I'm Kinda Freaked Out Atm

topothepops

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So, I just signed up so I could ask this question - I'm not sure where else to go.

All my life I've been gay, and a total top. Never felt like bottoming, and everything was great. Recently, my boyfriend started insisting that I bottom for him once - said I would love it. I didn't.

In fact, it was so bad, that I am now questioning why other guys would ever like it - and I'm now hesitant to fuck my boyfriend, cause why would I put him through that? It burned like hell, felt like I was being impaled (and he's only 6.5" and average thickness) both at my ass and in my abdomen - like I had the worst case of stomach flu cramps ever. I never once got anything remotely pleasurable out of it even when he supposedly found my prostate with his fingers - it was an ordeal I will NEVER repeat.

And so, my problem. Now he feels terrible, and I think I might lose him. Plus, I'm not at all keen to fuck him or anybody else now - and it was my favorite thing. I asked him if oral would be OK with him from now on - he's not that happy. But why would I want to hurt anybody, leastways somebody I have feelings for?

I read through so many forums where guys say it feels so great, but they all admit it hurts, burns, and that that's part of the appeal. You've got to be kidding???!! I thought, given stuff I'd read and conversations I'd had, that bottoms felt GOOD having sex. I just can't hang with the "hurts so good" crap.

What the hell am I going to do?
 

gr8gatsby

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So, I just signed up so I could ask this question - I'm not sure where else to go.

All my life I've been gay, and a total top. Never felt like bottoming, and everything was great. Recently, my boyfriend started insisting that I bottom for him once - said I would love it. I didn't.

In fact, it was so bad, that I am now questioning why other guys would ever like it - and I'm now hesitant to fuck my boyfriend, cause why would I put him through that? It burned like hell, felt like I was being impaled (and he's only 6.5" and average thickness) both at my ass and in my abdomen - like I had the worst case of stomach flu cramps ever. I never once got anything remotely pleasurable out of it even when he supposedly found my prostate with his fingers - it was an ordeal I will NEVER repeat.

And so, my problem. Now he feels terrible, and I think I might lose him. Plus, I'm not at all keen to fuck him or anybody else now - and it was my favorite thing. I asked him if oral would be OK with him from now on - he's not that happy. But why would I want to hurt anybody, leastways somebody I have feelings for?

I read through so many forums where guys say it feels so great, but they all admit it hurts, burns, and that that's part of the appeal. You've got to be kidding???!! I thought, given stuff I'd read and conversations I'd had, that bottoms felt GOOD having sex. I just can't hang with the "hurts so good" crap.

What the hell am I going to do?
Relax, take a breath ... I bet your desire to fuck will return.
 
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You are projecting, and over-generalizing.

By that, I mean because you didn't have a great experience, you think there is no possible way someone else could. It doesn't work that way.

I'm going to suggest you learn to love your ass. Seriously. Play with it, gently, and on your own time. Use a well lubed finger, and explore. Combine exploration with masturbation. Work on the outside first, develop some sensitization, poke in a little bit, and try to relax. It shouldn't take too long to figure out that it feels good to stimulate that area.

It's up to you if you want to include (small) toys, but you can find ones designed for beginners. Or, your bf can gently play with your ass as well with his finger, and stimulate your prostate while he, or you, masturbates you. There is nothing quite like someone stimulating your ass while you achieve orgasm.

My point in saying all that is, it does feel good, and it can feel so amazing your legs will buckle. You just had a first experience with someone who didn't know how to loosen you up and relax you. And, you didn't know how to relax either.
 

MisterB

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So, I just signed up so I could ask this question - I'm not sure where else to go.

All my life I've been gay, and a total top. Never felt like bottoming, and everything was great. Recently, my boyfriend started insisting that I bottom for him once - said I would love it. I didn't.

In fact, it was so bad, that I am now questioning why other guys would ever like it - and I'm now hesitant to fuck my boyfriend, cause why would I put him through that? It burned like hell, felt like I was being impaled (and he's only 6.5" and average thickness) both at my ass and in my abdomen - like I had the worst case of stomach flu cramps ever. I never once got anything remotely pleasurable out of it even when he supposedly found my prostate with his fingers - it was an ordeal I will NEVER repeat.

And so, my problem. Now he feels terrible, and I think I might lose him. Plus, I'm not at all keen to fuck him or anybody else now - and it was my favorite thing. I asked him if oral would be OK with him from now on - he's not that happy. But why would I want to hurt anybody, leastways somebody I have feelings for?

I read through so many forums where guys say it feels so great, but they all admit it hurts, burns, and that that's part of the appeal. You've got to be kidding???!! I thought, given stuff I'd read and conversations I'd had, that bottoms felt GOOD having sex. I just can't hang with the "hurts so good" crap.

What the hell am I going to do?

It may indeed have been an experience as 420Canadian describes. Perhaps you were not relaxed. Or in the mood. Turned on. Whatever. It happens. It's normal. Especially given it was your first time bottoming.

I assume your boyfriend enjoys bottoming for you? And perhaps it's because he enjoys that so much with you, he wanted you to have the same sensations/feelings. For some gay couples, it's the ultimate expression of their intimacy.

I do think you and your boyfriend need to talk about it. Openly and honestly. And maybe try again. And see where that takes you.

And just because you may not like that sensation doesn't mean your boyfriend doesn't enjoy it.

You may simply be one of those gay men who don't care to be penetrated anally. And that's okay. Not everyone is the same. But please do talk with your boyfriend. Sooner rather than later.

I wish you luck!
 
D

deleted847535

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Agree relax and breath!
like you I am a top love to eat and fuck ass... it is the best. You should not let this one not so good experience change your world and relationship.
I have had some of the same sensations when I have bottomed, it just did not feel good. I have also had ones where everything felt so good I wanted it to keep going. a big part of that was I wanted it and was ready for it.
So follow the advise above, start small and play with your ass, do it yourself learn what makes you feel good. (and yes use lube)
Lots of it if needed.
Talk with your partner about what he likes about being a bottom and why you make him feel good. people get pleasure from different sensations. so do not apply your experience to all others.
good luck and hopefully you get your groove back and find a new thing you like.
 

topothepops

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"And just because you may not like that sensation doesn't mean your boyfriend doesn't enjoy it."

That's just it...I have the thought in my head that he likes it BECAUSE it hurts. And that fucked with my head. (It didn't help that one of the first forums I saw on here was all about the joys of prolapses!! o_O)

I will talk to him...I have to, obviously. I haven't had a boner for the past three days - this really did freak me the fuck out.

I appreciate all the considered responses, I really do. I'll let you know how it goes.
 

Sklar

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Dude, you've been topping for years. And, I am guessing, no one has ever complained that it hurt them.

You're panicking, big time. As others have mentioned, relax and take a deep breath.

My guess, again, is you were way, way, WAY to nervous and tense.

Don't let this throw off your topping game.

I am top about 98% of the time. Every now and then, I do get this desire to bottom.

What makes it more pleasurable, for me, is to relax and TRUST the person I am with.

You're obviously scared. You don't need to be.

I'm going to go a bit graphic here, so my apologies to everyone in advance.

The first thing you will need to do is just cuddle with your boyfriend. Do some kissing, feeling each other up, frotting.

When you feel yourself relax, and you will, move on to the next stage.

69 each other. You need to do things you enjoy doing and so does he. Have him rim you, finger you, kiss you, touch you. Do things that 1) keep your mind off the actual act coming up. 2) These should be things you like to do.

As he fingers you, push out like you are going to the bathroom. BREATH. Get used to one finger. Then, when you are still relaxed, and with plenty of lube, have him put in a second finger. BREATH. Have him SLOWLY and STEADILY, spread his fingers apart, to help loosen you up and have him slowly go in and out.

When you are ready to be penetrated, have him on his back. Then YOU control his cock entering you. Again, PUSH OUT and BREATH. Don't hyper ventilate. Just breath in normally. Use PLENTY of lube. Insert as much of his cock as you can handle. Then STOP and get yourself ADJUSTED to it. Once, that happens, again, it won't be instantaneous, PUSH OUT, again, and take more into you.

Repeat these steps until he is balls deep into you.

RELAX, RELAX, RELAX

DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATH

BREATH, BREATH, BREATH

The only thing your boyfriend should be doing is running his hands over your body, to help you relax and to keep applying lube to his exposed cock, to help it enter you with ease.

I hope this helps,


Sklar
 

ripsrips

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Damn that got me hard, now I'm craving a big, thick cock to sit on.

Dude, you've been topping for years. And, I am guessing, no one has ever complained that it hurt them.
You're panicking, big time. As others have mentioned, relax and take a deep breath.

My guess, again, is you were way, way, WAY to nervous and tense.

Don't let this throw off your topping game.

I am top about 98% of the time. Every now and then, I do get this desire to bottom.

What makes it more pleasurable, for me, is to relax and TRUST the person I am with.

You're obviously scared. You don't need to be.

I'm going to go a bit graphic here, so my apologies to everyone in advance.

The first thing you will need to do is just cuddle with your boyfriend. Do some kissing, feeling each other up, frotting.

When you feel yourself relax, and you will, move on to the next stage.

69 each other. You need to do things you enjoy doing and so does he. Have him rim you, finger you, kiss you, touch you. Do things that 1) keep your mind off the actual act coming up. 2) These should be things you like to do.

As he fingers you, push out like you are going to the bathroom. BREATH. Get used to one finger. Then, when you are still relaxed, and with plenty of lube, have him put in a second finger. BREATH. Have him SLOWLY and STEADILY, spread his fingers apart, to help loosen you up and have him slowly go in and out.

When you are ready to be penetrated, have him on his back. Then YOU control his cock entering you. Again, PUSH OUT and BREATH. Don't hyper ventilate. Just breath in normally. Use PLENTY of lube. Insert as much of his cock as you can handle. Then STOP and get yourself ADJUSTED to it. Once, that happens, again, it won't be instantaneous, PUSH OUT, again, and take more into you.

Repeat these steps until he is balls deep into you.

RELAX, RELAX, RELAX

DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATH

BREATH, BREATH, BREATH

The only thing your boyfriend should be doing is running his hands over your body, to help you relax and to keep applying lube to his exposed cock, to help it enter you with ease.

I hope this helps,


Sklar
 
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Brodie888

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Let's assume you know that you don't have any allergies to the lube, latex or polyps in your bowel.

What you described is basically the result of going too deep, too thick and too fast for your level of experience. You needed more foreplay, more lube and more gradual progression in your penetration.

Your experience is common for someone with no experience but it isn't for someone who knows what they are doing.

Being able to take a cock well is a skill that takes time to master. If I had my choice, it would be the only way I'd want to cum.
 

OKCLane

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I will offer only one other perspective.
Many replies have offered great and thoughtful advice on how you might learn to enjoy anal sex or at a minimum anal stimulation, even if it’s just rimming or gentle probing.
The fact is, it’s okay if you never bottom again or have your anus touched in a sexual manner.
You were happy and satisfied as a “top only” for years. There’s no rule that says you must be versatile or that you’re missing out on life if you don’t want or enjoy anal stimulation.
Tell your partner that you tried it and it’s just not for you.
Keep calm and carry on as they say. Life’s too short to stress about one of our greatest pleasures.
 

Prem_lj

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Wow, this did freak you out, "I haven't had a boner for the past three days".

Talk and listen to your boyfriend, if he says it feels good, believe him. If you don't believe him find some amateur video and listen to the bottom moan. Those are not the sounds of a person in pain. Then help you boyfriend out by fucking him.

Too bad your experience turned out the way it did. Now you can say you tried it and it is not for me if anyone every asks.
 

cedarizzo

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Sounds like your partner and you have communication problems. It seems like a simple "tried it once, didn't like it, won't do it again". Everybody's bodies are not the same. Some guys are better setup for being a bottom and some are not.

Talk to your partner, tell him that it wasn't pleasurable to you and go from there.
 
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Infernal

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Honestly it sounds like he just shoved it in and started ramming. That's not pleasurable for most people. If he didn't, then maybe he didn't do enough to get you relaxed and stimulated for the experience.

Aside from whatever truly happened - it could very well be that anal sex just isn't for you. If that's the case, now you know for sure and you can make it clear that you never want to do it again. There are always creative ways around it if he really wants to do the fucking.
 

topothepops

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Again, thanks everybody for your advice and thoughts.

Just to close the loop, as it were, my boyfriend and I talked about what happened, and were very honest with each other about the whole thing. I told him why I was so freaked out afterwards, and he assures me that he does not get off on pain, and that if he felt the way I did every time I fucked him, he would have nothing to do with it!

He explained in minute detail what sex as a bottom feels like for him, and why it's so important to him. He did admit that it does hurt a bit when he first gets penetrated, but that that goes away really quickly. He also admitted that he does, a lot of the time, have a dull ache in his ass for a while afterward, especially if we've gone at it for a long time. He assured me that it was akin to working out really strenuously, and that it reminded him that I was part of him for a while, but did not cause him discomfort. He also promised to tell me if anything actually hurt when we fuck - something he said has only happened once or twice in the whole time we've been together (he said I'm sometimes a bit exuberant right out of the gate, and I go too deep too fast sometimes).

I told him I was sorry, but that I was not interested in bottoming again, ever - it's just not something I'm attracted to at all. He said that was fine, and that he certainly felt fulfilled bottoming. As we are exclusive, I wanted to make sure that he was satisfied with the arrangement - I don't want him pining for something he can't have. He said he had never really been a top in other relationships anyway - he just thought I might like it - and has no great desire to do it again.

He said that bottoming for me, aside from the physical sensations, brought us closer together - made him feel closer to me - and that was why my suggestion to only do oral was a bad idea, as far as he was concerned. He said he's always thought oral was a prelude to the main attraction, but not usually what he wanted by itself.

So I agreed to stop worrying about what happened, and just kinda forget about it. He apologized that it was so traumatic for me, but understood that it was way more my worry about him than me - the thought that I would be constantly causing him pain and have him hide that from me was just too much. He said he was really touched that I cared about him so much, but that he wasn't a masochist, and I should just fuck him already! (He was tired of talking about it I think!)

I really appreciate everybody's candid responses - it helped calm me down and put things in perspective.

And to all you bottoms out there - thank the little baby jeebus for you! Without you, guys like me would be doing nothing but pulling our pud on a Saturday night. It'll always be a bit of a mystery to me as to why - but thank god you get off on having us put our dicks in you. It's a hell of a thing! Sure, it's hot and all, but I think we should never forget what a gift you're giving to us, and how easy it can be to go terribly wrong!