my and my good friend are members to this gym. she introduced me to this gym in the beginning and i joined. since i know a lot about working out and nutrition, i told her i would help her. so we went for a few days together, doing classes, which for me, doesnt suit my purposes. i want to gain muscle, she wants to lose weight. so anyway, now shes like when are you gona go so i can work out with you. its like she cant go to the gym alone, without me(she had a friend that went with her before who has now quit). and i dont want to go with her cause me and her dont have the same goals and i cant focus on myself. i want to work out alone.its like when your with someone and working out, its hard to really do anything if there someone following you. but shes a good friend, and i dont know wat to do. she doesnt have self-motivation watsoever. so what to do? i dont want her to be mad at me.
im in a dilemma about the gym
- Thread starter D_Lee_Iacuckold
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Does she know your orientation? Is there a possibility that she may be attracted to you?
Assuming it's platonic on her part, you can tell her the truth without being mean. Let her know that you think it's best that workout partners have the same goals in mind, that way they can feed off each other's progress and enthusiasm. Tell her explicity that you don't want her to get the idea that it's some sort of personal rejection, it's merely mismatched workout goals.
Do you have any friends that have similar goals as her? You could offer to hook them up. Set up a lunch, or ... even better ... an introduction at the gym.
If she doesn't have any self-motivation, that's something she needs to work out, you can't let yourself feel responsible for that.
Obviously you don't want your friend to be mad at you. But at the end of the day, that's not your decision to make, it's hers.
I don't see why you're at cross purposes because of your goals-- weight triaining is wonderful and necessary for people that are trying to lose weight, and everyone needs cardio. My point is, and you have to know this, both of you need to have ample amounts of strength training and cardio in your routines, so I don't see why this, specifically, is a problem.
It almost sounds like what you perceive as her being clingy is the problem, in which case, this is not about the gym at all, it's about your relationship with your friend.
well, you have a few choices... tell her the truth as nicely as you can and she may get mad at you. don't tell her the truth and start weaseling out on her, and she'll get hurt feelings and probably mad at you. keep going with her the way you are now, and be miserable. or, work out a schedule with her that's a compromise, i.e. "i can go with you on tuesdays and fridays, but i need to go alone on wednesdays and saturdays" or whatever.
The more honest you are with her, the more hurt feelings you'll spare in the long run and the better you'll feel about this friendship. "It might make him/her mad" is rarely a good reason to not be forthright with someone.
if i had time to spend with her, i would do it 100%. i really cant work - out with someone. its like when i work-out, i put myself in a bubble. its my own time. i dont know now, i feel like a dick not going with her. but if i go with her, shes gonna expect to go with me EVERYTIME, and there goes my alone time. if there were more than 7 days in a week, i would do it. but 4 of those days are mine, and the other 3 are for recovery and school. but then 4-5 hours a week on me just helping her, and me not working out, could be enough. ill have to see if i can fit her into my schedule. she is my friend and i have to support her.
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