I'm engaged and I want to have sex with other women

[NumberTwentySix]

I do not understand the responses galaxus has been getting from some of the people on this thread. I've read threads from people on here in convoluted poly relationships where several participants had kids and 95% of responses were outrageously supportive and accepting.

Yet here is a guy who is doing the responsible thing for the woman he loves (and her child; am I the only one who thinks he is a total champ for being willing to be a father of some other dude's kid?) and trying to get his issues worked out before he gets married. But all he gets, aside from the brilliant post by EnTaro, is a bunch of crap about not understanding his own mind. He's too young? He's immature? He is a grown-ass-man you condescending bums! Let's help him work it out...

I just can't fuck any woman either. I would like them to be attractive and I don't want to pay for. paying for sex just negates the whole thing. I would also like them to be attracted to me, to find me sexy.

This is where your fiancee has a legitimate beef. If you go screw some slut in a bar restroom, it is a lot less of a threat to her than if you seduce an intelligent, attractive woman over a period of days or weeks. You really can't justify test driving a Mercedes after you've bought a Bentley. Test drive a used Oldsmobile instead.

I understand your need to be found attractive. The problem is that now that you're engaged, that need is in direct conflict with your girl's interests, and garnering her support for an adventure with a woman (or three) of the same caliber as she will be nigh on impossible.

I agree with Pendulum and zuj. I would advise you both discuss whether a threesome would work instead. There are several reasons why;

You give her much more control over the parameters of the encounter.
She gets the knowledge that she is doing something for you, as opposed to being completely out of the loop.
She gets to pick the time and place, and psych herself up beforehand.
You let her find a woman who is as non-threatening as can be.
(I promise she will still pick someone attractive)
All three of you are forced to plan and consider the situation over a period of time, simply because of the logistics of the thing. It's much more complex than you going to some club (I assume without the fiancee) to try and get some random ass.

The whole process in theory fosters greater communication and intimacy between you, as opposed to the divisive situation with which you are currently faced.


Just my $.02. Good luck.

 

[HungThickProf]

Funny how you want to take your fathering role serious with the child of your fiancee. Yet you don't understand the consequences of screwing around on this child's mother. At some point she's going to figure out something. You may come across psycho women a la Fatal Attraction who will insist upon teaching a lesson.

But even so, your assignations with other women will rarely neatly fit into the away time from your fiancee. Hence the child along with the accompanying sighs of disappointment from her mother will figure out that something's not right.

Stop thinking that you are something bigger than you are.

Damn... tell it, girl!

 

[ConstantComment]

I also forgot to add, Galaxus, would you advise your "daughter" to stay with a guy who wanted to still screw around?

 

[Pitbull]

What an interesting thread.

The solution to your problem may not be to have sex with another woman or two or ten.
The answer to the question of who else is out there happens to be over a billion women.
How many to you have to go through to decide you have the right one?
Or that you had the right one and blew it because of curious indecision?

Bad news is that no one can make that decision except you.
I and others here can give thoughts and opinions.
A therapist perhaps can offer guidance to help you find the answer.
But you must find the answer and make the decision.

At 22 even considering marriage is rather rare.
And with instant parenthood attached many question your sanity.
Does not mean continuing on the path with this woman is the wrong decision.
It could be the best and smartest thing you ever do in your life.
Hard to make a decision with lots of negative advice attached.
And most will give you negative advice because they are young and horny and not ready to settle down.
Take that into account when sifting through the advice.
If you asked a bunch of people who got married young and have no regrets, the answers would be much different.

You need to ask yourself some questions.
What is important to you?
What do you want out of life, this year, in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years?
The decisions of today will determine your life in the future.
How much does this woman mean to you?
Do you think you will find a better life partner?
Are you willing to make a real commitment?
That involves giving up things.
But it involves gaining something too.

Maybe you are very lucky and have trouble dealing with it.
If you went to Vegas and hit the million dollar jackpot with the first coin in the slot machine would you accept your good fortune and wisely head to the door?
Right now, if she is all that perfect, you are putting the whole pile on the craps table hoping you can keep what you have and get more.
Caution!
You could lose it all and have nothing but regret.

Sex is fun.
A different partner is exciting but often times disappointing.
You do it enough then you can feel unfulfilled at times.
You will discover that there are people who really are lousy lays.
There are also people out there who are psychotic or insane and your penis will overrule the better judgement of your brain.
When you finally escape from one of those you will be wishing you just stayed at home and jerked off.

What you need is self discovery.
Hopefully the path will lead to enlightenment.

 

[Drifterwood]

I think that you should stay with your GF, but break off the engagaement until you have resolved this issue for yourself.

Also, I wouldn't take any criticism from some misplaced attitudes to morality. Morals are the mores of a culture, the common way that people behave. There is infidelity in 75% of marriages. I would therefore conclude that infidelity is the norm. You are being very honest about your sexual urges and wish to resolve this before you fully commit to a marriage. Good for you and good luck.

I would therefore break off the engagement as this is in effect letting your GF know that you have an unresolved issue that by your own sense of what is right and wrong makes you unable to make your marriage commitment at this time. It may well be that you stay together and you don't have sex with anyone else and in a couple of years don't have this issue. You may still have it, who knows, but you are being very honest with yourself and her, and you don't deserve any criticism for that.

As a man, I can understand why you want to screw around some, whether it's actually a valuable experience or not is a wholly different question, and I doubt that ticking a box will make any difference in the long run as to whether you will want to fuck someone else in twenty years time, i.e. at my age.

 

[EmJay]

What an interesting thread.

The solution to your problem may not be to have sex with another woman or two or ten.
The answer to the question of who else is out there happens to be over a billion women.
How many to you have to go through to decide you have the right one?
Or that you had the right one and blew it because of curious indecision?

Bad news is that no one can make that decision except you.
I and others here can give thoughts and opinions.
A therapist perhaps can offer guidance to help you find the answer.
But you must find the answer and make the decision.

At 22 even considering marriage is rather rare.
And with instant parenthood attached many question your sanity.
Does not mean continuing on the path with this woman is the wrong decision.
It could be the best and smartest thing you ever do in your life.
Hard to make a decision with lots of negative advice attached.
And most will give you negative advice because they are young and horny and not ready to settle down.
Take that into account when sifting through the advice.
If you asked a bunch of people who got married young and have no regrets, the answers would be much different.

You need to ask yourself some questions.
What is important to you?
What do you want out of life, this year, in 5 years, 10 years, 50 years?
The decisions of today will determine your life in the future.
How much does this woman mean to you?
Do you think you will find a better life partner?
Are you willing to make a real commitment?
That involves giving up things.
But it involves gaining something too.

Maybe you are very lucky and have trouble dealing with it.
If you went to Vegas and hit the million dollar jackpot with the first coin in the slot machine would you accept your good fortune and wisely head to the door?
Right now, if she is all that perfect, you are putting the whole pile on the craps table hoping you can keep what you have and get more.
Caution!
You could lose it all and have nothing but regret.

Sex is fun.
A different partner is exciting but often times disappointing.
You do it enough then you can feel unfulfilled at times.
You will discover that there are people who really are lousy lays.
There are also people out there who are psychotic or insane and your penis will overrule the better judgement of your brain.
When you finally escape from one of those you will be wishing you just stayed at home and jerked off.

What you need is self discovery.
Hopefully the path will lead to enlightenment.

Please try and take PB's post in..very beautiful, thoughtful and wise response to what you are dealing with...

Loved it!

 

[toadstool]

If you love your fiancee then you should not go looking anywhere else for a women to fuck you should have thought of that before commiting to her dont give up your love for her for a cheap fuck with someone else trust me it will only make things worse in your relationship if your feelings are that strong to have sex with another break off your engagement and let her go it is unfair for you to expect her to accept this lude behavior

 

[maxcok]

* searches for 'taking hat off' emoticon to salute pitbull *

 

[D_Mona Samore]

Try looking at it from her side. It can be painful for a woman to hear that her man wants to have sex with someone else. You don't want to hurt her, but you already have. She's not so special to you that no other woman matters. She is probably wondering why she isn't enough for you, and feeling rejected.

 

[BayAreaGuy]

Ya know, it sickens me that people like you are allowed to get married (hell, you're ENCOURAGED and CELEBRATED for it!), but my partner and I are prohibited by law from getting married after more than 20 years of being together!

You say, "But we do know that we are the one for each other," and that's clearly a load of horse shit. SHE may be the one for YOU, but you're certainly not the one for HER. Does she know that you're lying to her? It's a lie of omission to let her believe that you're engaged to be married, but planning on having sex with other women? I'm betting that she doesn't, so she clearly doesn't even KNOW the real you.

You're a kid. You need to go sow your wild oats and stop playing grown up before you end up with a bunch of kids who are being raised by a single mom on welfare (which basically means that the taxpayers have to raise your offspring).

 

[Pitbull]

Please try and take PB's post in..very beautiful, thoughtful and wise response to what you are dealing with...

Loved it!

* searches for 'taking hat off' emoticon to salute pitbull *

Thanks. I appreciate the compliments.

People get married without knowing what they want, where they are going, how they are going to get there and most importantly what their partner's vision is.
They think they know what they want
or they do what is expected of them
expected by society, family, friends or the person they are planning to marry.

I should add that after you finally figure things out then you need to talk with your intended and really talk about yourselves and what you want for the future.

The two of you may be standing on a mountaintop together looking at a beautiful vista in awe.
However, if she is admiring the view to the east and you are looking to the west, there will be major problems when you go off to continue your journey.

 

[D_TaintedTaint]

I know exactly how you feel. I went thru that same phase when I was about 21. I was dating a girl I really liked and I just wanted sex from other women (nothing more). Being engaged is a lil different because you're one step away from being a one woman man. With that, you're gonna have to tough this one out. A woman will tell you she's okay with something but her actions will say otherwise (hence her acting jealous). You're gonna need to stay faithful and expect the same from her. It's awesome that you're honest with her about that tho...that'll definitely work to your benefit when u get married.

One thing that may help is try spicing things up. Try various sex positions, different places (shower, kitchen while she's cooking, etc.) Or see if she's open to a 3 some with another girl u find attractive. Whatever you decide, make sure its all mutual.

Hi, I'm a 22 year old man who has been engaged for 8 months now. We don't have a date and we don't plan on getting married soon. But we do know that we are the one for each other.

To be blunt, I want to have sex with other women. Why? I'm not really sure. my fiancée is the only woman I've sex with. The sex is GREAT, her company is pleasant and she is absolutely beautiful (to be honest I was blessed to just have her fall in my lap), but I just want to see what else is out there. At first she was ok with me trying to look sex, but now she can't stand it (and that irritates me a lil bit because she promised to help me get through this.... but I can't blame her). She thought my feelings would just go away. But they won't. This is an issue I want to deal with before I get married.

I just can't fuck any woman either. I would like them to be attractive and I don't want to pay for. paying for sex just negates the whole thing. I would also like them to be attracted to me, to find me sexy.

I'm having a hard time trying to find a decent woman to have sex with. Clubs are WACK!! Especially in Michigan. There are nobody but older, fat, ugly, creepy druggies and drunks at Michigan clubs. I just graduated so I'm not in class anymore either. I work a lot but I have enough time for my self.


Am I wrong? maybe, but this is the only way I know how to get through this. I don't want to feel this way.... but I just do....

 

[MalakingTiti]

Hi, I'm a 22 year old man who has been engaged for 8 months now. We don't have a date and we don't plan on getting married soon. But we do know that we are the one for each other.

To be blunt, I want to have sex with other women. Why? I'm not really sure. my fiancée is the only woman I've sex with. The sex is GREAT, her company is pleasant and she is absolutely beautiful (to be honest I was blessed to just have her fall in my lap), but I just want to see what else is out there. At first she was ok with me trying to look sex, but now she can't stand it (and that irritates me a lil bit because she promised to help me get through this.... but I can't blame her). She thought my feelings would just go away. But they won't. This is an issue I want to deal with before I get married.

I just can't fuck any woman either. I would like them to be attractive and I don't want to pay for. paying for sex just negates the whole thing. I would also like them to be attracted to me, to find me sexy.

I'm having a hard time trying to find a decent woman to have sex with. Clubs are WACK!! Especially in Michigan. There are nobody but older, fat, ugly, creepy druggies and drunks at Michigan clubs. I just graduated so I'm not in class anymore either. I work a lot but I have enough time for my self.


Am I wrong? maybe, but this is the only way I know how to get through this. I don't want to feel this way.... but I just do....

First thing is first. Do what you need to do to get the f*** out of Flynt Michigan. Your entry screams "UNFULFILLED".

Before you commit to anything for the rest of your life, perhaps you should increase your experiences and see what life has to offer.

 

[Wrat]

Hi, I'm a 22 year old man who has been engaged for 8 months now. We don't have a date and we don't plan on getting married soon. But we do know that we are the one for each other.
...
Am I wrong? maybe, but this is the only way I know how to get through this. I don't want to feel this way.... but I just do....

Perhaps you are the wrong man for this wonderful woman. She probably deserves better than this. It would be selfish of you to continue to string her along thinking that you are the man for her. As I see it, you are not. She would be much better off with a man who understands her need for security and faithfulness. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to have other relationships, just that you should get away from her so she can be free from having an unfaithful partner.

 

[D_Leonna Javelincatcher]

I am really glad I waited to get married.

Renee

 

[helgaleena]

Perhaps you are the wrong man for this wonderful woman. She probably deserves better than this. It would be selfish of you to continue to string her along thinking that you are the man for her. As I see it, you are not. She would be much better off with a man who understands her need for security and faithfulness. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to have other relationships, just that you should get away from her so she can be free from having an unfaithful partner.

Seconded.

 

[ConstantComment]

**** I was dating a girl I really liked and I just wanted sex from other women (nothing more). ****

The problem here of course is that it is difficult to get sex from someone and nothing more. There are always strings attached to this activity. That's why it's difficult to carry on affairs.

 

[galaxus]

I also forgot to add, Galaxus, would you advise your "daughter" to stay with a guy who wanted to still screw around?

I would tell her to give him space, To do what she wants. I can't control who she loves. I would tell her to do what makes her happy and to not do anything until her and her partner truly understand each other.

I would tell her that she can't change people and that, when it comes down to it, they can only change themselves permanently.

 

[galaxus]

Perhaps you are the wrong man for this wonderful woman. She probably deserves better than this. It would be selfish of you to continue to string her along thinking that you are the man for her. As I see it, you are not. She would be much better off with a man who understands her need for security and faithfulness. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with wanting to have other relationships, just that you should get away from her so she can be free from having an unfaithful partner.

I don't tell her that I'm perfect for her or that I'm her savior or anything like that.

I tell her that I love her, I want to make her happy, and I'll bust my butt to keep her happy.

 

[galaxus]

To be clear, when we were friends I told her that I didn't care about her seeing other men.

But she was very clear about it: NO!!! She can't really stand men. She is fine with them professionally or in the company of other women, but she would rather not be around men. She says that she sees most men as disgusting.

She told me that she used to have a very unhealthy opinion on sex too until she met me. She still doesn't care much for sex. She just cares about making me feel good during sex. Thats why she likes it now.

She doesn't want to have sex with other men. I asked her and she said no...... (Unless if The Rock knocked on our door and offered his dick to her).

Would I be upset if she came to me and told me that she wanted to have sex with other men? it would depend on her motivations.

If she did it to spite me, I would be a lil irritated but end the end I would have to respect it. After all, I am trying to have sex with other women.

If she did it for the same reasons I have, then yea I would be ok with it. I won't say I wouldn't be hurt. But I know we have to get through this so that we can move on.