I'm not gay but...

maxcok

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Exactly the response I expected lmao!
Exactly the response I expected. LMFAO! Ah, some people are so predictable.

Maybe I wouldn't be so "resistant" if only I knew what exactly the conflict was. But since you can't enlighten me on this subject I guess you will forever label me a stubborn mule. Oh how I wish I knew what this conflict was so I could resolve it!
Well, I showed you, but I can't force enlightenment on you. That's entirely up to you.

You can lead a horse to water . . . . or as you say, "a mule" . . . . .

I haven't labeled you either, and I won't. You seem to be doing a good job of that all on your own.

You're absolutely correct. Defining sexual orientation includes behavior, thoughts, fantasies and desires.

Has anyone in this thread said that it was restricted to behavior? :confused:
From reading your posts, stating that he may benefit from "a caring therapist" as he has "conflict" I find confussing.
Maybe you wouldn't be so confussed [sic] if you (and the OP) stuck to what I actually wrote, instead of putting your own interpretation on it or making things up

If you agree that his sexual behavior does not solely conclude 'x' orientation, then why does he have conflicts?
I don't subscribe to 'x' orientations, or 'y' orientations, or 'z' orientations. I believe in a continuum. People are distributed at various points along that continuum, a few reside at one extreme or the other, the rest fall somewhere in between, and sometimes some of them move around from one point to another. Sometimes they deny to themselves where they actually are on the continuum and work really hard at pretending they are somewhere else.

I am much closer to the 'gay' end of that continuum than the OP claims to be, yet I have nowhere near the obsession with cocks he does, nor am I remotely interested in being penetrated or pounded in the ass.
Just sayin . . .

As far as conflicts go, I've seen plenty of men on this board who claim they are only interested in cocks, and have no interest at all in the men they are attached to. Never have I seen any of them here or IRL express with such repetitive over-the-top vehemence that men are "ugly", "gross", and "ew yucky" as the OP has. It sounds absurdly like a six year old boy talking about little girls on the playground. Seriously, who are we trying to convince here? :rolleyes:

The terms "disassociation" and "overcompensation" spring to mind here, but then, I should probably consult a psychologist. :wink:

He has no conflicts, he wants a bit of cock, but isn't attracted to males. He's worked it out already for himself, he just needs to find the best way of achieving this in a way that he finds comfy.
What makes you so sure he has no conflicts? From what I gather, he wants more than "a bit of cock", and he's expressed way more than a lack of attraction. Let's stop minimizing and spinning the argument our own way, shall we? And if "he's worked it out already", what's the point of the thread? Rationalizations can be very "comfy", btw.

And to be clear, I said in my first post he "may have some internal conflicts". It was only his subsequent vehement denials that convinced me beyond a shadow of doubt that he did.

... I suggest a trans possibly.
Brilliant. The best of all possible worlds! Have your cake, eat it too. Fits the title too: "I'm not gay but . . . "

Howevah, take off the clothes, the padding, and the make up, and what have you got? Surprise, A MAN!!!
Does anybody besides me see the potential for more rationalization and denial in this approach?
Hey, guess what? I just realized "illusion" rhymes with "delusion".

No conflict at all, he has no emotional problems. He knows what he wants.
Again. I never said he has emotional problems, did I? Then again, how are you so sure he doesn't?

OK some straight men do in fact have a penis fetish, they may just like them to look at or play with or want to have them do more than that to them. And yet they remain straight men.

And then there is a whole range of "straight" men who hide behind the notion of having a penis fetish in order to avoid dealing with their actual feelings towards other men.

Be clear on which of these two kinds of men you happen to be and then enjoy your life.
Hill, much as I always appreciate your input, I felt compelled to emphasize the second line of your post. Not that it makes any difference; people will naturally glom onto the explanation that fits their rationalizations and self-justifications. For the vast majority of men in this predicament, e.g. the OP and many of the responders in this thread, plus many, many more men on this board, I suspect they'll stick to the first line. I'd also like to suggest that this kind of denial may have less to do with denying their feelings for other men, than avoiding the stigma associated with engaging in homosexual activity, and submissive homosexual activity in particular.

I also feel obliged to point out that having a fetish for an inantimate object like eyeglasses is a far cry from fetishizing a sexual organ and trying to detach it from its life source, i.e. a flesh and blood human male.
 
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Ururu18

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Jokeln, I feel your pain. I too want to be anally penetrated by a big cock, but I'm not gay and aren't really interested in men. I just like cocks, and only big cocks. I live women and if I can find a woman who would wanna put on at least 7" strap on in my ass from time to time I'd be very happy!
 

wilder

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You just need to be in a relaxed state with a cool guy who understands where you're coming from, and that you're more into the tactile sensation than the male aesthetic. Maybe he could distract you for a moment before pouncing on you... HEY!!! LOOK OVER THERE!!!
 

maxcok

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Jokeln, I feel your pain. I too want to be anally penetrated by a big cock, but I'm not gay and aren't really interested in men. I just like cocks, and only big cocks. I live women and if I can find a woman who would wanna put on at least 7" strap on in my ass from time to time I'd be very happy!
The OP specifically wants to be fucked by a real live cock, not a strap-on.
Do you also think men are "gross, ugly and yucky" like the OP?
Do you also have a strong desire to suck cocks? Just curious.

You just need to be in a relaxed state with a cool guy who understands where you're coming from, and that you're more into the tactile sensation than the male aesthetic. Maybe he could distract you for a moment before pouncing on you... HEY!!! LOOK OVER THERE!!!
LOL. Actually, that first part is good solid advice, similar to what Dante said.
 
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XaviSpain

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Hello from Valencia Spain!! From reading all the threads, i find that you have 3 options: 1. A str8 couple with a big cock from him. 2. GO to a place where you can have fantasies (like glory holes or exchanging couples or group sex) 3. Try some leather experience in that the other man is covered by leather ot latex or lycra and you don't see his body and face, only his big cock.. Ah sorry i forgot the 4th Option (Transexuals) but i don't like transexuals (sorry for feeling that way, i respect transexuals the most) maybe because i have a conflict...

DUde, have you decide anything?
 
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Well, I showed you, but I can't force enlightenment on you. That's entirely up to you.

Once again, I knew you wouldn't answer my question. This isn't ring around the posey...find a silly way to dodge a question thread. You absolutly cannot answer my question because all your points are irrelevant. You cannot, you will not.

As for everyone else, and those of you who are in a similar boat, thanks! Its cool I'm not the only one and thanks for the suggestions.
 

alx

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Maxcok. I know that we will only be able to agree to disagree in this thread, which tbh is the way it goes for most threads of this nature.

I accept and understand what you are saying, yes there are people like you described.
However I don't think what your suggesting fits with what the OP is saying. He used words like "gross" etc because he wanted to over illiterate and make clear what his situation was.
simply so he didn't get poster saying "your actually gay, or internally conflicted".
He uses strong words for strong views on something he is strongly sure of.


If you respect Hills reply then why can't you see where the rest of us are coming from?
The OP is following Hills viewpoint 1, and not 2 like your suggesting, I assume that a valid way of being on your continuum.
 
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maxcok

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Once again, I knew you wouldn't answer my question. This isn't ring around the posey...find a silly way to dodge a question thread. You absolutly cannot answer my question because all your points are irrelevant. You cannot, you will not.
Not a dodge, at all bud. I gave you my clear view, you just didn't like what I had to say.

For the third and final time:
Regardless, this is not the venue to sort through your conflicts. I'm not going to waste my time and energy trying to explain something to you that you are so powerfully resistant to acknowledging for yourself, when you are bound and determined to prove me wrong.

You'll have to do that on your own or with the help of someone else. I've said all I intend to say about it.

To repeat:

It's pointless for us to continue this dialogue though, as you are clearly locked into your mindset. The question is not "what [your] brain [does]", the question is why it does what it does. I would suggest you seek counsel from a caring therapist to help you sort this out, one who is open on matters of sexual orientation. Can't hurt. Might help. Unless, of course, you're afraid of honest self-examination. In which case, I would suggest you just keep playing with dildoes and fantasizing that they are completely detached from those "gross ugly" men. :rolleyes:
 

maxcok

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If you respect Hills reply then why can't you see where the rest of us are coming from?
The OP is following Hills viewpoint 1, and not 2 like your suggesting, I assume that a valid way of being on your continuum.
Hilaire offers more than one possibility, you and the OP do not. I think #1 is theoretically possible for some men as Hil said, though as I said, #2 would fit the vast majority of men in this predicament, here on this board and elsewhere. It's no surprise, of course, that the vast majority would settle on a convenient rationalization and identify with #1 whether it applies to them or not, as I also said. Love how you and the OP keep ignoring what I already said and keep trying to get me to back up and start over. You two are very much alike, aren't you?

I accept and understand what you are saying, yes there are people like you described.
However I don't think what your suggesting fits with what the OP is saying. He used words like "gross" etc because he wanted to over illiterate and make clear what his situation was.
simply so he didn't get poster saying "your actually gay, or internally conflicted".
He uses strong words for strong views on something he is strongly sure of.
It's spooky how well you know him . . . . what he thinks, why he expresses himself the way he does, your insights into his mental fitness, what his intentions are, your unwavering defense of him in every minor detail . . . . the way you both show up at the exact same time and post your mutual support within minutes of each other . . . why it's almost like you could be the same person. You're not, are you? Cause that would be against the ToS. Still, when I look back over your posts . . . . it's interesting.
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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Hill, much as I always appreciate your input, I felt compelled to emphasize the second line of your post. Not that it makes any difference; people will naturally glom onto the explanation that fits their rationalizations and self-justifications. For the vast majority of men in this predicament, e.g. the OP and many of the responders in this thread, plus many, many more men on this board, I suspect they'll stick to the first line. I'd also like to suggest that this kind of denial may have less to do with denying their feelings for other men, than avoiding the stigma associated with engaging in homosexual activity, and submissive homosexual activity in particular.

I also feel obliged to point out that having a fetish for an inantimate object like eyeglasses is a far cry from fetishizing a sexual organ and trying to detach it from its life source, i.e. a flesh and blood human male.


I think in order to avoid the stigma of being gay, these men frequently do deny their feelings, because admitting the feelings implies admitting the truth about what's going on. It's easier to pretend you're not gay if you force yourself to believe that you're only sexually aroused by some specific aspect of a man's body (like his penis) and deny the fact that you're actually homosexual and are actually just attracted (both sexually and emotionally) to men tout court.


As for actual penis fetish, from a purely psychological point of view having a fetish for penis is in fact the same as having a fetish for an inanimate object, but if it makes you feel more comfortable you can replace "spectacles" in my example with guys with two different colour eyes, or short blond hair, or strongly developed calf muscles or scars. All of which I have fetishes for and not simply an aesthetic preference.

But as I was careful to point out it is likely that the vast majority of men who tell themselves they have a fetish for penis but are not gay are kidding themselves and should get real.
 
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CuriousFem

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A str8 couple with a big cock from him.

Xavi spelled out 4 options, including hooking up with a straight couple, which sounds like a good option for you, JokeIn.

I've never done this (I'm not in the least bi-curious), but I would guess that if you made your desires clear, you could find a couple who would be happy to fuck your ass or mouth (i.e. the guy) while also sucking you (the woman).

If the woman is attractive to you and the guy has a nice cock, you're set.

I don't know the lingo for this sort of thing, but maybe it's called an MMF threesome, where you are the M in the middle?

HB
 

alx

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Can't be arsed anymore tbh maxcok, you'll alway be like a brick wall to me, our ways of thinking are just not inline.

... Your last post really was low, I'm not surprised people leave this forum.
 
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D_75euyhu

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Why not try it with another straight guy? There are plenty of straight men who occasionally fool around with other guys but still prefer women. You could advertise specifically for a straight guy to enact your fantasy with. I have fooled around with a lot of married guys who sometimes want an NSA hand job or blow job. In my experience there are a lot of guys (who prefer women) who still enjoy sex with men; they just don't want to acknowledge it publicly. It never has bothered me personally but I know it seems to tick off a lot of other folks who will insist that these guys are closet queens. I think homosexuality can be enjoyed by a straight man or woman without the label 'gay' ever being uttered. A thousand years ago people did not run around announcing whether or not they were straight or gay. This is modern thing.
There is an interesting book that touches on this very subject.
Amazon.com: Love Stories: Sex between Men before Homosexuality (9780226426167): Jonathan Ned Katz: Books
 

maxcok

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I think in order to avoid the stigma of being gay, these men frequently do deny their feelings, because admitting the feelings implies admitting the truth about what's going on. It's easier to pretend you're not gay if you force yourself to believe that you're only sexually aroused by some specific aspect of a man's body (like his penis) and deny the fact that you're actually homosexual and are actually just attracted (both sexually and emotionally) to men tout court.
I'm not at all suggesting they're gay, or even that they're emotionally attracted to men. I'm only suggesting they're not 100% straight. In the case of men who have an obsession for cocksucking and getting fucked, they're not 90% or 99% straight either, not by a long shot.

As for actual penis fetish, from a purely psychological point of view having a fetish for penis is in fact the same as having a fetish for an inanimate object, but if it makes you feel more comfortable you can replace "spectacles" in my example with guys with two different colour eyes, or short blond hair, or strongly developed calf muscles or scars. All of which I have fetishes for and not simply an aesthetic preference.
I find it hard to wrap my head around the idea that a fetish for a body part, in particular a cock, is "exactly" the same as a fetish for an inantimate object, say a wooden chair. However, I admit I haven't given much study to the psychology behind fetishes and possible theories, so it's just my opinion. FWIW, I personally hit three out of five on your fetish short list, four of six if you count my cock, so who knows? :wink:

But as I was careful to point out it is likely that the vast majority of men who tell themselves they have a fetish for penis but are not gay are kidding themselves and should get real.
Yes, you were careful to point that out, but as we know, and as I also pointed out, the vast majority will and do rationalize by saying they just have a penis fetish, when in reality there is a lot more going on. So you can say that, and I can reemphasize it till the cows come home, but I doubt it makes a whit of difference to someone in denial. On the contrary, it is likely to just make them more defensive, more set in their denial, while they tell us how wrong and stupid we are for suggesting it. As we have seen and continue to see.

Can't be arsed anymore tbh maxcok, you'll alway be like a brick wall to me, our ways of thinking are just not inline.

... Your last post really was low, I'm not surprised people leave this forum.
My last post "really was low"? What in hell are you talking about?
 
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B_Hung Jon

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I may be a little late coming to this "party" (and man, it's a pretty intense one), but in some ways I understand the feelings on both sides of this issue. I don't usually identify myself sexually because when I do, in the next moment, my feelings seem to change. Otherwise my emotions about women and men keep changing. Also I've never said that because I like certain guys, I like all guys. The same with women. What I have discovered in my life so far is that any sexual desire I have has a sub-conscious aspect to it, or an emotional component to it that seems to explain the desire or need. I happen to think that most women I'm close to are beautiful. They may not be beautiful by some public opinion polls but they are to me. I feel the same about the guys who I love. They are extremely beautiful to me. And everything about them is beautiful, from head to toe (including their penises). So I personally feel that if the OP takes some time to understand what prompts his needs and and desires, he might find some way out of the dilemma.
 
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maxcok

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I may be a little late coming to this "party" (and man, it's a pretty intense one), but in some ways I understand the feelings on both sides of this issue. I don't usually identify myself sexually because when I do, in the next moment, my feelings seem to change. Otherwise my emotions about women and men keep changing. Also I've never said that because I like certain guys, I like all guys. The same with women. What I have discovered in my life so far is that any sexual desire I have has a sub-conscious aspect to it. Or an emotional component to it that seems to explain the desire or need. I happen to think that most women I'm close to are beautiful. They may not be beautiful by some public opinion polls but they are to me. I feel the same about the guys who I love. They are extremely beautiful to me. And everything about them is beautiful, from head to toe (including their penises). So I personally feel that if the OP takes some time to understand what prompts his needs and and desires, he might find some way out of the dilemma.
Which is pretty much what I suggested to him from the beginning, and he took great offense at my suggestion.
I think you may have some internal conflicts to sort out that are getting in the way.
Jon, you are a rare and highly evolved emotional sexual being, well-balanced and very much in touch with yourself - especially so for a predominantly straight American male. I always enjoy reading your views and your input. It would be great if some of the many, many really, really uptight men on this board would look at your example with an open mind and be inspired to have a good, honest look inward.
 
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