I'm sick of takers

[nudeyorker]

Help me with this question: When your partner makes way less than you do, how would you like to see that partner giving / reciprocating?

In an ideal relationship it's not about keeping track of every dollar spent and getting something in return of greater or equal value, but more a give and take with day to day living that include thoughtful gestures and a sense of appreciation without actually saying it. Does that make sense?

 

[HiddenLacey]

In an ideal relationship it's not about keeping track of every dollar spent and getting something in return of greater or equal value, but more a give and take with day to day living that include thoughtful gestures and a sense of appreciation without actually saying it. Does that make sense?

Exactly this, it's not about money.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Been there, done that. Fortunately, I got fucking her out of my system before I got out.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

In an ideal relationship it's not about keeping track of every dollar spent and getting something in return of greater or equal value, but more a give and take with day to day living that include thoughtful gestures and a sense of appreciation without actually saying it. Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense. When I met my husband I was making more money than him. It never made a difference to him and it doesn't matter now that he makes more money than me. It's all of the other things that count.

 

[badgirl22]

I'm with you on this...I just ended my relationship as well. Way too one-sided. Not that he wasn't a giver in many ways but in general he expected me to accomodate him always and never in return. Example...he lives an hour away and it's a crappy commute in the AM from my house to his but not so in reverse so I'm always the one doing the driving. That's not a problem but, once in awhile, if it's been a bit since I've seen him cause I can't get away, be nice for him to suck it up and brave the commute. Just can't do it anymore regardless of feelings. Not healthy in the long run. Prima donna's can stay far away from me. Simply have no interest. I love to give - makes me happy to do so but...once in awhile be nice to have efforts and attentions returned

 

[noirman]

It may not be exactly what you're referring to, D, but it's been my experience that if the persons were "takers", they were so self-absorbed that they were unaware of their lack of reciprocity. Sometimes -- if the person is worth the effort -- a little candor can do a lot of good.

 

[Drifterwood]

No, I tried the talking about it. In one ear out the other. I think you just have to conclude that some leopards won't change their spots. Some people take things for granted and then take you for granted. It's not something I will put up with in a personal relationship, you get taken for granted in plenty of other areas of life.

 

[ConstantComment]

No, I tried the talking about it. In one ear out the other. I think you just have to conclude that some leopards won't change their spots. Some people take things for granted and then take you for granted. It's not something I will put up with in a personal relationship, you get taken for granted in plenty of other areas of life.

Give some examples of what made her selfish.

 

[Drifterwood]

Give some examples of what made her selfish.

No.

I don't come here to parade my personal life. Yesterday was exceptional in that I needed a rant. Personally I need to learn to deal with things better as they happen, rather than bottle them up until I flip.

 

[798686]

Anyway, I am now available as a breakfast chef. Price on application :smile:

Cool - any vacancies in ur global empire? I wouldn't wanna just take yknow, hehehe. *Thinks of self*. :tongue:
You need a hwlan instead.

Sorry to hear about the relationship, btw.

 

[petite]

I've been the breadwinner in one of my relationships. When we broke up, he became a house husband to another woman. I did not mind being the breadwinner, but what bothered me was that he considered all of my belongings to also belong to him, and he wouldn't ask me before he "borrowed" things all the time. A few times, he even sold things that I owned without asking me first! As far as I was concerned, we hadn't been together long enough for him to make those assumptions, and I felt like he kept crossing the line of what should be reasonably expected to be "shared" between us. He knew that he kept crossing the line because when I would ask him questions, he would just lie, but he didn't head that line even though I kept reinforcing where it was. It's one of the reasons why we broke up, the lies and crossing those lines. Even now, I'd check with TheBF about borrowing or using something of his that I've never used or borrowed before, not because I assume that he would say no, but because that just seems respectful.

Additionally, a lot of hetero men really don't like dating women who make more money than they do. It may due to the taboo itself; but also sometimes due to the fact that to be successful in any area of life, you need a certain personality, which is not always conducive to sharing and building personal relationships. Perhaps generally, a relationship can only stand one of those agressive types, not two.

Men aren't even as likely to be faithful with a woman who makes the exact same amount of money as him as with a woman who makes 75% as much as him, and if he's financially dependent on her, he's 5 times more likely to cheat:

Men more likely to cheat if they are economically dependent on their female partners, study finds

 

[Drifterwood]

Men aren't even as likely to be faithful with a woman who makes the exact same amount of money as him as with a woman who makes 75% as much as him, and if he's financially dependent on her, he's 5 times more likely to cheat:

Being five times more likely to do anything isn't very relevant when the base numbers are so low.

"Putting all of these numbers in context, Munsch said that very few people cheat on their partners (or report doing so in a survey). An average of approximately 3.8% of male partners and 1.4% of female partners cheated in any given year during the six-year period studied."

May be the dependent men were just being honest and or trying to big themselves up because of their gender inferiority concerns.

 

[helgaleena]

Drifter, you never struck me as a 'relationship' sort, the way you have a circuit of FB's.... makes me wonder how you define 'relationship'. In the meantime, narcissistic people get boring very fast, yes. Glad you cut her off.

 

[deleted556573]

Drifter, Vince and Bbucko, I'm sorry it happened, but that's why I always say you are having an affair with someone for the first year of knowing them. You get to know who you are dealing with; without a commitment.
As a side note were these people born between the years of 1980 and 1990? It's the decade I've named The Queen Of Sheba Era They were told since the day they were born that they were...Special.

You know, I think there's copious amounts of truth in this posting. Every guy I've dated has been born in that decade, and every one of them fit this to a "T". I'm not saying all people born in this decade are like this, but the vast majority seem to be.

In short, I've been the breadwinner in every relationship I've ever been in. I couldn't care less about the balance of income being tipped further one way or the other, but what I DO care about is having a partner that will give back a little. Not necessarily in a monetary sense, but sincere appreciation and hearfelt gestures. It's the little things that really win me over. I seem to always put way more into a relationship than I get back, and that is usually what caused the demise in nearly every one of them. The last one, in particular, though has really messed with my head, in the fact that I never asked for much (I never do), and I took good care of him. All I ever really wanted was a little bit more of a priority in his life, which I never got (this plays into NudeYorker's theory, and really fits this particular guy pretty well).

The OP's initial post pretty much describes how I felt throughout the entire run of this relationship, and no matter how I tried to make him understand how I felt, I could never make him understand this. At some point, I finally just gave up, for which I was accused of abandoning him at his time of need. But seriously, I felt like I was being taken advantage of and more importantly, taken for granted. Who, in their right mind, wants to be either of these?

 

[B_RedDude]

What, pray tell, are you waiting for? Dump her ass!

Admittedly by nature, I am a giver, I earn, I shop, I cook, I clean up, I etc etc..

I have been trying to have a relationship with this "really impressive woman", but I am just so done with it. Not once has she asked me what I might want, it's just expect expect expect, take take take.

Her cunt isn't that interesting either.

 

[mexdude]

Men aren't even as likely to be faithful with a woman who makes the exact same amount of money as him as with a woman who makes 75% as much as him, and if he's financially dependent on her, he's 5 times more likely to cheat:

well, maybe im odd, but if my wife made more than me, it would be quite less stressful to not be the main provider, i would know that i have a good support with her , maybe cause i saw it, my mom used to me the main provider since i was quite young

 

[B_curiousme01]

Well, in my last relationship, when I left him, he asked for SUPPORT and said he would sue me for it. I told him to go for it. He didn't. I gave and gave and he felt like I obviously did not give enough. This relationship had lots of problems, not just my giving and his taking.

Personally, I am a giver in all aspects of life; married, professional and social. I always have been, but I choose to do it and do not expect, nor want, anything in return. It makes me feel good inside to give someone something that makes them smile.

I was with a guy once who constantly gave me lots of things; Cars, jewelery, gifts, trips. I never, ever asked for any of these things. He never even asked me if I wanted them. He just showed up with them and if I was not overly thankful, he got mad! Looking back, I think he was a very insecure person who felt it was a good way for him to feel better about what was going on inside his mind instead of any joy I might have felt from his gifts.

 

[Bbucko]

Help me with this question: When your partner makes way less than you do, how would you like to see that partner giving / reciprocating?

I've been on both sides of this: there have been times when I was the majority bread-winner, other times not. The lifestyle a couple shares is ultimately about more than dollars, and to help ensure that, I've never been in a LTR with someone where we didn't have a joint account from which each transaction wasn't discussed. We had budgets and lived within them.

The single most important skill to develop within a LTR is to compromise without either party feeling compromised.

Personally I need to learn to deal with things better as they happen, rather than bottle them up until I flip.

When you discover the secret, will you please share with the whole class? It's a recurring theme in my life.

 

[curious_angel]

Rant over :redface:

I can wholly identify with what you guys are saying.

Fortunately my life has been enriched by relationships with warm giving people. I know what that feels like which is why I suppose this situation has driven me to distraction.

Anyway, I am now available as a breakfast chef. Price on application :smile:

*Makes a note that Drifterwood prefers giving to receiving*

You do breakfast, I'll do dinner. :smile:

well, maybe im odd, but if my wife made more than me, it would be quite less stressful to not be the main provider, i would know that i have a good support with her , maybe cause i saw it, my mom used to me the main provider since i was quite young

How refreshing. In my experience, you're in the minority as a lot of guys I've met are put off when a women earns more money than they do. I've never understood this.

 

[LuciferChild]

im thinking to end my relationship too

imagine that two days ago I found in History of Mozilla searches from google about teens,gays, and his ex-boyfriend name and pictures, so I presume he miss him.....

but I need a job to get a room and live my life , Im feeling alone here in Uk, im not english and its my first time in a foreign country, so I fear to be alone, at this moment I have a part time job but its not enough, I need a proper job where I can pay my taxes.....

dont know what to do.....

and for the ones who are sick of takers, why you give?? as I know when you give something without being asked for, you dont have to wait to receive anything back, if you want to give , give it then its up to the other person to feedback something to you.......
I hate when people thinks of receiving something back when they give by their own will.....