Im having trouble making male friends....help?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by steve319, May 2, 2005.

  1. steve319

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    Owen, I can identify with where you're coming from. I've always had an easier time getting emotionally close to women (to a point) and I've never been very good at maintaining friendships with guys.

    I have some great male friends from way back, but we never really see one another much or call or anything. But when we do run into one another, it's sort of like things haven't changed at all (on the surface, anyway).

    I think at least part of that has to do with traditional "guyness." I don't think we're as good at emotional availability in the first place. Or at least we're taught not to be.

    I'll be interested to hear the forum's thoughts on this one too.

    (almost forgot the obligatory evil content: BAH HUMBUG! :evilgrin: )
     
  2. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    dunno. what do you want male friends for anyway? if you figure that out you'll probably have an easier time making them. I don't see how anyone else can really offer any meaningful help with something like that.
     
  3. Steve26

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    Hi, Owen -- I'm guessing that you are maybe about 14 or 15. That means you are just coming out of a period when kids are pretty hard on each other, and particularly intolerant of anyone who's different in any way. Kids at ages 12/13/14 are often insecure, and they tend to deal with this by taking it out on others -- calling each other names, shunning anybody who's the slightest bit individualistic, etc.

    You should definitely not change who you are in order to win the approval of others and be "popular." But -- you are at a stage of life where conformity is valued, and I think any teen who is a non-conformist risks being called "gay" (usually meant as a generic slur rather than a comment on sexual orientation). Obviously if you do not feel attraction to other guys you are not gay, so you should just try to ignore this immature nonsense as best you can. (I know, this is easier said than done.)

    Steve319 is right -- we guys tend not to be nearly as good as women at forming close friendships. I know how you feel, but looking back on my own (similar) teen experience and seeing how everything has turned out for me, I don't think you need to be worried. The male friendships may come with time, as you and your peers mature, but even if they don't -- there is nothing wrong with going through life with more female than male friends. A lot of us who are straight and otherwise well-adjusted do it. ;)

    Hope this has helped a bit, buddy!

    Steve :)
     
  4. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Owen...Totally know where you are coming from because I and others would consider myself a metrosexual too...And I do get the comments from time to time if I am gay...Weird thing about it I never get hit on my gay guys - it seems like more straight guys make moves towards me but I do remember high school and all I can say is it does get easier once you get out to make male friends...

    In high school I had probably more female friends and my best friend was a female...But once I got into college I started to meet cool and different people and formed some great male friendship which I still have today...Now that I am in my 20's I have met many guy friends who have a similar style and interest as myself and I probably can say that I have about 10 to 15 really good guy friends who I hang out with every weekend...So I just you seek out guy friends who are similar in style and interests...

    And I was extremely shy in high school which also contributed to me not making a lot of guy friends...I suggest strike up a casual conversation and make you say hello to random folks and that goes a long way...Now I meet to many people and have many associates...Good luck...
     
  5. surferboy

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    IS there like, any particular type of guy friend yer lookin for brah?
     
  6. dcwrestlefan

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    I didn't have alot of tight male friends in HS either, just "party buddies" for lack of a better term. My guy friends really were great in college though.

    Be patient, they will come. Seek out those that seem similar. If you are stylish, football jocks are probably not the best pick. Cherish the girls that you are friends with now too. And - there are guys on the board here around your age who would be email friends with you for sure.

    Best wishes.
     
  7. Imported

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    hung_big: Hey Owen...

    Well, I can relate to you to a certain point. I am your age (assuming you are around 15-16) and I am also male (go figure...). Though, I don't have trouble making male friends, I can totally see why you would if you are meterosexual.

    Thing is, there is not a category or persons that are more homophobic and asshole-like than the teenage male. Females of the same age give a close run at second, but male insecurities and worries make guys SO cruel to one-another. I haven't been ostrosized, but I constantly find myself fighting peers that are putting down others for no reason.

    To be truthful, wait until those guys are older; at this point in time they are not worth your trouble. Why bother trying to make friends with someone who is an asshole anyway? That's not to say all males of our age are idiots, but generally...yes.

    I'd be more than willing to chat and be an email buddy at any time.

    Here's my info:

    MSN: dark_side_2000@hotmail.com (also my email)
    AOL: taker_LOC(@AOL.com)
    YIM: lpsger(@yahoo.com)

    Hit me up any time buddy. I'll be all ears or just somebody to talk with.

    Peace,

    Chris
     
  8. jonb

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    Well, the over-80 male's more homophobic. Actually, a CBC poll found that 61% of twentysomethings favored the Liberal Party's stance in favor of same-sex marriage.
     
  9. steve319

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    That's so encouraging. Even in light of the cultural swing toward supposed family values, it's heartening to think that younger generations are going to prove to be more open-minded after all.

    It's one of those things that you hope is happening as time passes, but you never really run across good, valid stats on it. Jon, I'd love that link if you found that online. I can print it out and sleep with it under my pillow, knowing that I shouldn't quit teaching and abandon hope for the human race quite yet.
     
  10. jonb

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