I'm Not the One

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Billy Dee, May 18, 2009.

  1. Billy Dee

    Billy Dee Member

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    I will try to some this up in briefly.

    I dated a girl in HS, nothing ever happen, We got together 17 yrs ago and had a continuing relationship since then except for about 2 yrs when I didn't live in the area. I moved back 9 yrs ago and we assumed our relationship as if we had never been apart. She was never just a "booty call" for me. We told each other HUNDREDS of times that we loved each other. We both are/were married and we talked many times about the possibility of us being together one day. Our relationship lasted until last yr. We are still friends and we talk often.

    I recently got a divorce and she is now serious about leaving her husband . . . BUT now she says, "that I am not the one for her".

    I don't understand what has happened, in some ways I feel like she was just using me all the yrs that we were lovers.

    She is real adamant that she does not want to be with me and I don't understand why after all the special and intimate times we spent together.

    Can any of you ladies give me some insight??
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Perhaps you make great lovers and nothing more. It's not what you want to hear, but try not to take it too personally.
     
  3. Billy Dee

    Billy Dee Member

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    We were far more than just lovers. We are friends (still are), we talk for hours without having sex, We enjoy being with and going to out together, and many other things.
     
  4. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear that, I guess she has some reservations about taking it further. Girls are funny creatures.
     
  5. Billy Dee

    Billy Dee Member

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    Thanks Kotchanski, But I would think that being we both are over 50 then a safety net would be a something that is not relevant. I would hope that she would want to spend the rest of her life with the one who has stood beside her no matter what the issue was. I even agreed to and had a 3some with her and her husband.
     
  6. ManlyBanisters

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    I'm inclined to agree with K - certainly from the info you have offered.

    If I were you I'd be glad of the small mercy that she is at least being honest with you. I've been where you're pinned (though in my early twenties) in 2 different relationships - one guy let me know where I stood, the other did not - I had a much easier time of it with the guy who was honest with me. She cares enough not to string you along with a false promise of a relationship she doesn't want. It's now up to you to decide if you want to continue on those terms or if that ruins it for you.

    Do you believe she is the love of your life?
     
  7. Joll

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    Is it easier for her to deal with if you're involved with someone else? Just wondered if she can't cope with commitment that easily - and only feels relaxed if you're officially with someone else - and therefore there's less responsibility involved?

    Kinda sounds like she might become interested again if you were with someone else - and feels pressurised for some reason if you're officially with her. Not sure she's ltr material if that's the case. :/

    Not a woman tho - so maybe I'm wrong. :p
     
  8. Billy Dee

    Billy Dee Member

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    Yes, and I have believed that for yrs, remember I said that we had discussed many times the possibility that we could be together.
     
  9. Curiouzity

    Curiouzity New Member

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    Ask her...she knows best!

     
  10. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    Sounds like she just isn't that into you any more man.

    Pull away from her after talking to her about it one more time and initiate talking to her ever again and you might just have a shot at her coming back on her own. Otherwise, as I've seen many times, she will just continue to use you (if that's what she's doing).

    If she isn't using you then she will follow you no matter how much you push her away. Then you know she's either being a real friend or she really wants more.
     
  11. Screwsalot

    Screwsalot New Member

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    Personally, I would get the idea of her being the love of your life out of your head. I would open yourself up to different women. Your fifty, and there for older than I am, but hear me out. Is life really ever different from HS, your initial answer may be yes, but honestly is it different, or just a different playing field. Its just different players and a different field, but they still make the same plays and go down the same paths.
    My point is, don't be a tool man. I know you asked the ladies, but really, you didn't have to, you knew the answer all along man. Start going for different girls, on top of that, keep yourself active. She doesn't care about your happiness, so your still in this world alone. Pick yourself back up and look for some thing to do and forget about her. If there is some thing I've learned in this cold world, every chick can honestly be replaced.
     
  12. hud01

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    Since when does age have anything to do with being a safety net. You are the emotional and sometimes physical support when she needs it. If it stopped 2 years ago, she has either moved on or realized that you aren't the one.

    She sees you as her best friend, you see her as the love of your life.

    You have to decide if you want the pain of an unfufulled relationship.
     
  13. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Maybe she changed over the years. Maybe she knows now what kind of person is not a good partner for her. Her decision to just be friends might be more about her than you.

    Don't worry about it. Go find somebody who likes you and wants you just the way you are.
     
  14. Joll

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    PS: In addition to my other post, would just like to say good luck, man. It's hard if you see someone as 'the one' but for whatever reason (if that's the case) they see it differently. Hope things turn out well anyway, whoever you end up with.
     
  15. badgirl22

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    It's hard to offer insight when we don't know either of you and have very little to base an opinion on. However, I know, for me, part of the fun is the actual fantasy. Now that I'm single I have dated several single men. But, as I keep saying, none of them have the *it*for me. The one that has the *it* for me, the one I fantasize about constantly, is someone who isn't a real possibility for me. If he were to become a real possibility, I can't help but wonder if the fantasy would fall apart and the *it* would be gone. I think for me it's a protection for my emotions type thing. Could be for her as well. Easy to talk a big game when one knows it's never going to really happen. Cold feet can set in when fantasy becomes reality.

    The other thing that happens is that we create a person into being something they can never really live up to in our minds. They become almost a super human - the perfect man or woman. It's easy to do when they're beyond our reach. When they become reachable, they turn into regular humans with warts and all. Then the whole thing just isn't as appealing.

    I wish you luck in figuring it out though. I'm sure you just want some peace of mind.
     
  16. Billy Dee

    Billy Dee Member

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    Thanks to all who responded
     
  17. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I know this ladies is still your friend but she is a bitch. What she has done for a very long time is had her cake and ate it too. She has used you as a sexual and emotional punching bag for her own selfish needs. Sorry but women like this who play games with guys and your emotions give us all a bad name.
     
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