i'm confused.

[nay-nay]

Dr. Drew always said that one of the main factors of a trully freaky sexual being is being molested as a child or raped or something similar...

I just think you need to stop being sexual for a while and just figure your inner problems out. Seek counciling, someone might be able to help you work it all. It'll be alright if you just try to work it out.

that is very true. and many, like myself, have a "rape" fantasy. it doesn't mean that we WANT it to happen, its just the IDEA of it.

...i haven't had sex for like 3 years. :wink:

but i sure masturbate quite a bit. even when i'm NOT horny. i don't know why, but i feel like i HAVE to everyday. its sorta like if your partner wanted to have sex and you didn't...and you were like "whatever. do whatever you will, but lube it up so it at least slides in without any trouble." once in a while i cry in the middle of it. it gets me pretty mad, so i "punish" myself.

i also have a porn addiction which can get annoying.

 

[nay-nay]

Nay nay you first need to get help for yourself and get some of those issues you have under control. It is not always possible for a therapist to "fix" you by talk alone it depends on the severity of each individual case. I would not rule out being put on a medication if I was you. I think your already making demands about what you will and won't do with a therapist. If you can't allow them to do their job then they can't possibly help you. You should be open to whatever suggestions they might make.
I seriously doubt any one of them are going to try and "pink slip" you unless you were talking about killing yourself or some one else.
I have always been afraid of therapists because of all the stories I heard and because of the way my mother was treated by some quacks. I won't get into that because it won't help you.
Yes there are doctors who aren't ethical or scrupulous and who might take advantage of some client but you cannot use that excuse to keep you from the help you deserve and need.
If you'd like to talk more feel free to pm me anytime.
Good luck in finding a mental health provider who will work
with and help you.
Why don't you write Sue Blume a letter and ask her advice
but try not to take the advice so literally. Just ask her
what she thinks you might try to do.
cigarbabe:sasmokin:

i guess you're right.

its just my mom's on anti-depressants, and when she doesn't take one, she cries pretty much all day. i don't want to become dependent on them like she has. i can't imagine how expensive they must be.

i think i will write her (sue blume) a letter. i don't know why i hadn't thought of that before. thanks for the suggestion. :biggrin1: since i read her book, i've wanted to thank her.

 

[lpsgnoob]

i was readin thro, thats pretty sad story =(
cant believe there are some horrible ppl that did this to you!!!
and plus you are so attractive and you have a very pretty eyes =]

 

[B_New End]

that is very true. and many, like myself, have a "rape" fantasy. it doesn't mean that we WANT it to happen, its just the IDEA of it.

...i haven't had sex for like 3 years. :wink:

but i sure masturbate quite a bit. even when i'm NOT horny. i don't know why, but i feel like i HAVE to everyday. its sorta like if your partner wanted to have sex and you didn't...and you were like "whatever. do whatever you will, but lube it up so it at least slides in without any trouble." once in a while i cry in the middle of it. it gets me pretty mad, so i "punish" myself.

i also have a porn addiction which can get annoying.

There is certainly nothing wrong with that. Well the crying part, but girls are allowed to cry.

And rape fantasies are very common. Rape, force, whatever. It doesn't mean someone was molested. It's just animalistic desire.

You say you are bored during sex, so you don't think of these things, but what about when you are masturbating? If not, maybe you are over analyzing a bit.

You just need what you need.

There is a very old Opera, L'Orfeo. It's from the 1400's or earlier. He sings he is happy about he met his new wife, his Euridice. He sings he is happy he was so lonely for so long, because now the loneliness is gone, and the fact that his loneliness was so painful, makes him all the more happy.

If love came easy, it wouldn't be so great. But it definitely happens to everyone, at least once in their life. Since you are 22, It's about guaranteed the best days are yet ahead. Belive me, I know it feels like it will never happen, but it will.

 

[nay-nay]

There is certainly nothing wrong with that. Well the crying part, but girls are allowed to cry.

And rape fantasies are very common. Rape, force, whatever. It doesn't mean someone was molested. It's just animalistic desire.

that's true. it doesn't mean that someone was molested, but its quite common among those who've been sexually abused.

You say you are bored during sex, so you don't think of these things, but what about when you are masturbating? If not, maybe you are over analyzing a bit.

i probably am since i over-analyze everything. my mind is constantly going and going. i have a quick mind, change subjects quickly. one thing makes me think of something else, and that makes me think of something else, and so forth. i'm always playing different scenerios in my head of different situations. i live in my head. i'm extremely curious, so i'm constantly asking myself questions about everything. the more questions i ask, the more it opens up even more questions. it frustrates me when i can't figure things out.

There is a very old Opera, L'Orfeo. It's from the 1400's or earlier. He sings he is happy about he met his new wife, his Euridice. He sings he is happy he was so lonely for so long, because now the loneliness is gone, and the fact that his loneliness was so painful, makes him all the more happy.

that is so sweet. it made me cry. i hope i feel that someday...

If love came easy, it wouldn't be so great. But it definitely happens to everyone, at least once in their life. Since you are 22, It's about guaranteed the best days are yet ahead. Belive me, I know it feels like it will never happen, but it will.

i agree that my best days are ahead. it just sucks that i'm...not very patient. :tongue: lol.

 

[B_New End]

that's true. it doesn't mean that someone was molested, but its quite common among those who've been sexually abused.

I have yet to meet a girl that didn't have these fantasies.

i probably am since i over-analyze everything. my mind is constantly going and going. i have a quick mind, change subjects quickly. one thing makes me think of something else, and that makes me think of something else, and so forth. i'm always playing different scenerios in my head of different situations. i live in my head. i'm extremely curious, so i'm constantly asking myself questions about everything. the more questions i ask, the more it opens up even more questions. it frustrates me when i can't figure things out.

Sucks. I look at people at the clubs grinding up on strangers and think "How the fuck do they do that?" My brother.. I dunno how he does it, but he sleeps with anything that moves. He's even had to go on some antibiotics once, and that didn't slow him down.

And only recently, did I realize, all my self-analysis was completely misguided. My brother was raised in the same cult as I was. Hes not stupid, he is just more impulsive.

Now you have met a couple of jerks, and I would dare say, that is probably hurting you more than the molestation. It's like the molestation made you afraid of swimming, but finally, you jump in the water, only to almost drown. The second time, the same thing happens. Now you are really afraid of water, and wondering if perhaps your more of a ... lesbian.

:biggrin1:

Sorry, my analogy failed there.

i agree that my best days are ahead. it just sucks that i'm...not very patient. :tongue: lol.

Every morning I wake up thinking, "maybe today", and every night I go to bed thinking, "another day gone".
But the three times I have been in love, all I could think was, "I am so glad everything worked out the way it did".