Im in love with my best friend .....i need help!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Ari_Hola, May 22, 2011.

  1. D_Ari_Hola

    D_Ari_Hola Account Disabled

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    So the title says it all I think im falling in love with my best friend in a sexual way but the thing is hes straight and im gay I just dont know how to handle it I get jealous when he talks about how hes fucked this chick and who wants to fuck i mean I try not to let it bother me but its hard. He has a girlfriend but occasionally cheats on her and its not like I dont know what hes doing because he tells me everything. He doesnt know im gay and he has tryed to get me laid with chicks but I tell him some stupid reason why I dont want to its just that its getting harder to hide my feelings for him and there aint no one to talk to and I really dont know any other way to vent this problem. I think I need a boyfriend to fix this problem but it aint easy to date when your gay and not out so I think most of this is just sexual frustration. I NEED ADVICE
     
    #1 D_Ari_Hola, May 22, 2011
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
  2. Gecko4lif

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    What can you do besides move on? I mean realistically?

    Also you should probably tell him your gay. Unless he is a homophobe. In which case.. idk continue on I suppose?
     
  3. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    my advice

    1. get out of the closet
    2. stop thinking about your friend that way, he's straight and (most likely) isn't gay, so he will not be attracted to you, ever
    3. even if he were gay or bi, why would you ever want to be in "love" with someone who has a history of cheating?
    4. you probably are just frustrated, go have a ball at a gay night club and see how much feelings you still have for the guy youre in "love" with lol
     
  4. D_Ari_Hola

    D_Ari_Hola Account Disabled

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    ive wanted to come out to him he already thinks im gay and I flert with him all the time but once its time to get down to it and actually tell him I chicken out its not easy and it gets me fucken mad that I cant do it
     
  5. fun21

    fun21 New Member

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    "...I think im falling in love with my best friend in a sexual way..."

    I hate to break this to you but attraction and love are not the same thing. If you know he is straight, has a girlfriend, and you value the friendship, I would suggest keeping your lust in check. I think you need to seriously examine where these feelings for him are coming from, and I know it sounds harsh, but it could really help to retrain your brain to just think of him as a friend, if you still want to maintain at least that relationship with him.
     
  6. readytocum

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    Did fell in love with a fellow worker(str8), hurt a lot at 1st, he knew about me beeing gay, and tease me a lot, but we became best friends, and now been 35 years of good friendship, tough never had sex with him
     
  7. D_William Fuckner

    D_William Fuckner New Member

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    lol! that sucks, man. I fell in love with my friend, but she's a girl, and i'm mostly straight. if you're really close with him, just admit to him that you're gay. Otherwise, keep it to yourself until you're comfortable with being completely out of the closet. Either way, you're not 'in love' with him, you just like him a lot.
     
  8. CUBE

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    I think the above guys are giving good advice. I think you are more fixated on him because he is the closest male to you and you are indeed ready to be with a guy. But, trust me, so many of us have run down this road with mixed feelings and we didn't have other gay guys to advise us. You need to get your life together and come out...IF..it is safe for you to do so. I know it hurts not to have him and it is understandable to have feelings for him...but you will not find happiness with this guy and you deserve that right?! You don't need to be suffering over this. Time to expand in your life, get to know other people, keep busy. Find a guy that wants to fuck your brains out and love every bit of you. You are worthy buddy.
     
  9. SR_CriaMiaRiver

    SR_CriaMiaRiver New Member

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    yeah, as a straight guy. I think you should let him know that you are indeed gay. If hes a true friend he won't care. Maybe a little akward at first but it will get better.
     
  10. CascadeMDG

    CascadeMDG Member

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    I went through almost this exact same situation with my best friend, right down to the history of him cheating on his girlfriends. I told 2-3 others before I finally got up the balls to come out to him, and even then it was so hard that I balled my eyes out in the process. But here's the deal: If he's really your best friend, and he cares about you, he'll still be your best friend afterwards. Nine years later, he's still my best friend. And the fact is, after I told him, it made accepting myself a shitton easier.

    As far as the attraction, here's how I made it through:
    1) Firstly, whether he does so consciously or not, coming out to him will increase his awareness of ways he may have lead you on before he knew you were gay. If your friendship is important to him, he'll mitigate these without cutting you off.

    2) My best friend is a straight man who loves me, and is atypically open with his emotions. He often tells me that he doesn't know where he'd be without me, that he trusts me more than anyone else (including his longterm girlfriends), that I'm one of the few stabilizing agents in his life. These are things that normal straight men say to the girls they love, NOT a best friend. Learn to identify and accept evidence of your tight platonic friendship as exactly that, and NOT a potential romantic doorway.

    3) Assuming it truly is love and not lust, it's still okay for you to have feelings for him as long as you accept that they will never come to fruition. He is not gay, and can never feel that way about you. But it's not a crime to love someone, and as long as it doesn't keep you from living your life, can make a strong bond even stronger.

    There are a lot more other things you can do, but none of them are actions (i.e. if you do this, it will all be better). Your mind and your heart have to internalize and come to terms with who you are. That being said, my best friend is still my best friend, and I still have residual romantic feelings for him. I've also dated other guys who I've thought were better matches for me. One of them I could even picture spending the rest of my life with. Before that guy broke up with me, my best friend confessed that he was worried he'd been replaced! haha
     
  11. Redwyvre

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    Had a very similar experience with my straight best friend. You say you feel jealous when he starts to talk about his gf. Be very careful! Do something to get over feeling jealous quickly or else you will probably do something you'll regret. Good luck. Coming out to the people nearest and dearest to you will help.
     
  12. At.your.cervix

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    As a straight guy with quite a few gay friends, I'm trying to imagine if one of them confessed amorous feelings towards me. At first, after the initial suprise, I'd probably be a little flattered, just as I feel when other gay me have made passes at me. But then I'd quickly feel a bit sad for my friend, who was in love with me as I didn't feel the same love for him (at least in that way). I've had it happen to me with female friends wanting to be amorous with me when I didn't feel any chemistry from my end, and I think I'd pretty much respond in the same manner. But that's just me, and I don't hold any homophobia within.

    But as with analogous heterosexual situations, for a while after the declaration of those special feelings towards me, there'd be some awkwardness between what used to be "just friends," until that's all that it was again. Now, if you feel that you can't ever go back to just thinking about your friend as just a friend, whatever you two had together will be ruined. It would be for me, if you couldn't just put that desire out of your mind, and I were your straight friend.

    I hope that insight from "the other team" helps.
     
  13. uncut1

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    Jason,what these people are saying is very very good advice.I was in your place years ago.I was suddenly lusting after my best str8t friend.I did come out to him and he spread it around.For a year I was THE FAG.When we did meet up after a year I told them that this is who I am and if they diden't like it they could go fuck themselves.They changed there attitude towards me.They respected me alot more after that. If He is your friend he will be afterwards. The advice from others here is very good. Nothing good comes from chasing a stright guy.Now are stright guys HOT? hell yeah,but they will never love you in the end. I wish you well.
     
  14. andreaaa

    andreaaa Member

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    Jason, a lot of us have been in your situation, and believe me not so many happy endings..
    Usually you stay in love for a couple of years, dedicating all your time to a person who is not and will never be interested in you; you keep lying to yourself that the small attentions he gives you makes you happy..but one day you realize you had enough of it and your time is waisted and you need to get a life of your own (because all this time he is having a life, but you don't!)
    don't tell him you're attracted by him..it will get things really ugly;
    maybe you are not ready for a relationship now, but sex will do you good! believe me, the easiest way to forget about your interest for him is having some good sex; at your age and in your situation is the perfect medicine!
    you should come out when you're ready, nobody hurries you about it; and if he will still be there when you will come out than you'll have a friend, and it should be enough for you..
     
  15. GayFrog

    GayFrog Member

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    Jason:
    This road you are on is a path of heart-ache and misery. You really need to distance yourself emotionally from this "friend". I know standing on the sidelines and telling you this is easier than actually doing it. I would suggest becoming involved with your local GLBT organization, I put a link here to the National data base where you can look-up the organization in your area. They not only offer support, but they offer social groups, sporting leagues ect. it is a wonderful way to meet new friends, and a stepping stone for moving on.

    PS.
    If you intend to maintain this friendship. Coming out to him will not change the way he feels towards you sexually, and there is that possibility of putting the friendship into ruin.

    Take care friend, and good luck.

    Marc.
     
    #15 GayFrog, May 26, 2011
    Last edited: May 26, 2011
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