I'm In Love With My Straight Best Friend.

Skag

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I have a friend who I'm so close with, we practically tell each other everything. He's straight and he knows I'm gay. We've been hanging out so much new feelings have popped up. I dont know what to do, should I be honest with him? Or keep it a secret in order to protect my friendship?
 

AMTZ410213

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I say you split the difference. Next time you have a good chat with him, give him a big hug and tell him that you appreciate his friendship and that he’s like family to you. Then just listen to what he has to say.
 

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Part of friendship is accepting people for who they are and it sounds like your friend has done that with you. I can’t predict for sure how it would turn out if you told him about your “love”. But are you willing to risk the loss of the friendship? Exactly how would you envision this situation ending? You have achieved what others fought for before us: the respect and friendship and the normalcy of a relationship between straights and gays, I would not rock that boat personally. Since the additional time you are spending with him is what seems to have increased these feelings, you may want to cut back on time together, but most of all you would need to re-program yourself to remember that this is a valued friendship. My very close friends, both gay and straight are the most treasured part of my life after my partner.
I haven’t mentioned that if your friend is married or in a relationship, you also risk additional harm inflicted.
Good luck to you; depending on how deep these feelings are for you, this could be a tough road ahead for you.
 

emmyfan

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I have a friend who I'm so close with, we practically tell each other everything. He's straight and he knows I'm gay. We've been hanging out so much new feelings have popped up. I dont know what to do, should I be honest with him? Or keep it a secret in order to protect my friendship?

He is straight and you are gay and he is friend. What do you hope to accomplish with telling him how you feel?
 

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I have a friend who I'm so close with, we practically tell each other everything. He's straight and he knows I'm gay. We've been hanging out so much new feelings have popped up. I dont know what to do, should I be honest with him? Or keep it a secret in order to protect my friendship?
My advice is. Discretely distract yourself from being in his company so much.

I too had this flurry of love in my early twenties with a straight friend. It takes all your energy and you miss out on everything else.

The feelings you have and the world of ”love” you have built up only exists in your head and nowhere else. He is not having the same feelings about you, anymore then you are having about another girl. Get out of this rut now.

This pattern can only lead to never having, always wanting and resulting in a lifetime of heartache. Believe me. Falling for straight guys is a total loss and waste of your time.

Let new people come into your life increase your social circle with common interests.
Find the authentic life and live it.
 
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this happened to me once.. before i transitioned i fell for someone i was very good friends with.. i no longer have contact with that person because it ended badly.
My advice would be to like others have said distract urself and meet new people keep the friendship but depend on it less.
I used to put so much into one person and it was the worst thing i did.
Better off finding someone who is gay/bi and getting to be around someone less likely to hurt u.
 

spaj8987

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Might sound like i'm giving you a hard time here or something but have you by any chance also went through any rough times? Maybe a bad breakup or problems with family? Something that would make you feel more vulnerable than normal? Sounds to me like you've been friends for a while. And sometimes when we're in our most darkest times or most vulnerable we can sometimes mistake appreciation for someone being there as real feelings for that person in a romantic way.

Could be horrible advice but i'd say to talk to them. Before you do though i'd also say to find out if the above is true. Don't know why i feel the need to say but being alone isn't the same as being lonely. Sometimes when we're lonely we might do things we regret to end that feeling of loneliness. Keep in mind i don't either of you from adam. And aren't an expert in anything. Hope it works out though.
 
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Skag

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Might sound like i'm giving you a hard time here or something but have you by any chance also went through any rough times? Maybe a bad breakup or problems with family? Something that would make you feel more vulnerable than normal? Sounds to me like you've been friends for a while. And sometimes when we're in our most darkest times or most vulnerable we can sometimes mistake appreciation for someone being there as real feelings for that person in a romantic way.

Could be horrible advice but i'd say to talk to them. Before you do though i'd also say to find out if the above is true. Don't know why i feel the need to say but being alone isn't the same as being lonely. Sometimes when we're lonely we might do things we regret to end that feeling of loneliness. Keep in mind i don't either of you from adam. And aren't an expert in anything. Hope it works out though.
Yeah. We've both had problems with a breakup and I was there for him and he was there for me. I currently have alot of problems at home, and I usually go to his place to wait things out. I was thinking that these feelings were like that, except I was thinking that I admired him too much. I'm taking some of the advice on here and trying to be around him less. I dont know if he'll take it in a bad way though. Like if he realizes that I'm trying to avoid him, and he'd probably confront me about it. Hopefully it works out and things can go back to normal.

Thank you all for the advice!!
 

JaeJae7

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Find another person to like, one that you know is actually gay or bisexual. He isn't the only person in this world and you don't have to limit yourself to hoping he likes you back. If he is straight, respect his orientation. If he does come to you and says he is curious & wants to try things out with you because you are good friends, and he trusts you, go for it.
 
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Skag

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Find another person to like, one that you know is actually gay or bisexual. He isn't the only person in this world and you don't have to limit yourself to hoping he likes you back. If he is straight, respect his orientation. If he does come to you and says he is curious & wants to try things out with you because you are good friends, and he trusts you, go for it.
Yes! I agree, I wasn't thinking about that at all. Except I think he's bi-curious, he has told me about him thinking of trying something with a guy. He has teased me before, but I blew it off as just a joke most of the time.
 

JaeJae7

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Yes! I agree, I wasn't thinking about that at all. Except I think he's bi-curious, he has told me about him thinking of trying something with a guy. He has teased me before, but I blew it off as just a joke most of the time.
I say, remain friends. From my experiences, if a guy is bi curious trusts you, he is going to get really comfy and want to try things. I just say don't always expect that situation but sometimes it can work out like that. Guard your feelings and take it slow, remember, if he is curious and new to the scene you have to treat him like he is a baby learning to walk. Make him feel at ease, make him feel loved and accepted. Tell him that no matter what problems he has at home you will always be there for him as a friend and you are always there to listen. Be there as a friend, build trust and things may POTENTIALLY turn out to your liking.
 

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my experience is that if someone is into you. then they are into you. they will make a move or respond to yours.
otherwise you are spending time trying to determine if people are "gay" or "bi" or not. watching their actions. hoping for some output.
this can be very exhausting and demoralizing.
"straight guys" that wish to waiver are pretty open. their are the one's that are not are trouble. like beat you up trouble.but hopefylly you avoid them
so either make a move or hint or whatever. if he's an easy going guy than he'll say "no that's not my thing" otherwise he'll respond positively.
if you're good friends you'll survive either scenario. if not. then so long bro
 

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I was in a similar situation years ago. I think it was actually my first post on LPSG. Long story short: we went from friends to friends with benefits to lovers to partners and all these years it went with constant doubts, tantrums and break-ups. I wish I would have listened to the advice I was given here then: don’t pursue this. It will end in tears.
 

HOU_HEADHUNTER

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Protect your friendships if it's one that you value. Don't cross that boundary unless you are ready to jeopardize the friendship. If he is curious or bisexual then he may come around in due time but don't try to turn him out if he hasn't given any kind of indication that he is open to engaging sexually with a male. It may be something that he wants to explore but a lot of times those things take time before the opportunity comes to fruition. Quick story of an experience I had. When I was a lot younger I was turned on by men that identified as straight and thought I was hot sh!t whenever I "turned" a guy by engaging with him in some kind of sexual way. One guy that I was friends with in college expressed an interest in getting a blowjob from me and I accepted. It worked for a few sessions and he enjoyed what I was able to do for him but he became distant and sarcastic with me and I didn't like it. He'd only text me when he wanted a blowjob and when I'd show up he had little to say to me other than hello and we'd head to his room where he's shut the door drop his shorts and lay back on his bed while watching porn on his phone. It was fun while it lasted but I realized that our friendship was no longer the same and stopped responding to his text messages. Eventually he realized that I was done and he apologized and told me he felt conflicted because he still considered himself straight since he had a girlfriend and was only attracted to females. He let it be known that his interest in me became about getting a blowjob on a regular basis when he realized I was able to make him cum in less than 5 minutes which he said was something none of his past or present girlfriends were able to do. I believed him. His cock was 8 inches and was extremely thick and caused me jaw pain every time I gave him a bj. After that initial experience with him I was over it and didn't look forward to sucking him because I knew that my entire face would be sore afterwards.
 

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I draw strict lines between platonic and non-platonic friends. I get your dilemma. I've fallen in love with platonic friends and it can hurt like hell not to do anything about it. But once I've made the classification decision, ie that someone is more valuable as friend than lover, I stick to it.

Where this breaks down is when a platonic friend with whom I'm in love pursues me romantically. S/he feels the same way about me. Then I let it happen. I learned long ago that not letting it happen ends the friendship anyway because I become a friend's unrequited love and they withdraw to protect themselves and move on.

Good luck.:cool:
 

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Hahahehaha, UPDATE TIME. So I did end up talking about it with him, it went cool he said he's straight and i said okay. Things have been going good, until last night when he told me a friend of his told him he had a wet dream of my friend and was intrested in him too. He seemed like he was okay with it and saying "He's cool, and i dont know maybe". So basically I'm ugly garbage and probably never going to recover from this heart wrenching moment. If they start a relationship I will straight up remove him from my life. TLDR I want to be died.
 
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I was there last year. One of my close, male friends started dating this woman and I won’t lie, it hurt a little bit. I initially thought I was jealous of him but I was really jealous of her. This guy and I are pretty close, he knows I’m gay and doesn’t care. I really didn’t think I had any feelings for him outside of just close friends but it took me a little bit of time to adjust to it.
 
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I actually did have to end one friendship several years back. I worked w a guy who I became good friends with. I was new in Atlanta and still not really out to anyone. He and I got pretty close and spent time together outside of work. Then I realized I had more than just friend feelings for him. He was dating different women and just being a young, single guy. Eventually I got jealous. He then realized what was going on and got a little distant. Finally I just told him we couldn’t hang out anymore. He was a little surprised but he just said okay and we moved on. He got a different job in TN and I haven’t seen him since
 

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You don't say how long you have had these feeling inside you.

Since you disclosed the fact that he is heterosexual, while you are homosexual, I will offer two of many possible scenarios:

You tell him about your feelings. Since his orientation is different, he will likely not be able to reciprocate those feelings, and, may let the friendship cool. This would likely be your worst case.

You don't tell him about your feelings. The friendship remains as it is, holding all else equal. Someday soon you will be another gay man. Perhaps you develop deep feelings for one another.

I can appreciate your dilemma.

Good luck.