I'm down, big time.

[D_Herin_Ghan]

Now, normally I'm not the type of person who gets all deep and emotional on this board. I'm one of those people who does not like airing out my problems for the world to hear..but in this case, I feel like I need to.


Pre-requisite: I was picked on a lot as a kid. Whether it was because I was doofily tall, or I started puberty late, or because I was an athlete, I'm not really sure. I always gave people the time of day, and I'd take a bullet for my closest friends, they know this...and I hope they understand the gravity of me saying that. I hated middle school, I hated most of high school. It seemed like people made me the goat for anything, or the brunt of a joke all the time. I had trouble settling in, finding friends, and really finding my place in the world. While all this was going on, my parents were fighting behind closed doors. I had no idea, and got blindsided in my sophmore year when my Dad moved into the guest bedroom. He said he needed to isolate himself because of Colitis. I'm not stupid, and I knew something was up..but I pretended to believe.

Junior year rolls around, and I finally start looking like everyone else, maturing both on a mental and physical level. I did well in my classes, people started to notice me, and I came into my own with regards to the sports I play, and being a prospect for collegiate baseball and volleyball. I fell for a girl pretty hard (which for me, NEVER happens), and she told me she liked me back. All things were going well until I find out she was talking to someone on the phone from California, and they had decided to try a long distance relationship. I was gutted and angry, but most of all...I was confused. Old insecurities crept back in..what if I wasn't attractive? What if no one ever gives me a chance? Not long after (a week and a half) my parents informed me that I was moving..and they were legally separating.

That might have been the lowest point of my life. I was depressed, angry, sad..but most of all...unhappy. I wondered if I would ever have a chance just to be like everyone else and have things go well for me...even if just once. Thankfully, my acceptance into PSU numbed things a little, but I was still in a daze. I didn't sleep, and when I did...I didn't want to wake up. I couldn't wait to leave my hometown and get out of that hellhole. Get through Senior year, and start my life over at State.

Senior year rolls around, I go to baseball showcases. Penn State coach comes up and talks to me about possibly playing for the school. I was ecstatic beyond belief, I thought my dream had come true. Finally, I'd have my day.

I didn't.

Amidst the haze of senior year, keeping together what friendships I had, and just scraping by in school because of Senioritis and whatnot. My volleyball season was awesome, those guys are my best friends in the world. It was the true definition of what a team should be. However, I was looking forward to baseball the most. I hit the gym in the offseason...hard. Too hard. I fucked up my elbow, and had an awful senior season on the field. I didn't get an offer to play at PSU.

Fast forward to the present.; a lot of things have been happening in my life over the past six months. I'm in my second year at Penn State, just finished pledging my fraternity, and I thought things were finally falling into place for me. I'm in an open relationship, and was really enjoying myself. I found my niche at school, I was happy until this week. When I got back from break, I knew it would be difficult picking up where I left off with this girl. Things have a tendency to go that way when you go over a month without seeing each other. I got back, and I found myself angry that we were in an open relationship. I want to be with her. Unfortunately for me, she is not sure what she's gonna do. I'm in limbo basically, and I'm worried she won't choose me again. The insecurities are back.

I also got a call last week that my guinea pig died. I had been expecting this for sometime, but that little thing felt like it was the only friend I had in the world for a lot of the time...she was 5.

Around 3:30 today, I got a call from my dad. Our adorable, frisky, puppy was run over by a car today. 4 months old. I'm heartbroken. She followed me everywhere I went, and would cry when I went to bed. She cried when I left for college coming back from winter break too. I've lost my two pets in one week. The only two things in the world which didn't give a shit what I looked like, or what other people said about me, or what I did with my life. And they've been taken from me within a week.

I cried for the first time in six years today. Not bawled, but cried. I couldn't do it for so long, but I did. I broke down. I don't know what to do, I just feel like I'm never gonna get my chance to stay happy. I was happy for six months, just like that..I may be lower than before.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Well, I'm sorry to hear about your pets... that sucks. The only advice I can give is pretty tough advice, and not something most people want to hear. You control how you feel and how you react to situations. I know this doesn't make much sense right now, but hopefully it will someday... choose to feel differently about your situation. Don't think about the past, but focus on the future. Every time one door closes, another one opens. Just stay positive... the glass is half full.

 

[HazelGod]

I'm going to do something I normally don't and preface my response...if I sound harsh or callous, please accept my apology in advance, as such is not my intent.

That said, cheer up! Life is a roller coaster...it's full of ups and downs, and without sounding too condescending, at 19 years old, you're still on that first shot out of the starting gate. Don't agonize over feeling low and comparing it to past times you thought might have been happier. Trust me when I tell you that the big highs are still ahead of you: college graduation, landing your first job, getting married, getting raises/promotions, having kids, buying a boat, blah, blah...the list goes on.

That said, lose the girl. It's not that I don't love women, but again...at 19, why in the world are you locking onto one woman? I know you said you had an open relationship...and I call bullshit. You don't have the experience to have any idea what would qualify as a satisfyingly open relationship. But that's not even the point...you should spend these next several years being you. That means being single, hanging with the fraternity, casually dating lots of people. Most important, you have to spend enough time being yourself to come to love yourself...because until you can do that, you'll never feel completely happy with yourself. And unless you're happy with yourself, nobody in the world will be able to make you happy.

So go focus on your classes. Spend time in the gym. Go on road trips with the fellas...preferably to warm destinations where bikinis abound. (S. Padre Island was always fun!) Hook up with random girls. Ask for phone numbers and never call. Be an asshole and learn to love it. Become untouchable. Then wonder why you have more girls calling than ever. Eventually, you'll mellow out and come back down to earth...but for heaven's sake, man, enjoy this ride all you can!

 

[viking1]

I know what you mean by too many bad things happening at once. I am going through a time like that now myself. My Dad passed away last year.
My Mom has Alzheimers and after falling and breaking her hip is in a nursing home. I have been having back problems. The MRI scan for my back showed 2 ruptured disks and found some kind of tumor in my abdomen.
It could be cancer. My life could be over soon, but I cannot dwell on that.
I just have to go forward and try to enjoy everyday of life as it comes.

Think about all the good things you have going for you. Like being young, healthy, and having you whole life to look forward to. I wish I was your age again. I looked at the pix in your gallery and I think you are a handsome young man. You certainly have a nice penis. I wish mine were that big! Do not let the low times get to you...these things will pass.

Find some good friends to lean on and get a new girlfriend. Concentrate on your studies and sports. Emphasize the positve things. You can get through this and be stronger for having done so. Things will work out okay and all will be back to normal in no time. Good luck to you.

 

[dannymawg]

Very sorry to hear of the passing of your pets.

And yes, chin up - imagine having the regrets or insecurities at age 40 instead of age 19. You have your life in front of you. Don't let what short time has passed already set the tone for later life.

 

[Rikter8]

I hear ya man. I can relate with you on so many levels.

If its of any help, Ive been on the similar ups and downs my whole life too.
Just when your up, life finds some way to slam you back down into the dirt and grind you in.

Grieve now, as it will do you good later.
Focus on finishing your education.

Seriously - let it all go man. Love your parents, but leave everything At home. When your at school, focus on nothing but school and get that Degree!!

Once you've got that piece of paper, your life will open up in so many ways that you've never imagined.

Girlfriends are nice company, but dont let it distract you from your schooling.

Were here for you man
C

 

[MIDGAVILLE]

I won't impose upon your heartache by telling you that "somewhere, someone has it worse off than you", (to me,there is nothing more loathsome that to have someone, albeit well meant, to regale me with such a pitiable "comfort". I regard my problems as the worst possible, and I need no one to philosophize for me.) Nevertheless, from what I see you are an attractive young man, you are very well written, and there is a certain eloquence and depth in your post that I find uncommon among others your age. Long story short - take it easy. Time is your friend; if you wish to bawl your eyes out, please do so. Experience the fullness of life including its pains. Through these experiences, you will refine who you are and you will find that no matter what obstacle you face, you posess the capacity to succeed and plow through it.

 

[Principessa]

Very sorry to hear of the passing of your pets.

And yes, chin up - imagine having the regrets or insecurities at age 40 instead of age 19. You have your life in front of you. Don't let what short time has passed already set the tone for later life.

What he said.
njqt466

 

[andy72663]

sorry to hear that happened to anyone, let alone a Penn Stater

 

[Gillette]

You've had a bad run and the loss of both pets was extra you just didn't need. Feel every emotion. It's healthy. But know that they will start to fade and the sun will come up again.

Rikter8 is exactly right about focusing on your education. These are the years that will determine the path the rest of your life will take. Don't let yourself be distracted from the one thing that will determine how positive the rest of your life can be.

 

[socoken]

That said, lose the girl. It's not that I don't love women, but again...at 19, why in the world are you locking onto one woman?

Thats great advice, but I am sorry to hear about your pets.

maybe this will help

YouTube - Da Vinci's Notebook - My Enormous Penis

 

[Pumblechook]

I also got a call last week that my guinea pig died. I had been expecting this for sometime, but that little thing felt like it was the only friend I had in the world for a lot of the time...she was 5.

Around 3:30 today, I got a call from my dad. Our adorable, frisky, puppy was run over by a car today. 4 months old. I'm heartbroken. She followed me everywhere I went, and would cry when I went to bed. She cried when I left for college coming back from winter break too. I've lost my two pets in one week. The only two things in the world which didn't give a shit what I looked like, or what other people said about me, or what I did with my life. And they've been taken from me within a week.

I cried for the first time in six years today. Not bawled, but cried. I couldn't do it for so long, but I did. I broke down. I don't know what to do, I just feel like I'm never gonna get my chance to stay happy. I was happy for six months, just like that..I may be lower than before.

Far too much to respond to, so I will only look at a couple of parts.

I had two pets die this past summer. A cat and a dog, both between 14 and 15 years of age. Not quite as tragic as your young pets dying, but in any event, pets naturally live shorter lives than humans. Thus, the joy of a pet is naturally offset by the later loss of that pet.

There is nothing wrong with crying. Not crying for 6 years is setting yourself up for a huge crying spree later. It is a natural part of life to feel a range of emotions, although some are more common than others. I've noticed if I go for long periods without feeling sad at all, sometimes I'll just eventually end up crying for no reason as some kind of natural release. Then it's out of my system. You should let your emotions come out when they are present and live composed when you are composed. Trying to control how your emotions work, when in reality you can't, even if you try, is only setting yourself up for problems.

What use would be trying to move the sun? Would we all not get burnt, ruin our corneas, and waste a lot of time in futility? Don't try and control it and the sun will rise and set on its own accord.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

Sorry to hear about all the downs you've been experiencing, LINL. If its any help, you're not alone. There are many times when I feel the same angst you're going though.

Here's hoping things improve for you in 2007.

 

[Matthew]

You know it's interesting how sadness or depression can strike beyond the actual causes of your feelings and hit you right in the areas where you're weak or insecure from the past. Your story of how your pets' death raised all kinds of issues for you going back to high school reminded me of myself. A tragedy like this can seem not like a momentary turn of bad fortune and feel more like an indictment of your whole life and your ability to be a happy person. But of course that's not really the case.

Sorry this all happened, Lion. Life just sucks majorly sometimes. So take things day by day. Be good to yourself right now - even spoil yourself a little. Try to separate out all those different issues because altogether they're a mountain. And don't try to figure everything out in one night; answers to tough questions usually come over time. You're a good guy, a smart guy, and you have a bright future ahead.

 

[davidjh7]

I know when you feel like this, the last thing you want is the "Buck up, feel better, things aren't as bad as they seem" speech. So, instead, I'll give you this.....You've been shit on, in many ways, by different events and people and life circumstances. You work your ass off to make life a little better, then something or someone comes along to kick you in the nuts. It is NOT fair, it is NOT right. And you do NOT deserve it! It is ok to feel life sucks sometimes, because honestly, sometimes it truly does. But everything DOES cycle, eventually. And you do have some great things going for you. You've got brains. You've got looks. You;ve got eloquence. You have a dynamic personality. You have a great body. You have a great big good looking dick. You are tall, which is far more desired than being short, especially by women. Even if you didn;t have all the INTERNAL things going for you that you do, because people are basically shallow and focus on the externals, you COULD get away with being a lazy prick and coasting, and using people because they desire you,and being successful at it But you don't, and that speaks volumes of good about you. And regardless of whether you want to hear it from an ugly old fag or not, the truth is the same---you ARE a major hottie---and more women than you can imagine want you. You just have to open up enough to realize it. Right now, your mind and heart are going through more changes than at any other time in your life--you are defining who you will be for the rest of your life. It's emotional puberty, man, and it hurts--far more than any physical growing pains ever did. But most of us survive it, and ultimately learn from it. Realize that despite what people think about you, or what you think they think about it, you are a hell of a person. You have many gifts and tools natural to you, that you can use to make your life better, and sucessful. You are just starting to learn to use them, but you will. And honestly, I am a pretty good judge of character, and you are going to have a pretty amazing life----unless you hide away from it. You ARE worth alot--to more people than you can imagine. For physical, mental and emotional reasons. Hang on, and it WILL cycle. THings DID get better before, and they WILL get better again. And go down again. But hang on through the bad times, and milk the good times for all they are worth, and make your life what you want it to be, regardless of how the bastards want to keep you down. You have everything it takes to be anything you want. I believe in you, because of the person I have come to see. And I don't believe in much these days. For what it is worth...

 

[k9sport]

Wow, you have had some VERY difficult happenings in your life of late. I remember the first year of college - lots of stress and life adjustments to add to the rest of "normal life". Just try and remember that this will be one of the most exciting times of your life and someday you will look back at your college days with joy. The independence, freedom and challenge - heady stuff!

I don't know if it helps knowing others have had a tough year also, but ... I buried my mother (suicide) and father (cancer) this past year. And, was forced to put down two puppies - one with spinal cancer that paralyzed him and the other from a rare congenital nerve virus.

Chin up sweetie!! You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I will be thinking of you, please keep me updated.

*hugs*, K

 

[chris4869]

I think all of us can relate to you at one time or another LINittanyLion. I'm sadden to see you feel this low at age 19, but then you are 19 and your life is just starting. I promise you that you will look back to this moment one day and giggle because it's so insignificant. It doesn't feel like it now, but you will.

May I offer you some suggestions? Keep yourself busy!! Study. Go out with your friends. Do what makes you smile :smile: and happy:lmao: !! Don't dwell on things that keep you up at night, because it won't solve anything. Most important of all... let go of your current "open relationship" girlfriend. You're not going to find new love/happiness if you don't let her go.

If your parents ever separate, just remind yourself that they might be HAPPIER being separated. They'll still be your parents regardless.

On a cruel note... pets are easy to replace. :biggrin1: :biggrin1:

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

Sweetie im sorry to hear things arent going well for you right now. All i an say is the old cliche of it can only get better. You love your girl but if she dosent love you back it really is best she tells you now before you enter a monogomous relationship and you will find somone who loves YOU. Also terrible about the pets, i know some people say they are oly animals but they really do work a way into your heart..maybe consider fish or something you can keep with you.

Anyway it's littlwe consilation but you do have an awesome cock and a very nice body..Hope you feel better soon.

How come here and let me give you a hug and a kiss :kiss:

 

[bluekarma]

I'm sorry about your pets, I know that's rough. Things will start to look up soon, and when you least expect it. Your GF's a total idiot if she picks somoene else. I'd worship that cock with all of my being if it were mine! Chin up darlin' you'll make it!!

xxx CG

 

[tallguypns]

I'm taking a hiatus from my posting hiatus just for you Nittany. Why? I like you.

I know you feel bad right now, and you should. It's normal. I know nothing I say will actually make you feel better because I've been where you are, and for a large part still live in that zone.

I've always enjoyed your posts and the brief interaction we had in the chat. I think you're positively charming, intelligent, incredibly good looking and blessed in many ways. Eventually you will start to feel better and more positive, just like your old self. When you do, come back and reread this thread and realize how lucky you are to have all the people that responded to your pain with their support. You are well liked here, and if the people here will like you, then they'll like you anywhere if you let them.

Take some time to grieve for the loss of your pets. Learn to accept what's going on between your parents, and know that it has nothing to do with you as a person: they'll always be your mom and dad, even if they separate. Find yourself a whole harem of hot chicks to fall in love with, so you'll really be ready when "the one" comes along. Hang out with your brothers as much as you can and form those incredible bonds that will provide you lasting friendships for years to come. Celebrate your difference from everyone else around you. Concentrate on your studies. Focus on your strengths. Dismiss your weaknesses. Laugh. Cry.

You ARE loved.