I'm in love with my straight best friend.

[shard38]

I have been in your situation and can only advise you to communicate. Just tell him: "I think I'm falling in love with you". I've said this to my best friend and he replied "Don't. Because I've tried to fall in love with you and it didn't work."

But he was completely cool with it and our relationship developed into something beyond our wildest dreams. We're still best friends, he's still got a girlfriend, but we're also occasional lovers.

He knows exactly how I feel about him and always takes my feelings into consideration. And although he's still not in love with me, we both feel we have benefited a lot from opening up about this to each other.

 

[B_Sweetcar]

I also know where you are coming from. I have a friend I've known for a long time. I'm pretty sure he's straight, at least for the most part. I know he's experimented with guys when he was a teenager and let's just say I've seen him playing with his dick a few times. I'm also pretty sure he knows I'm gay but we've never openly discussed it. He's good friends with my boy friend and I'm just about certain he KNOWS what we do together.

With all that said, we are very, very close friends. He likes to be near me physically, he shares the armrest in the car with me when we're riding (with our arms touching), he has his legs in contact with mine when we're sitting at the bar or in a resturant. Of course we've told each other that we LOVE each other and he's kissed me a number of times (but not sexually if you know what I'm saying). When he comes over to my house he spends the night and sleeps in my room on a mat on the floor, even though there are other places for him to sleep.


OK, to get to your subject; every once in a while I back off from him a bit. He'd spend the night at my house 2 or 3 days a week if I let him. I DON'T let him and every once in a while we won't see each other for a few days. It's NOT because I don't want to see him, it's because I reach a point where I can't STOP thinking about him! I want to be with him ALL the time. At the same time I don't want to get overly attached to him and loose the wonderful close friendship we do enjoy.

 

[lokican]

This is dangerous territory. I've had this happen before and yeah some straight guys enjoy the flirting, but it will just mess with your head. Trust me this won't happen or if it does chances our it'll just end the friendship.

 

[bimetaldude]

I was in love with my best friend as we grew up and when he got married, at the reception we were all partying and I got drunk and ended up in the bathroom crying like a baby. He found me in there and held me for a 1/2 hour while I cried in his arms. It seems that on his side it was just experimenting and on my side, I was 100 percent in love with him with ideas that we would live happily ever after. I got very hurt by my stubborn feelings and shaded reality. Difference was, was we did oral, showered together, cuddled, massaged, etc. He had a girlfriend the whole time and I fell in love with her too. (But we never did anything together). But I am still friends with them and they are still married and have 3 kids.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

One guy friend of mine from high school admitted that he was attracted to me a few years back. I was flattered but never had any feelings like that for him. I mean I LIKE him but I don't really have any loving feelings toward him. Eventually he stopped calling me and and I heard through the grape vine that he thought I toyed with his heart and he was very pissed at me. I never saw the situation in that way. I never expressed any love for him and am still confused about what happened. I have offered to talk with him about it, but there's no interest on his part. I'm not sad or upset about this...just never understood what happened because he wasn't willing to deal with.

 

[DQSundae]

Trust me if you want to be close friends with a straight guy, you have to get over yourself. It may be painful, sorry. Your friend loves you (as a friend or in a brotherly way) and is showing his affection for you. He must obviously feel comfortable being around you and feels he can let his guard down. If you want to be treated like one of the guys, then you just need to roll with it and don't go all gay on him. Falling in love with him and getting all goofy when he's around you will just prove true what a lot of straight guys think about having gay friends.

It's difficult for a lot of guys to have close male friends. It's hard for men in general to show affection for other men. We don't know how to act with one another, that's why you experience ass slapping, sex talk and bear hugs. Don't risk the chance of screwing up a friendship over some feelings you have, if deep down you know it's never going to happen.

 

[sexplease]

It's your life. Cutting someone, a friend (whatever that is for you) out, because you are not getting what you WANT (rather than what you need) seems young, immature or cowardly.
First, try aiming your love and lust interest toward a target that you KNOW is willing, if not capable of returning something that works for YOU.
I like, love and lust for some of my friends, but I don't cut them out of my life because I don't get what I want. But most importantly: I, we get something much much more important than the pleasures of the flesh - love. And you don't have to pork someone to Love them. In fact, the blessings of life are the friends you keep and nurture. Keeping this one will bless you both in ways that you, nor anyone, will ever imagine.
Talk with him.
Be as open with YOUR feeling as you are comfortable with.
Be honest.
Be the friend you need.
When you do these things in life, start all your emotional talks and statements with - I feel.
for example: I feel that my emotional needs are ... or, I feel that what I am looking for in a relationship is ...
But cherish your friendships - they are what defines you

 

[lokican]

It's your life. Cutting someone, a friend (whatever that is for you) out, because you are not getting what you WANT (rather than what you need) seems young, immature or cowardly.
First, try aiming your love and lust interest toward a target that you KNOW is willing, if not capable of returning something that works for YOU.
I like, love and lust for some of my friends, but I don't cut them out of my life because I don't get what I want. But most importantly: I, we get something much much more important than the pleasures of the flesh - love. And you don't have to pork someone to Love them. In fact, the blessings of life are the friends you keep and nurture. Keeping this one will bless you both in ways that you, nor anyone, will ever imagine.
Talk with him.
Be as open with YOUR feeling as you are comfortable with.
Be honest.
Be the friend you need.
When you do these things in life, start all your emotional talks and statements with - I feel.
for example: I feel that my emotional needs are ... or, I feel that what I am looking for in a relationship is ...
But cherish your friendships - they are what defines you

I'm sorry but I'm going to disagree with your advice. While well meaning, it seems overly optimistic. The fact of the matter is, sometimes you can fall for someone, and it can make you act irrational and you can end up very hurt. You can't just turn off these feelings or try to rationalize them out of your mind.
If you really have strong feelings for someone, think about them constantly BUT they will never return these feelings, it will not go away. Sometimes the solution is to stop seeing them. This may seem harsh and unfair to the person you have a crush on, but in the end its for the best.

I have been in this situation and learned the hard way their is the way you treat someone you are dating and a way you can treat friends. If you blur those lines in your head, then you have a problem and it won't get better.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

A good friend is rare. Ass is available on every corner.

 

[DQSundae]

A good friend is rare. Ass is available on every corner.

Words of wisdom.

 

[monel]

Ass is available on every corner.

Have you seen what they're charging for that lately? And call be skeptical but I don't think its even fresh.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Have you seen what they're charging for that lately? And call be skeptical but I don't think its even fresh.

Please translate this comment into english! Thanks.:biggrin1:

 

[monel]

Please translate this comment into english! Thanks.:biggrin1:

"Have you seen what they're charging for that lately? And call me skeptical but I don't think its even fresh."

Sorry. Typo

 

[Smaccoms]

"Have you seen what they're charging for that lately? And call me skeptical but I don't think its even fresh."

Sorry. Typo

"don't think it's fresh?" huh?

 

[aqua-illusion]

I was in love with my straight best friend in Jr High and High school...it was hard but we eventually lost touch as life went on...I actually "un-friended" him in gr.11 when he kept ditching me for other people...he got kinda upset that we weren't going to be friends anymore but I was done because I was secretly in love with him and it hurt that he kept ditching me.

The funny thing is, when we first met in gr.7 he didn't want to be my friend because rumours ran through the school that I was gay (well it was half true but I never admitted to it) but somehow we became friends in gr.9 and got close...but he never outright asked me if I was gay or bi, but he was always quick to defend me when others made fun of me...he was so hot, lol. I'm sure someone has told him something by now...and we don't talk to this day, although I do wish him a Happy Birthday on Facebook.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

"Have you seen what they're charging for that lately? And call me skeptical but I don't think its even fresh."

Sorry. Typo

Douche it with oust. Wait 15 minutes, and it'll be fresh as springtime.

:bsflag:

 

[D_CountVonBhigBohner]

it sounds like you still have the same maturity when in gr.11

I was in love with my straight best friend in Jr High and High school...it was hard but we eventually lost touch as life went on...I actually "un-friended" him in gr.11 when he kept ditching me for other people...he got kinda upset that we weren't going to be friends anymore but I was done because I was secretly in love with him and it hurt that he kept ditching me.

The funny thing is, when we first met in gr.7 he didn't want to be my friend because rumours ran through the school that I was gay (well it was half true but I never admitted to it) but somehow we became friends in gr.9 and got close...but he never outright asked me if I was gay or bi, but he was always quick to defend me when others made fun of me...he was so hot, lol. I'm sure someone has told him something by now...and we don't talk to this day, although I do wish him a Happy Birthday on Facebook.

 

[sexplease]

I'm sorry but I'm going to disagree with your advice. While well meaning, it seems overly optimistic. The fact of the matter is, sometimes you can fall for someone, and it can make you act irrational and you can end up very hurt. You can't just turn off these feelings or try to rationalize them out of your mind.
If you really have strong feelings for someone, think about them constantly BUT they will never return these feelings, it will not go away. Sometimes the solution is to stop seeing them. This may seem harsh and unfair to the person you have a crush on, but in the end its for the best.

I have been in this situation and learned the hard way their is the way you treat someone you are dating and a way you can treat friends. If you blur those lines in your head, then you have a problem and it won't get better.

The hurt we feel in our lives, with regards to love, is often of our own doing and choosing.
I don't feel running from unrequited love or feelings changes those feelings, but sometimes offers the distance to search for peace between the head and heart. Some people need this space and some people want this space, and only they know which is their way.
Remember: No one knows where Cupids arrow will strike - or where it will not.
You will always love someone more than they will love you and visa-verse.
I know this from experience.

 

[HungThickProf]

gay men always confuse straight guys been flirty and jokey as they are maybe a bit gay, in reality its what most people do when they feel a bit awkward and want to take the edge of it, acknowledge the fact your gay by joking about it, it gets rid of maybe some awkwardness about hanging out with another guy who likes cock. personally i can say whenever ive had a gay friend, they never last long because i try and behave like i do with my straight mates, and well straight guys when drunk can be quite touchy feely and affectionate towards eachother, doesnt mean we want eachothers cocks, so if we do that to another guy who is gay the meaning of it can be twisted

I was hanging out with my friend we had an amazing time like we always do and then he asked me why we don't hang out more often. I thought about and its because I have feelings for him and its hard for me to be around him. He always talks about his big dick knowing that I'm gay. At first I thought he was a show off but then I thought about the homoerotic things that he does to me. I don't think I can ever hang out without jumping his bones or thinking about kissing (god i want that dick) him I hope that he is at least bi but its doubtful he has always had a girlfriend as long as ive known him. I wish my feelings were just sexual. So I guess. What I'm asking is should I try and explain to him that I can't be friends with him or just never contact him again ?

I know exactly what you mean, and I've witnessed that myself (even as a gay male with others). What I will say is that not all gays are like that. I've been known to flirt with some of my straight friends and either it's going to go somewhere or it's not- but it's never an awkward situation. And for straight men, it may be a little weird at times, and I'm sorry if that's the case. But what should be taken into consideration is that sometimes we make think or have reason to believe that there's something a bit more. Even this site can show you that all men who claim to be straight aren't strictly heterosexual, so we might get a little curious and try to explore it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I will say that one point I had feel for one of my male friends, but that's because he told me that he was bi, and that he wanted to kiss me. Later on, it turned out that he didn't know who the hell he was, and I was only saying that he was bi so that I would I like him as a person- so that he could fit in with the group. How fucked up is that?

So what I'm saying is that I think it's cool that straight men can be comfortable in their sexualities and flirt and be affectionate- that's awesome! I encourage such honesty whether you're drunk or sober. Jason- I'm sorry that you've had some bad experiences. It just needs to be made perfectly clear with your gay friends that shit isn't going down the way they'd probably like, and they should let it go! To the original poster- sweetheart, go ahead and be honest. I had to, and I'm glad I was honest. Because I learned some things about him, and myself. It's either going to work or it's not. You can either dismiss a friendship with him to avoid your feelings, or you can talk to him and confront them- your choice sweetheart =) Best of luck

Dante'

 

[aqua-illusion]

it sounds like you still have the same maturity when in gr.11

So I'm being childish?