Im developing animosity towards my GF

[helgaleena]

Uboat, whether she was like this earlier on or not is not the issue. People change. It may be she is more of her real self than she was before. You probably helped her develop into the outgoing and confident girl she is now. But get a new girl. You don't need to be a doormat for anyone.

And thanks for the compliment !

 

[uboat]

Well guys, its over. After i started this thread a couple months ago, I decided to give her another chance to see if she would adjust her behavior towards guys. Well, she did for about a month. However, I was pushed over the edge last night while we were video chatting @ 10:30pm and she calls some random guy she met a few days ago and invited him over to her apt. I was so taken back by this! I felt so disrespected as a man, that my girl would be so dumb & oblivious that i would NOT be ok with this type of behavior. Her excuse, was..."im not trying to hide anything, i love you, i won't do it again...cry cry cry". I have warned her about her behavior towards other guys and she seems to adhere for a short while then revert back to who she really is. She doesn't seem to understand boundaries and respect. /relationship

 

[Countryguy63]

If you're serious, she totally does not respect you.

Even completely open relationships have boundaries and understandings.

 

[helgaleena]

Yep, it's over. Put her stuff in trash bags in the hallway.

 

[Cybearia]

Move on...but take the lesson from what you have learned.

Well, actually, take the lessons...there are many.

Good luck in your future relationships.

 

[601900]

I'm glad it's over,hopefully you've learned something from this.

 

[ConstantComment]

Uboat, did you two openly discuss and agree to exclusivity? If so, what was her understanding of it?

 

[arrivaderciroma]

I had a gf who wouldn't accommodate my wishes. She was having lunch and drinks with her ex bf too many times for me to continue feeling comfortable. She didn't see it my way and I said good bye. We became good friends. We still are. I don't care who she has lunch with now or how often. I never think of fucking her. It's really OK to get another girl. There are plenty of them.

 

[B_Jordan85]

Why does my girlfriend feel the need to be so touchy and feely with other men??? I don't understand it. It is SUPER frustrating and annoying to me(im soooo fucking angry right now). I down right hate it. I have asked her several times not to do this and she still does it and says "its part of my personality" or "its who i am". I call bullshit on that! We can all be friendly, but I believe a line is crossed when males and females start touching each other. My girlfriend is young (21) im 26 but i know how to treat my significant other in a relationship. And constantly touching others and putting other men above me is not it. I have expressed this to her several times but she keeps doing it. I know that she is not cheating or has any ill intent towards me b/c she doesn't hide or even try to hide it from me but dammit, wtf... STOP IT for FUCKS SAKE!!!

/rant

In no way is this an unrealistic rant. A girlfriend of mine in the past was also like this and I felt it was very disrespectful. I can believe that some bubbly chicks are very touchy without meaning anything by it, but most have to grow up and realize this is very immature and childish. They have to also understand that guys arent the same and most think of fucking when a girl hugs and gets close, or at least believe the chick likes them. Especially in front of you, I think that is so disrespectful (and you didnt even say what she was doing).

I think that since she gave you a heartless, cop-out response of "its just me" and keeps doing it, thats even more disrespectful. Only thing I can say is that unfortunately this relationship might already be ruined, shes not the relationship type. Only thing you can do now is that you should give it back to her. When you two are around others, be very flirtatious with other girls, see how she feels about it. Its a test. If she doesnt care or doesnt feel jealous, get rid of her. Its not worth the stress, it will make you bald.

 

[uboat]

If you're serious, she totally does not respect you.

Bro, i am DEAD SERIOUS!!! It happened right in front of my eyes. I was floored!! What she did was disrespectful and down right dangerous. She was complaining about not wanting to go out with her "friends" and then is like, "well, ill just call him and let him know"... next thing i know, she is giving the guy directions to her APT. Not to mention that the guy was talking about bringing liquor over. REALLY? REALLY? In my head, i was like "is this for-real????" I couldn't process what i was seeing and hearing. It was like a computer receiving an error. Everything just stopped..i simply just shut down. I rebooted, and then i fucking exploded!!!!!!

Uboat, did you two openly discuss and agree to exclusivity? If so, what was her understanding of it?

Yes, we both agreed to be with each other and each other only. Her understanding was not to be with other ppl. ya know, like a regular relationship. But in her head, its perfectly normal to act like she does around other guys. Like i said, she doesn't understand boundaries, rules, and respect. I dont know about you, but inviting other men over to your home especially at home is something u just do not do (maybe im just old-fashioned).

If she was trying to hide it, i can understand that...ya know, the usual cheating bullshit. But the fact that she does it openly just shows that she doesn't respect me/others and is just a spoiled girl. She is rich btw and is used to having everything she wants. I feel so dumb for staying in this as long as i have. I have given her plenty of chances 4 to be exact. But she dosent seem to get it. I feel cruel, but i have to protect my mental health and my feeling. Like i stated earlier... /relationship

 

[strog]

I once had a friend who started dating this absolutely gorgeous redhead, and in the following weeks they constituted the most adorable couple you could imagine, doing everything together and holding hands constantly.

Then one day at a party, the friend returned from another room to find the girl wearing nothing but a bra and panties, letting other partygoers take 'body-shots' off her stomach and between her breasts.

He proceeded to make the mistake of not breaking up with her, instead trying to 'understand' her promiscuity and hope that it would stop. I couldn't tell you how many parties or lunches I shared with them while they argued and jealously accused. It didn't stop - she ended up cheating on him.

Moral of the story: put yer woman in her place, and if she won't budge, drop her before she puts the horns on you and shames you in front of all your friends.

 

[AlteredEgo]

In her place? What is this? 1710?

 

[B_New End]

I know someone like this. I am her confidant. And she fucks around on her husband, and he doesn't know it. He is cool with her hanging out with lots of guys, (she has always been one of those girls that cant get girl friends, and always has flocks of guy friends). She tried to fuck around with me, but I didnt want to get caught by her kids, (they are fond of me, so even if they are supposed to be in bed, they will come out, and her daughter did that night too), and I didn't want to abuse her husbands trust... ..even though she had already told me she had fucked around on him (in her own way, she has a knack of getting in bed with guys, and then acting shocked when they have sex, then trying to tell me they forced her or tricked her... even though she is still friends with them.. go figure) But yeah, she doesn't even tell her sister this stuff.

 

[uboat]

In her place? What is this? 1710?

Its 2010. We all have boundaries, if they are not respected, it becomes a problem. To me, putting someone in their place is letting them know what you can and cannot deal with.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Its 2010. We all have boundaries, if they are not respected, it becomes a problem. To me, putting someone in their place is letting them know what you can and cannot deal with.

That's not what that phrase means. Everyone knows it has a negative connotation. But whatever.

 

[ConstantComment]

Some of the responses on this thread remind me of one that started on Askmen.

A guy was complaining that he took his gf to a dance bar and while they were dancing together she pulled in two other guys and "dirty danced" with them. Several female posters asked just what exactly what the problem was. And I remember distinctly one female poster saying, you're complaining as if she was giving those guys a blowjob. Oh my. (and the 20something women these days wonder why men don't want to get married.)

I'm with the Original Poster here. When I'm out with my guy, I want him to behave in ways that let's people know we are together. I want him to take my coat, fetch my drink and so on. If not, then we look like buddies. And well, we know the consequences of that.

 

[wellhung9]

say you're breaking up with her, and when she demands to know why tell her it's because she's always touching other guys being flirtatious even though u've asked her to stop. I bet there's a 95% chance she promises you she will stop now. And if she doesn't then to hell with her. what guys never realize is there is always someone better out there that you can get anyways.

 

[uboat]

the more i think about what happened, the more upset i get... so crazy!

 

[petite]

I honestly can't tell from just reading your point of view if she's really behaving in a disrespectful way or if you're irrationally jealous. I've dated one man who was unreasonably jealous, and I can see him writing the things that you've written. I can also imagine that maybe she really does behave in a way that just makes the two of you incompatible.

For whatever reason, TheBF doesn't get jealous over guys who pursue me, he only feels jealous over men that I admire, which seems like the way that it should work. He's unconcerned about men who want my attention, but men who I look up to do worry him just a little bit. That means his focus isn't on the attention that I receive, but on who I grant my admiration.

You seem to be abiding by some code of conduct regarding how other people will view you based upon your girlfriend's behavior, which is sometimes valid, sometimes not, just depending on the situation. The man I dated who was irrationally jealous used the same justifications for his irrational jealousy, and he was wrong because I did not treat him in a disrespectful way, he was just overly sensitive about his "reputation" and his "image", so I realize that when you make those same claims of being "disrespected" I have bad flashbacks to the fights we had, which colors my point of view on this.

I'd have to say that apart from not knowing whether or not your feelings are justified, I'd recommend that the two of you don't belong together based solely upon the language that you use to describe your feelings. They are extreme and harsh and you express little affection or respect for her. I'd say that the relationship was doomed from the first moment that you felt that "animosity" was the most appropriate word to describe your feelings.

 

[Chantillylace]

Nobody's personality changes. Unless they grow up and realize what/ why things are the way they are or can't keep people in their lives.... They don't change.
In some twisted way, maybe there is someone out there who could appreciate he behavior, but since you don't and it hurts you, I recommend someone who's idea of a relationship mirrors your own.
And I'm not just saying this for your benefit, I really REALLY need to hear it too.