ORCABOMBER: Tender, thanks for sharing. Personally, I wont judge anything, it's your life, live with it! ;D
Okay, on to the topic of depression, I often feel like that, mainly because I really, really love compliments, I dish them out constantly, but I'm my harshest critic. Not in stuff such as clothes and stuff, but mainly on personality and relationship woes.
I think the saying under my picture sums up my "depressed" attitude towards things, while my sig sums up the positive.
Okay, on to the topic of depression, I often feel like that, mainly because I really, really love compliments, I dish them out constantly, but I'm my harshest critic. Not in stuff such as clothes and stuff, but mainly on personality and relationship woes.
I think the saying under my picture sums up my "depressed" attitude towards things, while my sig sums up the positive.
anonymous_pole: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=0#0 date=09/30/03 at 14:15:27]
It's like that old joke...what DO you say when your woman asks "Do I look fat in this?"....cuz you KNOW she's having one of those moments....[/quote]
The best response I've come up with for this question is... Have her take it off (for a comparison) then tell her you like the outfit fine,but you much prefer her without it. Then drag her to the bed,couch table,floor,or wherever and make passionate love to her...regardless of how pressing the engagement she is getting dressed for is... because nothing is more important than your relationship.
As for thoughts of "I'm not good enough"...remember that there is absolutely nobody in this world that is not just as screwed up as everybody else in one way or another.
It's like that old joke...what DO you say when your woman asks "Do I look fat in this?"....cuz you KNOW she's having one of those moments....[/quote]
The best response I've come up with for this question is... Have her take it off (for a comparison) then tell her you like the outfit fine,but you much prefer her without it. Then drag her to the bed,couch table,floor,or wherever and make passionate love to her...regardless of how pressing the engagement she is getting dressed for is... because nothing is more important than your relationship.
As for thoughts of "I'm not good enough"...remember that there is absolutely nobody in this world that is not just as screwed up as everybody else in one way or another.
gicast: "DO I LOOK FAT?"
I know you guys hate that question. I husband looks at me with such consfusion when I ask that!!
Anyway, why do you guys even answer?
Here's the scoop for me: If I am home and can/should change into something silmmer, PLEASE tell me. DO NOT tell me once we are away from the house. EVEN IF I ASK.
I think he's only told me twice that I should wear something else. I totally appreciated it. On the other hand when I go out and find out first hand how awful I look and he didn't tell me, I only worsens that feeling. Plus knowing he lied to me.
Do you girls want to know if you look fat?? I do!!
I know you guys hate that question. I husband looks at me with such consfusion when I ask that!!
Anyway, why do you guys even answer?
Here's the scoop for me: If I am home and can/should change into something silmmer, PLEASE tell me. DO NOT tell me once we are away from the house. EVEN IF I ASK.
I think he's only told me twice that I should wear something else. I totally appreciated it. On the other hand when I go out and find out first hand how awful I look and he didn't tell me, I only worsens that feeling. Plus knowing he lied to me.
Do you girls want to know if you look fat?? I do!!
roedhunt: The sad part of it is, sammygirl, we were taught from an early age to take responsibility for everything. Why else do we say "I'm sorry" to someone when it wasnt our fault? Sure we think its being sympathetic, but its not. "I'm sorry to hear about that" would be the right response. And so the pressure on us grows as we grow. Then comes our appearance. We always had to look like a girl. Dresses, shoes, hair, makeup etc etc. Then we would compare ourselves to other girls.. "Look how pretty she is". "she gets all the guys..what am i doing wrong?"
Men are competetive in sports, we are that way toward other girls/women. If a girl starts life with no self-esteem or self-doubt, it only gets worse. Then to add to all that, is the media. Be thin. Be pretty. Be blonde. Have bigger tits..Its a wonder we're ALL not insane. We should all stop comparing ourselves to each other and just accept ourselves for who we are and not give a rootie patootie what someone else will think. Easy said than done. I know. ;D
If we fell in love with ourselves (I'm not talking arrogant), we would be so happy and confident. And it would show to others. Think about it. Would you dare even think to tell a friend or loved one that their ugly? Or fat? Or worthless? Next time you catch yourself doing that.. think for a moment...."what if my best friend said that about herself? What would I say to her?" Then say it to yourself! ;D
Trust me. I know from my experiences. I like and love myself a hell of a lot better!!!If I didnt, who would?
Men are competetive in sports, we are that way toward other girls/women. If a girl starts life with no self-esteem or self-doubt, it only gets worse. Then to add to all that, is the media. Be thin. Be pretty. Be blonde. Have bigger tits..Its a wonder we're ALL not insane. We should all stop comparing ourselves to each other and just accept ourselves for who we are and not give a rootie patootie what someone else will think. Easy said than done. I know. ;D
If we fell in love with ourselves (I'm not talking arrogant), we would be so happy and confident. And it would show to others. Think about it. Would you dare even think to tell a friend or loved one that their ugly? Or fat? Or worthless? Next time you catch yourself doing that.. think for a moment...."what if my best friend said that about herself? What would I say to her?" Then say it to yourself! ;D
Trust me. I know from my experiences. I like and love myself a hell of a lot better!!!If I didnt, who would?
ORCABOMBER: Good point Annie. But what's there to do? Even Girl Power lead by the spice girls just cared about tits... *sigh*
roedhunt: Exactly my point. There again, it is trying to show us what we SHOULD do. I am not a feminist (that word has become a four-letter-word), but I AM a firm believer in self-love and self-belief So many of my girlfriends I know, cannot live without a man in their life. We women always look to others for approval. It started with our parents examples, gone to our peers, then to our bf/husbands...
As for what to do... Boy, it is easier said than done.
First, I highly recommend self-evaluation. Do you like yourself? Do you enjoy your own company or do you HAVE to be around someone? Start doing things on your own. I dont mean going in public to a movie.. but time at home alone.. If you live with someone, go to a park... Examine your life and where you are now.. Are you happy with yourself and your choices? Also, demand at LEAST an hour to yourself.. Men do it and no one says anything...Ie gym, a night out with guys..etc.. So, take a bubble bath, masturbate, read a book, do your nails, or get all gussied up for YOU..ie: do something for YOU.
Dont look at this as being selfish..... you're self-loving yourself.
The thing that I recommend the most.... Learn to say "fuck them". That is the hardest thing to do.. I know... "I don't need anyone to make myself complete. I dont need constant approval..I approve of myself.."
What men REALLY want in a woman is independence. That means not needy. Women who are self-reliant and self-confident. Women who wont crumble when they leave you. And to become this way, (as Yoda once said you must unlearn what you have learned.
I hope this will give you a start and encouragement to make yourself happy. It can happen. And I have complete confidence in you to do it. ;D
As for what to do... Boy, it is easier said than done.
First, I highly recommend self-evaluation. Do you like yourself? Do you enjoy your own company or do you HAVE to be around someone? Start doing things on your own. I dont mean going in public to a movie.. but time at home alone.. If you live with someone, go to a park... Examine your life and where you are now.. Are you happy with yourself and your choices? Also, demand at LEAST an hour to yourself.. Men do it and no one says anything...Ie gym, a night out with guys..etc.. So, take a bubble bath, masturbate, read a book, do your nails, or get all gussied up for YOU..ie: do something for YOU.
Dont look at this as being selfish..... you're self-loving yourself.
The thing that I recommend the most.... Learn to say "fuck them". That is the hardest thing to do.. I know... "I don't need anyone to make myself complete. I dont need constant approval..I approve of myself.."
What men REALLY want in a woman is independence. That means not needy. Women who are self-reliant and self-confident. Women who wont crumble when they leave you. And to become this way, (as Yoda once said
you must unlearn what you have learned.I hope this will give you a start and encouragement to make yourself happy. It can happen. And I have complete confidence in you to do it. ;D
ORCABOMBER: Ever thought of becoming a proffesional councillor? ;D I can't agree with you more.
Well, apart from get "too independant" and I'd feel abandoned.
Well, apart from get "too independant" and I'd feel abandoned.
roedhunt: [quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#27 date=01/20/04 at 01:06:39]Ever thought of becoming a proffesional councillor? ;D I can't agree with you more.
[/quote]
I have thought of being a councilor, actually. But I'm too afraid that they would "brain-wash" me into doing things THEIR way. And only saying THEIR words.. Too much of a rebel I guess... hahah Like Dolly Parton was in "Straight Talk"... hahah
[quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#27 date=01/20/04 at 01:06:39]
Well, apart from get "too independant" and I'd feel abandoned. [/quote]
Abandoned? If they really loved you, they wouldnt abandon you. They would respect you because you respect yourself.
And as far as being "too independent"... Well, everyone has a different opinion on whats considered too independent... What would your definition be?
[/quote]
I have thought of being a councilor, actually. But I'm too afraid that they would "brain-wash" me into doing things THEIR way. And only saying THEIR words.. Too much of a rebel I guess... hahah Like Dolly Parton was in "Straight Talk"... hahah
[quote author=ORCABOMBER link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#27 date=01/20/04 at 01:06:39]
Well, apart from get "too independant" and I'd feel abandoned. [/quote]
Abandoned? If they really loved you, they wouldnt abandon you. They would respect you because you respect yourself.
And as far as being "too independent"... Well, everyone has a different opinion on whats considered too independent... What would your definition be?
ORCABOMBER: Well Annie, remember, the greatest fear is 'that you really should be scared of what you're facing.' ;D
My definition of too independant would probably be if she never called or took my calls, or she couldn't find time for me, y'know? Just little gritty things like being able to see each other more than once a week, even if it's only to talk.
My definition of too independant would probably be if she never called or took my calls, or she couldn't find time for me, y'know? Just little gritty things like being able to see each other more than once a week, even if it's only to talk.
roedhunt: Thats not being too independent.. thats being single..
Independent is being responsible for ones actions, emotions, and words. You shouldnt look to another for self-esteem and approval. Independent is also being able to separate each others beliefs and thinking. I have dated many men who envelop their entire being around me. Its like they lose themselves. Thats why I wanted to be with them in the first place. Because they were unlike me and a unique individual. But it all was lost. Some do not know how to be with someone and remain true to themselves.
I was married years ago to man that attempted to control me and his surroundings. He was mentally abusive and overly jealous and possesive. In only 2 short years, I lost myself completely. It took 7 years to recover from his abuse.
You should WANT to be with someone, not need to be. There are many stories out there where women (and men) lose their identity once they find someone. They put everything aside for the other and in doing so, lose who they are. Couples should compliment each other. Not become each other. Or become someone they are not.
I guess the old adage is true:
Opposites attract.
Independent is being responsible for ones actions, emotions, and words. You shouldnt look to another for self-esteem and approval. Independent is also being able to separate each others beliefs and thinking. I have dated many men who envelop their entire being around me. Its like they lose themselves. Thats why I wanted to be with them in the first place. Because they were unlike me and a unique individual. But it all was lost. Some do not know how to be with someone and remain true to themselves.
I was married years ago to man that attempted to control me and his surroundings. He was mentally abusive and overly jealous and possesive. In only 2 short years, I lost myself completely. It took 7 years to recover from his abuse.
You should WANT to be with someone, not need to be. There are many stories out there where women (and men) lose their identity once they find someone. They put everything aside for the other and in doing so, lose who they are. Couples should compliment each other. Not become each other. Or become someone they are not.
I guess the old adage is true:
Opposites attract.
ORCABOMBER: Annie, your wisdom never ceases to amaze. Thanks.
Now all I need to do is find someone with an opposite polarity!
Now all I need to do is find someone with an opposite polarity!
Savannah: Such a loaded topic! Self acceptance is something many never accomplish. It took (for me) a horrible 23 year marriage and subsequent 2 years of isolation to come to terms with a lot of things. One, that happiness comes from within. If you are searching for someone else to make you happy, you're ultimately going to be disappointed.
Two, that this is a great big world and we can't please everyone in it. There are people who are unkind because of color or age or size or intelligence, or whatever. We all have our preferences. When you realize you can walk away from those people and not be worse off for doing it, you have reached a major milestone.
Beefing up your confidence before you go out is far more important than any clothing you might wear. We all have moments of self-doubt. Personally, I wallow in it for a few days reassessing my goals and priorities and usually come out of it energized.
Where relationships are concerned, my question is would I have rather not had the experience? Usually, the other person was dynamic and the relationship was an adventure. I feel blessed to have had some very intense and spiritually/physically enlightening moments, or weeks, or years with someone than to have missed the opportunity.
Just my 2 cents' worth....
Savannah
Two, that this is a great big world and we can't please everyone in it. There are people who are unkind because of color or age or size or intelligence, or whatever. We all have our preferences. When you realize you can walk away from those people and not be worse off for doing it, you have reached a major milestone.
Beefing up your confidence before you go out is far more important than any clothing you might wear. We all have moments of self-doubt. Personally, I wallow in it for a few days reassessing my goals and priorities and usually come out of it energized.
Where relationships are concerned, my question is would I have rather not had the experience? Usually, the other person was dynamic and the relationship was an adventure. I feel blessed to have had some very intense and spiritually/physically enlightening moments, or weeks, or years with someone than to have missed the opportunity.
Just my 2 cents' worth....
Savannah
- jonb,
[quote author=gicast link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#23 date=01/09/04 at 10:10:12]"DO I LOOK FAT?"
I know you guys hate that question. I husband looks at me with such consfusion when I ask that!!
Anyway, why do you guys even answer?
Here's the scoop for me: If I am home and can/should change into something silmmer, PLEASE tell me. DO NOT tell me once we are away from the house. EVEN IF I ASK.
I think he's only told me twice that I should wear something else. I totally appreciated it. On the other hand when I go out and find out first hand how awful I look and he didn't tell me, I only worsens that feeling. Plus knowing he lied to me.
Do you girls want to know if you look fat?? I do!![/quote]
A bit of advice for women who ask if they look fat: It's not the clothes that make you look fat. It's the fat.
Other than that, all I can suggest is, don't be afraid of the weight machines. You don't want to get too strong, but that muscle raises your metabolism, thus burning fat faster.
I know you guys hate that question. I husband looks at me with such consfusion when I ask that!!
Anyway, why do you guys even answer?
Here's the scoop for me: If I am home and can/should change into something silmmer, PLEASE tell me. DO NOT tell me once we are away from the house. EVEN IF I ASK.
I think he's only told me twice that I should wear something else. I totally appreciated it. On the other hand when I go out and find out first hand how awful I look and he didn't tell me, I only worsens that feeling. Plus knowing he lied to me.
Do you girls want to know if you look fat?? I do!![/quote]
A bit of advice for women who ask if they look fat: It's not the clothes that make you look fat. It's the fat.
Other than that, all I can suggest is, don't be afraid of the weight machines. You don't want to get too strong, but that muscle raises your metabolism, thus burning fat faster.
wvalady1968: [quote author=Savannah link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#32 date=01/26/04 at 08:58:34]Such a loaded topic! Self acceptance is something many never accomplish. It took (for me) a horrible 23 year marriage and subsequent 2 years of isolation to come to terms with a lot of things. One, that happiness comes from within. If you are searching for someone else to make you happy, you're ultimately going to be disappointed.
Two, that this is a great big world and we can't please everyone in it. There are people who are unkind because of color or age or size or intelligence, or whatever. We all have our preferences. When you realize you can walk away from those people and not be worse off for doing it, you have reached a major milestone.
Beefing up your confidence before you go out is far more important than any clothing you might wear. We all have moments of self-doubt. Personally, I wallow in it for a few days reassessing my goals and priorities and usually come out of it energized.
Where relationships are concerned, my question is would I have rather not had the experience? Usually, the other person was dynamic and the relationship was an adventure. I feel blessed to have had some very intense and spiritually/physically enlightening moments, or weeks, or years with someone than to have missed the opportunity.
Just my 2 cents' worth....
Savannah[/quote]
So true!! And you said it well!
We all need to remember that the jerks who chip away at your self esteem and self confidence do that to bring you to their [imagined] level. They build themselves up by tearing others down. So, when some asshole starts making you feel badly, think to yourself, "How does he feel about himself that he needs to do this?"
And then kick him in the nuts.
Two, that this is a great big world and we can't please everyone in it. There are people who are unkind because of color or age or size or intelligence, or whatever. We all have our preferences. When you realize you can walk away from those people and not be worse off for doing it, you have reached a major milestone.
Beefing up your confidence before you go out is far more important than any clothing you might wear. We all have moments of self-doubt. Personally, I wallow in it for a few days reassessing my goals and priorities and usually come out of it energized.
Where relationships are concerned, my question is would I have rather not had the experience? Usually, the other person was dynamic and the relationship was an adventure. I feel blessed to have had some very intense and spiritually/physically enlightening moments, or weeks, or years with someone than to have missed the opportunity.
Just my 2 cents' worth....
Savannah[/quote]
So true!! And you said it well!
We all need to remember that the jerks who chip away at your self esteem and self confidence do that to bring you to their [imagined] level. They build themselves up by tearing others down. So, when some asshole starts making you feel badly, think to yourself, "How does he feel about himself that he needs to do this?"
And then kick him in the nuts.
wvalady1968: [quote author=Max link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#36 date=01/26/04 at 22:27:58]
Supposing the 'jerk' is female .. what does one do then?
[/quote]
Hmmmm, good question.
Tell her those slacks make her butt look fat.
Supposing the 'jerk' is female .. what does one do then?
[/quote]
Hmmmm, good question.
Tell her those slacks make her butt look fat.
gicast: [quote author=jonb link=board=women;num=1064957067;start=20#33 date=01/26/04 at 15:35:29]
A bit of advice for women who ask if they look fat: It's not the clothes that make you look fat. It's the fat.
Other than that, all I can suggest is, don't be afraid of the weight machines. You don't want to get too strong, but that muscle raises your metabolism, thus burning fat faster.[/quote]
OK, are you trying to be mean?? :'( I know you are young, and so therefore do not know everything there is to know about women. So, Let me tell you a couple of things: Women can look fat at certain times of the month because of bloating, etc. OK? That doesn't mean she IS fat. Some clothes are not flattering on all body types. And the question, "do I look fat" to ME, implies I want a second opinion. (we can FEEL fat, and look absolutely fine, by the way-- call it hormones!) And as women age and bear YOUR babies, things happen to our once nice trim, sexy figure. Exercise helps, you are right. But would you rather your girl exercise her last bit of energy, at the end of her long exhausting day of cleaning house, working, and running after your toddlers or use it with you in the sack? Something to think about!!
A bit of advice for women who ask if they look fat: It's not the clothes that make you look fat. It's the fat.
Other than that, all I can suggest is, don't be afraid of the weight machines. You don't want to get too strong, but that muscle raises your metabolism, thus burning fat faster.[/quote]
OK, are you trying to be mean?? :'( I know you are young, and so therefore do not know everything there is to know about women. So, Let me tell you a couple of things: Women can look fat at certain times of the month because of bloating, etc. OK? That doesn't mean she IS fat. Some clothes are not flattering on all body types. And the question, "do I look fat" to ME, implies I want a second opinion. (we can FEEL fat, and look absolutely fine, by the way-- call it hormones!
) And as women age and bear YOUR babies, things happen to our once nice trim, sexy figure. Exercise helps, you are right. But would you rather your girl exercise her last bit of energy, at the end of her long exhausting day of cleaning house, working, and running after your toddlers or use it with you in the sack? Something to think about!! - jonb,
Sorry, I don't mean to be mean. It's just frustrating. (BTW, I don't have any children. I'm only 20.) Basically, any question about appearance is a yes/no where if I say yes they start developing a complex and if I say no I'm lying. And NEVER ask me that about anything you wear in the winter: You can't help but look fat in that.
Fat can be a Good Thing, if it's worn right. Typically, men get turned on more by women who have wide hips compared to the waist. But it can be too wide, so don't try for excess. Around .7 is the ideal proportion of waist to hips. Try to avoid anything above .9; anything above 1 means you'll likely have heart problems.
Fat can be a Good Thing, if it's worn right. Typically, men get turned on more by women who have wide hips compared to the waist. But it can be too wide, so don't try for excess. Around .7 is the ideal proportion of waist to hips. Try to avoid anything above .9; anything above 1 means you'll likely have heart problems.
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