I'm quite new to relationships and I'm pretty sure I'm in one...
- Thread starter ennislivvy
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Do I? I don't feel like I do...
I have to be honest also that afterwards, I still have so many....weird questions. I mean not in general but you know, in the back of my mind after we had finished, and she was snoozing next to me, I couldn't help having all these 'was all of that an act' sort of thoughts, you know all the purring and moaning and cooing and such did she really enjoy it as much as she said or was she just trying to make me feel more confident....and I know I shouldn't think like that, if she said she liked it....then she did...but then I go back to how I felt during it and I have....incredulity. I just...I told her I enjoyed it, which I kinda did...but I just feel there's part of me that feels like if it felt underwhelming for me who has no experience of what this is supposed to feel like....how underwhelming is it for someone that knows how good it can feel....and then had...this...and I feel like if I press it too much it'll seem rude...but I just want to feel useful...like part of the reason I don't want her to show me all that she can do is because I don't feel like I can return it in kind because I can't do anything.....not really not without coaching and direction....
Listen to her breathing and moaning when you’re taking care of her..lady parts and it will guide you towards what she likes, what’s she’s into... You can also ask her during it if she enjoys it and she can tell you what she likes and doesn’t like. Communication is key especially for these first times. Is she faking it, exaggerating? You’ll never know unless she tells you. Best to trust her word and go with the flow.
As for the head, I think her giving you head is a great introduction to feeling the warmth of a hole on your privates. Hands won’t do justice no matter how good she is with them. If you feel weird with her doing it I would suggest you asking her to be on top, and I’m sorry for the choice of words, sit on your face. That way you can take care of her and she has the possibility to go down on you while you’re taking care of her at the same time. Maybe you’d feel like you’re doing something mutual with her. Second option would be you closing your eyes and trying to relax while she takes the lead as she’s already offered to blow you before.
As for the head, I think her giving you head is a great introduction to feeling the warmth of a hole on your privates. Hands won’t do justice no matter how good she is with them. If you feel weird with her doing it I would suggest you asking her to be on top, and I’m sorry for the choice of words, sit on your face. That way you can take care of her and she has the possibility to go down on you while you’re taking care of her at the same time. Maybe you’d feel like you’re doing something mutual with her. Second option would be you closing your eyes and trying to relax while she takes the lead as she’s already offered to blow you before.
I have to admit, I found it difficult to relax in the situation. I mean I have a hard time relaxing any time I have to interact with people. I guess that's part of my problem. I'm so afraid of either losing my erection or cumming too soon, that I feel like I have to constantly be...on guard... which probably makes me a really frustrating sexual partner. I kinda buttoned up once we started doing stuff. I felt like I needed to train all my focus on keeping myself from....failing. I don't know what to do...and I'm nervous so I kinda just silently go through with it, so there's a lot of it that I just don't get. And I'm only interested in it feeling good for her, which must be annoying for her because she tries to make me feel good and I'm kinda resisting her on all fronts in that avenue....
She makes all these little encouraging noises and a couple times kinda grabbed my hair and shifted my head and mouth until she, I assume, found where she wanted me to be and then sorta continued to making encouraging noises so I just kept...doing that...her breathing did get kinda fast for a bit...and she did start squeezing my ears with her thighs...but I feel like any noises I make are just....going to sound like anxiety....
I just am so paranoid about being a bad sex partner that I can't allow myself to enjoy it.
Cuming to soon happens and it’s hot. That also means you last longer for round 2 it’s no big deal at all. About losing your erection depending on what you do it’s bound to happen. Happens to me and my partner almost everytime because we’re busy being focused on doing something to the other. The erection comes back quickly with a little stimulation. You put too much pressure on yourself which makes it not enjoyable. I’m actually surprised you managed to cum even though you were anxious/bored ? I know I couldn’t. The more you’re with her doing it the more relaxed you will be I believe, you need to try to relax and enjoy… be alert but don’t be paranoid. Am i sometime anxious because I think the position I’m in makes me look fat ? 100%.. but it’s a work in progress it’s not black and white. We do what we can to improve and feel more comfortable. What you’re trying to do is to enjoy yourself and make her enjoy. I’m like you I’m a giver, but I also like to take a little 
And besides she sounds like a patient person, she knows your story so you have no reason fearing to fail. Everytime you’ll get better at it, with her
And besides she sounds like a patient person, she knows your story so you have no reason fearing to fail. Everytime you’ll get better at it, with herCuming to soon happens and it’s hot. That also means you last longer for round 2 it’s no big deal at all. About losing your erection depending on what you do it’s bound to happen. Happens to me and my partner almost everytime because we’re busy being focused on doing something to the other. The erection comes back quickly with a little stimulation. You put too much pressure on yourself which makes it not enjoyable. I’m actually surprised you managed to cum even though you were anxious/bored ? I know I couldn’t. The more you’re with her doing it the more relaxed you will be I believe, you need to try to relax and enjoy… be alert but don’t be paranoid. Am i sometime anxious because I think the position I’m in makes me look fat ? 100%.. but it’s a work in progress it’s not black and white. We do what we can to improve and feel more comfortable. What you’re trying to do is to enjoy yourself and make her enjoy. I’m like you I’m a giver, but I also like to take a little
Well, it wasn't as if I wasn't' into it, just it felt not dissimilar to masturbation which...I guess felt underwhelming...
But again I can't help but feel like I have to be...good at it. Which I guess has been what has kept from me from it for most of my life. I guess I've always felt that it is in some way my responsibility to make it go well; and I know it's a partnership but...I guess I always blame myself in these situations.
It’s the condom bruh..feels like nothing but a random stroke with 5x the effort needed. That’s why u gotta let her do oral so you find out how it it really feels or you both can get tested (you obviously won’t have issues here) so you can skip the condom.
You’ll be good at it once you’ve practiced enough and know what you like (position, rythme, strength). You can also practice on your own the positions so you know better how to move, which muscles are needed for the strokes etc.
You’ll be good at it once you’ve practiced enough and know what you like (position, rythme, strength). You can also practice on your own the positions so you know better how to move, which muscles are needed for the strokes etc.
Well, it's not a question of STDs, it's a question of I don't want her to get pregnant and she's not interested in being pregnant and...well...even though she's on birth control...I don't' want to risk running the blockade so to speak. So...the condom isn't going anywhere...and a vasectomy seems extreme...even if they are reversible I don't think my insurance would cover a recreational one....
I understand.. don’t have that problem on my side LOL. Yeah vasectomy kinda sound extreme to go raw…
I also have my doubts about whether the problem is one of pure physical sensation.
If she is on the birth control pill that is 99% effective (unless she ends up being on an antibiotic.....antibiotics can cause the birth control pill to fail) I am just saying there is nothing that is better than the feeling of raw dogging. Having sex with a condom feels like wearing a raincoat in the rain. You can't feel the feels. There is also the morning after pill you can have on hand.
From what I read from your post it sounds like you need to discover more about yourself and what you want. Are you asexual / nonsexual / non binary? Sounds like you might have some intimacy anxiety. If there is any chance you could be gay I would advise you to sort all that out if you can. I would just advise you to try to figure this all out before the relationship gets serious and someone gets their heart broken. Take things slow till you figure out what you want. Talking to a professional couldn't hurt. Especially since you mentioned that you might have low self esteem.
Thanks...I'm just me. I guess if I were to categorize myself I'd say I was bisexual by consequence rather than by innate sexuality. Two decades of not really being with any one or having any real experience with this sort of thing curates one's desire, I suppose. If Sarah was Samuel...I'm not sure I'd care...the physicality of the situation (outside some logistical...differences) is not so very important. I'm attracted to Sarah because she's....Sarah...and that attraction isn't so much a physical one as one of deep affection that I'm willing to share with her if that's what she wishes. I'm probably not as horny as culture would suggest I should be, but I am not incapable of that sort of attraction and those desires do crop up...and with her I feel fine expressing those behaviors and validating what attractions she has for me...and have felt pleasure from the encounters even if I was earlier reticent. I just don't want to end up being a bit too much of a kid in the candy store about it...that's my big...concern at the moment, but then again Sarah seems far more excited, so I think I have a way to go before I exhaust her desire for my attentions....
I do feel anxious when I'm intimate with someone. But she's been patient and I've felt more comfortable over the last couple of weeks with her. There are all these layers of social activity and responsibility that I'm still trying to navigate, when I was you know in sex ed, it was all about 'two forms of protection in case one fails' but clearly that's changed now.
And there's a lot of etiquette and social procedure I'm still relatively naive to. But like I said she's been patient and I'm trying my best to be better. It's going well for the most part now...like I said I think she's a little more excited to show me things than I am necessarily ready to be shown....but I know I can decline without it being too much of a trauma for her. And I do feel a little more confident in my own...capabilities when interacting with her in more intimate settings...which certainly has smoothed...a lot of my initial fears.
I do have to admit that I still have issues...when she goes out of her way to make me...have fulfilling experiences. I guess it's a weird mentality I've developed over the years, and part of the reasons why I avoided this for so long. I don't feel like I deserve that extra attention, I don't feel like I'm obliged to anything from another person and I hate...when people feel obligated to me or feel like I 'deserve' something, I don't like gifts, I don't like compliments, I don't find myself wholly comfortable with what I feel is unearned pleasure.
Like I can appreciate it in situ, and it does feel...good. But after the fact, especially if she doesn't allow me to reciprocate (Which has happened) or if I feel like her attention on me was far too extravagant...I feel uncomfortable. I just don't see the point of her thinking she needs to go out of her way. Me having a climax or an orgasm is going to be a participation trophy at any event we engage in...I am male...achieving an orgasm is two jiggles and a tense standoff followed by a 'and there it is'...if necessary it can take seconds...it's not difficult, there's no need for it...and honestly I'm not super motivated by it.
Like she'll succeed in getting me to orgasm by just being there...many times too early. I'm the one that'll fail to impress, or satisfy; me. I'm the one that needs to do all this extra work just make it worthwhile for her. I get so frustrated when she treats the situation differently....because I feel like I'm accruing this debt...
So if/when she does things that focus on me exclusively...I don't know what to do with myself. And afterwards I feel...crummy because I just...don't think I can appreciate the effort as much as she clearly thinks I should, which makes me feel worse, because I feel like I'm insulting her by feeling bad...about her attentions.
I just feel obligated to provide for her a satisfactory conclusion...but I have a hard time feeling obliged to one in return, because her success is such a foregone conclusion and mine is not.
Like I can appreciate it in situ, and it does feel...good. But after the fact, especially if she doesn't allow me to reciprocate (Which has happened) or if I feel like her attention on me was far too extravagant...I feel uncomfortable. I just don't see the point of her thinking she needs to go out of her way. Me having a climax or an orgasm is going to be a participation trophy at any event we engage in...I am male...achieving an orgasm is two jiggles and a tense standoff followed by a 'and there it is'...if necessary it can take seconds...it's not difficult, there's no need for it...and honestly I'm not super motivated by it.
Like she'll succeed in getting me to orgasm by just being there...many times too early. I'm the one that'll fail to impress, or satisfy; me. I'm the one that needs to do all this extra work just make it worthwhile for her. I get so frustrated when she treats the situation differently....because I feel like I'm accruing this debt...
So if/when she does things that focus on me exclusively...I don't know what to do with myself. And afterwards I feel...crummy because I just...don't think I can appreciate the effort as much as she clearly thinks I should, which makes me feel worse, because I feel like I'm insulting her by feeling bad...about her attentions.
I just feel obligated to provide for her a satisfactory conclusion...but I have a hard time feeling obliged to one in return, because her success is such a foregone conclusion and mine is not.
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