I'm just not doing well....

erratic

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
4,289
Media
0
Likes
508
Points
333
Sexuality
No Response
Really. I've never heard of this. Three therapists and two psychiatrists -- concurrently? I must say, my bs detector is humming a bit. Don't mean to insult you, but having several therapists at once is usually confusing and not helpful at all.

Yep. That got mine going, too. I wrote with the assumption OP doesn't mean "concurrently."
 

ConanTheBarber

Legendary Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2011
Posts
5,306
Media
0
Likes
2,087
Points
258
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Yep. That got mine going, too. I wrote with the assumption OP doesn't mean "concurrently."

He said "I see 3 therapists and 2 psychiatrists," so it seemed reasonable to assume he sees them concurrently.
Maybe those therapists are not psychotherapists -- and they're dealing with physical problems.
But even seeing two psychiatrists at once is a bit odd, unless each was a specialist in the pharmacology of a particular problem.
I guess the OP will have to enlighten us.
 

dolfette

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Posts
11,303
Media
0
Likes
108
Points
193
Sexuality
No Response
Maybe I am sick in the head.... why does it make a difference to you? Yes I see 3 therapists and 2 psychiatrists. Yes I take 9 medications every day. Yes there are several things wrong with me. I'm here for support. I'm not here for someone else, a stranger not to mention, to tell me I'm sick in the head....
then you need to talk to your shrinks about this specific issue and take their advice. they know you. they know your issues. they can give you strategies.

all strangers online can really do is tell you is that it's fucked up.
 

DaddiesBoy

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Posts
485
Media
18
Likes
408
Points
148
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
There is a lot going on here so let me clarify....

first of all:

@debonair87 you're an asshole.... you don't know anything about me so stop making yourself look like a jerk because that's all you're doing.

Also, to clarify the multiple therapist things....

I'm in college but I live only about 75 miles from home which is close enough to come home for a holiday or a weekend. The multiple therapists refer to home and at school. I can't see a doctor from my home town when I am at school and vice versa.

Also, about this guy. I just talked to him on the phone for a little over an hour and settled a lot. I express my true feelings for him (which he already had a hint) and asked him honestly to tell me about his sexuality. Then I told him that as hard as it is going to be, I'm going to try to not feel and urge to talk to him every day, starting tomorrow. I also mentioned that one of my primary thoughts is going to be that he is straight and will stay that way, so thinking about him sexually is just a waste of time. So it didn't have to come down to an all or nothing deal where I had to say goodbye forever. I am listening to the REAL RESPONSES on this thread and just separating myself from him to see what happens. After talking to a doctor this morning, he told me that a lot of anxiety that comes from this relationship is probably from a routine of talking to him every day and the less I follow that routine, the less dependent I'm going to feel. Like a drug.... the more you use it, the more addicted you become. So it was a relief to say the least. It's going to be hard to get used to but at the same time, it will be easier for me and him, I'm sure. I really care about him and couldn't lose him. I'm glad that I'm on a healthier track of sustaining this relationship though.
 

DaddiesBoy

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Posts
485
Media
18
Likes
408
Points
148
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
You're being counter-productive.
:hitwithrock:

Not just that, his responses are ignorant and plain rude. I want to be a homewrecker? Yeah.... ok..... No one would WANT that. Plus, I have never even said that this affects his family. I talk to this guy on his way home from work. His family isn't involved.

To the ass hole....

:fu:

:asshole2:

:bryce:
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,675
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
OK. You are young and smart obviously...look at your writing. You are cute and have the entire world at you finger tips. But this is it. You have a unhealthy relationship with a married man. He is using you to flirt with and toys with you constantly. You, on the other hand, want to get with him and don't care at what cost. The outcome will be drama. You are getting bolder and will get to the point he is forced to do two things. Have one cheap thrill and wreck his marriage that he will blame you for because he won't take the responsibility for his own involvement. Shame will be felt all around and you will hate each other and blame each other for every future problem in your lives. If you don't want this you need to either get help or figure out a new path for yourself. Stop seeing him. It hurts. Welcome to life. You need to develop gay friends and fill your days with other activities that take you away from this fucked up pattern. Break this dam fantasy ritual now. NOW! Believe it or not....I say this with love little gay bro. You all deserve better than where this train is headed.
 

DaddiesBoy

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Posts
485
Media
18
Likes
408
Points
148
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
OK. You are young and smart obviously...look at your writing. You are cute and have the entire world at you finger tips. But this is it. You have a unhealthy relationship with a married man. He is using you to flirt with and toys with you constantly. You, on the other hand, want to get with him and don't care at what cost. The outcome will be drama. You are getting bolder and will get to the point he is forced to do two things. Have one cheap thrill and wreck his marriage that he will blame you for because he won't take the responsibility for his own involvement. Shame will be felt all around and you will hate each other and blame each other for every future problem in your lives. If you don't want this you need to either get help or figure out a new path for yourself. Stop seeing him. It hurts. Welcome to life. You need to develop gay friends and fill your days with other activities that take you away from this fucked up pattern. Break this dam fantasy ritual now. NOW! Believe it or not....I say this with love little gay bro. You all deserve better than where this train is headed.

Thank you. What is smart about my writing? I'm simply writing facts....
 

davidjh7

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2006
Posts
2,607
Media
0
Likes
111
Points
283
Location
seattle
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
OK, I have been where you are as far as obsessing over a friend. I know it hurts like hell, and drives you crazy, especially when it is unrequited and there isn't any realistic way that that is ever going to change. I fell hard--harder than anybody before or since--for my friend in college. I obsessed over him for nearly 18 years! The ONLY thing that helps, and yes it is still hard, but the ONLY thing you can do when there is no chance is to give yourself time and distance. It will hurt, yes, but it will hurt less every day. One day you will find that you are over him a lot more than you thought you were, andit will be a but sad, but it will be freeing as well. In the meantime, I promise you there are about 10,000 older guys who are into younger for every younger guy into older--the odds are really in your favor here--and you will have opportunities to find someone who you CAN be with and be fullfilled by. You are an attractive young man, and you will get plenty of attention that will let you find your heart. But you have to give yourself the chance to find it. Hanging on to something you can ever have will only get you lonely and old. Take it from someone who knows that for a fact.
 

B_debonair87

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Posts
263
Media
0
Likes
16
Points
53
Location
nyc
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
@debonair87 you're an asshole.... you don't know anything about me so stop making yourself look like a jerk because that's all you're doing.

I'd rather be an asshole than some daddy obsessed potential homewrecker

Not just that, his responses are ignorant and plain rude. I want to be a homewrecker? Yeah.... ok..... No one would WANT that. Plus, I have never even said that this affects his family. I talk to this guy on his way home from work. His family isn't involved.

To the ass hole....

:fu:

:asshole2:

:bryce:


lets refer pack to your other thread on this matter..

Recently I have found myself thinking about this guy too much to the point where I feel like I am becoming obsessed. I contact him too much and It's starting to affect his family. He is too nice to say anything to me but I understand what I am starting to do. The only problem is, I can't go a day without talking to him. He has become to important to me, almost like a medication that I can't skip a dose of without going crazy. I think I'm in love.
http://www.lpsg.org/281284-i-need-some-advice.html



:hitwithrock:
 
Last edited:

unzipped

Cherished Member
Joined
Oct 31, 2007
Posts
5,739
Media
2
Likes
447
Points
303
Age
53
Location
Northern CA
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
Not to sound disrespectful, but sounds like you are a size queen.... why not just go to some "daddy" gay bars and find some huge meat.... and see if you get over this guy...
 

Willifred

Experimental Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2011
Posts
213
Media
0
Likes
2
Points
53
Location
London
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
A depressing read especially as the OP seems to have at least five doctors working on him.

Obsessing over someone is never a good thing, as you've realised. Obsessing over someone who has no interest in you only appeals to that person's ego. Stoking an uninterested person's ego has no purpose (to you).

As others have said, there are plenty of older gay guys out there. And as horrible as a crush might be, you should seek them out.
 

aninnymouse

Cherished Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Dec 13, 2006
Posts
2,812
Media
0
Likes
349
Points
553
Location
In My Own World
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
There is a lot going on here so let me clarify....

first of all:

@debonair87 you're an asshole.... you don't know anything about me so stop making yourself look like a jerk because that's all you're doing.

Also, to clarify the multiple therapist things....

I'm in college but I live only about 75 miles from home which is close enough to come home for a holiday or a weekend. The multiple therapists refer to home and at school. I can't see a doctor from my home town when I am at school and vice versa.

Also, about this guy. I just talked to him on the phone for a little over an hour and settled a lot. I express my true feelings for him (which he already had a hint) and asked him honestly to tell me about his sexuality. Then I told him that as hard as it is going to be, I'm going to try to not feel and urge to talk to him every day, starting tomorrow. I also mentioned that one of my primary thoughts is going to be that he is straight and will stay that way, so thinking about him sexually is just a waste of time. So it didn't have to come down to an all or nothing deal where I had to say goodbye forever. I am listening to the REAL RESPONSES on this thread and just separating myself from him to see what happens. After talking to a doctor this morning, he told me that a lot of anxiety that comes from this relationship is probably from a routine of talking to him every day and the less I follow that routine, the less dependent I'm going to feel. Like a drug.... the more you use it, the more addicted you become. So it was a relief to say the least. It's going to be hard to get used to but at the same time, it will be easier for me and him, I'm sure. I really care about him and couldn't lose him. I'm glad that I'm on a healthier track of sustaining this relationship though.

Grow the fuck up already. You know it's not doing any good to obsess over him. You know you're edging into dangerous territory. It's like an addict with his substance of choice. The best thing you can do is go cold turkey.

You can't just cherry pick the responses you want to hear, and then get all butthurt about the ones that are not what you want, or that are harsh. That's the fucking reality. Don't cry like a little boy when you don't get what you want. Blathering on about it on here is not going to win you any friends or do you any favors.

I dare you, print these threads out, and show them to your therapist, if you even have one. See what they have to say about it.
 

Patchos

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2006
Posts
2,052
Media
0
Likes
47
Points
193
Location
Australia
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Not to sound disrespectful, but sounds like you are a size queen.... why not just go to some "daddy" gay bars and find some huge meat.... and see if you get over this guy...

Word. Dude just wants this guys dick; he's not in love with him.
 

DaddiesBoy

Cherished Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2011
Posts
485
Media
18
Likes
408
Points
148
Location
Sacramento (California, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Grow the fuck up already. You know it's not doing any good to obsess over him. You know you're edging into dangerous territory. It's like an addict with his substance of choice. The best thing you can do is go cold turkey.

You can't just cherry pick the responses you want to hear, and then get all butthurt about the ones that are not what you want, or that are harsh. That's the fucking reality. Don't cry like a little boy when you don't get what you want. Blathering on about it on here is not going to win you any friends or do you any favors.

I dare you, print these threads out, and show them to your therapist, if you even have one. See what they have to say about it.

I don't need to print them out. What I type here is exactly what I talk about in therapy. What would be the point of expressing thoughts here but not in front of a professional?
 

crescendo69

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2006
Posts
7,786
Media
0
Likes
161
Points
283
Age
70
Location
Knoxville (Tennessee, United States)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
There is a lot going on here so let me clarify....

first of all:

@debonair87 you're an asshole.... you don't know anything about me so stop making yourself look like a jerk because that's all you're doing.

Also, to clarify the multiple therapist things....

I'm in college but I live only about 75 miles from home which is close enough to come home for a holiday or a weekend. The multiple therapists refer to home and at school. I can't see a doctor from my home town when I am at school and vice versa.

Also, about this guy. I just talked to him on the phone for a little over an hour and settled a lot. I express my true feelings for him (which he already had a hint) and asked him honestly to tell me about his sexuality. Then I told him that as hard as it is going to be, I'm going to try to not feel and urge to talk to him every day, starting tomorrow. I also mentioned that one of my primary thoughts is going to be that he is straight and will stay that way, so thinking about him sexually is just a waste of time. So it didn't have to come down to an all or nothing deal where I had to say goodbye forever. I am listening to the REAL RESPONSES on this thread and just separating myself from him to see what happens. After talking to a doctor this morning, he told me that a lot of anxiety that comes from this relationship is probably from a routine of talking to him every day and the less I follow that routine, the less dependent I'm going to feel. Like a drug.... the more you use it, the more addicted you become. So it was a relief to say the least. It's going to be hard to get used to but at the same time, it will be easier for me and him, I'm sure. I really care about him and couldn't lose him. I'm glad that I'm on a healthier track of sustaining this relationship though.

It seems you are on the road to recovery, now. Good luck.
 

sexplease

Cherished Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2006
Posts
1,706
Media
5
Likes
257
Points
303
Location
Santa Monica (California, United States)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
ya know why it's called a crush? because it hurts.
and often unrequited love or feelings can be such. No one makes your fell this way or that way. You make yourself feel that way.
part of the reality of life is that no one knows where cupids arrow will strike ... or where it won't.
 

erratic

Loved Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Posts
4,289
Media
0
Likes
508
Points
333
Sexuality
No Response
Also, about this guy. I just talked to him on the phone for a little over an hour and settled a lot.

Good. Honesty and clarity are helpful in combating these kinds of situations.

Then I told him that as hard as it is going to be, I'm going to try to not feel and urge to talk to him every day, starting tomorrow...After talking to a doctor this morning, he told me that a lot of anxiety that comes from this relationship is probably from a routine of talking to him every day and the less I follow that routine, the less dependent I'm going to feel. Like a drug.... the more you use it, the more addicted you become.

Good, and I agree completely with your doctor. We obsess over what we see every day, and daily exposure to it only sensitizes us more. It's fundamental psychology: Remove exposure to the stimulus and you can begin to desensitize yourself to it.

Best of luck, and hopefully you can find yourself a happily out gay guy to fill your needs in a really healthy way. I promise you, the farther away you get from the situation you were in with this other guy, the more you will recognize it as a train wreck waiting to happen.
 

DQSundae

Sexy Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Mar 17, 2006
Posts
261
Media
21
Likes
39
Points
273
Location
USA
Verification
View
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
I know this may sound trite, but you're only 18 and have your whole life ahead of you. I'm know these feelings you have for this man are intense. It's like that with your first real love. You want that person so much you can't hardly stand yourself. I think we probably have all been there and experienced that. You never want the feeling to go away, yet it hurts so much. That being said, you seem to acknowledge the fact that you know he's not going to be yours. Isn't it somewhat of a relief to you that you finally expressed your feelings to him?

Oddly, I had a similar experience at 18 with a woman who was a couple of years older than me. I wanted her so bad I almost couldn't breathe at times. I did finally tell her how I felt. She was a good friend and let me down easy, but really the whole thing was ultimately in my head, but real to me never the less. I was glad I told her though. I didn't, thank God, tell her how obsessed I was about her. I had even changed the slant of my hand writing because she wrote that way. LOL. My signature still slants that way because of her.

So anyway, I feel for you kid. It will get better in time, trust me. You will look back at this time and hopefully remember how intense and powerful love can be. I hope you will discover someone who will return to you the same kind of love and passion.

My situation was with someone close to my age. She truly was unaware of how I felt about her. I am concerned that this man is older and may have been toying with you. He may have started out being a mentor to you, but he should have known better as you two became closer friends. Hang in there. I wish you all the best.
 
Last edited: