I'm not boyfriend/husband material

[Crimsonlurker]

If a guy who you were interested in and who was interested in you said the above what would you think without him explaining anything? Would you think he were just looking for sex? Would you run the other way (if you aren't looking for the same)? What are some of your possible reactions to the whole not boyfriend/husband material statement?

I ask because while i've never actually said it. People in the past have assumed i was that sort of guy. To be honest though i think it might fit me now. What i've seen as the average boyfriend/husband these days, i don't actually gel with. So what would be some of your thoughts on it. And what kinds of guys have said it to you?

 

[918177]

If he's not boyfriend/husband material it's pretty obvious and if he told me it'd be like...."Thanks for that Captain Obvious!"

If he's "interested" and for NSA sex he's shit out of luck with me. I got all the sex my energy levels can handle atm and I'm not looking to down grade anytime soon.

 

[Crimsonlurker]

If he's not boyfriend/husband material it's pretty obvious and if he told me it'd be like...."Thanks for that Captain Obvious!"

If he's "interested" and for NSA sex he's shit out of luck with me. I got all the sex my energy levels can handle atm and I'm not looking to down grade anytime soon.

What if he wanted to either keep dating without making it official or he wanted to stay friends even if it meant no sex?

 

[918177]

What if he wanted to either keep dating without making it official or he wanted to stay friends even if it meant no sex?

I can't speak for anyone else but I don't stay friends with ex fuck buddies. What he wants is irrelevant.

 

[693987]

My sweetie and I weren't looking for a relationship, but had a FWB thing for a while. It turned into more, and I've known from the beginning that he's not the most "feeling" person, and a self-described emotional cripple. Being with each other has definitely eased that some. Not boyfriend/whatever material could mean a lot of things, and I would take it at face value. I wouldn't assume they just wanted sex just from a single statement.

I am a person who appreciates honesty, so I would rather someone be blunt than say shit they think I'll want to hear, or try to do things to save my feelings, when in the long run they'll fuck me up way more than being told from the get go.

 

[Crimsonlurker]

I can't speak for anyone else but I don't stay friends with ex fuck buddies. What he wants is irrelevant.

I see. Well alrighty then.

My sweetie and I weren't looking for a relationship, but had a FWB thing for a while. It turned into more, and I've known from the beginning that he's not the most "feeling" person, and a self-described emotional cripple. Being with each other has definitely eased that some. Not boyfriend/whatever material could mean a lot of things, and I would take it at face value. I wouldn't assume they just wanted sex just from a single statement.

I am a person who appreciates honesty, so I would rather someone be blunt than say shit they think I'll want to hear, or try to do things to save my feelings, when in the long run they'll fuck me up way more than being told from the get go.

This doesn't have anything to do with the original questions and it is a bit personal so i'll understand if you don't want to go into detail but how did the both of you make it past the fwb stage and into relationship territory?

 

[693987]

I see. Well alrighty then.
This doesn't have anything to do with the original questions and it is a bit personal so i'll understand if you don't want to go into detail but how did the both of you make it past the fwb stage and into relationship territory?

Honestly? No idea. It was a shift in how we both felt at roughly the same time. He and I met/started talking to each other through here, actually. We were friends online for a couple years, met up and became FWB for a couple years, and we've been together about two and a half.

 

[918177]

I see. Well alrighty then.



This doesn't have anything to do with the original questions and it is a bit personal so i'll understand if you don't want to go into detail but how did the both of you make it past the fwb stage and into relationship territory?

I LOVE..totally LOVE my own personal space and independence.
I'm happy with my own company and doing my own thing.

I knew I was ready for a relationship with him when the pain I felt when he wasn't around outweighed my sheer
annoyance and aggravation at having him around.

He's a grown ass, mature adult man with no insecurities AND he's very mindful of my boundaries.
Over time he's proven he's trustworthy in those issues time and time again.
That took time for that trust to develop and for him to understand that I'm
as serious as cancer about those boundaries.

 

[693987]

I LOVE..totally LOVE my own personal space and independence.
I'm happy with my own company and doing my own thing.

I knew I was ready for a relationship with him when the pain I felt when he wasn't around outweighed my sheer
annoyance and aggravation at having him around.

He's a grown ass, mature adult man with no insecurities AND he's very mindful of my boundaries.
Over time he's proven he's trustworthy in those issues time and time again.
That took time for that trust to develop and for him to understand that I'm
as serious as cancer about those boundaries.

The parts in bold hold true for myself and Remington too. We're both of an opinion that the majority of humanity is a pile o suck and to be avoided. If he didn't respect my independence, or vice versa, we wouldn't be able to be a couple.

 

[Crimsonlurker]

I LOVE..totally LOVE my own personal space and independence.
I'm happy with my own company and doing my own thing.

I knew I was ready for a relationship with him when the pain I felt when he wasn't around outweighed my sheer
annoyance and aggravation at having him around.

He's a grown ass, mature adult man with no insecurities AND he's very mindful of my boundaries.
Over time he's proven he's trustworthy in those issues time and time again.
That took time for that trust to develop and for him to understand that I'm
as serious as cancer about those boundaries.

The parts in bold hold true for myself and Remington too. We're both of an opinion that the majority of humanity is a pile o suck and to be avoided. If he didn't respect my independence, or vice versa, we wouldn't be able to be a couple.

Honestly? No idea. It was a shift in how we both felt at roughly the same time. He and I met/started talking to each other through here, actually. We were friends online for a couple years, met up and became FWB for a couple years, and we've been together about two and a half.

Hmm thanks for the information ladies. Very helpful.

 

[Crimsonlurker]

Oh and also congratulations on the happy relationships. Really got me thinking.

 

[LaFemme]

If I want a relationship, then I'm out of there. If I'm not, then great. As long as both people are on the same page, everything is good. It's only when one person's feelings shift that things get awkward.

It's really important that people be honest with themselves. I've know young women who agree with the 'casual' thing secretly hoping the guy will change his mind. That's not fair to anyone. If you're going to be casual, then never act like a boyfriend. Be respectful and nice, but don't make promises you can't keep.

 

[deleted924715]

I'd probably walk away to be honest, even if I only wanted FWB... anything that sounds like a behaviour disclaimer just raises a red flag for me, I probably wouldn't delve into the reasons for saying it. I also have a knee-jerk reaction to the closed-mindedness of the statement, because it's limiting me too. I suppose it's just me being contrary, I might not want anything serious - but don't tell me I can't have it lol.

 

[EllieP]

Seriously, by the time he said that I would have already known the relationship was over. I realized early on that I cannot do casual sex. Would probably be better if I could, but I need something more with it.

If somehow he caught me off guard with that statement I would tell him that it's been fun and have a good life.

 

[DaisyDoesIt]

Well, I'm hardly 'girlfriend/wife material'----and it's amazing how many guys have a problem with that----

 

[fluffychocolate]

I'd thank him for his honesty. I'd know to just keep it casual.

 

[Mercurygirl]

What are some of your possible reactions to the whole not boyfriend/husband material statement?

Possibly reaction #19:

I'd lean into him close enough so he could feel my hot breath on his skin, his neck, put both my hands gently on his chest, look up at him with big innocent eyes, and whisper softly, "How unfortunate. And to think I had you lined up as a more permanent solution in fulfilling a long obsessive desire to wrap my eager mouth around a ... well, I suppose it doesn't really matter now, does it."

Make the cutest little frown face, pat him playfully on the chest, and walk away.