Im new, with a fear, help ...

Discussion in 'Underwear, Clothing, and Appearance Issues' started by D_Ari_Olla, Mar 10, 2009.

  1. D_Ari_Olla

    D_Ari_Olla Account Disabled

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    So Im new here, and while Im not hung like a horse or anything, I am here for a reason. I'm a pretty average guy in all aspects, 6'2", 210, 6.5" etc. Although I do happen to be quite intelligent with an IQ in the 98th percentile (hey, we all get to be vain about something, lol).

    The reason I am here is that I have a horrible fear of nudity. The fear is totally irrational seeing that I wasn't raised that way. My father was a Marine and to him modesty was a silly notion. He taught me and my younger brother to never to ashamed of ones body because in the long run no one really cares. However, somewhere around the age of 13-14 I got VERY introverted and shy with puberty and my dad respected that. But, I never came out of it. My brother, on the other hand, wouldn't know what modesty was if Einstein sat down and tried to explain it. After a shower the towel for him is like the Holy Grail in the Indiana Jones, everything will crumble if it passes beyond the door to the bathroom, lol. Given my fear, he thinks Ive got a small dick, and teases accordingly, but its never really caused a problem between us. I brush it off. Not to mention because my bro thinks that, it has crossed my mind that maybe my dad does to, but knowing my dad he is just annoyed when he has to wait for me to get dressed before I let him in hte bathroom or my bedroom.

    I guess because Im so modest I sometimes feel like Im the odd man out around here. I sought out the help of some friends, but they all were really uncomfortable talking about the subject, OR they shot me that whole "your all guys, get over it" response. I realize that its not a big deal, that is why its called an irrational fear, lol.

    I just need advice on how to get over this. Hell, maybe even a gameplan since Im borderline OCD when it comes to planning things out logically. Thanks a bunch.
     
  2. SpeedoMike

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    your feeling is very common with the younger generations, as if they are hiding the fact that they are mature(ing). Speedos at one time were quite common and today hardly anyone will even consider wearing one.

    also, kids don't take showers after gym any longer. it once was a rite of passage to start middle school or high school and face the reality of showers after gym. I didn't like it because I was a "grower" with an overactive penis and didn't want the embarrassment of being heckled and called "homo". Ah, those HS years. College PE was different as the guys acted adult.

    I'm still not completely at ease with nudity but I can enjoy a naked hot tub dip or similar with a small group. What helped me loosen up was taking a weekend sexuality workshop which was in the nude and later a nude massage class. Believe me, that helped. oh, and did I mention going one Sunday to the Red, White, and Blue Beach near Santa Cruz, CA? Strange, nobody seemed to have any clothes.
     
  3. SpeedoMike

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    I should have added that at both workshops parking was limited and I made sure someone blocked my car so I couldn't leave. :biggrin1:

    Now tell me, was that logical planning?? :yup:
     
  4. catman

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    Have to share this..

    a good friend, heavyset guy, really really great friend- he was abused severely as a kid (his mother would pull down his pants when he was in his teens and tell him how TINY his dick was (it isn't) and that being obese how truly ugly (and of course that means 'unlovable' ... anyhow always been a nudist here.

    One day I mentioned I love to be nude, etc.. and we got into a long talk about it- he confided his growing up situation (I was honored)

    long story short- he and I went to a nude campground, on a very slow/'quiet' day. The guy is NOT 'tiny' (yes he has a belly but has a set of nuts on him that a bull would go 'daaaaammmmn' over). I let him go at his 'own pace' (we went walking in the woods nude, we wore a button down shirt-open and carried a towel.

    As we walked he realized it wasn't 'bad'. we got to a large clearing and I looked over to see the shirt AND towel laying on the ground....and the BIGGEST smile I have EVERY seen on his face as he stood there- full nude in the sun.

    He later told me he fully expected the earth to fall out of orbit....or the moon to crash into the ocean, or at the very least someone to scream in fear of his naked body...

    Nothing. Happened.

    I think he mentions this experience every couple of months to me, with heart felt thanks yous... (I did have to remind him to USE SUNSCREEN EVERYWHERE).

    work at your own pace.

    do you go to the gym? how comfortable do you feel naked in the locker room? maybe start slow, at that pace?

    do you go nude around the houe? is there a place in your yard that you could try semi-nudity? (ie go pantless, or in your boxers).

    work up to it, try it alone first?

    best of luck...

    I can also understand as my youngest son is very self conscious of his nudity as well (sadly due to his 'size' (the guy is hung like a mule), so we have had to work on the same type issues.

    keep us posted?
     
  5. Hanger2

    Hanger2 New Member

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    As a teenager I was very shy to be seen nude by others, although I loved to be nude in private and by myself out in nature. I got myself out of it by going commando first, then later visiting nudist beaches. Now I really don't care who sees me naked, as long as it does not get me into trouble.

    I think that a good place for you to start is to first lose your underwear. Get used to being naked under your pants, particularly shorts. Go out among people and get used to the feeling of being near-naked among people. Start with jeans or other firm pants that make it less obvious, then progress to less restrictive pants.

    When you go to the nudist beach you can strip off in a fairly secluded spot and get used to a few people at a time seeing you when they walk past, then progress to moving out into the open fully exposed.

    Don't stand around in shorts watching others who are naked. This will just cause you to get an erection and make it tougher to make the decision when to drop the shorts. It will also make you look like a perv watching others. Rather get naked as soon as you get there, don't give yourself time to get scared and chicken out.

    It may also help to have a frank talk with your brother. Tell him that you want to get naked but the ribbing from him doesn't help. I doubt that he will be embarassed by the subject like your friends were. Get him to help you rather than kid you about it.
     
  6. D_Ari_Olla

    D_Ari_Olla Account Disabled

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    I dont really want to become a nudist or anything, just the idea of being able to go about my day not being worried about it is my goal. Not feeling like i need to be completely dressed before I walk out of my bedroom headed to the shower, only to strip down again 20 feet later in the bathroom. I suppose there is a certain amount of bonding I feel like I am being left out of here at home too.

    I actually had been suggested this by a friend of mine who just became a therapist. And then last night, in the chat, one of the people also suggested I do this and helped me work up the nerve to talk to my brother about this. In true nonchalant fashion he just agreed to help me out, sat down in my computer chair, told me there was no time like the present, and said "ok dude, lose the shirt and drop'em." Ill admit I chickened out at the boxers, but he caught me off guard and yanked them down. He is was surprisingly logical and sympathetic to it all, telling me that we were both guys, and to stop covering myself up with my hands like a 12 year old, and that he was pretty sure he had seen a penis before. Eventually I dropped the hands and just hung out like that for a few minutes. Ill admit it was pretty overwhelming at first, but I lived. Now, im not going to say ill be running around naked tomorrow morning like everyone else, but i feel like ive def. cleared a major hurdle.
     
  7. Hanger2

    Hanger2 New Member

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    I think that you have made great progress, getting it out in the open, so to speak. Each time that you do it again will be easier and before long it will be natural to you. Don't wait a few days before you do it again, do it tomorrow. The longer you wait the more difficult it will be.
     
  8. Shad

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    So whose is bigger? :biggrin1:
     
  9. D_Ari_Olla

    D_Ari_Olla Account Disabled

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    You know, Im beginning to think you and my brother are like psychically linked or something. While in the shower today my brother jimmied the lock, and stuck his head in and asked me if I REALLY wanted to get over my fears of nudity. I told him that I did, and he asked me if I trusted him. Against my better judgment I said I did. Then he made me promise not to get mad at him for trying to help me, and i swear before i could say anything back the kid opened the door and in walked him, my dad, my UNCLE, and 2 of my cousins who were in from college on spring break. Now, you might think, "whats the big deal you were behind a shower curtain," to which i would reply, "no such luck, our shower is floor to ceiling glass on 2 of the walls." My back was to them but my brother just says, "this is that implosion therapy you told me about once (mental note: never discuss my psych degree with him again), no one here is afraid of nudity, nor are they phased by you being naked. So were going to sit here till you lighten up and realize that its not that big a deal." SO i had to endure finishing my shower and toweling off whilst chatting with 5 of my blood relatives in the bathroom with me. In hindsight I should have told them true implosion therapy would have entailed them all being naked too, but god only know what that would have done to the situation.

    And to Shad, he wasnt naked at the time, but Ive seen him plenty. Were about the same size I would guess. But at that moment, I dont think that entered anyone's mind.
     
  10. D_Ari_Olla

    D_Ari_Olla Account Disabled

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    Well, its been several months after my brother pullled his shower ambush, but to be honest it worked wonders for me. After that incident I really lightened up about everything and realized that no body really cares if they seen you naked or not. No one has ever brought up the fact that they seen me in the shower that day.

    I routinely go to and from the bathroom in the buff now. The occasional laundry room trip in the morning. No one cares, the world doesn't end, and my dad/bro could care less. Im in the shower while someone is shaving/brushing teeth/doing hair etc at least 1-2 times a week, doesnt phase me, or which ever one of them are in there. As my dad once said, Youre my son, just without so many clothes on, it doesnt really register that your "naked."

    Thanks for the advice, and thanks to my a$$hole brother for pulling his stupid prank that ended up making things alot better. I honestly think if he hadnt done that, it would have taken me alot longer to get over things.
     
  11. sdbg

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    Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that you're progressing. Question for you:

    Were the cousins above male? Does your mother live with you, your dad, and your brother? Do you have sisters as well? The reason that I ask is that I would not have been allowed to be nude in front of mom and my sister once I grew past the "little boy" stage. Changed in locker rooms with dad at the pool and lake many times and never really thought about it. My older sister had told me that in high school changing and showering in the gym class locker room in front of everyone was the norm. She suggested that I just do it without a fuss, and no one will bother me. Sure enough. Any guy that seemed shy to undress or shower was heckled. After a month or so, this one guy who never would shower was picked up by 5 or 6 guys and carried into the shower. Glad that it wasn't me!
     
  12. mercerisland

    mercerisland Member

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    Anyone in the SF Bay area want to help me get over this fear too? I am trying to do better at the gym but still nervous about being nude and my body. Always have been but don't always want to be. Thanks
     
  13. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    Congratulations to TheTribe! Happy for you! Mercerisland, it's good that you're reaching out to guys in your area, but don't you have a brother or close friend there you could confide in? In any case, there will have to be some male bonding with someone who can make you feel more at ease. Good luck, sweetie! Be blessed.
    :smile:
     
  14. D_Ari_Olla

    D_Ari_Olla Account Disabled

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    Yeah, the cousins were male. I pretty much grew up with them and in many ways they are just 2 more brothers. My mom and their mom were out shopping at that time. Which of course means my mom does live in the house, but there is a strict rule that if my mom is anywhere on the premises that the towels, boxers, shorts, etc stay on in any public area, no exceptions. It's my dad's rule and even he abides by it.

    To mercerisland, I agree with the wise woman here, you should try to get help from someone who is close to you. A brother, cousin, maybe a really close friend, maybe even a girlfriend. Reaching out blindly like that could lead to an uncomfortable situation. Plus, someone who knows you well can better tailor their reactions when you want to quit, or chicken out, or even when you finally succeed they can be proactive in support after the fact. I think most people view the fear of nudity as strictly a social phobia, and while it does have a social component, there is a strong internal component that forms if you let it eat at you long enough. At the end of the day, unless you are really really tiny, no one is going to give a crap that they seen you naked. And even if you are really tiny, who cares, its not like you can change it. Why not enjoy the MENTAL freedom that you will gain from overcoming the fear. As my dad once said, the best way to ensure your nakedness isn't noticed in a locker room, is to take off the towel. Nobody questions the dude who doesn't wear a towel, regardless of body or penis size, because it shows he has confidence. If youre always wearing one, people automatically assume you've got something to hide, and stories can start being passed around. Even in instances where that couldn't be further from the truth.
     
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