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Hello guys, don't know if the post is correct here.
I'm down and don't know what to do next. Something happened last Saturday, I'm confused and it's driving me crazy.
I was at a friend's birthday party, his boyfriend was there too, we are a clique and known each other for a long time, everything was great. There was a lot of alcohol. I was very drunk that night and vomited several times. At some point around 3 a.m., only me, my friend and his boyfriend were left. But I had to wait until 6 a.m. to take the first train home. So we all went to the bedroom to lie down. I took off my pants and shirt and fell asleep. At some point I woke up because I noticed someone was giving me a blow job. It was the boyfriend, I was petrified and didn't really understand what was happening, my friend who had his birthday bent over then and took my dick into his mouth and suck me as well. I just lay there. My dick was hard.I couldn't move. I don't know how long it lasted, I just know that at some point I jumped up and yelled what the hell you guys do, I got dressed and left the apartment. Outside I had to cry when I realized what had just happened. I called my boyfriend (together for 7 years) and told him crying about it. The next day my friend (who had his Birthday) wrote to me about what happend and that he was so sorry and that he was drunk and didn't know how it could get that far. Since then I've felt extremely bad, my boyfriend doesn't blame me, but I still feel like I cheated on him (even if I haven't done anything). I'm driving myself crazy because I didn't jump up in the moment when I woke up and saw what happened. I just couldn't, I was like stone. Maybe it’s my own fault because i did Onlyfans (only alone without others)? The two knew about it, it got around. I am just ashamed, my thoughts go crazy. I can't get this evening out of my head.
I deleted my Onlyfans and Twitter, I can no longer do that. I feel like I deserve this because I did this onlyfans shit and I'm scum because of it. I don't know how to deal with the situation, I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him. Still, I can't look him in the eye because someone else had my penis in their mouth.
Do you have a suggestion for me?
Hope you understand all, im not the best in english.
I'm down and don't know what to do next. Something happened last Saturday, I'm confused and it's driving me crazy.
I was at a friend's birthday party, his boyfriend was there too, we are a clique and known each other for a long time, everything was great. There was a lot of alcohol. I was very drunk that night and vomited several times. At some point around 3 a.m., only me, my friend and his boyfriend were left. But I had to wait until 6 a.m. to take the first train home. So we all went to the bedroom to lie down. I took off my pants and shirt and fell asleep. At some point I woke up because I noticed someone was giving me a blow job. It was the boyfriend, I was petrified and didn't really understand what was happening, my friend who had his birthday bent over then and took my dick into his mouth and suck me as well. I just lay there. My dick was hard.I couldn't move. I don't know how long it lasted, I just know that at some point I jumped up and yelled what the hell you guys do, I got dressed and left the apartment. Outside I had to cry when I realized what had just happened. I called my boyfriend (together for 7 years) and told him crying about it. The next day my friend (who had his Birthday) wrote to me about what happend and that he was so sorry and that he was drunk and didn't know how it could get that far. Since then I've felt extremely bad, my boyfriend doesn't blame me, but I still feel like I cheated on him (even if I haven't done anything). I'm driving myself crazy because I didn't jump up in the moment when I woke up and saw what happened. I just couldn't, I was like stone. Maybe it’s my own fault because i did Onlyfans (only alone without others)? The two knew about it, it got around. I am just ashamed, my thoughts go crazy. I can't get this evening out of my head.
I deleted my Onlyfans and Twitter, I can no longer do that. I feel like I deserve this because I did this onlyfans shit and I'm scum because of it. I don't know how to deal with the situation, I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him. Still, I can't look him in the eye because someone else had my penis in their mouth.
Do you have a suggestion for me?
Hope you understand all, im not the best in english.
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