part. If someone asks (and they're cute), my standard response is, "Why do you want to know?" accompanied by a coy smile.

 

[zpacifico]

everyone at my work know I am gay, if I talk with some new face they will figure it out eventually or just ask me if I am single or whatever, no big deal. Maybe because I live in the liberal country where ones sexual orientation is not much of a taboo.

 

[Bbucko]

I came out slowly in bits and pieces from 15 on, then to everyone (including my High School and parents) when I was 17 in 1977. There was a huge collective shrug and everyone went back to whatever it was they'd been doing.

I have been unapologetically gay ever since. That might seem a trifle silly to say, but when I first came out, being gay was something to feel very ashamed about, which is how the words "gay" and "pride" became so enmeshed. These days it's all a little old hat

I've never lied about my sexual orientation and never tried to hide or mask it, either. I've never walked up to anyone and said "Hi, I'm Bbucko, and I'm queer as a pink poodle in a miniskirt", but I never felt the need to, either.

I will say though, that the moment the people at work would have/could have stopped yapping about their husband/wife/kids/vacation/life in general would have been the day I stopped talking about mine. And at the yearly corporate events (holiday award party/banquet, summer harbor booze cruise, etc), if I were single, I'd go alone. But when I was partnered, I always brought my SO and insisted he be as respected as anyone else's. This was not always a great career decision, which is why I stepped out of corporate America for good in 1988.

PDAs make me queasy whoever's doing it, but just because someone's doing something in pubic that I find immodest doesn't mean that they are under any obligation to stop.

 

[patrick222]

I hate the word GAY. It implies that all queer guys are nellie. We need to come up with a new label. The old word, homosexual, defined us as being mental ill criminals.

 

[willow78]

PDAs make me queasy whoever's doing it, but just because someone's doing something in pubic that I find immodest doesn't mean that they are under any obligation to stop.

Freudian slip, perhaps? LOL :biggrin1:

There seems to be double standard about sexuality that really pisses me off. Straight people never have to talk about their sexuality - unless it's questioned - but we're expected to explain ourselves and make some announcement.

The thing that most pisses me off about this double-standard is that there seems to be a lot of gay people who buy into it. A gay man or lesbian can be in a relationship, living with a SO but if he or she doesn't make some "big announcement" with fanfare, people accuse them of being a liar or "in the closet". Coming out is a private personal matter. I DO NOT agree with "outing" people - even if they are famous. I hate people who take it upon themselves to out other people (I'm talking to you, Perez Hilton - you're as pointless and annoying as that other P Hilton. I wish you would both fuck off forever!). Sorry about that, I'm starting to drift off-topic...

:soapbox:
The only time I support "outing", is when it's an anti-gay politician who actively works hard AGAINST gay/lesbian/trans rights. Those bastards need to be revealed as the hypocrites they are.

 

[flame boy]

When I meet new people it's not something I instantly declare however I don't hide it or avoid discussions on relationships etc. If someone was to ask me about my other half I would tell them, if someone asked directly if I was gay I would also tell them but most of the time I don't really see the need to say something. This isn't brought about by shame or fear, but if someone I just met was detailing their sexual preferences to me I'd think they were kind of a jerk so I avoid shouting it from the rooftops.

If I meet new people I will introduce my husband as such, it's not a big deal and all the people we have met only one person has ever reacted. No biggie, just go with the flow.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

Myself,

I personally dont like keeping it a secret so I wont. However i dont declare it either. I usuallly wait untill some-one else says something about thier own sexuality or inquires about mine (which usually will happen within a week or two of being any-where) you dont believe me?

Keep your ears open next time you hear some-one comment "My husband this" or "My wife that" if there talking about the opposite gender the implied message is "I'm a heterosexual" or "My kid this or that".

Usually itll be the women though that say "My husband this" (becuase its their subtle way of trying to get you to talk about your romantic life. Men in general will be up front about it like this "That chicks a bit of a hottie what you rekon" to which i usually go "Yeah she's nice but i dont swing that way mate"

What alot of people both homo and hetero dont realise is that our sexual identity IS a big part of who we are and how we relate to people.

If it wasnt such a big deal like so many people out there claim then homophobia would be less prevelant. However homophobia exists becuase sex is one of the majore ways we relate to each other.

Guys in the lockerroom talk about sex, girls at the shopping mall talk about sex, guys and girls at work talk about sex, we talk about sex over dinner we talk about sex at the breakfast table and while were out to lunch.

Catholics talk about sex, mormons talk about sex, pagans talk about sex (alot hehehe), Hindi's Talk about sex, it doesnt matter who you are what you believe in, what gender you are...... YOU TALK ABOUT SEX AT LEAST ONCE A DAY.

So dont try to fool any-one by pretending you sexual indentity isnt a big part of who you are....

 

[FuzzyKen]

There are many gay men who choose to keep intimate parts of their lives private and I completely and totally respect that choice.

Let's for second take a look at a few celebrities who have chosen to make a grand exit from the "closet of life".

In reality, after the initial "announcement" and the gossip wears off what counts is who or whom you are as a human being and what you do in your life as accomplishments that contribute to good memories that are your most important things to leave behind.

My memories of the following people really place their sexual orientation very low on the list.

I will consider Neil Patrick Harris as a fine young actor who portrayed "Dougie Howser" and then went on to become one of the most obnoxious woman chasers in the role of Barney Stinson. His ability as an actor and what he has contributed with his craft on the N.Y. stage has far eclipsed his personal life. Few know the details of that and that is the way it should be.

Raymond Burr shared his life with his first love actor Robert Benevedes for many decades. Other than a brief period of time when he was "outed" by a tabloid, he is not really going to be remembered for his sexuality. He will be remembered for his many movie and television roles and noted for these.

David Hyde-Pierce will be remembered more for his role as Niles Crane and on stage than he will be as a gay man in a long term relationship.

Nathan Lane who has been competing with Harvey Firestein for the most gay roles played will be remembered for those roles and not for his personal life either.

My orientation is part of who or whom I am. It is an important part of how I relate to my spouse of many years, it is in my mind only important to others if I were contemplating having sex with them. Other than that I personally could care less!

I am open and out if and only if I choose to share my life on a more personal level with a given individual.

Many years ago blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo made the statement with regards to writing under other names:

"I choose to neither confirm nor deny, that way I get just a little bit of credit for every good picture made, and I never get blamed for the "scamps".

If they matter they know, if they don't, that part of my life is none of their business.

 

[zpacifico]

So dont try to fool any-one by pretending you sexual indentity isnt a big part of who you are....

oh I like this bit :biggrin1:

 

[AlextheRedhead]

One time I went to the supermarket and I had put on a t-shirt that had the word Mexico in the gay flag colors. I thought nothing of it and when I was in the produce section a young cute guy who was working there came up to me and looked at my t-shirt and asked me if I needed any help. He followed me and picked out all my produce for me and I was actually being cruised by him. He stood really close to me and looked me in the eye. It was really nice because if I didn't wear that t-shirt I think he might have just ignored me.
Also I dont think that I would have realized that he was gay, it really made my day.

 

[willow78]

One time I went to the supermarket and I had put on a t-shirt that had the word Mexico in the gay flag colors. I thought nothing of it and when I was in the produce section a young cute guy who was working there came up to me and looked at my t-shirt and asked me if I needed any help. He followed me and picked out all my produce for me and I was actually being cruised by him. He stood really close to me and looked me in the eye. It was really nice because if I didn't wear that t-shirt I think he might have just ignored me.
Also I dont think that I would have realized that he was gay, it really made my day.

Plus he did most of your shopping for you. That's what we all want!

 

[erratic]

I just use words like "husband" to describe my...well, husband. It's pretty obvious after that.

 

[B_lrgeggs]

I hate the word GAY. It implies that all queer guys are nellie. We need to come up with a new label. The old word, homosexual, defined us as being mental ill criminals.

Yep, have to agree. Kind of kills me that I
might have the same sexual interest as some
teenage girl. (Good thing I have no
interest at shopping at the mall)

 

[Pitbull]

One time I went to the supermarket and I had put on a t-shirt that had the word Mexico in the gay flag colors. I thought nothing of it and when I was in the produce section a young cute guy who was working there came up to me and looked at my t-shirt and asked me if I needed any help.

"Sure you can help me"
My shopping list:
Cucumbers
Bananas
Zucchini

:tongue:

 

[B_subgirrl]

"Sure you can help me"
My shopping list:
Cucumbers
Bananas
Zucchini

:tongue:

You forgot the carrots :biggrin1:

 

[maxcok]

"Sure you can help me"
My shopping list:
Cucumbers
Bananas
Zucchini

:tongue:

Maybe caricatures like these account for why lots of gay folk don't lead with their orientation.