I'm terrified of sex! Help!

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deleted15478561

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Hey, I'm 21 years old. And, I'm new to this site! I don't know where to go to express how I feel without being judged. To begin, I don't have a lot of sexual experiences. As a matter of fact, I never had sex before and I'm terrified to have sex. It's weird that as a guy I am expressing my fear of sex, but I am truly afraid of sex. I'm afraid of being intimate and naked with someone. I'm afraid of being mocked and ashamed. I'm terrified of contracting STIs. I'm basically a hot emotional mess where I overthink a lot of things. Any advice? Thanks!
 

halcyondays

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Well everyone's going to judge you about your life anyway so don't concern yourself with their opinions.

If you're going to have sex with guys see your GP and get on PrEP. If you haven't already get the HPV & hepatitis A & B vaccines.

Avoid fluid transmission as much as possible. Wear a condom when fucking someone. Getting fucked? Make sure the guy topping you wears a condom. Stock up on them. Lots of them. Order in bulk. Never let yourself run out.

Always know your STI status: get tested regularly once you become sexually active.

Porn isn't sex. Know something real about sex before you start. Read The Joy of Sex and The Joy of Gay Sex or similar sex manuals. Know and understand the difference between the male and female sexual response.

The only way to avoid all risk is to never have sex. That's an option but I don't recommend it. A better choice is to minimize risk so you're ready when it happens. Even if you're not actively looking for it you might discover it's looking for you. Happened to me first time out of the blue. Surprise, surprise.

Consent. Always ask. Never presume/assume.

Don't stress over it. You're dating a real live person just like you. Even if you don't have sex relax, enjoy their company and let them enjoy yours. :cool:
 

ChanelleNo5

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Sex is weird because even after lots and lots of sex there is always this weird inhibition about being naked with someone new, but then once you get started with the kissing and heavy petting, you're both so into it that all the little noises and imperfections become a non-issue even though they might have seemed super weird in your head before the interaction.

Just go for it and let yourself go.
 
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18wheeler

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Hey, I'm 21 years old. And, I'm new to this site! I don't know where to go to express how I feel without being judged. To begin, I don't have a lot of sexual experiences. As a matter of fact, I never had sex before and I'm terrified to have sex. It's weird that as a guy I am expressing my fear of sex, but I am truly afraid of sex. I'm afraid of being intimate and naked with someone. I'm afraid of being mocked and ashamed. I'm terrified of contracting STIs. I'm basically a hot emotional mess where I overthink a lot of things. Any advice? Thanks!

Then don’t…. Until you’re ready.
You don’t have to have random sex just to have sex. Wait until you’ve found someone that makes you feel comfortable being naked together. Nothing better than being intimate and naked. But if you’re worried you’re going to be shamed and mocked, then you don’t know the person your with well enough. A good lover isn’t going to mock you.
Oncd you’ve found the right person. It will come a lot easier and you’ll want the intimacy.
 

Acratopotes

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Don't feel like you have to have sex just to be able to tick it off, i.e. to lose your virginity. Do it, if you want to, with someone that makes you want to have sex with them.

Also, while I cannot comment from experience on the dynamics of penetration between two men, from my experience with straight penetration, don't view it as a performance where you demonstrate what you can do but as mutual exploration and enjoyment. Talk to each other, say what you are enjoying and what you want.

That is in addition to halcyondays's advice on STIs.