OK, I have been where you are as far as obsessing over a friend. I know it hurts like hell, and drives you crazy, especially when it is unrequited and there isn't any realistic way that that is ever going to change. I fell hard--harder than anybody before or since--for my friend in college. I obsessed over him for nearly 18 years! The ONLY thing that helps, and yes it is still hard, but the ONLY thing you can do when there is no chance is to give yourself time and distance. It will hurt, yes, but it will hurt less every day. One day you will find that you are over him a lot more than you thought you were, andit will be a but sad, but it will be freeing as well. In the meantime, I promise you there are about 10,000 older guys who are into younger for every younger guy into older--the odds are really in your favor here--and you will have opportunities to find someone who you CAN be with and be fullfilled by. You are an attractive young man, and you will get plenty of attention that will let you find your heart. But you have to give yourself the chance to find it. Hanging on to something you can ever have will only get you lonely and old. Take it from someone who knows that for a fact.