I'm Dealing with Sexuality, Family, and Romance!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by kjguy, Jul 27, 2011.

  1. kjguy

    kjguy Well-Known Member

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    I've been sexually active for quite some time, and I have dated a bit, but I'm not the type of person that falls in love easily. I've never been in love. I dated people because they were into me, and I thought I'd try it out, only there really was never any true investment. As much as I cared for the women I've dated, I valued my independence more.

    Recently though, I think I fell for someone for the first time! It's freaking me out! I've never had such a strong attraction and connection and desire to be with someone. I truly get butterflies, and I'm sad when I'm not with this man. And yes, this is a guy! I never thought I'd be so ready to date a man, I never have before. I don't know how the dynamic would work. What roles would we fill? This guy has the alpha male presence, so would I ever be able to feel truly masculine enough in the relationship? Moreover, this guy lives across the country, and although he's successful enough that we can travel to each other periodically, I don't know how to manage a long distance relationship! I don't know how to manage a relationship period! I've decided long ago that I don't like them, but this guy is somehow starting to change my mind. I don't know what to do!

    I am still not completely out as a bisexual either, especially to my family. My Dad came out several years ago, and it just makes things harder on me! I don't want to be further compared to him, or give my mom more of a heart attack. My Dad's confession, just left my Mom a little bitter. I know my Dad thinks I'm gay and/or wants me to be gay, I can tell! But the truth is, I'll still always have my attraction to women.

    This guy, though, wow, I don't know how he does this to me. I'm just lost, I guess. My thoughts and my fears just keep fighting with my emotions. Any advice? Thoughts? Experiences of your own?
     
  2. lvsxy808

    Gold Member

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    Who you've fallen for is irrelevant. That you've fallen at all is the wonderful thing.

    You're applying heteronormative standards to a very much non-hetero relationship. The whole point of being in a same sex relationship is that those standards are thrown out of the window and you're free to negotiate the situation as works for the two of you. (Which is not to say that hetero couples shouldn't do the same, because they should.)

    Don't look for male-female gender roles here. They won't be any, because guess what, you're both males. You don't suddenly become a woman just because you're dating a man.

    And I honestly don't even know what the last sentence means.

    Well, that can be a problem. But not insurmountable. When I first met my boyfriend, he was living in City 1, I was from City 2, and going to university in City 3. But he either drove to see me every weekend or I took the train to see him, and I'm glad we did that, because we're still together 16 years later.

    If anything, the long-distance-ness might give you a nice slow build into the relationship, especially for one who's not used to such things. Nothing dooms a relationship more than jumping in too fast.

    You don't really get to decide these things. They kind of decide for you.

    "Love comes quickly," sayeth the almighty Pet Shop Boys.

    Don't let anyone else dictate your life. You're dad's situation isn't necessarily relevant to your own. Worry about yourself first, and their opinions later.

    So you're bi. Big whoop. Be who you are and don't apologise for it.

    .
     
  3. hungboy18

    hungboy18 New Member

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    Good luck, follow your hearth, be smart about it.
     
  4. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    Man! Are you smart! 'nuff said. Great post.
     
  5. Remington

    Verified Gold Member

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    This.

    Personally, I think you should accept yourself for who you are. All the other issues should be easier to deal with once you've done that.
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    "I know my Dad thinks I'm gay and/or wants me to be gay" is part of what the OP said. I doubt he wants you to be gay man. I think he simply wants you to be you. His sexuality has nothing to do with yours. Separate the two!!
     
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