I'm down, big time.

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

I'm sorry to hear about your pets. One of my treasured dogs was hit in the highway in front of our house last April. I was a mess. We lost a cat the same way a few months before. I don't know if you'll find a bigger animal lover on the board...or at least in this thread. They are always there for you and the only example of unconditional love I've ever found. My Greyhound sleeps with me under the blanket because he gets cold and shivers.

I remember being 19 like it was 10 minutes ago. I remember putting my hopes on other people's decisions and hoping people would like me...hoping I was good enough for my relationship to endure...I often wonder what I could have accomplished if I had the self-confidence I do today. It was hard won. Sometimes I felt like I was walking through a mine field, I was almost purely reactive instead of proactive. I spent way too much time in speculation and fear.

I had a harrowing childhood and the fact that I have any self worth today is a miracle. I'll tell you this: my experience has turned me into a person the likes of which most people have never seen. I have the instincts of a headhunter and I'm no longer afraid of the things that used to terrify me.

You're an exceptional young man. Wit, intellect, sensitivity...and you're also handsome. I don't freely dish out compliments. You remind me a lot of myself at 19. I have every confidence you'll work this stuff out and realise your aspirations. Whenever I don't get something I want, I tell myself the universe has something better planned for me. And of course you know...I'm the charter member of your fan club.

 

[vinny_spiruccino]

Oh Lion... you bring out the dad in me (which is a closely guarded secret, so feel priveledged)...

I can only echo what the other posters here have said, some good advice thus far. Big boys DO cry sometimes. Even if you need to do it privately, nothing makes you feel better than a good healthy melt down. It's a process, and if you hold it back you're really just delaying things from healing. Besides, it doesn't take long before you're sick of crying and make a decision to make some changes.

The loss of your pets hurts right now, but you'll get over it. That sounds harsh, but isn't intended to be. And as for the insecurities... I wish I could tell you a rock solid methodology that would instantly cure them, but I can't. You just have to figure them out. I can tell you however, that just like Matthew & Sorcerer have said, it does get better. You're a sweet guy. You're smart and obviously competent - you've certainly got a lot going for you! Sometimes those things just get hard to see.

Chin up son.

 

[madame_zora]

Aww, you guys are awsome- this stuff makes me like men.

Lion, your troubles are so tough to go through while they're happening. I think it's precious that you care so much for your pets, it shows a quality of being genuine that is very endearing. When you lose someone who has shown you non-judgemental love, it always hurts. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. The alternative is that you go through life in a gray and colourless world where neither joy nor pain is fully experienced.

Open relationships are not a 101 class. That's some seriously adult stuff, and in truth there are many times when I don't feel "grown up" enough to handle them myself. What happens if you DO fall in love? How does that change the original arrangement? Don't feel bad about struggling with questions like these, it would be abnormal if you didn't. Be proud of yourself for recognising the need to reevaluate new information as it comes along. That is a skill that will serve you well in a lot of ways.

You're beautiful, articulate, caring and sweet. I hope you find loves who appreciate these things in you, and that you don't settle for someone who doesn't want to give as well as she gets. I don't know this girl you are seeing, but if you want more from her and she's not ready to offer that, perhaps she's just not the one.

Good luck with all, and thanks for opening up to us.

 

[Ethyl]

First, my condolences on the loss of your pets. They bring so much joy to our lives and, as others mentioned, love us unconditionally. I lost one of my beloved birds last month as well as a sparrow I raised last summer. My corgi has been with me through thick and thin these last seven years. As much as I know her life on earth is considerably shorter than mine, my heart will break when it's time for her to go.

Feel free to post pics of your cat and dog on the Animalia thread. I, for one, would love to see them and this might help you with the grieving process.

Second, I wish I knew what to tell you about your friend. As MZ said, open relationships are difficult enough for adults twice your age. Sometimes the heart wins over the mind and there's not much you can do about it. If she decides to not reciprocate, know that this is not the last time you'll fall for someone, even if you don't do it that often. It's a big world out there with lots of wonderful women. Don't deprive yourself of your chances of meeting them. You have much to offer - why would you deprive them of the chance of meeting you?:smile:

 

[D_Herin_Ghan]

Thank you to each and every one who has posted here or PM'ed me. Your responses prove to me that I was smart in trusting the people here with my thoughts. You all have helped me in more ways than you can even dream of.

Thank you so very much.

 

[dolf250]

I am gong to start by disagreeing with Hazelgod. That advice was good for certain types of people, but I somehow get the feeling that you are not one of them. I agree that you should try to enjoy your time being young and (somewhat ) worry free; however, there are other ways to enjoy that time than form meaningless relationships with everybody and not care.

The best relationship I have ever had was one in college. It ended horribly and I became a train wreck (now there is incentive to find somebody to care about) ;but it is a part of who I am and I would not change it. I am not advising you to lock into the one woman who you are now seeing; especially if she is not ready. Also, realize that it is likely more an issue with her readiness and not wanting to feel tied down than it is anything to do with you. If she is not ready you have two options. Rid yourself of her or keep on in the open relationship and keep looking. My advice would be to move on. If you stay you are, in effect “settling” and there will not be the incentive to watch as closely for the lady who catches your eye and, possibly, heart.

There is nothing to say about the pets. When I finally put my dog down after 13 years I laid on the floor of the vets office with him. I often slept on the floor with him at home and I was trying to hold the emotion in and be a comfort to him until he was gone and then the tears flowed. He was my best friend through the roughest part of my life. I am sorry you lost your friends.

 

[dcwrestlefan]

best wishes to you. with time, the sadness will be gone. focus on the good and stay close with those that you care about.

 

[D_Sheffield Thongbynder]

Nothing more to add to what was said in PMs, NL, except to remind you that a realignment of your loyalties to the Wisconsin Badgers usually results in improved spirits.:wink:

 

[Ineligible]

i'd just like to add to the other people that I know well that being picked on through school can really erode your self-confidence. Each time someone says something hurtful it doesn't seem too bad, but over time it wears away at your self-esteem and you start believing what they say, you start thinking you will never be happy.

But they are wrong. A lie remains a lie, even when told many times. You're as good a person as anyone else. You've taken some blows recently that would have anyone reeling, but you will get up again, and life will get better again.

 

[Matthew]

a realignment of your loyalties to the Wisconsin Badgers usually results in improved spirits.:wink:

:werd: :biggrin1: