I'm exasperated

B_Spladle

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GoneA said:
see, i would love to become a full-time writer and listen to weird music all day, but i would also like to keep my apartment and the few possessions i have left. writing stories and listening to mozart aint gonna make that happen.
Well, it could if you were really super-good at writing stories.
 

B_Spladle

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mindseye said:
Unsolicited advice: Find a way to end the friction; you don't have to be buddy-buddy with them, but (1) break the ice, (2) be big enough to apologize for saying "fuck you" to your own mom, (3) restore some civility between you and the folks. Making peace with your family is the one thing I butt in and tell people to do without being able to articulate a good and clear reason for doing so.
The thing is, I'm not sorry at all. My mother is a horrible, disgusting human being, and I don't like her very much at all. It sometimes seems as though she has done everything in her power to ensure that I have a miserable life.
mindseye said:
I'm glad to hear this. I admire what Deep Springs wants to accomplish, but have mixed feelings about whether it actually does so. Let us know what you decide to do instead.
I agree with your sentiments completely. I'm going to call my grandmother now. I'll let y'all know how it goes.
 

D_alex8

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mindseye said:
Unsolicited advice: Find a way to end the friction; you don't have to be buddy-buddy with them, but (1) break the ice, (2) be big enough to apologize for saying "fuck you" to your own mom, (3) restore some civility between you and the folks. Making peace with your family is the one thing I butt in and tell people to do without being able to articulate a good and clear reason for doing so.
I was waiting until Chase had responded before adding anything on this. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to repair parent-child bridges. And a lot of work from both sides. It seems that he is already seeking some family peace with his grandmother, and that is a good thing.

I didn't exchange a word with my parents between the ages of 18 and 22. To say that they weren't my biggest fans would be an understatement. I'll shorthand home life to a single anecdote ... they changed television channel every time a black person appeared on screen. Gays meanwhile, were unthinkable. Anyway, with no financial assistance from them, I put myself through university, until finally, at the end of that, they came to realize I might be a worthwhile son after all. Now, five or so years down the line, we have our peace.. but it took a lot of change on their side, tbh, and a hell of a lot of patience on mine. They've still retired to an almost all-white village, partly on the grounds that "there aren't any black faces here"... but I know where I am with them now. My mother's comment about calling me "lovely" isn't just vanity on my profile, it's something that's quoted for a reason that, to me at least, is meaningful.

Now, I don't have any idea what Chase's issues might be. Perhaps your advice is quite right and he's just being a hot-headed 19-year-old. :rolleyes: But equally well, I believe that papering over the cracks with unfelt apologies is not always a solution.. sometimes it takes a much more vigorous and lengthy series of 'home improvements' than that.

*drops 2 cents into the meter on the way out*
 

yhtang

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Spladle,

At 19 years old, I bombed my college exams, thereby putting an end to my dreams of a medical career. I did not know what to do, and I had accounting shoved down my throat by my father. To switch from pure science to accounts was traumatic, but I survived. 20 years down the line, I am not entirely satisfied with my career as an accountant, but I have come to learn that it is EQ more than IQ that makes handling clients easier. Perhaps your grandma's lawyers lacked EQ which sparked of the "Muvie" letter.

Your grandmother wants you to be a lawyer. That is not a sound basis for chosing a legal career.

You would not like to be a lawyer. Have you asked yourself why that is so? There are many aspects to the legal career. You may not choose to go into litigation; you can be an in-house corporate lawyer if you wish.

But all this is a by-the-by. Have you really set your eye on you career? I am not too sure if "professional poker player" is a feasible idea, but then I am not really a risk taker. Do you have a fall back plan?

I am not advising you on anything at all, I am just trying to point out certains things you may wish to mull over before making a decision that could last for the rest of your life.

Be happy.
 

B_Spladle

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yhtang said:
You would not like to be a lawyer. Have you asked yourself why that is so?
Not really. I mean, there are a lot of things I don't really want to do. It's not like I want not to . . . it just doesn't hold any strong appeal for me.
yhtang said:
Have you really set your eye on you career? I am not too sure if "professional poker player" is a feasible idea, but then I am not really a risk taker. Do you have a fall back plan?
Not a bit. Right now I'm just wingin' it.
 

D_Adoniah Sheervolume

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hey chase,

reading your post reminded me SO much of my own early adulthood...

your life is yours to lead. it's so hard to stand back from family situations and objectively look at what's really motivating those closest to us. it's even tougher to process the sometimes unpleasant revelations that come from that scrutiny.

you seem like a guy who has a lot of innate talent and brains--a combo that can be much more challenging than for those with fewer options. smart, creative people often get "bored" sticking with things. at some point, however, you will want to sit down with yourself and decide how you want your life to be. it's very helpful to have a purpose, a direction in which to focus one's energies. as bronxbombshell related, this doesn't have to be THE direction for the REST of your life, but the discipline of pursuing one's objectives will serve you in whatever path you decide to go down later.

a thought: if you truly have no idea what you want to pursue, why not at least get an undergraduate degree in SOMETHING while you're figuring it out? at least you'll have the basic foundation for a job when done. even if you decide to go into business for yourself, an undergrad degree helps one's credibility with financial backers.

believe me: talent only gets one so far. perserverence and discipline get the job done. i'd be happy to listen to and visit with you about your situation via pm--please don't hesitate if you want to talk.

my thoughts are with you,
marc
 

headbang8

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Chase,

You might like law school, you might not. There are plenty of pros and cons to any course your life takes. But that's not the issue.

I come from the same kind of family. Here's my advice.
  • Don't call Muvie
  • Don't build bridges/mend fences with your mother
  • Don't build bridges/mend fences with any of them
  • Become financially independent, if you're not already.
These people are toxic. They will infect you with their bitterness and unhappiness. Every exchange, no matter how innocent, is an opportunity to:
  • Belittle you.
  • Demean you
  • Criticise you
  • Tell you that your existence isn't justified
  • Make you unhappy
  • Find a problem in an otherwise perfectly acceptable situation
  • Spread gloom, bile and hatred
  • Rob you of your self-respect.
  • Make you feel that taking control of your own life is pointless, doomed or futile. And even if not, you're incapable of it anyway.
You don't live for their convenience. The purpose of your life is not to live their dreams or make their lives easier. Your being happy is an affront to them, because they can't control it.

It's tempting to think that something YOU can do will help them change, for them to become generous of spirit and capable of love. It pains me to say so, but it ain't gonna happen.

What you're doing with your life right now isn't wasteful of time or energy. You're learning how to be happy in your own skin--a lesson they obviously didn't think was important, one which they never learned themselves, it seems. Keep learning. It took me years.

(in fact, it took me until I was in my 30s to know and respect myself well enough to change the "unsure" in my profile. If I'd done what you did and took the time to kick around and live life before college, maybe I would have been surer faster, and a whole lot of human misery might have been avoided)

Self respect is a more important lesson to learn than law school can ever teach you. I know--I attended law school, and my reasons were tied up in a whole lot of mother-issue-shit. BIG mistake. As Alex8 observed, law school turns out major-league Muvies by the score.

They will use every contact with you to make you unhappy with something, usually yourself. Stay away from them. Save your soul.

Just my 2 cents.