Im developing animosity towards my GF

[B_New End]

Hey guys. Still hanging in there trying to get my girl back. She has been ignoring me but i know that that other relationship she started seems to be fizzling out. Im just gonna try to give her space. I realize i fucked up on this. breaking up with her and mistrusting her was not the way to go. I can only blame myself. I have been under tremendous stress and so im not by best these days. Just wished i would have listed to my dad when he said not to make decisions when you are angry. *SAD*

That's it. I thought maybe it was a tad reasonable you were being jealous because she was flirty, and having guys over for rum.

But now I'm thinking, she had the guy over on purpose, just to make you go away.

You sound like a pathetic, jealous little controlling asshole. You are a fucking idiot, and a fucking pussy. Everything you wrote was so stupid. "how can you call me baby but..." Please keep us updated on your pain, because I love to see the stupid tortured.

 

[B_New End]

Sorta related so I'll post it here. My friend's GF is very touchy and flirty, especially when she drinks. She's flirting with me and I do want her. At the same time, she's going out with my friend. For some reason, he seems to be putting up with it even though it pisses him off. How should I handle this? I'm not going to make a move while they are together because the guy is my friend. At the same time, I don't really think it should be up to me to discourage her from acting this way, especially when I am interested in her. For the record, I haven't been hitting on her so it's not like I'm sabotaging anything. Thoughts?

Ooh, I am in this situation, too, except I don't think he notices. Just play it cool. That's what I am doing. Don't discourage her, because they will break up eventually, and it will be your turn, eh? If your friend gets pissed you are seeing his ex, then really, is he a friend?

 

[helgaleena]

That's it. I thought maybe it was a tad reasonable you were being jealous because she was flirty, and having guys over for rum.

But now I'm thinking, she had the guy over on purpose, just to make you go away.

You sound like a pathetic, jealous little controlling asshole. You are a fucking idiot, and a fucking pussy. Everything you wrote was so stupid. "how can you call me baby but..." Please keep us updated on your pain, because I love to see the stupid tortured.

Now this is just mean.

 

[B_New End]

Now this is just mean.

Fuck him. He's a fucking controlling, jealous little asshole. Guys like him are a dime a dozen, and nobody likes them. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and I bet his ex-girl (ha ha loser, now go cry about it) did too. And like his ex girl, it didn't take long to figure out this dude has control issues, and I fucking hate control freaks.

This guy is going to never have a long term relationship until he find some poor girl with low self esteem, and then he is going to just dominate and torture her for years. Always laying guilt trips on her and shit. I know what this guy is like. That letter was total shit.

 

[ConstantComment]

Fuck him. He's a fucking controlling, jealous little asshole. Guys like him are a dime a dozen, and nobody likes them. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and I bet his ex-girl (ha ha loser, now go cry about it) did too. And like his ex girl, it didn't take long to figure out this dude has control issues, and I fucking hate control freaks.

This guy is going to never have a long term relationship until he find some poor girl with low self esteem, and then he is going to just dominate and torture her for years. Always laying guilt trips on her and shit. I know what this guy is like. That letter was total shit.

Amen.

One of these controlling types is still trying to make contact with me after more than 20 years and both of us having been married and divorced.

I think some people are looking for a certain type and not a real person. Uboat mentioned surreptitiously the his ex gf is rich. I wonder why.

 

[uboat]

I think some people are looking for a certain type and not a real person. Uboat mentioned surreptitiously the his ex gf is rich. I wonder why.

Please explain.

 

[Drifterwood]

Please explain.

U Boats caused a lot of shit, but finally the rest of us kicked them into touch.

No one mourns their passing.

 

[ConstantComment]

Please explain.

Tell us why you needed to let us know that she is rich.

 

[uboat]

Thanks everyone for the help the past few days (even the haters on here). Ive learned alot and have grown. I respect all the people who participated in this thread. Really eye openging experience.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I don't think anyone's a hater here. It just goes back to the reason you fuck with us in the first place. We all keep it real.



EDIT: Okay. And maybe there were some haters. I'm curious: What did you learn? In what way have you grown?

 

[uboat]

I don't think anyone's a hater here. It just goes back to the reason you fuck with us in the first place. We all keep it real.

Yup, and thats why i fuck with LPSG!

EDIT: Okay. And maybe there were some haters. I'm curious: What did you learn? In what way have you grown?

Lol..just a couple. But its cool. As much as i hate to admit it, I have learned that I am a bit controlling. I have also learned to be more in touch with my emotions. I have learned that in trying to keep my girl friend from being with other people, i slowly drove her in to the arms of other people.

I had a 3 hr conversation with my ex the other day. We spoke in depth about the letter i wrote and her actions that set me off last saturday. She admitted that she was outa line with her actions on sat and i also admitted that i was wayyy outa line with the way i responded. So have both decided to kinda start from square one. We both realize that our situation is rough, but also agreed not to let the bad times overshadow the good ones.

I personally am working on my issues. I know im not a perfect person. But i wont give up on myself or her.

 

[uboat]

Relationships take work. There is and always will be a struggle between "I" vs "we".

 

[uboat]

I've also learned not to take my relationships for granted and to respect them and the power they have.

 

[B_curiousme01]

She's obviously enjoying the attention from other guys and making that a priority over your feelings - it's pretty clear she doesn't give a damn about you. That's a good enough reason for you to leave her and get a newer, better improved version!

I totally agree. If she does not respect you enough to at least honor your feelings about her touchy-feely nature, you should get out. She obviously cares not and you shouldn't think you can change her. If she cared about you, she wouldn't do it.

 

[petite]

I totally agree. If she does not respect you enough to at least honor your feelings about her touchy-feely nature, you should get out. She obviously cares not and you shouldn't think you can change her. If she cared about you, she wouldn't do it.

I completely disagree. The OP made it clear that he didn't believe that she was a cheater in the OP and he's said so again, so his complaints have no merit. Having been with a man who was unreasonably controlling and jealous of behavior that was totally innocent, I have to say that he has no right to control the behavior of his girlfriend's touchy-feely nature if he knows that she's loyal and devoted to him. That's sorry behavior from a man.

Also, if a man hits on me, what's the problem? I'm attractive. Men hit on me. If you know that I'm going home with you and that I'm not straying, then you really look like a jerk if you feel like you have to step in and mark your territory when that man has no chance in hell of taking me home. It's a huge turn-off for me, acting like that. That's a problem with a man's ego, not my behavior.

I've only ever dated one man who had jealousy issues, and he made those sorts of claims of "respect" and expressed unreasonable levels of concern about what other people thought of him based upon whether or not any man was ever interested in me. He treated me terribly by acting like my primary concern in order to show him "respect" should be to make sure that no man ever acted remotely interested in me and by blaming me for constantly failing and getting angry at me. That's a terrible way to treat a person and I refused to live with it. The saddest part is that before he started acting like a jerk, I really was head over heels for him and I adored him and wouldn't have ever left him, but he ruined it, and couldn't see that his behavior was out of line.

Scratch that, there were two males, but the other one was a 16 year old teenage boy and immature and we "dated" for two weeks when I was 15. Even then I knew that his behavior was out of line and it made me deeply uncomfortable, but he was too busy trying to "act like a man" to realize that he was acting like a jerk.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I have the utmost respect for you, uboat.

 

[B_curiousme01]

Well, he does not seem overly possessive and controlling to me at all. He asked her multiple times to stop touching OTHER men. I would not like it if my hubby touched woman all the time (ever) and he KNEW it bothered me. In my opinion, she has no respect for him. If she was cared, why would she be touching other men all the time? If you are okay with your bf touching other woman all the time, that's cool. I would not have it myself.

And his complaints absolutely have merit because she is hurting him and a relationship is give and take. I don't thinking asking your partner to keep their hands to themselves is unreasonable at all. In fact, most people in a relationship that I know do not go around touching others all the time. Wonder why that is?

I completely disagree. The OP made it clear that he didn't believe that she was a cheater in the OP and he's said so again, so his complaints have no merit. Having been with a man who was unreasonably controlling and jealous of behavior that was totally innocent, I have to say that he has no right to control the behavior of his girlfriend's touchy-feely nature if he knows that she's loyal and devoted to him. That's sorry behavior from a man.

Also, if a man hits on me, what's the problem? I'm attractive. Men hit on me. If you know that I'm going home with you and that I'm not straying, then you really look like a jerk if you feel like you have to step in and mark your territory when that man has no chance in hell of taking me home. It's a huge turn-off for me, acting like that. That's a problem with a man's ego, not my behavior.

I've only ever dated one man who had jealousy issues, and he made those sorts of claims of "respect" and expressed unreasonable levels of concern about what other people thought of him based upon whether or not any man was ever interested in me. He treated me terribly by acting like my primary concern in order to show him "respect" should be to make sure that no man ever acted remotely interested in me and by blaming me for constantly failing and getting angry at me. That's a terrible way to treat a person and I refused to live with it. The saddest part is that before he started acting like a jerk, I really was head over heels for him and I adored him and wouldn't have ever left him, but he ruined it, and couldn't see that his behavior was out of line.

Scratch that, there were two males, but the other one was a 16 year old teenage boy and immature and we "dated" for two weeks when I was 15. Even then I knew that his behavior was out of line and it made me deeply uncomfortable, but he was too busy trying to "act like a man" to realize that he was acting like a jerk.

 

[ConstantComment]

Well, he does not seem overly possessive and controlling to me at all. He asked her multiple times to stop touching OTHER men. I would not like it if my hubby touched woman all the time (ever) and he KNEW it bothered me. In my opinion, she has no respect for him. If she was cared, why would she be touching other men all the time? If you are okay with your bf touching other woman all the time, that's cool. I would not have it myself.

And his complaints absolutely have merit because she is hurting him and a relationship is give and take. I don't thinking asking your partner to keep their hands to themselves is unreasonable at all. In fact, most people in a relationship that I know do not go around touching others all the time. Wonder why that is?

The problem I have here is that Uboat keeps trying to go back to her; effectively, trying to get her to change. His beef is a reasonable one but it is also an accept / reject proposition. Since she knows her behavior bothers him and she doesn't change, that says to me

1. she doesn't care about his feelings
2. she doesn't want to change, ie her freedom to continue her habits is more important than a relationship with him


Why would anyone want to hang around with someone who exhibits the following choices?

The kind of person who hangs around is someone
1. looking for a project
2. who is very controlling
3. who is more concerned about capturing a certain type of person (here a rich girl) than about the actual person.

His values are fine; he just needs to take them somewhere else where they are valued.

 

[DasLeezard]

I'm reminded of Pink Floyd...


Runnnnnn... rabbit runnnn.....

 

[B_curiousme01]

He must care for her, which is why he has asked her more than once. I agree with everything you wrote. I don't think he is really trying to "change" her. He is simply asking her to respect the relationship be keeping her hands to herself. Pretty clear she doesn't want to.

The problem I have here is that Uboat keeps trying to go back to her; effectively, trying to get her to change. His beef is a reasonable one but it is also an accept / reject proposition. Since she knows her behavior bothers him and she doesn't change, that says to me

1. she doesn't care about his feelings
2. she doesn't want to change, ie her freedom to continue her habits is more important than a relationship with him


Why would anyone want to hang around with someone who exhibits the following choices?

I think it's because he cares for her and is trying to make their relationship a healthy one. I didn't read any ulterior motives from him.

The kind of person who hangs around is someone
1. looking for a project
2. who is very controlling
3. who is more concerned about capturing a certain type of person (here a rich girl) than about the actual person.

His values are fine; he just needs to take them somewhere else where they are valued.